back to top
Monday, July 15, 2024
HomeWorld MapAustraliaGuns & Butter: Melbourne Travel Guide

Guns & Butter: Melbourne Travel Guide

The Melbourne Travel Guide is part of the Trip Report: The $77,000 Trip Heard Round the World which covers 5 Continents, 13 Countries, and 17 Cities. It is also a part of the TPOL Down Under Trip Report.

G’day, Mate

Here’s the Travel Guide for Melbourne, Australia using The Guns & Butter methodology:

  • A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy
  • Anything on the line (Production Possibilities Frontier for my fellow economists) is an efficient use of your time depending on your tastes and preferences.
  • Anything inside the line is inefficient and should be avoided.
  • Anything outside is aspirational but may be impossible to do given the constraints of time and resources.
  • The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa.


Three nights in Melbourne are plenty of time to do a lot depending on how hard you go.


Looking to get to your hotel for cheap, take the Con-X-ion shuttle for $20AUD. It takes you directly to your hotel.


Think of Melbourne like the food court in your local mall in terms of variety. There is food from all over the world, all in one spot. The difference between it and Genesee Valley Mall in Flint, MI is that the food is top quality. But, I will point out that princess chicken served in Melbourne’s China Town does not rival that of home.

Not as good as Empress of China in Flint
Not as good as Empress of China in Flint
Australian Princess Chicken
Australian Princess Chicken
The Greek Food Court
The Greek Food Court on Chapel Street
Isn't she lovely
Isn’t she lovely?
DSC00172 (Copy)
Chilled Oysters at St. Kilda’s Beach
So many desert varieties in Melbourne
So many dessert varieties in Melbourne
Read the story of Hungry Jack and his feud with Burger King. Fascinating legal case
Read the story of Hungry Jack and his feud with Burger King. Fascinating legal case.

Here’s TPOL’s legal take of the case: Burger King v. Hungry Jack

If you’re looking for a 5-course meal, here are two recommendations:


a plate of food and a wine glass on a table
The best lobster rolls I’ve ever had.

Trattoria Emilia

a plate of food on a plate
Who says 5 course meals are just for dinner?

Pho Flinders

a bowl of soup with meat and sprouts
Flinders pho!

The Nightlife 

Happy hour is a huge deal in Melbourne. Head to the waterfront and you’ll find yourself in the middle of a Jos. A. Bank commercial. Everyone is wearing a suit, having a steak dinner, and discussing the latest M&A.

The waterfront
The waterfront
The world's worst beer
The world’s worst beer

The nightlife in the city center consists of rooftop bars, one after another. There wasn’t one bar that was necessarily memorable. The best recommendation is to go to Chapel Street and explore the college town atmosphere.

Walking Tour 

Tour the city center by going on a walk on your own. Jump on and jump off the tram, head into shops, and take it all in.

a group of people standing in front of a building
Flinders Street Station
The City Center

St. Kilda’s Beach 

Get out of the city center and head to the beach. I was there in December, the summer, and it was still pretty chilly.

Take the tram to St. Kildas
Take the tram to St. Kildas
20131210_224358 (Copy)
Brisk, cool summer day
20131210_225315 (Copy) (Copy)
The famous amusement park
20131211_015731 (Copy)
Another rooftop bar!

Melbourne Zoo

Let’s be honest, the reason you came to Australia is to see kangaroos. The Melbourne Zoo has all of Australia’s famous furry friends and some of its notorious inmates.

20131211_170506 (Copy) (Copy)
DSC00215 (Copy) (Copy)
DSC00290 (Copy)
DSC00284 (Copy)
He will kill you
DSC00277 (Copy)
They look friendly
DSC00226 (Copy)
This jerk
DSC00295 (Copy)
The devil!
DSC00320 (Copy) (Copy)
And the greatest selfie with a wallaby, the kangaroo’s friendly cousin

Yarra Valley 

Some of the best pinot noir and shiraz comes from the Yarra Valley. Head out there for a taste. Buy a sample. Buy a glass. Buy a bottle. Buy a case. For a full review, read Vineyard Crawl: My Yarra Valley Wine Tour.

DSC00304 (Copy)
This is the life
DSC00315 (Copy)
The sampler
DSC00319 (Copy) (Copy)
20131211_194952 (Copy)
Get in, get out

Do: Australian Open 

The Australian Open is held in Melbourne every January. Though I’m not a huge fan of tennis, I went to the qualifying round (see Australian Open: Amateurs Welcome).a tennis court with blue seats and blue roof

Avoid: The Casino 

The casino in Melbourne is like your local casino. There’s no party but there are people who should probably be at home instead of spending away their retirement. Another reason to avoid the casino is because it has special rules for blackjack where the house hits soft 17. Even more ridiculous is that 22 is not a bust for the house or as this article says, the Crown.

This cost my friend some money. That’ll teach him to play low-limit tables.

Merry Christmas from Melbourne
Merry Christmas from Melbourne


Aura on Flinders! It’s a solid choice for the right price. a tennis court with people on it

The Radisson Melbourne is decent. a hot tub with a view of a city

The Park Hyatt Melbourne, is Park by name only.

a indoor swimming pool with a large pool

<==Back to Radisson Melbourne – Onto Travel Advice: Pay Cash to Wellington, NZ


Leave a Reply