I committed a cardinal sin by writing this post: Eat Like A Local: Madrid, Spain. I knew that using the words ‘eat’ + ‘local’ would invite criticism. Readers are predictable. While I can’t help but respond to their nonsense with my counter-nonsense, I also have to thank these nincompoops. First, it’s nice to know that someone is at least opening the article. Second, responding to their comments gives me a break from saving the world (see CFPB Dead! Sorry Musk, Bachuwa Law Still Alive). Finally, ill-informed comments provide content for posts such as this one.
I Am Not a Foodie. And Neither Are You.
Wikipedia defines a foodie as “a person who has an ardent or refined interest in food, and who eats food not only out of hunger but also as a hobby.” Let’s break down this definition. To be a foodie, you first need to have a passion for food. There are times that I am excited about eating, and sometimes when I do not want to be a fat pig (see The Tahiti Diet: Making the Bungalow Selfie Count). I would argue that having an ardent interest in food is an affliction that requires professional help. Ergo, I do not have an ardent interest in food.
Per the definition, one doesn’t have to either be ardent about food or have a refined interest in food. This is more controversial. What many consider refined, I consider intolerable. How refined does one have to be to appreciate a greasy slice of pizza (see Who Agrees? Detroit Style Pizza Is The Best) or a coney hot dog (see Detroit Delicious)? While I will concede that the Italian Garden isn’t the gold standard for Olive food (see Times Square: Real Italian Food), I would not want to eat a Michelin restaurant with any frequency (see Mont Bar Barcelona: Am I Michelin Material?). Ergo, I am not refined.
The final part of this definition states that a foodie eats ‘not only out of hunger, but also as a hobby’. If my hobby was eating, I would be a 500lb fat guy sitting in a basement blasting Pulitzer Prize quality blogs like The Points Of Life. Stated differently, eating on its own is not a hobby. It is something done in conjunction with another activity e.g., traveling. Ordering oysters and caviar from Uber Eats is not a memorable culinary experience. Ordering this in Tallinn, Estonia is (see Seafood in Estonia: What a Treat).
Having deconstructed the definition, I would like to meet a foodie in person. I wonder if they’ll be as intolerable in person as they are on my blog.
I once got a suspension from FlyerTalk for posting a photo of some Dial foaming hand soap squirted on a coaster at home and saying it was “essence of Lake Trout roe” from a Michelin starred restaurant. Then I called people stupid who bought it and said well look at the crap others post.
I believe in calling food what you think of it. Regardless of what others think or how it’s rated. And I’ll take a coney any day over anything that looks like something that takes dirt off your skin or looks like lube on a cracker.
I hope you don’t starve with the dissolution of USAID.
I won’t need paper towels without food.
You can buy rice at the store. You don’t need to wait for 50lb bags to be thrown off the back of a truck by scared hippies. Or is it quinoa now?