Chippendales Male Revue in the background confirms photo authenticity taken at Rio Las Vegas
(25) Rio vs (8) Skylofts at MGM Grand
I stayed at the Rio for next to nothing, once again using the Priceline Trick though maybe I was fooled myself as the price and star rating may have been right but the location ‘Las Vegas Strip’ was not. The Rio is located across the bridge in its own corner of Las Vegas. This makes it especially inconvenient since my friends and the rest of the tourists are not right outside my door.
The hotel’s carnaval theme is supposed to conjure up feelings of being in Rio De Janeiro but that’s quite a stretch. While I have heard great things about the Penn & Teller show and maybe some of you would be interested in the Chippendales Male Revue, I never had the pleasure of attending either.
Instead, I split my time between my suite (nothing more than a big room with a gigantic CRT TV, a nostalgic throwback to life before high definition) and the best bar in all of Las Vegas, the Burger King Whopper Bar.
For two nights I was treated like royalty and would order my usual double whopper, no tomatoes, extra ketchup and a Diet Coke. Then I’d make my way through the empty casino all the way to my room in the exact opposite location of the BK. The Rio must know that their Whopper Bar is the star attraction of their hotel and purposefully place it on the other side of the casino forcing those with empty bellies and no restraint to play a few hands before entering the kingdom of the flame grill.
Since Vegas has some of the best restaurants in all of the world, I’m sure I will take heat (pun intended) for my choice to dine with King. However, sometimes you want to eat what you know and love without being charged a fortune for it.
Although Whoppers and onion rings are easy on the budget, they don’t go hand in hand with my favorite Vegas pastime- the pool parties. So unless you’re going to Vegas in the middle of winter or don’t have a Whopper Bar in your neck of the woods, I wouldn’t roll the dice on a 3-Star Priceline hotel lest you want to end up binging on BK out of boredom.
With that I have to say, “Adeus Rio!, see you in Brazil.”
One day I will tell you about my visit to the Tsukijii Fish Market to eat the world’s freshest sushi. One day I will tell you about visiting the Tokyo Imperial Palace, an opportunity available only twice a year, for the New Year’s Greeting. But today, I will tell you about my visit to the Icebar Tokyo in December of 2006, an experience everyone should partake in whether it be in Jukkasjärvi, Sweden or Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt.
After a week in Tokyo where my friends and I had seen and done just about everything including preparing for a festive New Year’s celebration, I needed to plan something special that would rally the troops who were beginning to show signs of libation fatigue. Unbeknownst to them, I made a reservation for the Icebar and proceeded to convince them that tonight, we would take it easy.
Unable to communicate the address to the taxi driver, we were running late for our appointment and I grew increasingly anxious. My friends began to question what I was up to, an accusation I deflected by pointing out the window and exclaiming, “Oh wow, look at that!”
After more argument with the taxi driver, we arrived at our igloo. Actually, from the outside you wouldn’t even know it was a bar let alone a frozen one. Once inside, the secret was revealed and everyone’s spirits were lifted.
We were each given space suit coats to protect against the Arctic frost and instructions that we could only survive inside for a period of 45 minutes. Indeed, the bartenders themselves were rotated on quick shifts to prevent a worker’s compensation claim of frostbite.
Safety instructions noted, hazmat suits zipped, we made it inside and ordered a round of drinks.
We ended up with a pun of stories:
How cool!Olafthe guys chillinCan I buy you a drink?vodka on the rocksDo you want to build a snowman?So, do you come here a lot?Stone cold killerA memory frozen in time
So how much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice; how are you my name is Alex…
What makes March Madness special are unexpected upsets whether it be (6) Michigan State vs (11) George Mason in 2006 or (6) Ohio State vs (11) Dayton in 2014.
The same can be said of the Winner’s Bracket of Where to Stay in Vegas. What fun would it be if the favored seed moved ahead every round leaving a predictable Final Four. There would be no incentive to keep up with the tourney nor would there be any controversy. That is why in the battle of the Riviera and THEhotel, the Riviera squeaks by with the upset!
How can this be? Isn’t the Riviera more of a motel than its superstar luxury counterpart THEhotel? Although the answer is yes, the reason THEhotel comes up short is two-fold:
1. My first time in Vegas I stayed at the Riviera and nothing can duplicate the fun that was had on a limited budget.
2. THEhotel is no longer Ahotel. It has been rebranded as the Delano, an offspring of the beautiful Delano Hotel in South Beach.
