Animal style? Protein Style? Not quite, but I did have a mouth watering double cheeseburger on the way home after a couple more Chinggis Darks. The price was right, the toppings a little quirky, and the service with a smile, the same as In-N-Out Tempe (a popular destination for my fares when I worked as a taxi driver).
As usual when it comes to food, I let the pics do the talking and my mouth the drooling.
So here it is: In-N-Out Burger UB Style: All rights reserved:
world class ketchupthe sous chefthe executive chefi recommend UB stylethe uniformso close!benny benassi!
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Status, status, status! That’s the name of the points game. Dropping status is almost as bad as losing a relative. That love, support, and ass kissing are gone, leaving you feeling alone- a stranger in your own hotel.
I hold onto my Hilton Gold status by paying the annual fee on my Citi Reserve Hilton card, find some value as a Platinum by paying for a Chase Hyatt card (though it does not compare to being Diamond), and will sacrifice my new born to stay Platinum with SPG (sorry Dequindre but I love suite upgrades).
Today I received an email from Le Club Accorhotels saying that my Platty plat platinum status has been downgraded. Accor does have a lot of nice properties worldwide but I have only stayed at a couple of them. Last year, I found a loophole to reach platinum and got a few amenities when I was at the Novotel in Wellington, New Zealand! Windy Wellington!
Still I really think their marketing team could have done a better job in delivering the bad news:
As a marketing ploy I decided to drive a taxi in Scottsdale and surrounding areas in an effort to spread the word that my book, Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine, was going on sale. As I had written, the bank account was struggling and the book release was delayed. After my taxi revelation post came out, I received a few comments and questions from friends and family which can be summarized in one interrogatory, “Are you crazy?”
That is debatable but the experience of driving a taxi for two months certainly was insane. While book promotion will always sneak its way into this series of posts, the tales of being a cabbie can stand on their own.
The Application
I applied online and was given an interview where I was asked, “Why do you want to be a taxi driver?” The answer wasn’t, “because I want to sell a million books.” Instead, I said, and this is true, “I’ve always wanted to be a taxi driver.” I always thought it would be fun to drive a cab and thought it would be a great study of anthropology. Furthermore, who wouldn’t want to be behind the wheel and cart off drunk idiots throughout the Valley. With a pristine driving record, immaculate criminal record, and a clean drug test, I was ready to begin training.
I arrived bright and early to Taxicab Academy and took my seat in front of a functional taxi meter and dispatch machine. Taxi meters have always intrigued me. Can taxi drivers manipulate how fast the meter runs? Can a taxi driver turn off the meter? Does the passenger really have to pay the amount on the taxi meter if the taxi gets lost because he would owe this amount to the cab company? How much do taxi drivers get paid? Do I have to tip?
Before any of these questions could be answered, we had to learn how to turn the meter on and off and how to accept a call from dispatch. Managing the dispatch machine while looking for flags (taxi lingo for fares that come off the street) took skill.
After a day in the classroom, I was ready for my Training Day.
The leaders and best play here at the Big House on Football Saturdays. This past Saturday that tradition continued as Real Madrid played Manchester United in what turned out to be the largest attendance for a futbol game in history. Officially the attendance was 109,318 smashing the previous record of 101,799 with notably myself not in attendance. Interestingly enough, the largest crowd for a sports game was last year’s victory over Notre Dame with 115,109 in attendance.
Even Cristiano Ronaldo made a surprise appearance in the second half to the delight of the onlookers. Although Real Madrid lost 3-1, I think it’s fair to say that both sides enjoyed the Big House experience.
As an alumni of the University of Michigan and avid sports fan, I have to say that this was a momentous occasion for the school and for sports lovers alike. Nice work David Brandon!
Go Blue!
My first impression of Mongolia is, “Whoa, I’m actually living in Mongolia.” The second thought was, “I wish I knew how to read Mongolian Cyrillic.” Compared to Mongolia, my days in China were a breeze. Not only are street signs in both English and Mandarin, the Chinese characters are highly distinguishable from Cyrillic script. Even when I couldn’t speak or read any Mandarin, I would at least would be able to comprehend that the ‘tree house’ character next to the roman numeral ‘I’ meant that I was headed in the right direction.
