This was the worst ‘business’ class routing of my life. The origin was San Juan, the destination was Buenos Aires for my next residency (see Buenos Aires Residency Begins!).
Note the new Great Circle Map graphics.
I left Rio Mar at 3AM and prepared myself for this:
I documented the arduous journey:
More than 36 hours later, I arrived at my Buenos Aires apartment (see Palermo Hollywood Apt: Humboldt!). While I am enjoying this city tremendously (see Residency: Buenos Aires), I must take time to reflect on how much time I spent getting here, whether it was worth the points, if I should have paid for a more efficient route in coach, and whether I would ever venture to destinations that are inconvenient to reach from Puerto Rico.
Time
Time is all we’ll ever need
But it’s gotta have a meaning
You be careful how it’s spent
‘Cause it isn’t going to last
36 hours off the grid is not time well spent. I was too groggy to be productive in the lounges in Panama City. And there was no Wi-Fi on the plane for the 6:35 flight from Medellin. It was almost two full days before I was back ‘online’.
Points
If my valuation of points is lower than the cash price, I feel guilty about making the reservation. Outbound, I spent 36,000 Lifemiles instead of paying $1,200. The caveat is that I had to detour in Panama to catch the ‘business’ class flight from Medellin. Had I flown SJU-MDE-EZE, the redemption was 80k+ points.
The ideal flight is to connect in Miami. The journey takes 12:55. The issue is that American wanted 300k points!
Coach
The alternative to paying for a ‘business class’ flight on Avianca would have been to fly coach on a much more efficient route. The flight is around $350.
Destination
As a resident of Puerto Rico, I refuse to fly to the West Coast. The journey takes 12 hours, and the ride is not comfortable, even in ‘first’ (see AA SJU-MIA-LAS: Borracho in Business (First)). For that amount of time, I could be well on my way to Asia. Applying this logic alone, I wouldn’t return to South America in the near future. The only glimmer of hope is that I was able to secure Ms. TPOL a flight on an AA business class flight from SJU-MDE-EZE using Alaska points for 55k. While this is better than paying $1800, it is not the best use of those precious Atmos points.
Overall
Next year’s residencies are projected to be in Cape Town, Shanghai, and Sydney, destinations that present their own booking challenges in this post-COVID world. As far as Time Vs. Points Vs. Cash. Vs. Destination riddle, I will start with the destination. Santiago, Chile, is on my list of residences, so I won’t write off the whole continent just because it is inconvenient to come here. In terms of points, I enjoy the outsized value of major points redemptions, think SQ, Cathay, EK, EY. In terms of cash, I am stingy with my money. In terms of time, I am even more stingy. If I had to do it all over, I would pick the coach flight from SJU-BOG-EZE.
Who is shocked?
4. Surviving Avianca’s ‘Business Class’: Medellin to Buenos AiresI have to fly this hell route back to MDE in December. I am not looking forward to it. But for 30k ANA points, I cannot rationalize changing it.
5. The Etiquette of Things: The Overhead LightMy neighbor was upset and told me that he needed it because he was writing. I told him that I, too, would be writing, and the post would be about him.
6. $100 Credit Amex Fine Hotels: What a PainHow mad do you think I was when I was $17 over my $100 allowance? Do you think I would have tipped less if I knew I was over? TPOL readers will know the answer to that.
7. Copa Lounge Panama City: Food FamineBudget cuts, tariffs? What is the reason for this less than continental breakfast offering? It’s a disgrace! I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m asking Pam to launch an investigation at once!
I am the king of logistics. I have put together itineraries that no one has ever seen before (see Bus-Ted: TPOL Points & Cash Summary). My route to begin my Buenos Aires Residency is not one of those triumphs. Arriving at 1:35AM, I could not meet my landlord in my fantastic apartment (see Palermo Hollywood Apt: Humboldt!). I opted to stay at the Marriott Buenos Aires Ezeiza Airport, a wise choice given its proximity to the airport.
Shuttle
An airport hotel must have one of two things: 1) Be connected to the airport. 2) Offer a shuttle to the hotel. If there is a free shuttle, it should operate 24/7. The Marriot EZE provided the latter. And, remarkably, it was on time.Room
After wasting one day of my life flying (see Time Vs. Points), all I wanted to do was rest. The Marriott had a bed.Shower
After wasting one day of my life, perhaps I should have showered. I chose to do so the next day.
