This time they’ve gone too far! Outraged, angry, and disgusted is how I feel right now.
We borrowed a bottle of Tabasco for the apartment from a local restaurant because we couldn’t find it in the store.
I came home after a hard day’s work yearning for some peppery pleasure. Out of habit, I remove the unmistakable red top, tilt the bottle at the perfect angle, then curiously wonder why there is a moment of pause before my hot sauce fixation is fixed.
A delayed second later, I figured out why when I tasted disappointment. Believing this was karma from borrowing, I almost didn’t give the bottle a second glance. Luckily, I did. That’s when I discovered trademark infringement at its finest- fake Tabasco!
Fake f@*!ing Tabasco. Are you kidding? Is nothing sacred? This time they’ve crossed the line. This time I’m going to take some action. This time I’m using my law degree for good.
Bachuwa and Mcllhenny vs. Zhongguo Impostor
Following my taxicab book promotion, my plan was to have the book released for my Round the World Trip in One Direction Tour then the Across the World to Mongolia Encore Tour. The idea was to bring as many books as I could pack into my Osprey backpack and leave them in the seat back pocket of every flight. Travelers would reach for that mind numbing airlines magazine and be pleasantly surprised to find my inspirational work instead. (YOU CAN BUY IT HERE! and SkyMall.)
Looking at the Great Circle Mapper, that would’ve required about 20 books, and maybe some excess baggage fees.
That’s 42,000 miles of First and Business class flown for next to nothing! #pointsking
Unfortunately, the process of editing and binding a book is much more complicated than I realized. So, all I could bring were some nifty business cards showcasing ThePointsOflife on one side and my Prius whip on the other.
Call me maybe
Passing those out was still fun as I received the same run down of questions each time:
What is ThePointsOflife, some sort of cult?
Why do you have a picture of a taxi?
Enter Alex the marketing magician to respond to said questions.
Even with the barrage of new Facebook likes, Twitter followers, and Instagram stalkers (I should disable the location), I was still annoyed that I didn’t have physical copies to disburse at 30,000 feet.
My vexation has been soothed in the past few days and friends, family, and fools have posted pics of the book from around the world. From Tokyo to Toronto, Anchorage to Australia, the word is getting out- abandon your cubicle, live life now!
Christmas came early for big supporters in Toronto! Shout out to George and Stephan!
Impatiently waiting for the book to go from viral to epidemic status, I’m off to plan my next marketing scheme since this taxi is out of commission.
Animal style? Protein Style? Not quite, but I did have a mouth watering double cheeseburger on the way home after a couple more Chinggis Darks. The price was right, the toppings a little quirky, and the service with a smile, the same as In-N-Out Tempe (a popular destination for my fares when I worked as a taxi driver).
As usual when it comes to food, I let the pics do the talking and my mouth the drooling.
So here it is: In-N-Out Burger UB Style: All rights reserved:
world class ketchupthe sous chefthe executive chefi recommend UB stylethe uniformso close!benny benassi!
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Status, status, status! That’s the name of the points game. Dropping status is almost as bad as losing a relative. That love, support, and ass kissing are gone, leaving you feeling alone- a stranger in your own hotel.
I hold onto my Hilton Gold status by paying the annual fee on my Citi Reserve Hilton card, find some value as a Platinum by paying for a Chase Hyatt card (though it does not compare to being Diamond), and will sacrifice my new born to stay Platinum with SPG (sorry Dequindre but I love suite upgrades).
Today I received an email from Le Club Accorhotels saying that my Platty plat platinum status has been downgraded. Accor does have a lot of nice properties worldwide but I have only stayed at a couple of them. Last year, I found a loophole to reach platinum and got a few amenities when I was at the Novotel in Wellington, New Zealand! Windy Wellington!
Still I really think their marketing team could have done a better job in delivering the bad news:
As a marketing ploy I decided to drive a taxi in Scottsdale and surrounding areas in an effort to spread the word that my book, Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine, was going on sale. As I had written, the bank account was struggling and the book release was delayed. After my taxi revelation post came out, I received a few comments and questions from friends and family which can be summarized in one interrogatory, “Are you crazy?”
That is debatable but the experience of driving a taxi for two months certainly was insane. While book promotion will always sneak its way into this series of posts, the tales of being a cabbie can stand on their own.
