Dear Mel,
In April of 2014 I received the bad news that you and the evil empire better known as the HOA had decided to ban all BBQs in my condo complex. With that unconstitutional notice, you took away joy and happiness of which you will never know. Obstinately, I tried to hold onto my BBQ by having roasts in the middle of the night. Your posse comitatus managed to raid these secret cook-outs and slapped a final injunction on my Weber with the caption: get rid of the grill or pay the fine.
Even with that heartless notice, I tried to rally my neighbors against you and your obtuse ways. Alas, I had no choice but to put the BBQ up for sale, hoping that someone would take it away and restore it to the days of BBQ greatness.
Now, thousands of miles away, I still think of what you did to me. My anger has subsided as I have entered a world where BBQ is not only welcomed but embraced. Here in Ulaanbaatar, I have had BBQ of all types: Korean to Uzbek, Mexican to Mongolian. All of it delicious and all available come street or saloon.
I’ve put the local authorities on notice in case you do try to impose your reign of terror on the Democratic BBQ of Mongolia. Know that this time around it’s going to take a lot more than a notice from the HOA to put this fire out.
Yours truly,
Alexander
Master Griller and Attorney at Law
It’s finally here! College football begins next weekend and the NFL a week after. But, when you live overseas certain sacrifices/adjustments have to be made to stay on top of your game. My apartment in Mongolia has satellite TV and it’s even in HD! I was surprised to find HBO and more excited to hear the ‘dum dum dum dum dah duhhh, dum dum dum dum dah duhhh” of Fox Sports as I flipped through the channels.
Could it be, the NFL in HD in English without trying to find a choppy stream on the Internet?
No, it could not be. Fox uses the same jingle to broadcast soccer games and one of the other sports channels has the audacity to use the slogan ‘Monday Night Football’ for a game of rugby. While the sports channels do show a lot of baseball, the chances of an NFL game let alone a college football game being broadcast are very slim. Furthermore, add in a twelve hour time difference, and it may be easier to become an Aussie rules football fan and forget American sports all together.
Luckily for me, years ago, I purchased a Slingbox and have seen the evolution and devolution of this technology as time has passed. It used to be that the Slingbox was not in HD but I could still watch it on my Blackberry with my unlimited international data plan. Before, I could be out at midnight and not miss a Umich football game. Now, the quasi HD stream has improved but the availability on smartphones because of the high data usage has made it more difficult for it to be enjoyed on the go. Furthermore, I’ve noticed more choppiness if I seek higher picture quality.
But instead of continuing to complain and give up completely, I’ve learned to adjust. To save you the headache of missing sports whether you are on the road for a few days or whether you are moving away for good, I am publishing this guide so you don’t have to watch the Atari-esque ESPN Gamecast.
Step 1: Purchase a Sling box.
For those of you who don’t know, a sling box is an adapter that plugs into your existing cable/satellite receiver and allows you to watch TV,and your DVR from anywhere you have broadband/fast mobile data. It’s just like watching for home and it’s a one time cost of buying the box. It’s quick to setup and by far the best solution for anyone who travels.
If you have Dish you can get a box for $30 but the features are limited compared to purchasing one from Sling directly.
Step 2: Sign up for a VPN.
Sometimes the Sling box fails me. Either the picture is crap making the players look like popcorn from the original Tecmo Bowl or the dumb Dish receiver says, “Receiver not responding. Power it off from the source and try again.” Thanks, but I’m 7000 miles away.
When Sling does not work, the natural inclination is to go on ESPN and watch the live stream. Great strategy until you receive another blue screen of death that says, “Content not available in your area.” The way around this is to sign up for a VPN (virtual private network) which allows you to change the location of your IP from your current location of Ulaanbaatar to, San Francisco, for example. After logging into your VPN, you can now watch ESPN and even HBO GO!
A VPN was necessary when I lived in China to access sites like Facebook which is routinely blocked. Personally, I paid for a premium VPN called WiTopia which was fast, private, and reliable.
Step 3: Shut Off Communication with the Outside World
Now, you have access to your favorite sports but keep in mind the time difference may be extreme. Michigan games usually start at noon which is Saturday at midnight in Asia. Do you sacrifice your Saturday nights throughout college football season to stay in and watch sports? Obviously yes, if it is Umich versus the loathsome team from Ohio. Probably not, if we are playing Rutgers.