Breakfast
After wasting one day of my life, I was happy that breakfast is included for Lifetime Elites. I was disappointed that all that remained were these scraps.
Pool
I don’t know why the airport hotel has a pool. The last time I saw one at an airport hotel was the SheratonDTW (see The Best in the Business).
Overall
At 1PM, I left the Marriott and was en route to begin my latest residency.
I face two choices: 1) Stay indoors and avoid humans. 2) Continue to write the Etiquette of Things in an attempt to shame those who misbehave. The latest installment comes from my horrific business class flight to Buenos Aires (see Surviving Avianca’s ‘Business Class’: Medellin to Buenos Aires). With no Wi-Fi and no IFE, I utilized my Kama Sutra skills to fall asleep. Despite wearing eyeshades, I woke up to a bright light overhead.
My neighbor, who was frantically writing like a serial killer from the moment we were seated, decided that his overhead light was not sufficient. He decided that turning on my overhead light was the solution. Initially, I left the light on and tried to get back to sleep. Then I thought that passengers around me would wonder why I was asleep with eyeshades on while a bright light was disturbing everyone else. As the authority on etiquette, I could not let that stand. I promptly turned off the light. My neighbor was upset and told me that he needed it because he was writing. I told him that I, too, would be writing, and the post would be about him.
Can’t touch this.Psycho writing
I used to proudly say that I could sit in any seat, including the middle, so long as the flight was less than five hours. Then I learned of points and decided that flying coach was not for me. More spoiled than ever, flying business is also not enough for me to get off the island (see AA SJU-MIA-LAS: Borracho in Business (First)).
When I went to book my flight for my Residency in Argentina, the only reasonable deal in terms of points was the absurd schedule of SJU-PTY-MDE-EZE (see Copa Business SJU-PTY: Passed Out Comfortably & Copa Business: PTY-MDE, More ZZZ). The worst part of the journey was the leg from Medellin to Buenos Aires. It was 6:35 in a ‘business class’ seat with no Wi-Fi.Blocking Out the Middle Seat
When I flew from Madrid to Barcelona, I was content with Iberia purporting to sell premium economy as business. The flight was short, and the COVID concept of socially distancing passengers by leaving a seat empty was almost clever (see Iberia MAD-BCN: Some Funny Business). For an airline to use this tactic for a long-haul flight and market it as business is borderline criminal.
TPOL’s Transparency: While I was aware of this bootleg business before I flew, I contemplated whether it was better to sit back in peasant class. For 36k points, 10k points more than coach, I decided it wasn’t. But that has nothing to do with comfort.
No Wi-Fi, Limited IFE
If you’re going to stick me on a plane for this long, the least you can do is offer Wi-Fi so I can be productive. If you’re going to have IFE, perhaps have something newer than the first season of Curb or the Harry Potter series.
Look, it’s the Gulf of MexicoFood & Drink
My time on flights is spent catching up on blog posts and cataloging my video clips for my YouTube channels (like, comment, and subscribe to both: ThePointsOfLife & Alexander Bachuwa). The one exception is the first flight of the journey, which should be spent eating, drinking, enjoying, and comfortably sleeping. On this long flight, I was surprised that food was not offered for free for economy passengers. In business, I was served a steak that was surprisingly good, though difficult to cut.
For drink, I had two glasses of wine with my dinner and did not see the flight attendant come by to ask if I needed anything further.Kama Sutra
With no ability to work and no fun to be had, I mentally challenged myself to sleep. As someone who has flown Ethiopian coach long-haul, I knew I could summon my Kama Sutra skills if the moment called for it (see The Kama Sutra of Airplane Sleep: Surviving a 17 Hour Flight).
At least I received a blanket and pillow.Bright Light
Despite wearing eye shades, I was awoken by a piercing bright light. It was not an ignorant ignoramus opening the window shade on a red eye (see Etiquette of Things: Put Down Your Window Shade). This was much worse. It was my neighbor who decided that his personal light was not enough. He turned mine on as well. I turned it off, which was met with shock. He said he was trying to write. To which I said, I too will be writing, and it will be a post about you (see The Etiquette of Things: The Overhead Light).
