Do you know who I am! It almost slipped out when I checked into the InterContinental Bora Bora Le Moana and was told in no uncertain terms that there would be no upgrade, no free breakfast, and no additional perks. TPOL has manners so I bit my tongue then relentlessly asked why breakfast wasn’t included as a IHG Platinum. I’ve only stayed at one InterContinental in Joberg so I know little about the program. I just assumed that my status included breakfast. The best offer I received was a fifty percent discount which brought breakfast to a reasonable $20. Well nourished from beef jerky, I declined.
Honestly, I don’t care about breakfast but I do care about attitude. We all have been pampered more than we deserve on account of our status. SPG, Hilton, and Hyatt make life on the road sometimes feel better than home. The soaps, the buffets, the upgrades make me feel like a member of their family. At IHG the impression I got was that I was lucky to find a points redemption and I should appreciate that my sneaky ways got me this far. Asking or hinting for anything more would be an insult.
Maybe I’ve grown too accustom to VIP service, but I don’t understand the point of the hotel telling me all the things I won’t be receiving. Perhaps they are sick of all the points people coming in and not falling for their outrageous prices. Perhaps they knew in advance of TPOL’s complaining ways (in which case I’m glad they are reading this post). In either scenario, they could be a little nicer about it.
The real crime is how the hotel has a Nespresso machine but charges $5 for capsule. Come on, that’s just stupid.
Free Breakfast?! The InterContinental Bora Bora Says No
Sneaky Carry-On to Bora Bora
Plastic bags aren’t carry-ons.
“Please take some of the stuff out of your back pack and put it in your checked luggage.” Air Tahiti has a strict AirAsia style rule when it comes to luggage: 5kg for carry-on and 10kg for checked.
The rule doesn’t apply for duty free items which easily weigh over twenty pounds. Six bottles of champagne and white wine along with pounds of beef jerky, peanuts, goldfish, and snack bars do not count towards the weight limit.
If you’ve packed a few too many golf balls and are looking to smuggle them on board, the solution is to stuff them in your “not carry-on” bag of goldfish and proceed to the gate.
Now I’m off to Bora Bora then Moorea to lose said balls.
TPOL in Tahiti: Now What
What do I do now? There are no more visa issues. There aren’t any more arguments to be made about business class upgrades. All I see is a bungalow and water.
Welcome to a paradise for those who know how to relax. Over the next 9 nights I plan on figuring out how to do so. I’ve purchased loads of champagne and New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc to assist in the process. I’ve also brought along tons of snacks to combat the hunger pains from avoiding the unreasonably priced menu. Still, compared to Maldives, French Polynesia is a bargain. The bungalow upgrade was only $450 for five nights in Moorea compared to $650 for one night on Rangali. The seaplane was $500 roundtrip in Maldives compared to $400 from Tahiti to Bora Bora to Moorea to Tahiti.
The drinks here at Le Meridien Tahiti are $16 a pop which isn’t horrible but besides my patented pina colada snapshot, I don’t think I’ll be sipping on too many of them. TPOL brought a nice bottle of Bacardi’s Silver Rum for day time festivities.
One thing that is a ripoff are taxis. I’ll have to add this place to the taxi blacklist especially if you find yourself landing at night. Taxis from PPT to Le Meridien are $40 for a fifteen minute drive with additional charges for extra luggage. To that point, I will say that the worst idea for this trip was bringing golf clubs. I missed my tee time in Dubai thanks to Emirates checking my bags through to Shanghai. I didn’t golf in Shanghai because I was too busy having fun. And I’m leaving my clubs in Tahiti because the $60 charge of taking them on the plane plus the charges of loading them from one taxi boat to another will be much higher than renting.
This final point of my ramble is a welcome relief as TPOL can go back to the days of no checked in luggage, a streak of 6 years that was broken by my new hobby.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to do nothing.
See you in fifteen minutes.
