Oh look everyone, a great Chase offer. 80k Ultimate Rewards when you apply and get approved for the Chase Ink Preferred Card. I’m sure you’ve read all the details about how great the card is. Rumor has it that it comes with Priority Pass to enter heaven but it is limited to one guest, so be sure to call recon for your significant other if you want to see him or her in the afterlife.
So why doesn’t TPOL care about this card? It’s obviously because I’m such a nice person that I will be on St. Peter’s VIP list while those that apply for the card will have to pay the $95 annual fee. Besides theology, the reason I do not care about this offer or any other offer that Chase promotes is because I am in UR purgatory or perhaps UR hell. Lucifer himself could not have devised a more evil rule than 5/24. “I’m sorry but you’ve been such a great customer to Chase but unfortunately, you aren’t a Chase Private Client and you aren’t sponsored on our commercials. Accordingly, you are shut out for all offers unless you take the vow of abstinence and give up churning for two years.”
As more and more banks adopt rules such as this, the less I care to click on the headlines for these big offers. I am not blessed with affiliate links for these offers so I do not have a selfish reason to promote this. And, more importantly, most of my readers are no, no, notorious churners like myself. They too pass these headlines in the same way they skip over the stupid, superfluous, aggravating Uber promotions that say $20 off your [first] ride. We are all Uber subscribers now. Thanks for nothing. On that note, try Via if you are in NYC or Chicago, King James’s preferred method of transport when the Cavs are in the Chi.
I’ll say it once, I’ll say it again, the future of staying ahead in this game and reaching the heavens [via a first-class flight on Emirates] is to start your own business and crank out real spend. You do not need divine intervention in the form of an economic downturn to knock some sense into banks as was the case when Saul was struck blind for persecuting those who practice the faith. Alternatively, perhaps you could launch a Hail Mary by filing an arbitration claim against Chase under some federal credit law that guarantees life, liberty, and the pursuit of points travel. That, to quote the gospel of Bon Jovi is, ‘livin’ on a prayer’.
God help us all!
Nothing in this post is helpful, or explains why you can’t or won’t get this card, or what your beef with Chase is about. What’s the point?
Just to bother you obviously.
Second that. If anything, it sounds like you actually want the card but are bitter at the banks for denying you access because of their own (admitted frustrating) rules
Who says sarcasm is dead?
This post was hilarious. So many of us can’t do sh*t with chase.
Thank you! I enjoyed writing it after being taunted by so many posts for the offer. “For years it bothered me, I can still hear them taunting him…silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.” Carlton Banks
“no, no, notorious”
i’m “hungry like the wolf” for more points. fizznuck chase and it’s 5/24.
right! i don’t get the other comments. it’s pretty explicit that I’ve been cut out of the points loop.