At the same time, if you have to work on Monday, it will be difficult to watch the late NFL game and be in any shape to get stuff done in the office the following day.
The only work around of living in the future is to cut off communications with everyone. The annoying people who give play-by-play updates on social media, the people who like to mock you when your favorite team loses will ruin all your efforts to enjoy sports abroad if you do not do so.
Shut them off, come home, and watch football on your own terms.
Perhaps the reason to cut off all social media should extend beyond sports buts that’s an entirely different post.
Step 4: Pick a Football Team
Do you love the agony of the Wolverines losing or the frustration of another Lions defeat? Isn’t it especially crushing when you watch it at a sports bar live with that token Ohio State hater somehow always there even though it’s Michigan vs. Iowa. That camaraderie won’t be the same if you are talking trash twelve hours after watching a recording of your football game.
So to keep your reputation as a loud mouth at the sports bar, I recommend picking a new football team, a European one. Soccer is the universal sport and if you thought those USC fans were annoying, wait till you encounter some from Man U.
Also, picking a soccer club allows you to watch the game at home without dealing with steps 1-3.
Step 5: Watch It Live
Take note of where you live and get out of the house! Sure the Big House isn’t moving to Mongolia but there are plenty of local sports here with fierce competition and tradition. Mongolia’s wrestling, horse-racing, and archery dates back thousands of years making the oldest football trophy in college sports, the Little Brown Jug, a modern marvel.
Another advantage of watching an event live is that you don’t have to hear the annoying commentary of Joe Buck, Chris Collinsworth, or Doris Burke, by far the worst sportscasters in my opinion.
So there you have it, whether you are on the road for the weekend or out of the country for awhile, fear not, the orchestra of ESPN’s Monday Night football is as audible as ever.
Are you ready for some football!
Go Blue!
C n B is famously known among my friends as the acronym for my staple diet, chicken and broccoli. Add in egg whites and you’ll be ready for the douche-baggery of a summer Las Vegas pool party.
But what happens if you move to Mexico, Prague, Shanghai, or, perhaps, Mongolia? What do you when your C n B seems impossible to find.
I’ve lived in all those places and have found myself hoping for a Costco or worst case, a Sam’s Club.
Mexico did have a Sam’s Club but it proved cheaper and tastier to skip the C n B for Tacos Manolos and have carne asada beef, lime, and avocado.
In Prague, I said forget the diet because there was too much great beer to drink. With all the pizza and sambuca that I could stomach and the occasional Big Mac eating contest it was imperative to work off the excess calories by running up and down one of the world’s longest escalators at my metro stop.
Because I lived in Shanghai off and on for a year, I knew that eating chao fan and xiao long bao on a daily basis was not sustainable. I coughed up a few extra yuan for cans of tuna (a worthy, easy substitute for chicken) and went to City Shop (the expat grocery store) for fresh broccoli. Cuidado, Frosted Flakes cost $15 at City Shop so adapt to local breakfast or get robbed. And where to get egg whites before an impromptu trip to Boracay, Philippines? The local gym sold already peeled hard-boiled eggs for 15 cents an egg! That was heavenly.
Which brings me to Mongolia, a country with no McDonald’s, no Starbucks, but it does have a KFC. While fast food is clearly the anti C n B, the absence of Western restaurants make the prospect of finding Western foods in the grocery store less probable. Indeed, the first couple of weeks here I thought I would have to become a Vegan.
Then with some hard work, a bit of luck I discovered the Costco of Ulaanbaatar, the store called Mercury. Mercury is half farmers’ market, half swap meet. Rumors of price-fixing against foreigners run rampant and the selection from one stall to another is random. After walking around taking pictures and doing a price check with my Amazon bar code scanner, i.e., asking every vendor, how much is Tabasco, I managed to find everything I needed to get me back on C n B.
Only time will tell how bad I was robbed today because my bargaining skills for food are not as refined as they were for bags’a’watches in Shanghai. But, at least I won’t have to eat that pig’s head.
