I’m still waiting to be blown away by a
Ritz-Carlton. My first RItz experience was in
Kazakhstan (see
This Is Kazakhstan?). My second was in
Tenerife (see
We’ll Make It Better, The Second Time Around). Both were good, but fell short of that epic luxury experience that one would expect from the luxurious name ‘Ritz-Carlton’. My most underwhelming experience at a Ritz was on
Amelia Island, a barrier island off the coast of
Jacksonville, Florida. To be clear, I did not seek this place out myself. I was there for a work conference.
What made it so bland?
The Hotel Itself
The hotel was built in 1991. It felt like 1991.
The Room
The room was dated. There were no elements of luxury. I do not understand how a standard room goes for 1k a night. Even the $350 block rate was excessive.
The Bathroom
The shower was standard. The toilet was in this tiny space.

The View
I was upgraded to an ocean-view room. While the view was nice, I am spoiled by my daily ocean-view from my villa in
Rio Mar, Puerto Rico.
The Pool
This was a standard pool that you would find at any
Sheraton.
The Beach
People come to Amelia Island for the beach? Although it was pretty early in the morning, there are so many better places in the world without the outrageous price (including
Puerto Rico).
Laws
For such a hand-off state, they sure are sensitive about nature.
The Restaurants
Once you’re on the Island of Dr. Moreau, it’s not easy to get off that island. This makes avoiding extortionist prices difficult. I had hoped to gorge on free breakfast as a Marriott Lifetime Elite, but free and Ritz-Carlton do not go together. Fortunately, food was included in my work conference. On one occasion, I foolishly joined lawyers richer than I for dinner at the hotel post open bar. I was traumatized by the amount the finger-food dinner cost. Luckily, I was spared having to pay.
The Bracelet
The hotel does not have room keys. Instead, guests have to wear a bracelet that opens their doors. I am not a fan of this, though I did like that I could boast my importance by waving my bracelet around those rich lawyers with inferior status.
The Coffee
$4 for an espresso? I will stick with the pods in my room.
Resort Fee
When’s this bullshit going to stop?
And Now for the Good
The best part of the hotel is the gym. Although I bring my own equipment, I can say that a typical gym-goer will be impressed by this gym.
I spent most of my time entertaining myself on the putting green.

The hotel is not luxurious, but the service is excellent. Everyone was warm and inviting. Even the woman who said breakfast is not included went out of her way to sympathize with my desire not to spend money.
The day I checked out, I found out that there is a way to get off this cursed island. It is with a complimentary Mercedes provided by the hotel.
Overall
Are people who can afford to stay at hotels like this unaware that there are much better ways to spend their money?