The Delano Las Vegas faces some stiff competition as the new hotel on the block Strip while the Riviera has been around since 1955 making it one of the oldest hotels to survive the booms and busts of the City of Lights. But, in keeping in with the rules of the Vegas Knockout, this post is a review of the hotel being eliminated. The Riviera will have to wait its turn, unless it manages to pull a Butler upset by advancing to the Final Four.
I have yet to stay at the Delano but preliminary pictures released online have not wowed me into accepting that this chic hotel is superior to its predecessor. Indeed, I am a little off put by the huge boulders that now reside in the lobby.
But, let’s not dwell on the present. Instead, I would like to pay tribute to the past by writing a review on one of my favorite hotels in Vegas, hoping that its legacy lives on despite the new ugly font prominently displayed on the golden tower.
Is that Courier New or Comic Sans?
Walking past the chorus of ringing slot machines and after a cloud of blinding smoke, you arrive at the silent, dignified entrance of THEhotel. From this perspective, THEhotel was one of the best because there is no gaming on the premises, a criteria that is not a critical component of my evaluation for a Vegas hotel.
Vegas quickly takes its toll on the mind, body, and soul which can only be tolerated by teleporting to a suite of peace and calm. THEtoilet paper, THEpillow, THEshampoo, was a unique marketing tactic to describe everything in THEroom. The king size bed was so comfy I didn’t bother to leave the room on a Saturday night, apart from going to the lobby to pick up my pizza. Staying in is a mortal sin in Sin City but I did not care because I was far removed from the flashing lights that bait tourists to spend money.
Of course, had I wanted to go out, THEhotel is connected to Mandalay Bay which has replaced Rum Jungle (my first club in Vegas) with Light, for those of you who like pulsating loud noise, somehow regarded to be music. THEhotel also had a rooftop bar which is a nice place to start an evening. But, my father and I both were disappointed by the critically acclaimed Michael Jackson One.
As far as cost, using the Priceline Trick I managed to lock in a reasonable rate of $100 a night. And perhaps this belongs in the Mandalay Knockout review but be sure to get the incomparable lobster roll at Citizens Kitchen & Bar.
All in all, THEhotel will always have a place in my heart because it was all that is Vegas and all that is not.
With that I would like to say so long MYhotel, I hope you are left in capable, caring hands.
In March of 2006, three bachelors set out for spring break to Las Vegas. Since we were in law school and since it was the opening weekend of March Madness, finding an affordable room in a good location in Vegas was challenging. At the time, I did not know of the Priceline Trick so I had to settle for whatever was available.
What was available was the new Hooters Casino Hotel that had opened in February 2006. This hotel catered to young men in Vegas looking for a prototypical guy’s night out. I should disclaim that I’m not the biggest fan of Hooters brand in general. Their wings are not the greatest (probably because they use the wrong hot sauce), their theme is male chauvinistic, and the atmosphere is as stale as their fries.
Nevertheless, the location of the hotel was central (right across the street from the MGM Grand) so for the price, I couldn’t complain too much. Or could I?
When we arrived at the hotel, we were shocked that this was supposed to be a newly renovated hotel. The livery of the former hotel had yet to be replaced and everything looked dated.
The rooms were also terrible. They had some Florida tropical theme with everything in the room decorated in bright blue- delightfully tacky yet unrefined. The two fundamental requirements for any room are 1) a good bed and 2) a good shower. I don’t recall the shower but I do remember the two full size beds that were supposed to accommodate four grown men. That wasn’t happening so I slept on the floor.
But you don’t go to Vegas for the room anyway so enough about that. What about the ambiance of the hotel?
The Hooters brand is supposed to be synonymous with partying and sports. The Hooters Casino Hotel contradicts this theme. First, and most amusingly, the ‘Sportsbook’ was nothing more than a chalkboard. The spreads were filled in manually everyday in white chalk by someone with great penmanship. And here is a description of the atmosphere of the hotel: Envision the degenerates that go to the Hooters restaurant for the wings, add in drunk spring breakers, more creepy old men, and idiots subscribing to the mantra “what happens in Vegas,” and you have all the makings for a terrible time.