Sükhbaatar Square: Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia 08/22/2014
President Xi JinPing visited Mongolia yesterday, the first visit by a Chinese President since 2003. Although the two countries share a common border, their relationship has been anything but communal. The tumultuous history between China and Mongolia dates back hundreds of years to the construction of the Great Wall erected to ward of Mongolian attacks. While this relationship is improving to some degree, there is still trepidation between these two nations.
It is no secret that Mongolia is literally sitting on a gold mine, and a copper mine, and a coal mine. Development of the mines and extraction of the resources was at an all time high in 2012 until the Mongolian government passed legislative measures that scared off foreign investors. Since then the Mongolian currency, the Tugrik has depreciated 25%, the GDP, once growing at a faster pace than China’s, has cooled, and much of the economy has stalled.
Facing financial instability a weak current account, a highly criticized monetary policy, and a depletion of foreign reserves, the near future of Mongolia is precarious, to say the least. The International Monetary Fund (IMF), once the bailout bank for struggling economies, is not receiving a red carpet welcome to assist Mongolia in putting its financial house in order. The IMF doesn’t have the greatest track record for taking a dire situation and turning it into positive so it is somewhat understandable that Mongolia would choose to explore other avenues to get back to its blistering economic expansion.
IMF or not there is a need for austerity measures especially because the maturity date for the Mongolian Chinggis Bond is right around the corner in 2017. It’s anyone’s guess how or if these payments can or will be made. In 2005 Argentina had a similar problem trying to restructure their debts that were in default. Flash-forward to the present day and Argentina is still trying to maneuver their way through the mess. The short term prognosis for Mongolia is equally as bleak unless a sound, sustainable economic strategy is put into place.
Otherwise the alternative “When there’s nothing left, when you can’t borrow another buck from the bank or buy another case of booze, you bust the joint out. You light a match.”
Or you can look to your rivals from the North and from the South, let bygones be bygones, accept their help today for an incalculable cost tomorrow.
It certainly is a flag of the times.
Find the nerdy planning here. Find the picture preview here.
Would you ever pay $500 for a flight that has no set time for departure, lasts only 45 minutes, and is piloted by a barefoot captain? What if I added that the plane only holds 16 people and takes off and lands in water?
If you are headed to an exotic resort in the Maldives then you have no choice but to come aboard the Maldives seaplane. While weather delays and other nonsense excuses given both by the airplane company and by the resorts make the journey of arriving in paradise frustrating, rest assured that a flight aboard a Maldives seaplanes comes equipped with an excellent safety record.
I’m the captain now
I arrived at the Conrad Rangali Maldives lounge at the seaport waiting to experience the dream of one of the most sought after destinations in the world, an oasis in the heart of the Indian Ocean. Across the water from the seaport was the populous capital island of Malé. Malé is only 2.239 sq. miles in size but has a population of over 100,000, making it one of the most densely populated places in the world.
The island of Malé
Visitors to the Maldives should stay on Malé for one night to rest up from what’s more than likely an arduous journey to the Maldives and also to take the first seaplane in the morning to their resort island. Otherwise, as is the case many times, the seaplane will be delayed and instead of lounging in your private bungalow, you will find yourself at the airport lounge calculating how much money you are losing each minute on a trip that, with or without points, still costs a small fortune.
I was coming all the way from Colombo, Sri Lanka so no jet lag for me!
After one night at a hostel, I took the ferry back to the seaport and luckily my Maldives seaplane was departing on time. We received the safety instructions from our pilot and a set of earplugs which were unnecessary. Momentarily wondering if I had hopped on a Southwest Airlines 737, I was confused when the pilot announced that this would not be a direct flight. I wasn’t irritated by the news because I was on my way to paradise and I was able to participate twice in the takeoff and landing which was a nifty experience.
The first stop
Maldives is comprised of 26 atolls and 1,192 islands, making the journey the most scenic flight I have or will ever take. All passengers have their heads pressed to the window trying to capture some postcard photos while wondering what they did to deserve this.
For most, staying at a private bungalow is the height of indulgence. Most bungalows walk right to the ocean and some even have Jacuzzis on the relaxing sun deck with only nature observing whatever you choose to do. However, for one individual that was not enough, so he chose to rent out three islands for himself for a month. Unfortunately, I was a few points short of a billion to do that.
