Tonight on Star Search: The Judges Give . . . 4.5 Stars?


Like a hotly contested election, I sit and wait for the votes reviews to come in for my book Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong. Hanging chads aside, none of the electoral districts have enough reviews to make a projection if the book is quality or crap.

Indeed, like Frank Underwood, I have tried to use my positions as Majority Pain in the Ass to whip people into purchasing the book and writing their candid reviews. My marketing team tells me that reviews, along with my daily blogging should be enough to claim a seat on the NYT Best Seller’s List. I remain impatient but not skeptical of my adviser’s input.

Today, the grand total of reviews reached 3! While the first two reviews rated me 5/5, this one, dropped my average due to its 4/5 rating. Since we live in a democracy where freedom of speech is held sacred, I have no choice but to accept any review, whether it be good or bad.

But when I found out this was written by my Canadien cousin George, of all people, I questioned if his voice fell under the protection of the US Constitution.

Through back-channel diplomacy via the Embassy of Switzerland, I rang Canada this morning to see if perhaps, Raymond Tusk had influenced George’s opinion. All my lobbying and offers of bribery fell on deaf ears. Alas, George who is mentioned in the book repeatedly (in some of the funniest parts I might add) remained resolute with what he had written.

“It was really good. I enjoyed it,” he said. Then why the 4/5 I questioned without a satisfactory answer given.

Regardless of the number of stars, the review itself, was overwhelmingly positive and the downgrade from a perfect 5 provides credibility that this book is worth reading. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what George had to say:

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase

Alex’s book was both entertaining and insightful. Showing the reader the ins and outs of his travels and hijinks across the globe makes for an indepth, enjoyable, journey. From the very first page, we are introduced into the mind of Alex, how he rationalizes, and eventually, how he explains all of his wild adventures. The dizzying heights of luxury and torrential downfalls that Alex went through all make this honest autobiography a very worthwhile read. 4/5.
Lame 4/5 Stars

Despite imperfect marks, I remain steadfast that only a poor reviewer turnout will stop my message from going viral, a message that undeniably resonates with all those who hate his/her job:

Reject the teachings of cubicle-ism. Live life today. 

“I’m sure the sequel will be a 5/5,” George added.

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