Sorry Hooters, I don’t like your wings and I don’t like your hotel.
It’s with a sense of deflation that I begin the Winner’s Bracket of Where to Stay in Vegas because so many of these choices appear to be losers. But as my gamblaholic friend says, “There’s always a winner on the board!” Hopefully you are not staying at the following hotels that were lucky enough to make the bracket but not worthy enough for a detailed review.
Recall, only the hotel that is knocked out will receive a review, saving my pen and paper for the more worthy candidates for another day.
(28) Stratosphere vs (5) Mirage: The Priceline Trick:
A popular trick for landing a great hotel in Vegas is to utilize Priceline’s “Name your price” tool by booking your hotel the day of your reservation. Priceline is a double edged sword leaving you either ecstatic from the value, e.g., “I’m staying at the Bellagio for $100!” or frustrated, “Really, this is a 3.5 Star?”
So how do you get the room you want without conforming to Priceline’s rule that you have to either raise your price or lower your star requirement? The trick is very simple.
First, start off by deciding where you want to stay. For this example, I have chosen the South Vegas Strip. So I check the appropriate box.
The next menu asks you to pick your star level.
Note that 1-Star through 5-Star are available. Click 5-Star then select your price of say $150, a steal for a hotel of that caliber.
Follow the prompts and hit reserve. You will most likely receive a message that your reservation was not processed giving you the option to either increase your bid amount, change your star level, or change where you want to stay.
Warning! Do not automatically say, “Maybe $250 is reasonable,” and up your bid dramatically. Nor should you react by saying, “I can deal with a 4.5-Star for the same price.”
So what do you do? The trick is to change where you want to stay.
“But all my friends are staying in the South Strip, I don’t want to stay in the North even if they have hotels in my price and star range.”
Don’t worry, you don’t have to do so. All you have to do is add another place you want to stay that doesn’t have the 5-Star rating and name your price again, this time slightly higher.
Look how many areas in Las Vegas do not have 5-Star hotels! That expands your search infinitely.
You keep adding a new place you want to stay one at a time that doesn’t feature a 5-Star hotel and incrementally raise your price threshold. If you do run out of “where you want to stay” boxes before you find the price you want, then it is time to drop your star rating requirements and play again.
In the end, you will get the lowest asking price of a hotel at the star level you desire. This wasn’t the case when I was ended up in a so-called 3.5-Star Upscale Plus room at the Stratosphere because I did not know of this trick. Not only did I skip the reservation for that hotel I’m also skipping writing a formal review.
Sorry, Stratosphere you’ve been knocked out.
Moving along with the Vegas pretenders is the unheralded match up of (23) Treasure island vs (10) Venetian.
Predictably, it’s no contest that Treasure Island falls flat and its face without the need of the Venetian to step into the ring.
I stayed at Treasure Island during the SEMA Show (Specialty Equipment Market Association) that’s basically a Fast and the Furious car lover’s dream show.
Louis Vuitton!
Besides being located in the middle of the strip, the hotel has nothing great to offer based on the factors I established for advancing in this tourney.
1. The Location: Great
2. The Fun: Where?
3. The Sportsbook: I didn’t hang around long enough to find it.
3. The Luxury: Nonexistent
4. The Value: Free is the only way you should stay here.
5. The Food: At least it’s near the Fashion Show Mall and Subway.
It’s a dark, dreary hotel with the treasure being the clearly marked exit doors.
Sorry Treasure Island (with sorry being used as an adjective) has been knocked out.
On we go with the first round which thus far has not had that much suspense/positivity.
The final two match ups are (9) Bellagio vs (24) Flamingo and (22) Planet Hollywood vs (11) Mandalay Bay
(9) Bellagio vs (24) Flamingo
Staying true to their terrible seeding, both Flamingo and Planet Hollywood fail to pack a punch.
What can I say about the Flamingo? It’s got a great location in the center of the strip and for a period of time had a huge spread of Toni Braxton on the outside. However, in terms of amenities, the Flamingo like Braxton could benefit from bankruptcy.
(22) Planet Hollywood vs (11) Mandalay Bay
Using the Priceline trick, I stayed at Planet Hollywood on a weekend for $50. The room was nice enough, the hotel is modern, and the Miracle Mile Shops are at your doorstep. However, the nightlife is weak, the pool was not happening, and their weekend rate during peak season of $350+ is obscene.
