Museum of New and Old Art Tasmania Review is part of the TPOL Down Under Trip Report.
TPOL isn’t a frequenter of museums. It’s not something I go out of my way to do. I made an exception for the MONA because it is exceptionally weird. How do I explain it? Let’s start with getting there.
Getting There
The museum is located on what can best be described as Shutter Island. While you can drive there, the war time ferry is more appropriate.
Going by ferry, you have two options: peasant class or posh cabin. Keeping with the strange theme, I paid for the posh party boat option which comes with open bar and food.
Here’s what you get:
Bubbles: Do you think museums are boring? Show up tipsy and you may change your mind.
Snacks: The food isn’t peasant class crumbs.
Hiphop: Biggie and 2pac were played as we made our way across.
Comfortable Seating: The next step in TPOL’s world domination is to stop flying on points and to start flying private. Simultaneously, yacht life is the only way to live.
Arrival
We exited the ferry and entered the museum which is located underground. Naturally, the first stop was the bar on the bottom floor.
Roulette
Like the Zoltar machine from Big, the Moo Brew Roulette machine called to me. For 9AUD, gamblers can test their ‘no whammy’ stop luck in the hopes of not landing on Foster’s. I lucked out and ended up with the stout. Others approached the machine but dared not play for fear of Foster’s. Others gambled and also received the stout. One poor unfortunate soul struck out and walked away bitterly disappointed for paying 9AUD for Foster’s. It’s remarkable how much that beer is loathed.
If you’re not the adventurous type, there is a bar serving high end cocktails.
There’s even artwork on the bathroom floor.
Compared to the rest of the museum, the bottom floor is tame. There’s a water display that spells out words and an exhibit of ziploc bags full of water.
Vaginas
The house of 1000 vaginas is located on the next floor up. An old lady approached Ms. TPOL and asked if she had located hers? How often does that happen at a museum?
Poop
From vagina to poop, this museum has it all. Behold the intestine display that produces fake feces that smell real!
Fish
Where is my goldfish? Not in the carnival bag. Oh, here he is, located in a bowl with a knife.
Blank Books
My favorite exhibit was the room of books with nothing inside. What’s the message? Books are full of nothing? Nobody reads books so they might as well be blank? Memory is fleeting? It was something out of a bad dream.
Babies, Skeletons Ducking, Naked Women
Are you not entertained? How about skeletons having sex.
The skeletons were not stationary. How about these weird paintings?
I Love You!
Sexy, erotic, exotic? There were drawers that opened. Each said ‘I love you’ in a different way from horny to happy.
Hotline Bling
Then there was this hallway. You used to call me on the bat phone.
A Lap Pool?
Willy Wonka’s Elevator?
Views And Other Weird Things
Emerge from the dungeon to see views of Hob-art.
Steel Slats
You don’t have to call it a wall. There are beautiful steel slats that separate Hobart from MONA. There’s also a natural body of water.
Trampoline
You should know, you should know better.
Along with a tennis court, there’s a trampoline. No idea why.
Concert Venue
There’s also a venue for live music.
Hotel
If you want to stay on loony island, there’s a hotel.
Medical Waiver Restaurant
There’s a restaurant where a medical waiver is required. It’s not because of the food, it’s because of the light show within this Epcot ball. I did not do it, nor did I eat there. The employees were far from friendly. Not sure if that’s part of the theme or if they’re just jerks.
Beer
Freaked out? Questioning reality? Have a beer and get ready to get off the island. Last ferry is at 7:30PM. No idea what would have happened if I’d missed it, and I didn’t want to find out.
Getting Back
I escaped Shutter Island the same way I got there – by military escort and in style.
Overall
That was weird. Any questions?
When I was there I started getting a little frustrated by how nonsensical everything was, and said to my companion, “I could pretty much just take a dump on a plate and call it art here.” That was a minute or so before we discovered the machine making poop.
Haha. Yes
A little too avant-garde for me. Hunter Thompson would’ve had a ball, though. Out of curiosity, why the big hate on Foster’s from our Australian brethren?
Terrible beer conceived as an export and now every tourist asks for it.
But, but, but… It’s Australian for beer!