The Melbourne Travel Guide is part of the Trip Report: The $77,000 Trip Heard Round the World which covers 5 Continents, 13 Countries, and 17 Cities. It is also a part of the TPOL Down Under Trip Report.
G’day, Mate
Here’s the Travel Guide for Melbourne, Australia using The Guns & Butter methodology:
- A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy
- Anything on the line (Production Possibilities Frontier for my fellow economists) is an efficient use of your time depending on your tastes and preferences.
- Anything inside the line is inefficient and should be avoided.
- Anything outside is aspirational but may be impossible to do given the constraints of time and resources.
- The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa.
Three nights in Melbourne are plenty of time to do a lot depending on how hard you go.
Transport
Looking to get to your hotel for cheap, take the Con-X-ion shuttle for $20AUD. It takes you directly to your hotel.
Food
Think of Melbourne like the food court in your local mall in terms of variety. There is food from all over the world, all in one spot. The difference between it and Genesee Valley Mall in Flint, MI is that the food is top quality. But, I will point out that princess chicken served in Melbourne’s China Town does not rival that of home.
Here’s TPOL’s legal take of the case: Burger King v. Hungry Jack
If you’re looking for a 5-course meal, here are two recommendations:
The Nightlife
Happy hour is a huge deal in Melbourne. Head to the waterfront and you’ll find yourself in the middle of a Jos. A. Bank commercial. Everyone is wearing a suit, having a steak dinner, and discussing the latest M&A.
The nightlife in the city center consists of rooftop bars, one after another. There wasn’t one bar that was necessarily memorable. The best recommendation is to go to Chapel Street and explore the college town atmosphere.
Walking Tour
Tour the city center by going on a walk on your own. Jump on and jump off the tram, head into shops, and take it all in.
St. Kilda’s Beach
Get out of the city center and head to the beach. I was there in December, the summer, and it was still pretty chilly.
Melbourne Zoo
Let’s be honest, the reason you came to Australia is to see kangaroos. The Melbourne Zoo has all of Australia’s famous furry friends and some of its notorious inmates.
Yarra Valley
Some of the best pinot noir and shiraz comes from the Yarra Valley. Head out there for a taste. Buy a sample. Buy a glass. Buy a bottle. Buy a case. For a full review, read Vineyard Crawl: My Yarra Valley Wine Tour.
Do: Australian Open
The Australian Open is held in Melbourne every January. Though I’m not a huge fan of tennis, I went to the qualifying round (see Australian Open: Amateurs Welcome).
Avoid: The Casino
The casino in Melbourne is like your local casino. There’s no party but there are people who should probably be at home instead of spending away their retirement. Another reason to avoid the casino is because it has special rules for blackjack where the house hits soft 17. Even more ridiculous is that 22 is not a bust for the house or as this article says, the Crown.
This cost my friend some money. That’ll teach him to play low-limit tables.
Stay
Aura on Flinders! It’s a solid choice for the right price. 
The Radisson Melbourne is decent. 
The Park Hyatt Melbourne, is Park by name only.
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