To the two final pretenders that took my money but gave no honey, I say, “Sorry…”
Hopefully my luck of great places to stay will surely change tomorrow and the negativity of being bamboozled by Priceline and bad hotels will subside.
Vegas baby! Vegas! It’s time to kickoff the NFL season the right way- by losing all your money on a four team parlay!
NCAAF but parlay excitement!
If that parlay does hit, then you’ll need to abandon your accommodations at the Super 8 and make your way down to the famous Las Vegas Strip. Once there, you may be overwhelmed by the pretty lights, the towering hotels, and the weird people flicking cards promising a 30 minutes or less room service guarantee.
To make it easy for my Vegas virgins and frequent Vegas travelers alike, I am writing a comprehensive hotel review of all the places I have stayed in Vegas. In keeping with the theme of March Madness, I have setup a bracket of 28 hotels, each going head to head, round by round, one match up a day until the winner is declared.
The consolation prize of being knocked out is a candid review about the hotel that will either encourage or discourage you the reader from frequenting that establishment.
The following is the criteria for seeding and advancement. Your tastes and preferences may be different.
1. The Location
2. The Fun
3. The Sportsbook
4. The Luxury
5. The Value
6. The Food
Why isn’t gambling on the list!? Apart from betting on sports, I hardly gamble when I’m in Vegas. But, rest assured, you can lose your money just as easily in most of the hotels that are reviewed.
Without further ado, here is the seeding for the Winner’s Bracket of Where to Stay in Las Vegas.
Don’t forget to checkout the Flight Reviews section where I wrote about the best way to get to sunny Las Vegas!
The press in Istanbul Is Turkish for when you visit Constantinople you don’t drink espresso. Turkish coffee is alarmingly strong, straight to the point, and captures your attention.
The same can be said about the Turkish people whose abrupt attitude can be misinterpreted as rude and their lackadaisical service can be misinterpreted as indifferent.
The country is currently in a tug of war between traditional ideals and modern ideology. Protests in Taksim Square have led to riots and killing resulting in increased censorship. The government once thought to be progressive has, at times, blocked Twitter and silenced anti government protests with force. Ironically, the initial conflict was over the government’s desire to turn Taksim Park into a modern development. In this debate, it was the young who are keen on social reform protesting the superficial change by the establishment.
When drinking Turkish coffee, it is custom to turn the cup over in order to read one’s fortune. The same can be said about Turkey itself. The germination of democracy has metaphorically upended the status quo, but only a clairvoyant knows what the future holds.
Like a hotly contested election, I sit and wait for the votes reviews to come in for my book Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong. Hanging chads aside, none of the electoral districts have enough reviews to make a projection if the book is quality or crap.
Indeed, like Frank Underwood, I have tried to use my positions as Majority Pain in the Ass to whip people into purchasing the book and writing their candid reviews. My marketing team tells me that reviews, along with my daily blogging should be enough to claim a seat on the NYT Best Seller’s List. I remain impatient but not skeptical of my adviser’s input.
Today, the grand total of reviews reached 3! While the first two reviews rated me 5/5, this one, dropped my average due to its 4/5 rating. Since we live in a democracy where freedom of speech is held sacred, I have no choice but to accept any review, whether it be good or bad.
But when I found out this was written by my Canadien cousin George, of all people, I questioned if his voice fell under the protection of the US Constitution.
Through back-channel diplomacy via the Embassy of Switzerland, I rang Canada this morning to see if perhaps, Raymond Tusk had influenced George’s opinion. All my lobbying and offers of bribery fell on deaf ears. Alas, George who is mentioned in the book repeatedly (in some of the funniest parts I might add) remained resolute with what he had written.
“It was really good. I enjoyed it,” he said. Then why the 4/5 I questioned without a satisfactory answer given.
Regardless of the number of stars, the review itself, was overwhelmingly positive and the downgrade from a perfect 5 provides credibility that this book is worth reading. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what George had to say:
Alex’s book was both entertaining and insightful. Showing the reader the ins and outs of his travels and hijinks across the globe makes for an indepth, enjoyable, journey. From the very first page, we are introduced into the mind of Alex, how he rationalizes, and eventually, how he explains all of his wild adventures. The dizzying heights of luxury and torrential downfalls that Alex went through all make this honest autobiography a very worthwhile read. 4/5.
