Last year, I DOGE cut my March Madness bracket (see No TPOL March Madness Bracket. And No One Cares). This year, I’m bringing it back. Winner gets a flight to Puerto Rico to play golf with me.
Enter here.
Simply The Best: TPOL Is 11 And Vlogging
In the words of the critically acclaimed Miley Cyrus and the fallen star, Sean ‘Puff Daddy’, ‘Diddy Combs’, “We can’t stop. And we won’t stop.” Indeed, I don’t even know how to stop. And that’s why after 11 years, I am still writing this critically acclaimed blog.
With an eye on the future, I have launched a Vlog that will combine the very best of my travel with the very best of why you read this blog- me.
My goal last year was to become the #MasterOfWon (Simply The Best: TPOL Is Ten And #MasterOfWon). I would say that I am well on my way.
Happy birthday to me.
Telkaif, Iraq: No Need for 23andMe
Telkaif, Iraq is part of the Iraq Homecoming Trip Report. Catch up on all the posts from Iraq here.
No need for 23andMe. I know where I come from. While my ancient ancestors are from Turkey, the Bachuwas come from a small town on the outskirts of Mosul called Telkaif. Though my grandparents grew up in Baghdad, it was I had to go to where it all began. Driving to this town required another stop at the checkpoint. The security officer could not understand why we were trying to go there. After a lengthy explanation about the cultural and familial relevance, he waved us through. But like Samaraa, we had to surrender our passports (see Navigating Iraqi Checkpoints: The Road to Samarra).
The Town
While there were signs of normalcy, Telkaif was eerily quiet. Much of the population had left after the invasion of ISIS.
Historical Landmarks
The first Catholic church was locked away and inaccessible.
On the way to the second, the sacred heart, we passed by a Catholic cemetery. We tried to go in but it was locked. A random passerby said that the guard in the church had the key.
We arrived at the church, and again, it was locked. 
My guide knocked on the door and informed the guard that there was a Chaldean (Catholic Iraqi) from Michigan who wanted to ask him a few questions (Though I am not a practicing Catholic, Catholicism is an integral part of my culture.). A few moments later, he came down and immediately welcomed us in.
I thought it would only be a hurried look around and a prohibition on pictures. Quite the opposite, he was thrilled to take us on a tour. The first stop was the part of the church which was restored after the ISIS attack. Seeing the church where my relatives prayed years ago was a solemn moment.
The guard took us to two more places of prayer. Both were badly destroyed by ISIS and have yet to be repaired. He told us that people were killed in these rooms. That was disturbing and surreal.
Nuns Quarters
Nuns used to live on the premises but left after the invasion and have not returned.
The Cemetery
After the tour of the church, the guard gave us the keys to the cemetery. That was unbelievable.
I searched for the names of relatives who may have been buried there. I could not locate any of them.
It was sad seeing tombstones shattered into pieces by ISIS.
Although ISIS was defeated, much of the population of Telkaif left.
We went back to the church to take photos with the guard and thank him for welcoming us. He invited us to tour the neighborhood across from the church. According to my aunt, that is where the Bachuwas lived.
TPOL’s Tip: Here is how you assemble a Russian assault rifle.
Return to Mosul
We told the security officer that we were going to Telkaif for a quick look around. When we came back hours later, he inquired why we were gone for so long. Despite our delay in returning, he promptly gave us back our passports and sent us on our way.
Dinner in Mosul
To top off one of the best days, we had dinner at what looked like Flint’s own Big John Steak and Onion. The lahem ageen was superb. The bombyah (okra) was good but as usual, it is better made at home. The meat was great, especially the lamb which fell off the bone.
Overall
For food, Mosul is the place to go (see Mosul, Iraq Day 1: The Best Homemade Food in the World) For my Chaldean readers, I loved Telkaif. You will too.
7 Lessons Learned from FAILING at My 1st Vlog: St. Lucia Carnival
7 Lessons Learned is part of the Master Of Won, TPOL’s adventure behind and in front of the camera, and They Call Me Mr. Fete Trip Reports.
How hard can it be to start a vlog? I am happy that I did not put too much thought into answering that question before launching this channel. I quickly learned that this hobby requires a lot of work, instruction, and talent. To kick it off, I filmed my experience in St. Lucia for carnival. The learning curve for vlogging is as steep as the learning curve for golf, which is also documented in this inaugural film. Fortunately, I don’t take myself too seriously and am happy to publish the result for your amusement. Please join me, Alexander, aka the #masterofwon, as I go on this journey into the known unknown i.e., I know it will be fun, but I have no idea if it’ll be any good.
Here is the video of truth:
TPOL’S March Madness Bracket Challenge Is Back
Last year, I DOGE cut my March Madness bracket (see No TPOL March Madness Bracket. And No One Cares). This year, I’m bringing it back. Winner gets a flight to Puerto Rico to play golf with me. Enter here.
Vlog Premiers Soon
It has been too long of a journey and we will see if it was worth the cost. However, the first video of my Vlog is set to premier on YouTube (see DJI Flip: Blogging, Vlogging, You, Me & TPOL Will Never Be the Same). Bookmark my channel now before I become a celebrity.
Simply The Best: February 2025
February was too short but still great. Here are the best posts:
- I Am Not a Foodie. And Neither Are You.