That distinction belonged to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia who spent $30,000,000 for a month long stay with his 100 bodyguards, floating hospital, and luxury yacht. Tourists who originally booked at the same resort were upset when their reservations were cancelled without notice. But they aren’t royalty! Your little goat herder makes your reservation look like a welfare case!
And now back to my peasant flight.
Crown Prince or not, it was a memorable experience.
Skyscrapers serve a useful purpose as hotels, office space, and lookout observatories. But, let’s be honest, these buildings were constructed to serve a higher purpose- to show off. Traveling to big cities throughout the world, I have had the opportunity to see many of these architectural marvels from below, from above, and from the side. Apart from being awestruck as to how they were constructed, I have taken note of the tall tales that cement their legendary status.
Here is the list for the ten tallest buildings in the world and some stories of intrigue and controversy that surround them.
Number 10 & 9: The Petronas Towers
The Petronas Towers, located in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia is an excellent place to start my survey of the world’s tallest buildings because they are the tallest twin towers in the world. The towers gained their notoriety, at least for me, after that silly movie Entrapment starring Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones.
The Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir (not the one from Zoolander) authorized construction of the towers on a former horse race track. The building was meant to symbolize the modernization of Malaysia and its emergence on the world stage as a significant economic player. Indeed, its chief occupants, Petronas, a Malaysian oil and gas company, is one of the largest corporations in the world.
The shadow cast by these imposing towers on the city of KL hides the fact that 60 percent of the country still lives on less than $1,600 a month. While there is a stronger emerging middle class in Malaysia in comparison to other countries in SE Asia, the disparity of wealth between the rich and the poor is significant.
Add in all the rats and cockroaches running around the city and it seems like the tactic of constructing these edifices is for visitors and onlookers alike to gaze up at the towers in lieu of the reality of what is happening at their feet.
Number 8: The International Commerce Centre
I arrived by bus from Shenzhen, China to Kowloon, Hong Kong to take the TurboJet to Macau. Exiting the taxi I looked up, strained my neck, and saw a fixture of the Hong Kong skyline, the International Commerce Centre.
Hong Kong has a distinct and unmistakable aura. Maybe it comes from the cinema, maybe it’s because of Bruce Lee, or perhaps it’s because of the criminal underworld, but there’s something sexy about saying the words Hong Kong.
This appeal is personified by the Ritz Carlton, especially in the Ozone bar, located on the 118th floor of the world’s eighth tallest building. The view from above is just as striking as the view from below, making it worth shelling out the exorbitant cost/applying for the Chase Ritz card for a night on top of the town.
Again, as was the case in Kuala Lumpur, the architecture of the city entrances visitors to focus on what man can do and ignore the limitations of what man has not done-provide affordable housing. While luxury high rise apartments provide the glitz and glamour lifestyle as portrayed on the silver screen, many Hong Kong inhabitants, both legal and illegal, live in squalor.
Number 7: Shanghai World Financial Center
My favorite building on this list is the Shanghai World Financial Center for many reasons:
It is located in my favorite city in the world.
It is beautifully designed and spectacularly lit up at night.
It is home to the one of a kind Park Hyatt perched on the 90th floor (a resort I stayed at in June 2014).
It has a great story.
Fortunately, the story I will tell of this man-made wonder is not depressing and relates to the change of its original design from a circular top to its final look, a rectangular display.
Legend has it that the one of the principal investors was Japanese and had cleverly advocated for the circular design so when the sun shined through the opening it would resemble the Japanese flag rising over the city of Shanghai.
The clear connotation that Japan could cast its dominance over China by way of the tallest building in the country at the time was more than off putting, leading to a design change and the likeness of a bottle opener seen today.
Number 6: Taipei 101
Taipei 101 is my least favorite skyscraper. It is architecturally as appealing as the Jin Mao Tower in Shanghai and the story behind its name is as nerd as it gets. Perhaps that was their intent as the name 101 was accordingly chosen to celebrate technology via binary coding 1-0-1. How academic.
