I left Mallorca a day after the locals had a revolt against tourists. As an international man with a face of mystery, I’m not worried about such uprisings. I blend in just fine. And, if anything, I take up arms with the locals in protest against dumb tourists.
In theory, it should be easy for TPOL to get to Mallorca from Madrid. The flight should be on Iberia in business from SJU-MAD-PMI. Instead, I had to take the long, unpleasant way: SJU-CLT AA Business, CLT-MAD, No Paella AA Business, and then RyanAir with my rum MAD-PMI. The trip took over a day.
When I arrived, I took a taxi, not Uber, to my hotel.
Stay
I stayed at the INsIDE Palma Bosque, but next time I will stay at Hotel Araxa (more on that later).
Cuando Era Nino
I went to Mallorca. I went to a club called BCM. There, I discovered a magical beverage that allowed me to fly. I took the beverage back to the US, believing that I could import it and make a fortune. Oliver T’s, a specialty store in Grand Blanc, Michigan, said they had no interest in helping me.
I wonder what happened with that beverage. All I know, is that I do not have W-I-I-I-N-G-S. #tpolpreneur
TPOL’s Tip: BCM is located in the hell hole of Magaluf. If you’re over 17, I suggest avoiding it.
Cuando Era Nino
When I was a kid, I also went to a club called Tito’s in the city center. The name of the club has changed but the clientele has not. If you’re 44, you should not go within 100 yards of this place.
Hoy
There’re plenty of things to do in Mallorca: beaches, hiking, relaxing. I came for food and drinks. It took some effort but I found some places that echoed the days of my youth. Before I reveal those, let me tell you where not to go:
Kaelum
The patio was not open. It was a hot, stuffy pit.
And the Bars Around It.
It was more of a sweaty mess.
La Molina
Some may disagree, but I was not a fan of this place. It reminded me of the Blade club from Athens (see).
Where You Should Go
Bella Donna
Tired of the children and heat, I went into a random bar to regroup. The bartender gave me great advice on where to go next and plenty of cava.
Amok
TPOL’s next book after The Etiquette of Things is called “Life is A Club: A Social Anthropological Study Where the DJ Is God & We Are His Flock.” Amok has it all: great music, a living room in the bathroom, reasonably priced drinks, and plenty of places to interact with people from all walks of life.
Philosophy aside, if you’re looking for a good time, go here, no matter your age.
Turpial
I saw a British phone booth. I had to go inside. There I found, mi gente de DR, la musica puertoriqueno, y plenty of Game. I also met some friends from ‘homes’ around the world. The conversation was as explicit and entertaining as it could get.
Motorbike
One of TPOL’s biggest fears is driving a motorbike (see). Luckily, my friend rides one like Lewis Hamilton, allowing us to go all over the island without being ripped off by taxis.
TPOL’s Tip: If you don’t rent a motorbike, be prepared to be isolated and bored.
Beach Clubs
I rather enjoy sitting on the beach when I have a waiter bringing me drinks or when I am at home and I bring my own Cava with me. In Palma, I was told of two options for beach club drinking.
Um
The first was Um. Unfortunately, I was unable to go because there was a private Ferrari party, leaving me to wonder what do I have to do to be invited.
Purobeach
Plan B was Purobeach. The waitstaff was rude, seating me at a table with no umbrellas, leaving me at the mercy of the death heat. I believe that was on purpose. Fortune struck again, as another blogger in the wild graciously allowed us to accompany them at their table.
Food
TPOL eventually has to stop drinking and start eating. Palma, as you would expect has many great options. Cuidado! If you’re going for Paella, there’s cutoff times.
Beewine
When I went to Milan post-Covid, I foolishly stopped at the beer hut for an Italian lager (see). This delay almost cost me a great dinner in Milan (see). In Palma, we arrived ahead of our reservation at Beewine and had Cava on the beach. By the time we arrived at the restaurant, we had missed the 9:30PM cutoff time to order paella. I am happy to report that the seafood pasta was an excellent replacement.
TPOL’s Tip: Get to where you’re going first, lest you end up missing out on Paella (see).
Meson Can Pedro
TPOL started using AI for where to go. Gemini please tell me where I can make party without little shits. Gemini is good at suggesting a starting point but the accuracy leave much to be desired. In the end, humans are more reliable.
By going to Bella Donna, I was told to go to Purobeach. At Purobeach, I was told to go to Meson Can Pedro. And let me tell you, you should also go there. These photos will convince you (recall, TPOL is traveling so photos will be posted in 2030).
Motivation
Before going to Beewine, I explored the harbor. It was lined with yachts. One was called ‘Motivazioni’. It did not inspire me to work harder. It reminded me that the world is made up of those who have and those who do not. My goal next year is to have more.
Next Year?
TPOL readers know that I enjoy going to new countries to increase my Country Count. At the end of this trip, I will have visited 126 UN Countries and 166 TCC Countries. Next year I may return to Mallorca with my friend because we already know where to go and what to do. This does not run afoul to my plan to explore the world. Sometimes it’s fine to enjoy your enjoyment.