The sparse amenity kit does come with eyeshades.Don’t touch my light.30 Minutes
Torn away from my unsatisfying sleep, I checked the IFE app on my iPad and was delighted to see there were only 30 minutes till landing. My Kama Sutra technique had worked better than expected.
Overall
I have to fly this hell route back to MDE in December. I am not looking forward to it. But for 30k ANA points, I cannot rationalize changing it.
Disappointed, I sat at a table and scanned the QR code, hoping there was something. I was surprised that the eggs and potatoes were pretty good.
The coffee was terrible, like the Copa lounge.
Still hungry, I contemplated whether it was worth breaking my rule of not spending money at airports for the world’s best Italian food (see Olive Garden Times Square: Real Italian Food).
Overall
PTY airport is excellent for quick connections, not for lounges.
I booked one of the least efficient routes to Buenos Aires from Puerto Rico because there were no other options. Part of my suffering included my time at this unexpectedly terrible lounge. I assumed that Copa’s flagship lounge would be at least on par with United or Delta. I was wrong.
I entered a gigantic lounge with plenty of seating, only to find nothing to eat. There was toast, desserts, and thinly cut lunch meat. There was a coffee machine that put out bean water Americano. There was no espresso option.
I tried to have cornflakes and could not get in more than one bite. They were stale. Scanning the crowd, I wonder if anyone else was also starving.
With 4 hours to go, I decided now was the time to go all in on the fast diet.
Gloom day for a gloom lounge
The final straw was the organ music blaring from the speakers. I had to leave.
Overall
Budget cuts, tariffs? What is the reason for this less than continental breakfast offering? It’s a disgrace! I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m asking Pam to launch an investigation at once!
What can I say about a flight I don’t remember? That is the ultimate compliment. Copa’s seats are damn comfortable, even if they are not lie-flat. Having left the house at 2:30AM in anticipation of drama due to the government shutdown, I was a zombie by the time we boarded at 5:30AM. The last thing I recall is asking for a breakfast sandwich. The next thing I remember is landing in Panama. Here are the photos:
I documented the arduous journey:
Destination
As a resident of Puerto Rico, I refuse to fly to the West Coast. The journey takes 12 hours, and the ride is not comfortable, even in ‘first’ (see AA SJU-MIA-LAS: Borracho in Business (First)). For that amount of time, I could be well on my way to Asia. Applying this logic alone, I wouldn’t return to South America in the near future. The only glimmer of hope is that I was able to secure Ms. TPOL a flight on an AA business class flight from SJU-MDE-EZE using Alaska points for 55k. While this is better than paying $1800, it is not the best use of those precious Atmos points.
Overall
Next year’s residencies are projected to be in Cape Town, Shanghai, and Sydney, destinations that present their own booking challenges in this post-COVID world. As far as Time Vs. Points Vs. Cash. Vs. Destination riddle, I will start with the destination. Santiago, Chile, is on my list of residences, so I won’t write off the whole continent just because it is inconvenient to come here. In terms of points, I enjoy the outsized value of major points redemptions, think SQ, Cathay, EK, EY. In terms of cash, I am stingy with my money. In terms of time, I am even more stingy. If I had to do it all over, I would pick the coach flight from SJU-BOG-EZE.
Who is shocked? 
Room
After wasting one day of my life flying (see 
Shower
After wasting one day of my life, perhaps I should have showered. I chose to do so the next day.
Breakfast
After wasting one day of my life, I was happy that breakfast is included for Lifetime Elites. I was disappointed that all that remained were these scraps.
Pool
I don’t know why the airport hotel has a pool. The last time I saw one at an airport hotel was the 
Overall
At 1PM, I left the Marriott and was en route to begin my latest residency.
Blocking Out the Middle Seat
When I flew from 
TPOL’s Transparency: While I was aware of this bootleg business before I flew, I contemplated whether it was better to sit back in peasant class. For 36k points, 10k points more than coach, I decided it wasn’t. But that has nothing to do with comfort.
No Wi-Fi, Limited IFE
If you’re going to stick me on a plane for this long, the least you can do is offer Wi-Fi so I can be productive. If you’re going to have IFE, perhaps have something newer than the first season of Curb or the Harry Potter series.
For drink, I had two glasses of wine with my dinner and did not see the flight attendant come by to ask if I needed anything further.
Kama Sutra
With no ability to work and no fun to be had, I mentally challenged myself to sleep. As someone who has flown 