Furthermore, the building name is supposed to symbolize perfection and hope. What’s better than 100? 101. How uninspiring and forced.
Finally, on a positive note, the name symbolizes a century gone by and new century on the horizon. That’s hopeful but it doesn’t excuse naming what was once the world’s tallest building after a freshman course in college.
World’s scariest job?Number 5: CTF Financial Centre
All I know about this building is that it is located Guangzhou and is under construction. The only anecdote I can share about Guangzhou is that the first airport I went to while moving to China was Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport. What a mess!
Number 4: One World Trade Center
At this point I have to say that the original World Trade Center is my favorite group of buildings of all time. The beauty was in their simplicity and timelessness of their design.
Following the tragic events of September 11th, 2001, architects put in proposals from all over the world to reconstruct the site. The winner was Daniel Libeskind whose original design was both creative and captivating. Unfortunately, his original proposal was altered and we are left with the bland building we see today.
Instead of letting Libeskind’s work speak for itself, his design was changed, the building was named the Freedom Tower by Governor Pataki, and the only remnant of his genius was the height of the building- 1776 feet. Alas, even the twisting design of this spire to attain this symbolic height was altered.
Number 3: Makkah Royal Clock Tower Hotel
This list continues to have a cynical tone as we arrive at the Makkah Royal Clock Tower Hotel in Saudi Arabia. Scratch that, the overwhelming majority of us will not see the meek imitation of Big Ben because it is extremely difficult to visit Saudi Arabia. Unless you are there for work, managed to obtain a transit visa, Americans (not sure about the visa rules for other countries) are not allowed to go to Saudi Arabia without an invitation.
Number 2: The Shanghai Tower
Conspiracy is back again at number 2 with the Shanghai Tower. Is it a coincidence given the Japanese folklore of the World Financial Center that the Shanghai Tower built next door not only dwarfs its rival but also obstructs the view of the Huangpu River?
I think not. But I do think it is a sight to behold on what is the most beautiful skyline in the world.
From my room at the Park HyattNumber 1: Burj KhalifaUnder construction when I visited in 2009
And now for my favorite story, the story of a man named Khalifa and a tower originally named Dubai. Sheikh Khalifa is the President of the United Arab Emirates and the Ruler of Abu Dhabi. Dubai is an emirate within the UAE and a rival with Abu Dhabi.
Dubai has Emirate Airlines one of the best in the world so Abu Dhabi built up Etihad Airways. Dubai has incongruent, futurama architecture, so Abu Dhabi responded with the same. Abu Dhabi has the Grand Prix, Dubai has pros playing tennis on a helipad. Dubai has manmade islands, Abu Dhabi has some too.
This is all in keeping with the theme of the Middle East: Anything you can build, I can build bigger.
Palm Jumeirah
Then came the financial crisis and the consequences of irrational exuberance- bankruptcy. Dubai was going broke and the only way out was to ask Abu Dhabi for some help. Abu Dhabi proposed that Dubai sell its signature Emirates Airlines, an offer that was rebuffed by Dubai’s ruler Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum.
Knowing Dubai was too big to fail (pun intended), Abu Dhabi finally agreed to provide a bailout.
The cost?
The name of the tallest building in the world, a building that has a spire of unknown length that can be extended if a rival dares to build higher, a building that was the crowning achievement for Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, would have to be changed from bearing the namesake of Dubai to forever being called Khalifa.
With that it was game, set, match on this rivalry.
Unforgettable, that’s what you areUnforgettable though near or farLike a song of love that clings to meHow the thought of you does things to meNever before has someone been more…
Oh Nat King Cole, your lyrics of love pay homage to the St. Regis New York better than anything sweet nothings that I can submit. It is only fitting that the review of this stately hotel begins where any anecdote at the St. Regis New York must begin, the King Cole Bar and Salon.
Past the elegance of the lobby and through the dining area, I find myself gazing at the Maxfield Parrish Art Nouveau masterpiece, curiously looking at the other dignified guests who, much like myself, have come to experience the sophistication and class of a New York hotel from yesteryear. The cocktail menu is all but superfluous as the drink of the day, as it is everyday, the famous Bloody Mary, first created at the original St. Regis New York in 1934.