Here, I still do not know if the official name of the city is Ulan Bator or Ulaanbaatar and apparently neither does Google. At the same time, when I flew into Chinggis Khaan International Airport, I was perplexed as to why it wasn’t Gengis Khan International Airport. This confusion was further exacerbated at the Irish Pub where they served Chinggis beer and Grandkhaan beer. In full disclosure, I am the same idiot who didn’t know that Wien and Vienna were the same city- “Why do so many of the trains pass through this city Wien in Austria?”
Beyond being a typical uninformed tourist, I really am enjoying UB (the local lingo for the name of the city) and am finding my way around quite quickly. Here are a few pics from walking around on my second day:
I’ve decided to take my talents to Ulan Bator.
In my rendition of Lebron’s ‘I’m Coming Home’, I momentarily contemplated moving back to Flint but I didn’t receive a lucrative contract like he did, so I had no choice but to look elsewhere. Today I was warmly greeted by locals in Mongolia as I had my first book signing at the State Department Store. 100 copies of my book Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine were handed out and I was blown away by the press coverage and the number of people.
Here’s a great shot captured by my publicist as the crowds came pouring in.
Go Blue!
I have arrived in Mongolia and the exploration of my new life has already begun. The first lesson, my international data roaming package that allowed me to run around the world and blog with no charges does not work in Mongolia. ATNT was the first to welcome me to Mongolia with the text, “rate is up to $19.97/MB”. That’s equivalent to one Facebook status alert.
That’s all for now because I need to go buy some pillows. Those were not comfortable rocks that I slept on last night.
Oh and one more curious observation. Yesterday was August 1st and the bartender said they don’t serve alcohol on the 1st of the month, no drinking ChinggisBeer, but they did serve mixed drinks because they could hide the alcohol. Go figure.
Anyhow, off to my book signing, hope to you see you all there!
There was a cry baby on baord and it wasn’t me complaining about the medicore champagne on Turkish Airlines flight from Istanbul to Seoul. I was seated in a great business class seat ready to pass out after too many days of traveling, not enough sleep, and probably too much to drink.
The business class cabin was empty except for a couple of travelers and a family of four that included a baby. I really wonder how much money people must have to spend on their infant children to travel business.Anyhow, shortly after a great dinner, the crying started and didn’t stop. Compounding the problem was the mom’s tactic of yelling shishhhhhhhh in response to the kid’s sobbing.
This went on for hours and even putting on noise cancelling headphones did not help that much. I eventually fell asleep and dreamt that I was yelling at the parents for being so stupid to fly their kids on business. Had I paid for my ticket as a real businessman I would’ve been extra pissed that my 10 hour flight that was supposed to be relaxing was interrupted by bratty children and unresponsive parents.
When I fly coach, I appreciate the orchestra of the babies crying, the compact seat that tests my contortionist skills, and the extra pack of peanuts that constitue dinner. That’s just a part of flying. But really I don’t think I’m out of line to expect peace even if I didn’t pay for the ticket when I’m sitting in what I think should be ‘adults only section.”
My frustration is not with the baby. Babies cry, that’s what they do but seriously ‘shish’ is the best you could do mommy?
back up in that ass with the resurrection
There comes a time in man’s life when he has to realize his limitations, no matter how unsettling it is. For me, that time came when I submitted my book, Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine, for publication to some of the top dogs in the publishing business. Surely, someone with a unique message and academic pedigree could get a publishing deal. After all, lousy books are printed every day.
I figured that I had a 50 percent chance of success but this was not the case. Alas, everything is not black and gray.
“Nobody knows who you are,” they all said. “You don’t have a blog or twitter account,” they emphasized. They were right about that. Reluctantly, I swallowed my pride and began my online marketing campaign.
“Like my page on Facebook! Or I’m defriending you!” was the best strategy I came up with. Dozens of defriends later, that was a bust.