TPOL
AKL-PPT Upgrade FAIL
So I’m in coach from AKL to PPT. I tried everything upon arriving in AKL to have my voluntary downgrade to economy changed to business. I tried two times at the Air New Zealand Lounge. I called United twice to see if availability had opened. I called Air New Zealand and was put on hold for forty minutes. I pleaded with the gate agent and another agent and then the first agent again to put me in my rightful place (insert troll joke here). She said, “We don’t just put people in business ‘willy nilly’. We have a procedure.” Defeated, I boarded the empty 767 and told my sob story to the flight attendant. He felt for me then promptly directed me to the back of the plane.
I counted at least 7 empty seats in business and a dozen in premium economy as I defiantly took my seat in peasant class. I’m sick of champagne anyway.
PVG-AKL Audible
Samsung S7 Edge: My Only Camera?
I’m on my way out of Shanghai on my way to Tahiti so I have time for a quick a-live post. Since taking off from JFK, I’ve yet to break out my iconic Nikon J1 camera because the Samsung is doing the job spectacularly.
In Dubai I took it to the pool and kept my other waterproof Nikon in my luggage. The phone is water-resistant so there was no issue taking it for a dip.
In Shanghai I used it to take stunning photos of the triple towers both by day and by night. Remarkably, the night photos are better than anything I can take with my Nikon as an amateur photographer who relies heavily on auto settings.
The best part of using the Samsung as my primary camera is linking it to my Dropbox. I know my pictures are safe and accessible. This provides for real-time Instagram posts, a big positive for blogging.
I’m not ready to abandon my other cameras quite yet. I am always outraged when I see someone using their iPhone to photograph historical sights, but maybe the time has finally come when carrying an extra device won’t be necessary.
Simply The Best: TPOL’s 1000th Post!
Celebrate good times, come on! Let’s celebrate…
1000 posts for TPOL in a little over two years is a reason to celebrate. Not including this post, I have written 382,065 words, all of which are devoid of grammatical errors, pronunciation issues, and bad English.
I am in the process of revamping the entire website to make it more user-friendly and accessible. Special thanks to the fans for the love, the trolls for stupid comments, BoardingArea for the support, and my family for not reading the blog at all.
Alas, my fingers are too tired to continue typing so I will so goodbye for now.
1000 posts! What the hell have I been talking about?
TPOL’s Guide to Bargaining Abroad
Read the 2019 Bargaining Guide.
Greetings and salutations from 中国。Today’s topic is bargaining abroad. This is an update to my previous guide for those looking to score the best deals on bags, shoes, watches while overseas. Yesterday, I went to my favorite place in the world, the tailor market on Lujiabang lu. I walked away with a deposit receipt for 5 suits, 10 shirts, and 1 winter jacket. I also went to another market where I found some jeans for a nice price. Here is the breakdown: 1 suit: 500 RMB 1 shirt: 100 RMB 1 cashmere winter jacket: 600 RMB 1 pair of jeans: 100 RMB 1 pair of underwear: 14 RMB While the yuan has appreciated, the price in RMB has remained constant. The quality, as ever, is hit or miss though everyone promises it to be ‘top quality’.
Emirates A380 Silent Disco!
How do you spend your time in Emirates first? Is it drinking aged cognac? Is it sipping champagne? Or is it getting down to the best UK Hits of yesteryear? TPOL decided to do all three simultaneously while recording the first ever silent disco party aboard an Emirates A380 first-class flight from JFK-DXB. Special thanks to DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince for topping the 1993 charts with classic Boom! Shake the Room. Warning: This video contains hilarious content. It is not suitable for the prissy who can’t have a good time.
EK 204 Delayed to Dubai, More Champagne to Follow
TPOL woke up really early this morning because I didn’t want a replay of my Vegas experience. I arrived at the Emirates Lounge, kept up with the Tahiti Diet by having an eggs white omelette, followed by sugar-free champagne. Half of a bottle later, the announcement came that the flight was delayed due to a power outage on the third floor of the airport. Passengers let out a collective sigh of relief that they could stay in the lounge a few moments later before boarding one of the best amusement rides in the world.