I would like to meet a foodie in person. I wonder if they’ll be as intolerable in person as they are on my blog. - Residency Directory: Where I’ll Live And Why
The purpose of a residency is to do what I would do if I were an actual resident. That means not being a tourist. That means not being adventurous. - Eat Like A Local: Madrid, Spain
Everyone has a snooty opinion on what it means to ‘eat like a local.’ Don’t make it complicated. Eat and enjoy. - Kebab Azerbaijan: Best Worldwide?
For perhaps the best kebab in the world, go to Firuze. Enough said. - Recap! Madrid Residency
The best idea I have come up with in a while is to live in various cities in the world for a month at a time and act as if I were a local. - Madrid Long-Term Rental: Show Up, Start Living at The Blueground
Looking to do a residency in Madrid? Stay in Chamberí. Book through The Blueground. - See What? Crapping Out in Monaco
Did you get the memo that there’s nothing to see or do in Monaco? I did not.
See What? Crapping Out in Monaco
Monaco Travel Guide is part of the Still The Best Trip Report.
Did you get the memo that there’s nothing to see or do in Monaco? I did not. Before I complain, here’s how to get there:
Here is the beautiful train station in Nice:
With 31 minutes before arrival, I wondered what I would do in Monaco. Would I run into Lewis Hamilton? Would I strike it rich at the Casino, a la James Bond? Would I meet royalty who would take me on her yacht?
Walking
It is a pleasant walk from the train station down to the casino. It is an unpleasant trek up hills, in the sun, back to the train station.
Casino
Come one, come all, and take a photo of the casino.
Gambling
TPOL does not gamble. The risk reward does not make sense for me. I have seen friends waste hours at the poker table ‘winning’ only to give it right back minutes, hours, days, later.
Cars
Before moving to Puerto Rico (see Despacito! TPOL Is Moving to Puerto Rico! Effective Inmediatamente), I was obsessed with cars. Fortunately, the roads here are so terrible that having anything nice is a bad investment.
Yachts
Do you know how much it costs to fill up a yacht? It’s expensive (see Porto Cervo, Sardinia: My Yacht Is Bigger). Fortunately, I don’t have enough money for the petrol, let alone the yacht.
Skyline
If you’re looking for a beautiful skyline facing the Mediterranean, Monaco is not the place to find it. It is old and antiquated.
Formula One
Do you watch Formula One? I do not. But, for those that do, Monte Carlo is the place to be.
TPOL’s Trivia: The first Monaco Grand Prix was held on April 14, 1929, and was not a Formula One race. The first Formula One race in Monaco was in 1969.
TPOL’s Truth: I have no idea what the difference between Grand Prix and Formula One is.
Overall
I spent a few hours in Monaco, enough to add it to my Country Count List (see Where I’ve Been). I didn’t spend any money in Monaco, counting myself lucky to avoid the upper-echelon pricing.
Dream Midtown: When I Was a Guest of Honor
Dream Midtown Hotel Review is part of TPOL in NYC.
Before I requalified for Globalist (see Hyatt Globalist: Now What?), I was a simple Explorist. To help a friend preserve his Globalist status and to enjoy the perks of Globalist life, I was bestowed the title of Guest of Honor at the Dream Midtown NYC (see Qualifying for Hyatt Globalist: Did You Know?).
Leaving the Feather Factory LIC, I wondered how I would be received as a Guest of Honor. Would it be more special than simply walking in as a Globalist? Would they say, “Welcome Mr. Bachuwa, today you are a Guest of Honor”?
Checking-In
I was disappointed that there were no trumpets and no mention of being honored.
Room
I was not disappointed with the room.
View
There’s no honor in this view:
Bathroom
“The royal penis is clean your highness.” There were no bathers, either. 
Location
The hotel is located in the worst part of NYC – Midtown. If you’re here for work like I was, then the location is convenient. If you’re here for fun, then get out of Midtown.
TPOL’s Tip: The address is 210 W 55th St, New York, NY 10019
Rooftop Bar
Knowing that Midtown is a tourist trap without many great bars, I purposefully chose this hotel because there is a rooftop bar.
TPOL’s TIP: Unless it’s spring/summer, a rooftop bar isn’t the place to be.
Champagne Happy Hour
In the lobby, there’s a complimentary champagne happy hour. I suggest having a few glasses before heading to those dreaded networking conferences.
Bonus
The hotel does have a fish tank.
Overall
Guest of Honor sounds like quite the title. While I was treated great, I was expecting more pomp and circumstance from such an esteemed title.
Nice to Monaco by Train: Next Time by Choppa*
Nice to Monaco by Train is part of the Still The Best Trip Report.
With an afternoon to spare before my flight to Corsica, I went to Monaco to check off another country (see Where I’ve Been) and to see if it was worth the hype. The Nice train station is only a few minutes walk from the Holiday Inn Express.
Arriving at the station, I found a massive queue of people trying to buy tickets to Monaco. I also found a train station with no a/c that was sweltering hot. The combination of the two made everyone ornery. It also did not help that one of the machines was out of service. Impatient, I tried to see if there were a way to buy a ticket online. It may be possible, but I couldn’t figure it out.
Standing in line, I pondered why I had not made enough money to go to Monaco the right way – via helicopter. Flying Blade, for 195 euros, I could be there in 7 minutes. Instead, I was stuck in a long line of sweaty tourists, reevaluating my life choices.
Rich or poor, I still advise taking the train. The views are great, the ride is only 31 minutes, and it costs $10 round-trip.
TPOL’s Trick*: Monaco isn’t worth going to more than once, effectively rendering the title of this post useless and necessitating the use of an asterisk (see Crapping Out in Monaco).