Lame 4/5 Stars
Despite imperfect marks, I remain steadfast that only a poor reviewer turnout will stop my message from going viral, a message that undeniably resonates with all those who hate his/her job:
Reject the teachings of cubicle-ism. Live life today.
“I’m sure the sequel will be a 5/5,” George added.
Picture a place where N.O.-Xplode costs $100, where rusted weights take you back to that makeshift gym in your parents’ basement, and a place where the winters get so cold that your lungs freeze should you dare leave the house to cross the street.
Right now the weather in UB is warm, the skies are blue, and my imported cache of N.O.Xplode is still fresh. I’ve been in Mongolia for a month now and have solved the following:
For $140/month you get a gym the size of a closet with dumbbells that only go up to 50lbs, a Smith machine bench press, and a trainer that creepily follows you around.
Hard pass.
Option 2: Fitness Anywhere via TRX. This option lets me avoid the winter by working out in the comfort of my own home with the ropes hanging on my vault door.
TRX is great for vacation and nothing is more challenging than a timed set of atomic push-ups but it isn’t a sustainable replacement for a real gym.
Option 3: LA Fitness AKA California Gym
Yao Ming who has no affiliation with California since he played for the Houston Rockets cleverly opened a group of gyms in China called California Gym. His celebrity and the word ‘California’ made this one of the most popular gyms.
There is a California Gym in Mongolia but I never inquired as to membership cost or extent of the facilities because it is located more than half a block away from my apartment. (See weather report dated November-March every year Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia.)
The availability of 100lb dumbbells aren’t so appealing when it’s minus 40 outside.
Option 4: The 24 Hour Hotel Gym
Right next to my apartment is a hotel gym with 24 hour access. It has a universal machine and old school do it yourself dumbbells with weights scattered all over the floor. The gym was empty when I visited most likely because it cost $100 a month.
Convenience isn’t worth getting ripped off.
Option 5: The Soviet Era Gym
If we walk Jamaican, talk Jamaican, and *is* Jamaican, then we sure as hell better bobsled Jamaican.
My building is Soviet, my apartment is Soviet, so why not lift Soviet? The locals warned me that I should elect options 1-4 because of the poor quality of these types of gyms. For one month, I did stay away till I could no longer take the mush that was once my muscle.
I bravely snorted a line of N.O. and went to the basement of Soviet Land. Beyond the rusted weights, the pictures of Arnold Schwarzenegger and naked women pinned to the wall, was a bench press that seemed operational, a wide grip pull up bar, a squat rack (in the event I ever do legs), and plenty of space to do push ups- all the essentials for regimented workout.
The price was a reasonable $44 a month which I negotiated down to $33 by bringing exactly 60,000MNT and pleading ignorance when he asked for the extra 20,000.
Add in what appeared to be the rest of the powerlifting team of Mongolia waiting for me to get buried on the bench and I had found the last component of making all kinds of gains while overseas- motivation.
Along with my superficial travel insights about seeing the world on points, I do, from time to time, like to interject a post about the pulse of my surroundings.
It has been a hectic past few weeks here in Ulaanbaatar. First, the President of China, Xi Jinping came for a visit to sign bilateral trade and development agreements with Mongolia. Tomorrow, none other than Vladimir Putin himself is making his way to the capital of Mongolia.
Russian influence in Mongolia dates back to 1921 with the defeat of the Chinese. Communism gave way to democracy with the collapse of the Soviet Union and Mongolia has made strides in adopting a free market economy ever since.
The back to back visits from Mongolia’s neighboring leaders comes at a time when the Mongolian economy is struggling to find its way after a series of missteps that crippled the economic boom of only a few years ago.
With the chaos of the Ukraine, the imposition of sanctions by the EU on Russia, and the close relationship that Mongolia shares with the United States, it will be interesting to see what sort of energy and political deals are struck between the two countries.
The vulnerabilities exposed due to the economic downturn make this country susceptible to the helping hands of their neighbors that may not have the long term interests of Mongolia in mind.
Danger invites rescue but at what cost?
Guess we will find out a little bit more about that tomorrow.
