- Orlando, Florida
- Miami, Florida
Read the Overview here: Points Make It Possible and the Golf Preview here: This Round’s on Trump. I’m including the Delta Sky Club Salt Lake City as part of the Citrus Bowl Trip Report even though it was part of my move to New York in 2015.
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country — I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses! Trump
I’m not sure how long this offer is open but as Obama’s term comes to a close, the value of such a proposition increases exponentially. The reason is because a round of golf at Trump National in Doral goes for $250. Think about that, $250 for a mental game of exhaustion.
And with that, I present to you my review of the Golden Palm at Trump National.
Trump National is Bushwood Country Club only Judge Smails is the Donald. Everything about it is over-the-top and gaudy, Emirates style.
I came via Uber and checked my golf clubs with the valet. From there, they are delivered to the golf course. To get to the course, I walked through the lobby, past restaurants and shops. Traces of Trump were everywhere from the Carlton Banks personalities that chatted it up in the lounge to a pic of the Donald himself.
The Pro Shop
As is custom, I bought a souvenir ball at the pro shop that said Trump National. It was the last one in inventory. I passed on the hat.
Golf is a tiring game. I made the mistake of showing up with an empty stomach so I decided to treat myself to lunch before heading out. For $26, I had one burger and one beer.
The Driving Range
I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me —and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words. Trump
Most driving ranges at high-end courses have the artistic triangle of balls right there ready to go. This was not the case at Trump National. Guests have to go to a kiosk and check in before they receive a great big sack of balls. I waited and waited for clearance that I had indeed booked a tee time. The experience was annoying. The ball man explained to me why they had to verify that my papers were in order. Originally a wall was built at the driving range to keep poachers from coming in hitting balls for free. This did not work. Now, everyone who comes to practice must show proof of citizenship.
We will have so much winning if I get elected that you may get bored with winning. Trump
The Blue Monster is the most challenging course at Trump National. I can only imagine how difficult that course is because the Golden Palm was ridiculous. The reward for hitting a great shot off the tee is a place in the sand bunker. Hook it right or left and you’ll find yourself in the water.
The greens were impossible. It didn’t help that it was a very windy day but I’m not sure it would have made a difference either way. Does it break left? Does it break right? I had no idea. I was in way over my head. On the first hole, the green was a funnel, put-put style. After a circle ten on that whole, I was on my way to more misery.
This is a very frustrating course for carts. Unexpectedly and without warning, the carts freeze for crossing into a restricted area. The only way out is to put the cart in reverse and slowly get back on the cart path.
I once wrote a post “If you do go to a restaurant where the wine is out of your budget, drink beer!” The lesson holds true for Trump National. If you’re an average or below average golfer of low energy, play elsewhere. Every hole presented a new mental challenge, a new way to expose the weakness in your game.
Success was the worst thing you could experience on this course. On a par 3, I came as close as I ever could to a hole in one, impressing the Brazilian gentlemen that were part of my group. On the next par 3, I put, Lebron style, not 1, not 2, but 3 in the water.
Forget etiquette. The rest of the day curse words in English, Arabic, and Portuguese filled the air.
As a points enthusiast, I have an affinity for airplanes. As the location of the course and many of my balls were MIA, many planes flew overhead. I spent a lot of time staring up at the heavens identifying the livery of the aircraft while simultaneously asking a higher power for help.
This was a great course, the best course, a wonderful course. It taught me a few things: First, I have a lot to learn about getting out of sand traps. Second, money doesn’t buy happiness. The affluent people I played with had a terrible outing and grew more frustrated as the day went on. Finally, I either need to get rich or die trying to get approved for more Citi Prestige cards because Trump National set the standard for what a golf course should be.
And Now Deep Thoughts by TPOL…
Could it be that I played golf at the future President of the United States’ course? Discuss that among yourselves in the comments section.