“Will this be room charge sir?” the barkeeper inquires.
“But of course my good man,” I reply putting on airs as appropriate in such a setting.
Drink in hand, I find myself listening intently to the barman tell the story of this prestigious venue. Before my mind can wander much more about the patrons who frequented this establishment before they let an artless person like myself inside, I am politely escorted by the bellman to the elevator then to my room where I meet my private butler.
“Shoe shining service, clothing press, and any other service you may require are available at your convenience,” the butler informs me. “Take note of my beeper number which you can dial directly from the controls on your nightstand,” she kindly adds.
I bid her farewell, close the door then immediately without hesitation, perform my best rendition of Kevin McAlister, by jumping up and down on the bed all the while laughing hysterically. Sorry but after you are escorted via a Bentley and informed by your butler that she will return to make your bubble bath, you too would act like a prepubescent school boy.
The St. Regis New York
The interlude of immaturity is interrupted by the song of the doorbell. I compose myself as best as I could and open the door to find that my butler has returned with sumptuous chocolates and a double espresso.
“Thank you, that’ll be all,” I say as I close the door, eager to get back to my childhood shenanigans. Already overeager from excitement, I inadvisably drink my espresso and devour my chocolates. Tipsy from exhilaration, I leave the sanctuary of my room for the downgrade of Fifth Avenue.
Hours later, I return home wondering why I ever left in the first place. Overwhelmed by the ruggedness of the City, I call for my butler for the turndown service.
So fresh n so clean, I lie there in my St. Regis robe grateful for this unforgettable experience.
Unforgettable in every wayAnd forever more, that’s how you’ll stayThat’s why, darling, it’s incredibleThat someone so unforgettableThinks that I am unforgettable too
Ask anyone in Los Angeles where they are and the automatic answer will be, “in traffic.”
Go to Bangkok and try and take a tuk tuk anywhere and you’ll hear the same joke, “Day no traffic, day no Bangkok.”
Head to Bali and hear the tired excuse why the taxi won’t turn on the meter, “Too much traffic boss.”
I’m sure there’s a top ten list of the worst traffic jams you’ll end up in before you die so I’ll pass on putting together a list and skip right to number one.
Welcome to Ulaanbaatar where the pollution and ice cold winters seem tolerable compared to the traffic. It doesn’t matter that there are traffic lights not because people ignore them anyway but because there are simply too many cars and not enough road. Ulaanbaatar has no mass transit system unless you include the busses that are the worst traffic offenders of them all. It doesn’t have motorbikes like Saigon for obvious reasons. And the only car pool lane is when two vehicles magically occupy the same space at the same time.
Don’t believe it’s that bad? Think your city is worse? Well, you are wrong. The government here, recognizing the traffic is out of control, has passed a measure charging drivers 50,000 MNT a month, around $26, just to drive in the city. While some countries and cities have similar ordinances like rotating license plates for certain days of the week (they have that here too), the difference is that this measure is going to have absolutely no effect. Everyone has one place to go- the city center and there are only a couple of roads to get here. So now drivers will be upset they are stuck in traffic and even more upset that they are paying to park in it.
The only weakness in my argument is the definition of the word traffic itself. Traffic according to Google is “vehicles moving on a public highway.” The term parking lot according to Bing is “a car park.” Since my car was in park for two hours and the only way I reached my destination was being air lifted by helicopter, I don’t know if it can be argued that I was ever subject to traffic.
Even those fed up with the traffic lot were unable to flee the city as the only road to the airport was closed, leaving them stuck where? You guessed it, in traffic.
Almost heaven, West Virginia, Blue Ridge Mountain, Tuul River. Life is old there, older than the trees, younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze. Country roads, take me home to the place I belong I belong.
Ulaanbaatar, M1NT momma, take me home, country roads.
A quick a-live update for everyone while I’m under the influence. I’m home at my new home M1NT Ulaanbaatar, formerly of M1NT Shanghai.
If this isn’t an omen of great success to come then I don’t know what is.
Pop champagne!
The demand for my book has been in high demand. I should say the demand for my book for free has been in high demand. Friends and family alike have messaged me, “Hey, I heard your book came out, when am I getting a free signed copy?”