The Application
I applied online and was given an interview where I was asked, “Why do you want to be a taxi driver?” The answer wasn’t, “because I want to sell a million books.” Instead, I said, and this is true, “I’ve always wanted to be a taxi driver.” I always thought it would be fun to drive a cab and thought it would be a great study of anthropology. Furthermore, who wouldn’t want to be behind the wheel and cart off drunk idiots throughout the Valley. With a pristine driving record, immaculate criminal record, and a clean drug test, I was ready to begin training.
I arrived bright and early to Taxicab Academy and took my seat in front of a functional taxi meter and dispatch machine. Taxi meters have always intrigued me. Can taxi drivers manipulate how fast the meter runs? Can a taxi driver turn off the meter? Does the passenger really have to pay the amount on the taxi meter if the taxi gets lost because he would owe this amount to the cab company? How much do taxi drivers get paid? Do I have to tip?
Before any of these questions could be answered, we had to learn how to turn the meter on and off and how to accept a call from dispatch. Managing the dispatch machine while looking for flags (taxi lingo for fares that come off the street) took skill.
After a day in the classroom, I was ready for my Training Day.
The leaders and best play here at the Big House on Football Saturdays. This past Saturday that tradition continued as Real Madrid played Manchester United in what turned out to be the largest attendance for a futbol game in history. Officially the attendance was 109,318 smashing the previous record of 101,799 with notably myself not in attendance. Interestingly enough, the largest crowd for a sports game was last year’s victory over Notre Dame with 115,109 in attendance.
Even Cristiano Ronaldo made a surprise appearance in the second half to the delight of the onlookers. Although Real Madrid lost 3-1, I think it’s fair to say that both sides enjoyed the Big House experience.
As an alumni of the University of Michigan and avid sports fan, I have to say that this was a momentous occasion for the school and for sports lovers alike. Nice work David Brandon!
Go Blue!
My first impression of Mongolia is, “Whoa, I’m actually living in Mongolia.” The second thought was, “I wish I knew how to read Mongolian Cyrillic.” Compared to Mongolia, my days in China were a breeze. Not only are street signs in both English and Mandarin, the Chinese characters are highly distinguishable from Cyrillic script. Even when I couldn’t speak or read any Mandarin, I would at least would be able to comprehend that the ‘tree house’ character next to the roman numeral ‘I’ meant that I was headed in the right direction.
Here, I still do not know if the official name of the city is Ulan Bator or Ulaanbaatar and apparently neither does Google. At the same time, when I flew into Chinggis Khaan International Airport, I was perplexed as to why it wasn’t Gengis Khan International Airport. This confusion was further exacerbated at the Irish Pub where they served Chinggis beer and Grandkhaan beer. In full disclosure, I am the same idiot who didn’t know that Wien and Vienna were the same city- “Why do so many of the trains pass through this city Wien in Austria?”
Beyond being a typical uninformed tourist, I really am enjoying UB (the local lingo for the name of the city) and am finding my way around quite quickly. Here are a few pics from walking around on my second day:
I’ve decided to take my talents to Ulan Bator.
In my rendition of Lebron’s ‘I’m Coming Home’, I momentarily contemplated moving back to Flint but I didn’t receive a lucrative contract like he did, so I had no choice but to look elsewhere. Today I was warmly greeted by locals in Mongolia as I had my first book signing at the State Department Store. 100 copies of my book Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine were handed out and I was blown away by the press coverage and the number of people.
Here’s a great shot captured by my publicist as the crowds came pouring in.
Go Blue!
Even Cristiano Ronaldo made a surprise appearance in the second half to the delight of the onlookers. Although Real Madrid lost 3-1, I think it’s fair to say that both sides enjoyed the Big House experience.
As an alumni of the University of Michigan and avid sports fan, I have to say that this was a momentous occasion for the school and for sports lovers alike. Nice work David Brandon!
Go Blue!
2. I’VE BEEN EVERYWHERE AND IT SUCKS!
3. HIT THE ROAD JACK…THAT MEANS GET OUT!
4. IS HAWAII A COUNTRY?
6. XIAO LONG BAO: A TUTORIAL
7. FREE WITHOUT THE ‘R’ SPELLS FEE
Beyond being a typical uninformed tourist, I really am enjoying UB (the local lingo for the name of the city) and am finding my way around quite quickly. Here are a few pics from walking around on my second day:
