TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works – A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided, and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.
The Tel Aviv Travel Guide is part of the #NoCollusion, No Albania for TPOL where I break my 100 country count mark. See the World Map for where I’ve been.
Welcome to Tel Aviv, or perhaps I should say Welcome to Tel Aviv unless your parents are of Middle East descent (see Detained in Tel Aviv: A Most Unwelcome Welcome). Despite my lousy arrival and the torment of my departure (see “You Leave Only with Passport!” Detained in Tel Aviv Again), I still recommend going to Tel Aviv and will not let the actions of the misguided, antiquated, short-sighted, downright stupid, silly immigration agents ruin what was otherwise a great time. So let’s begin:
Do
Party
I came to Tel Aviv to party and did so. I covered this in great detail through the following posts:
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Need a Drink in Tel Aviv? Head to Dizengoff Street
I made my way to the famous Dizengoff Street hoping that there would be some people out on a Thursday. To my delight, the street was packed with happy party goers, and there was no shortage of bars. - Radio Nightclub Tel Aviv: Worth Getting Detained
Besides Radio, I have an all inclusive post for where to go out in Tel Aviv and where to go for breakfast since alcohol cannot be your only intake of calories.
Eat
Who would’ve thought that there was an abundance of Arabic food in Tel Aviv? I didn’t know until I went to Jaffa.
- The Old Man And the Sea: An Arabic Feast in Tel Aviv
The damage for my order (besides to my arteries) was $43 of which $16 was for the bad wine.
See
Try to catch Tel Aviv by day, something that is hard to do if you are out all night. I managed to do that twice.
- Jaffa, Tel Aviv: Something for Everyone
Visit the fabled town of Jaffa, the port city from which Jonah departed before being swallowed by a giant mammal. The flea market is a major attraction as are the beach and small cafes. - Banana Beach Tel Aviv: Come for the Drinks, Stay for the Watermelon
I spent a day at Banana Beach. It’s a tourist day retreat that serves overpriced hummus, good espresso, and reasonably priced white wine.
Skip
Expecations of the Beach
Tel Aviv is not South Beach. You won’t find Nikki Beach here. You will find families enjoying a typical day at the ocean. No thanks.
Overpaying for Hotels
I used a stay certificate at the InterContinental David Tel Aviv. I would never pay $500 a night for this hotel, even with the great view from my room. I also stayed at the Hotel Indigo, a hotel more situated for business travelers given its location. Frequent travelers to Tel Aviv recommend Airbnb.
- Hotel Indigo Tel Aviv: Just for Business
Welcome to the Hotel Indigo Tel Aviv, a cautionary tale that booking the best points value doesn’t necessarily mean you’re booking the right hotel.
Next Time
Obvously, staying in a place for a few nights, the guiding principle of TPOL’s Travel Philosophy makes seeing everything impossible. In my Guns & Butter Travel Guides, I also say what I wish I could have done if I had more time. Missing out on a restaurant, a sight, a beach, or a bar motivates me to do even more on my next stop. Why? Because I never know if or when I will return. In the case of Tel Aviv, I have no plans of going back because being detained isn’t worth the hassle. I don’t resent the immigration officers, and I don’t see the point of continuing to complain more than I have about how silly it is to profile people. The reason I won’t return is because I don’t have the patience to sit at the airport for hours upon arrival while most go right through and get to enjoy their vacation. I also don’t want to deal with the risk of departing without my stuff. This could impact the next leg of my trip because some paranoid security agent finds it suspicious that I travel with an electric toothbrush, a Jambox, and an Arabic last name. For these reasons, I’m not going to bother to list places I would have liked to have seen because I’m never going to go see them. If you haven’t gone to Tel Aviv, I recommend it. If you have gone and you were stopped for any reason, you can decide if it’s worth the nonsense.
TPOL’s TIPS:
- Download the Gett Taxi App to get around (see Gett Taxi: How to ‘Get’ Around Tel Aviv and see You’re From New York? I Won’t Charge You for the Taxi).
- Print your boarding pass if you’re flying Wizz Air out of Tel Aviv or pay 35 euros at the airport (see Wizz Air Terminal 1 Tel Aviv: Scammed at The Bus Station).