I had a book signing two weeks ago and gave away 100 books. You can read about that great promotion here. Still, I felt bad that not everyone was able to attend so I am giving away a free paperback or Kindle copy to the first person who correctly guesses where the picture below was taken.
If you are outside the normal Amazon shipping locale then I can only offer the Kindle version. For me to get a copy of my own book in Mongolia would cost me $50 so I feel your pain.
Now, if nobody even leaves a comment that is probably more telling about my marketing strategy. And if people do participate, then maybe I will have this giveaway once a week.
Also, if you just want to be nice and buy it, you can do that here.
The rules are as follows:
1. You have to actually read the book and write a review on Amazon, as seen spectacularly here.
2. The winner is the person who most specifically identifies the location. For example, if I get Arizona as an answer and someone gives me W Scottsdale, then the latter person will be the winner.
3. I won’t confirm who the winner is until someone guesses the right country, maybe continent. If you have a book already you can still play!
And now on with the picture…
Dear Mel,
In April of 2014 I received the bad news that you and the evil empire better known as the HOA had decided to ban all BBQs in my condo complex. With that unconstitutional notice, you took away joy and happiness of which you will never know. Obstinately, I tried to hold onto my BBQ by having roasts in the middle of the night. Your posse comitatus managed to raid these secret cook-outs and slapped a final injunction on my Weber with the caption: get rid of the grill or pay the fine.
Even with that heartless notice, I tried to rally my neighbors against you and your obtuse ways. Alas, I had no choice but to put the BBQ up for sale, hoping that someone would take it away and restore it to the days of BBQ greatness.
Now, thousands of miles away, I still think of what you did to me. My anger has subsided as I have entered a world where BBQ is not only welcomed but embraced. Here in Ulaanbaatar, I have had BBQ of all types: Korean to Uzbek, Mexican to Mongolian. All of it delicious and all available come street or saloon.
I’ve put the local authorities on notice in case you do try to impose your reign of terror on the Democratic BBQ of Mongolia. Know that this time around it’s going to take a lot more than a notice from the HOA to put this fire out.
Yours truly,
Alexander
Master Griller and Attorney at Law
It’s finally here! College football begins next weekend and the NFL a week after. But, when you live overseas certain sacrifices/adjustments have to be made to stay on top of your game. My apartment in Mongolia has satellite TV and it’s even in HD! I was surprised to find HBO and more excited to hear the ‘dum dum dum dum dah duhhh, dum dum dum dum dah duhhh” of Fox Sports as I flipped through the channels.
Could it be, the NFL in HD in English without trying to find a choppy stream on the Internet?
No, it could not be. Fox uses the same jingle to broadcast soccer games and one of the other sports channels has the audacity to use the slogan ‘Monday Night Football’ for a game of rugby. While the sports channels do show a lot of baseball, the chances of an NFL game let alone a college football game being broadcast are very slim. Furthermore, add in a twelve hour time difference, and it may be easier to become an Aussie rules football fan and forget American sports all together.
Luckily for me, years ago, I purchased a Slingbox and have seen the evolution and devolution of this technology as time has passed. It used to be that the Slingbox was not in HD but I could still watch it on my Blackberry with my unlimited international data plan. Before, I could be out at midnight and not miss a Umich football game. Now, the quasi HD stream has improved but the availability on smartphones because of the high data usage has made it more difficult for it to be enjoyed on the go. Furthermore, I’ve noticed more choppiness if I seek higher picture quality.
But instead of continuing to complain and give up completely, I’ve learned to adjust. To save you the headache of missing sports whether you are on the road for a few days or whether you are moving away for good, I am publishing this guide so you don’t have to watch the Atari-esque ESPN Gamecast.
Step 1: Purchase a Sling box.
For those of you who don’t know, a sling box is an adapter that plugs into your existing cable/satellite receiver and allows you to watch TV,and your DVR from anywhere you have broadband/fast mobile data. It’s just like watching for home and it’s a one time cost of buying the box. It’s quick to setup and by far the best solution for anyone who travels.
If you have Dish you can get a box for $30 but the features are limited compared to purchasing one from 
But what happens if you move to Mexico, Prague, Shanghai, or, perhaps, Mongolia? What do you when your C n B seems impossible to find.