“But I retweeted you @KingJames, why don’t you retweet that I’m writing a book #comeonman #goblue #maybeiexceededthecharactercount,” I tweeted.
Nobody followed.
Maybe Tumblr is the way to go. No, that’s too old, how about Instagram. “Add more filters, then people will follow you,” my cousin advised. Why do I need filters for a picture of the ocean?!
Instagram also a flop.
Simultaneously, I started this blog and besides hitting refresh a dozen times a day, my views have gone up…a lot. For that I am thankful and relieved.
However, even with all the social media coverage, I knew the real way to get the word out was to pound the pavement and do so anonymously.
And that’s exactly what I did.
As a starving artist trying to make it…Scratch that. As an overeducated scholar trying not to default on my loan obligations, I could not wait for my book to get published, go viral, and keep the creditors off of my back.
I was way behind schedule in completing the book and the bill collectors were growing uneasy. Returning to the office to make ends meet while finishing my writing would have been hypocrisy at its best. How could I promote a lifestyle free of the cubicle while simultaneously staying dependent on it for nourishment?
And that’s when I came up with the granddaddy of them all, a marketing plan that will go down in history as one of the funniest, most inspiring, informative, and somewhat dangerous things I have ever conjured up.
Target demographic: recent college grads who hate their jobs.
Best way to get the word out: speaking to them in person.
The forum: the taxicab and yours truly the taxicab driver.
Here is a basic transcript of a taxi ride:
Passenger: I would like to go to Mint Club in Old Town Scottsdale.
Me: Not a problem.
Turns meter on.
Me: So what do you do?
Passenger: Oh I work at [insert cubicle farm]. I hate it. That’s why I’m going to get wasted tonight.
Me: I hear you. I was a lawyer and couldn’t deal with the daily grind. I’d much rather drive a cab!
Passenger: Wait what?! You’re a lawyer? My friend got a DUI…Wait why are you driving a taxi?
Me: Actually I wrote a comedic self-help book for young disillusioned educated adults who hate the cubicle but don’t know a way out. My publisher said I didn’t have enough likes on Facebook so I came up with this marketing campaign.
Passenger: That’s f@!&ing awesome. I’ll buy a book for sure!
Me: Here’s my card with the website. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and whatever Google+ is. And on the back is my number if you need a ride. I work Wednesday through Saturday 4PM to 4AM.
That’ll be $8.50.
Credit card machine processing.
Care to leave a tip?
And that’s just the start of the promo and my life as Alexander Bachuwa JD/MBA/Cabbie began.
Even Cristiano Ronaldo made a surprise appearance in the second half to the delight of the onlookers. Although Real Madrid lost 3-1, I think it’s fair to say that both sides enjoyed the Big House experience.
As an alumni of the University of Michigan and avid sports fan, I have to say that this was a momentous occasion for the school and for sports lovers alike. Nice work David Brandon!
Go Blue!
2. I’VE BEEN EVERYWHERE AND IT SUCKS!
3. HIT THE ROAD JACK…THAT MEANS GET OUT!
4. IS HAWAII A COUNTRY?
6. XIAO LONG BAO: A TUTORIAL
7. FREE WITHOUT THE ‘R’ SPELLS FEE
Beyond being a typical uninformed tourist, I really am enjoying UB (the local lingo for the name of the city) and am finding my way around quite quickly. Here are a few pics from walking around on my second day:
I have arrived in Mongolia and the exploration of my new life has already begun. The first lesson, my international data roaming package that allowed me to run around the world and blog with no charges does not work in Mongolia. ATNT was the first to welcome me to Mongolia with the text, “rate is up to $19.97/MB”. That’s equivalent to one Facebook status alert.
That’s all for now because I need to go buy some pillows. Those were not comfortable rocks that I slept on last night.
Oh and one more curious observation. Yesterday was August 1st and the bartender said they don’t serve alcohol on the 1st of the month, no drinking ChinggisBeer, but they did serve mixed drinks because they could hide the alcohol. Go figure.
Anyhow, off to my book signing, hope to you see you all there!
