Puerto Rico Turkey Run: TPOL Wins, Then Trolls


Puerto Rico Turkey Run is part of the TPOL Moves to PR Trip Report.

This Thanksgiving, I had plenty to be thankful for. First, I would like to thank Puerto Rico for this tax shelter. Next, I would like to thank Michigan for beating Ohio State. Finally, I would like to thank my gazelle speed for delivering me an unexpected victory in yesterday’s Puerto Rico Turkey Run. Here’s how it went down:

I haven’t run a race since the disappointing Athens Marathon. After finishing in over 5 versus the sub 4 hours I ran in Alaska, I concluded that there were better ways to spend my time than running 26.2 miles (see Golf Course Reviews). Three years later, I was coaxed into running a ‘fun’ 5k for Thanksgiving. For some reason, people believe that associating a holiday with a run or adding Rock & Roll to the name of a race transforms running from a gruesome ordeal to an enjoyable event. I do not. I also was not looking forward to the 6AM start time.

In the spirit of holiday, I woke up bright and early, ready to ‘trot’. Prior to the race, there were people laughing and dancing. I must be the curmudgeon that everyone says I am, because I didn’t find any reason to smile this early in the morning. Normally, I would still be in bed tending to my wounds after going out for the biggest lamest bar night of the year. Instead, there I was, dressed in a fashionable orange turkey shirt, ready to reclaim my running swagger.

Yay let’s go run!
Why am I here?

The race began and I settled into a good pace. Mile one was very easy as was mile two. At mile three, I started fumbling with my music which threw off the pace a little. With the finish line quickly approaching, I decided that I was going to turn on the jets and go full speed. Sprinting as fast as I could, I was just about to cross when I noticed someone out of the corner of my eye trying to make a literal last second push. Damned before I gave this person the satisfaction, I vaulted myself across the line, hoping for victory via photo finish.

Official time 26:01, pace 8:23

Later in the day, the results were posted. Please see the times for #60 and #61.

Curious as to who #61 was, I decided to do some light internet investigation. When I found out he was on Twitter, I could not resist a lighthearted tweet. 

So far, no response.

Crass or clever? You tell me.




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