Chico Malo Miami is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
I hate Miami. It’s an illusion of the life you think you want (see The Worst Cities in the World). On a layover between Medellin and Anguilla, I had the misfortune of spending the day before my birthday in that God forsaken city. Staying at the Hyatt Place Miami Airport-West/Doral (see Hyatt Place Miami Airport: Careful, There’s East & West!). I was within walking distance of CityPlace Doral. Nothing says manufactured living like a strip mall.
TPOL’s Tip: CityPlace is located at 8300 NW 36th Street, Doral, Florida 3316
With this positive attitude, I had to pick which overpriced establishment would provide me with subpar food and even more subpar service. Since there is no good Mexican food in Puerto Rico, I settled on Chico Malo.
Cork Fee
In Medellin, I purchased a bottle of Malbec that I first tried years ago in Mendoza (see Medellin Wine Tasting). Too much of a coward to ask if I could bring it into the restaurant, I tasked Ms. TPOL with this responsibility. Chico Malo said yes and that it would cost $25.
Service
From the outset, the server was attentive. While still slow, it was much better than the typical Miami experience.
Wine
The wine brought back great memories of Mendoza (see “It’s Like Riding a Bike.” Those words have haunted me for years.).
Food
The chips and assortment of salsa dips were divine. The fajitas were perfect, especially the beef. “Where am I?” I wondered.
Bill
The bill came and the gratuity was included. Not having to deal with how little I want to tip or being held ISIS hostage by the credit card processing machine makes a mandatory tip charge acceptable (see Pressured Into Tipping! I Hate Credit Card Processing Tablets).
Cork Fee
I was slightly annoyed that the cork fee was $30, not $25. I asked the waitress, who asked the manager, who said it would not be reduced to $25. She said I received incorrect information and ‘apologized for the inconvenience.’ Now, that’s the Miami I know and hate.
Chico Malo No Más
It should come as no surprise that Chico Malo is closed. It was too much of a good thing for Miami to handle.
TPOL’s Tip: If you’re still intrigued, you can visit their Phoenix location.
Overall
Chico Malo Miami: Surprise, it’s delicious. No surprise, it’s Now Closed
I lived in Miami once. I took a relocation to a city that had a habit of its locals setting fire to a CVS or two every time someone got arrested to get out. Recently that employer offered me a job at a significant salary increase, even with a year of paid commute travel, just have to spend 4 days a week in South Florida. No thank you.
Miami is so tedious. It is a melting pot of cultures…. yes, it’s the worst part of every culture in South America, Central America, Haiti, and Jamaica plus Quebec and Eurotrash thrown into one crowded, expensive strip mall. The whole place is just “muy dificil, papi…” said in a voice that has a level of effort attached to it worthy of lifting a sunburned 400lb Bostonian out of the hot tub. Who probably couldn’t afford to stay anywhere near the water so they got a room at the La Quinta Miami Springs (that doesn’t even have automatic front doors – don’t ask me how I know, but thanks American Airlines) that’s walking distance from an Outback Steakhouse and takes a $85 Uber Nissan Sentra to South Beach for a few $57 margaritas made with rubbing alcohol and Real Lime. And automatic tip because it only took 35 minutes to get a server to bring some waters.
I couldn’t put it any better. Too funny. La quinta lol
Miami is basically NYC with beaches, better weather, and worse public transit.
Out of curiosity, what cities in the U.S. do you really like?
About what I figured.