IC Bora Bora Thalasso: Cockroach, No A/C, Some Champagne, What The Duck!

The Intercontinental Bora Bora Thalasso Spa Hotel Review is part of the Tahiti Triumph Trip Report. It covers the following cities:

• NYC JFK
• Dubai, UAE
• Shanghai, China
• Papeete, Tahiti
• Bora Bora, Tahiti
• Moorea, Tahiti
• Auckland, New Zealand
• Hong Kong Island
• Tokyo, Japan
• Dallas, Texas

See the Picture Preview here and see how this $60,000 trip cost $1999 here. Be sure to check out TPOL’s Map, the best feature of the blog.

Disclaimer: This post contains an embarrassing amount of pictures of me posing topless (see Are You Guilty of Traveling Under the Social Influence?).

Beware of the cockroaches. How is that for a nice way to start a Hotel Review?

The Cockroach 

Before arriving at the IC Bora Bora, I was told that air conditioner was out and that I could either cancel or stay for half of the points (see No AC in Tahiti!). I had gone through so much trouble trying to book the hotel and had no intention of not going (see Constructing Tahiti: The IHG Rewards Bora Bora Trick).

Don’t be fooled into thinking that the winds of French Polynesia make an air conditioner unnecessary. The room was very hot. Also, don’t be fooled into thinking that cockroaches can’t find their way into overwater bungalows. They can. Indeed, one found its way into my room. But that’s not the gross part. Trying to sleep in the humid room, I vividly recall turning over onto my side and feeling a weird sensation in my eye. I woke up to see a cockroach on my pillow and proceeded to turn the room upside down trying to kill it. It was not the warm welcome I expected. After my battle with the roach, I scurried to the bathroom to flush my eye with water. I don’t know what that little bastard did to my eye but something felt off. Alas, I was fine and tried to go back to sleep in the muggy room, this time sleeping with one eye open (the other eye).

With that horrifying story out of the way, it’s time for the traditional hotel review.

Getting There 

Unlike the Maldives with its $500 seaplane, the IC Bora Bora is accessible by boat from the IC Le Moana Bora Bora dock.

Checking In 

Our room wasn’t ready when we arrived. That’s inexplicable given that the resort was empty, they knew we were coming, and there are scheduled ferries to the resort.

106 Pool Boy 

It took so long to check in, I decided to have a Coca-Cola. It cost a modest $6.

Hotel Itself

Still waiting on the room, I explored the hotel. I would not make use of the pool and wonder why these getaways have them in the first place.

‘Secret Garden’

Come on IC, stop trying so hard. If it were a secret garden of love, there wouldn’t be a sign in multiple languages.

Room

After walking around fake Disneyland, we were finally able to go to our room. It was nice but not spectacular.

The Deck 

Nothing beats the deck with the hot tub from the Conrad Maldives.

Bathroom 

As you might expect, there was a fancy bathroom with a strong shower and a romantic shower. Warning: TPOL topless in bathtub below.

Breakfast

Breakfast isn’t free at IC hotels. I went against my frugal intuition and paid for it (see TPOL Paid for Breakfast! And…). It wasn’t very good.

Dinner 

I was criticized for bringing beef jerky and other survivables with me to Tahiti. To be clear, I’m not against spending money, I am against bad values e.g., this terrible pizza at the hotel restaurant.

Clouds

So far, this review has been ho-hum. And the reason is the weather. Overcast skies kill paradise. I take it personally when the weather does not cooperate. At the same time, I don’t get too upset because these trips are not ‘once in a lifetime’ thanks to points. Contrast this with people who spend thousands of dollars and fly hours in coach only to find rain and gray skies. That is unfair. That is my idea of misery.

Annie

You already know the words of that horrible musical. However, when the sun does come out, everything is wonderful. Even the cockroaches were singing.

Aquarium 

By night or day, the real life aquarium provided hours of entertainment.

Inflatables 

I was hesitant about booking 7 nights in Tahiti (see Is 7 Nights in Tahiti Too Long?). I can only ‘relax’ for so long. Fortunately, posing with inflatable props passed the time.

• Palm Trees + Beer 

• Duck + Champagne 

• Pizza 

TPOL’s TIP: Never buy a pizza float. It’s impossible to board and impossible to consume.

• Duck, Duck
  Boarding the duck was not much easier.
  
• Duck & Champagne 

• Duck + Pizza + Palm Trees 

TPOL’s TIP: In case of emergency boredom, bring inflatable props.

• Topless/Propless 

On second thought, maybe it’s better to just take a few photos and focus on vacation.

TPOL’s TIP: Do not use burst mode to capture the right moment. It will take 5 years to write a blog post.

Overall

I give my photo shoot and photographer two thumbs up. I give the IC no rating and may God have mercy on its soul.