I’ve lived in all those places and have found myself hoping for a Costco or worst case, a Sam’s Club.
Mexico did have a Sam’s Club but it proved cheaper and tastier to skip the C n B for Tacos Manolos and have carne asada beef, lime, and avocado.
In Prague, I said forget the diet because there was too much great beer to drink. With all the pizza and sambuca that I could stomach and the occasional 
Because I lived in Shanghai off and on for a year, I knew that eating chao fan and 
Which brings me to Mongolia, a country with no McDonald’s, no Starbucks, but it does have a KFC. While fast food is clearly the anti C n B, the absence of Western restaurants make the prospect of finding Western foods in the grocery store less probable. Indeed, the first couple of weeks here I thought I would have to become a Vegan.
Then with some hard work, a bit of luck I discovered the Costco of Ulaanbaatar, the store called Mercury. Mercury is half farmers’ market, half swap meet. Rumors of price-fixing against foreigners run rampant and the selection from one stall to another is random. After walking around taking pictures and doing a price check with my Amazon bar code scanner, i.e., asking every vendor, how much is Tabasco, I managed to find everything I needed to get me back on C n B.
Only time will tell how bad I was robbed today because my bargaining skills for food are not as refined as they were for bags’a’watches in Shanghai. But, at least I won’t have to eat that pig’s head.
If you are headed to an exotic resort in the Maldives then you have no choice but to come aboard the Maldives seaplane. While weather delays and other nonsense excuses given both by the airplane company and by the resorts make the journey of arriving in paradise frustrating, rest assured that a flight aboard a Maldives seaplanes comes equipped with an excellent safety record.
For most, staying at a private bungalow is the height of indulgence. Most bungalows walk right to the ocean and some even have Jacuzzis on the relaxing sun deck with only nature observing whatever you choose to do. However, for one individual that was not enough, so he chose to rent out three islands for himself for a month. Unfortunately, I was 
Unforgettable, that’s what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more…
Oh Nat King Cole, your lyrics of love pay homage to the St. Regis New York better than anything sweet nothings that I can submit. It is only fitting that the review of this stately hotel begins where any anecdote at the St. Regis New York must begin, the King Cole Bar and Salon.
Past the elegance of the lobby and through the dining area, I find myself gazing at the Maxfield Parrish Art Nouveau masterpiece, curiously looking at the other dignified guests who, much like myself, have come to experience the sophistication and class of a New York hotel from yesteryear. The cocktail menu is all but superfluous as the drink of the day, as it is everyday, the famous Bloody Mary, first created at the original St. Regis New York in 1934.
“Will this be room charge sir?” the barkeeper inquires.
“But of course my good man,” I reply putting on airs as appropriate in such a setting.
Drink in hand, I find myself listening intently to the barman tell the story of this prestigious venue. Before my mind can wander much more about the patrons who frequented this establishment before they let an artless person like myself inside, I am politely escorted by the bellman to the elevator then to my room where I meet my private butler.
“Shoe shining service, clothing press, and any other service you may require are available at your convenience,” the butler informs me. “Take note of my beeper number which you can dial directly from the controls on your nightstand,” she kindly adds.
I bid her farewell, close the door then immediately without hesitation, perform my best rendition of Kevin McAlister, by jumping up and down on the bed all the while laughing hysterically. Sorry but after you are escorted via a Bentley and informed by your butler that she will return to make your bubble bath, you too would act like a prepubescent school boy.
The interlude of immaturity is interrupted by the song of the doorbell. I compose myself as best as I could and open the door to find that my butler has returned with sumptuous chocolates and a double espresso.
“Thank you, that’ll be all,” I say as I close the door, eager to get back to my childhood shenanigans. Already overeager from excitement, I inadvisably drink my espresso and devour my chocolates. Tipsy from exhilaration, I leave the sanctuary of my room for the downgrade of Fifth Avenue.
Hours later, I return home wondering why I ever left in the first place. Overwhelmed by the ruggedness of the City, I call for my butler for the turndown service.
So fresh n so clean, I lie there in my St. Regis robe grateful for this unforgettable experience.
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
