I am writing this post because today marks the start of hurricane season and need a canned response in anticipation of the messages I will receive. Since I moved to Puerto Rico in 2018, there have not been any major weather events (see Hurricane Beryl: Preparing for TPOL’s First Tropical Event). I used to track storms closely in nervous anticipation. In 2019 when I was living in Shanghai (see TPOL in Shanghai), one hurricane was literally headed right towards my house in Rio Mar before abruptly making a right turn. Since that storm, I stopped obsessing over whether a hurricane would hit or not, leaving my fate in the hands of a greater power – luck. To that end, I encourage everyone to do the same. Please do not message me when a hurricane is named. Do not message me asking if I’m feeling the effects of a storm that is making its way towards the Yucatan. Please consult a map. Finally, if a storm does hit, do not message me saying how Puerto Rico can’t catch a break. Those condescending condolences do not help (see “Puerto Rico Rocked by Earthquake”: Enough Dramatic Headlines). For those who are genuinely concerned about my well-being, fear not. I’m stocked up on paper towels and have enough rum to get through November, the end of hurricane season. Bet you didn’t know that hurricane season is half of the year.