How To with TPOL: Dine Safely During the Pandemic

A new show that has piqued my interest is How To with John Wilson where an eccentric cameraman showcases the idiosyncrasies of NY literally through his camera lens.

Paying homage to that show, I would like to tell you how to safely dine in NYC during the pandemic.

The solution is not ‘outdoor dining’ stalls that have littered the streets of New York. This stupid innovation was meant to counter the ‘dangers’ of dining indoors. It is, for lack of a better term, as bootleg as restaurants in Scottsdale pumping mist sprayers in the middle of the summer as a way to combat the insufferable heat. Neither work. In Scottsdale, it is still as hot as hell and guests end up leaving damp and moist. In New York, it’s delusional to think that these mobile homes are warm and cozy. It is fool-hearted to pretend that sitting in a mobile home replicates the going out to eat experience. It is even more far-fetched to think that these outhouses are safe. Seeing the stalls lined up one by one on main streets, I posited when would a car come crashing through one of these either by accident or on purpose. No sooner did this thought come to my mind when I saw on the local news that someone had done just that. The jeep plowed into the pop-up restaurant and the driver ran away.

Instead of pretending that you are enjoying the experience of upscale dining in a trailer in the dead of winter, I propose something bold: take a risk (see Your Papers, Please: NY, The Lame Apple) and dine indoors. Your date will thank you.