I said it before and I’ll say it again: Thai Airways is not to be trusted. As my Tahiti Triumph Trip approaches with my Tahiti Diet on lock, I thought I would check to see if my United Airlines miles had posted from the good old days of churning. While they were there in their majestic beauty, my return flight from PPT to PVG by way of BKK was not. This is the third or maybe the fourth time that my return flight to Shanghai had gone missing.
I called United again and the agent said that she could restore my flight again. Not especially excited about the prospect of this happening while I was abroad, I asked if there was another flight from Auckland to Shanghai that I could take that was not aboard Thai Airways. There was some good news and some okay news.
The good news is that there was a flight on Air China aboard an A330 from AKL-PEK-SHA. Arriving in SHA is much better than arriving in PVG because it is closer to the city center. The good news is also learning that I wouldn’t have to fly Thai Business 777 of which nobody has anything good to say.
The okay news is that I would only have a one night layover in Auckland instead of two. Since I wouldn’t have time to explore more of New Zealand than Auckland in either one or two days, this wasn’t that big of a deal. On the contrary, I will arrive bright and early in Shanghai giving me more time in my favorite city.
Still, let’s not get caught up in the bright lights of Beijing smog. The point of this post is Thai Airways’ incredible behavior. Even if United restored my reservation again, who’s to say that it won’t drop off when I’m flying from PPT-AKL? Thai Airways knows how to take the reservation, it just doesn’t know how to hold the reservation. And that’s really the most important part of the reservation: the holding.
Hopefully, there will only be pleasant surprises from here on out.
Seriously, in this post deval world, how is this not the best deal available? Stupid coach to and from PPT but TPOL will do his best to rectify that situation. $100 + 60k
Having lived in Shanghai, I know that taxi drivers have a propensity to be cunning. Here are the tips that will save you from being taken by your taxi driver whether you are in China or overseas.
Write the destination in the local language.
Track the directions on your phone.
Be engaged: Once you enter the taxi you should make sure he turns the meter on unless you have already agreed on the price.
Do not pay if you feel you are ripped off: I simply will refuse to pay. I will not rationalize that it is only a few dollars. If it is a ripoff then the taxi driver curiously will let you walk out without paying because he knows he is doing something wrong. If you have made a mistake or if the taxi driver believes that you are weak then he will go through the trouble of preventing you from leaving. Once in Shanghai, the driver took my friend’s bag as ransom and it almost got physical. Sorry shifu, you got lost I’m not paying you more because you got lost.
Don’t get killed: Common sense is in order here. If you feel that you are in a situation that is dangerous then hand over the extra Thai baht. Nothing ends a vacation abruptly like getting hacked by a machete.
And if you want to read more about shady taxi drivers and TPOL’s other exploits, buy a copy of the book, Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Minethat includes this excerpt about taxis in Shanghai.
The Taxi at the Airport
My favorite part of traveling is arriving at a new airport. Upon landing, I skip the baggage claim—as only rookie travelers check bags—endure the invasive procedure at customs, and then appreciate the brief moment of calm before departing through the exit doors, arriving at adventure.
The airport experience provides a great rush of adrenaline. It is worth pausing in the arrival terminal to take in the entire scene.
There are the bank tellers baiting you to exchange money, promising the best rate with no commissions, the mirage of the information desk that is somehow always unmanned, and the limitless number of people on hand, ranging from those waiting for friends and family to arrive to the shady actors preying on unsuspecting tourists. The latter are easy to identify, as they casually greet you in perfect English, “Taxi, my friend?” That is your hint to run.
Shanghai Pudong International Airport was no exception. Recognizing this, I hastily made it past the taxi tricksters and proceeded to walk to the government-authorized taxi line. The next order of business was to tell the taxi driver where I wanted to go. I assumed in an international city like Shanghai, surely the taxi drivers would understand enough English to comprehend the name of my hotel. Nothing was further from the truth. Riding for over an hour through a dense fog, I was on my Blackberry trying to use Google Maps to make sure the taxi driver was at least headed in the right direction. I was yelling at the driver in English, pointing to the name of the hotel on my itinerary, while he was yelling back at me in Mandarin. How we ever found the hotel, I will never know. At the time, I was convinced the taxi driver was playing dumb to run up the meter.
I later discovered that hotels have completely different names in Mandarin than they do in English. Saying Le Royal Méridien over and over, softly or loudly, while banging on the protective glass that safeguards taxi drivers from psychotic tourists is completely useless when the hotel is called Shang Hai Shi Mao Huang Jia Ai Mei Jiu Dian, or上海世茂皇家艾美酒店 in Mandarin characters. Even if the driver could read English, he still would have been confused because there was nothing in the Mandarin name that was remotely close to the word Méridien. My apologies to the taxi driver, wherever he may be. (He is probably working right now, as they work fourteen-hour shifts with only one day of rest.) Quick advice: for those traveling to China, print the directions and the name of the hotel in Mandarin characters and make sure your phone is capable of displaying them, as is not Mandarin.
Feeling terrible for questioning the integrity of the taxi driver, I let my guard down. This proved to be a costly mistake.
The Taxi in the City
The Shanghai Metro is the second-largest metro system in the world, rapidly minding the gap between the frontrunner, the Seoul Metropolitan Subway. The metros are fast and efficient, but sometimes hailing a taxi is more convenient than finding a metro stop. As a result of my airport taxi misstep, I tried to be more patient with the drivers. On one occasion, I knew the taxi driver was going the wrong way because we had been driving for far too long. I kept telling him to take me to Chengdu Lu, and he kept nodding in the affirmative. Again I repeated Chengdu Lu, and again he nodded in the affirmative. Evidently, the driver thought I was stupid and was trying to rip me off. I had no choice but to return to being skeptical, screaming Alex.
Minutes later, he stopped and pointed at the street sign. Indeed, we had arrived at Changdao Lu. Hearing my lousy pronunciation, the driver sincerely believed that I was saying Chang, not Cheng. In written text, it is impossible for me to demonstrate how dissimilar these two syllables sound if pronounced correctly. But if you are not a proficient Mandarin speaker, you, too, would be frustrated by the low margin for error. After that, I went back to taking the metro—decidedly more convenient.
Surprisingly, in a city of twenty-four million people with twenty-four-hour activity, the metro stops operating by midnight. Since the bars don’t get going until late, I was forced to rely on taxis to get around at night. As a precaution, I printed off the address in Mandarin or called “The Magic Number” to tell an English speaker my destination, who would then relay the message to the driver, who now, apparently, knew where I wanted to go. Even with this strategy in place, I continued to see inconsistencies in fares.
Whether this is myth or fact is debatable, but I conjectured that there was a direct correlation with the color of the taxicab and the veracity of the driver. Without fail, whenever I entered a burgundy cab instead of a green or blue one, the driver would charge more, seem to drive in circles, and appear to be confused. It didn’t matter if I had the name printed in Mandarin or if “The Magic Number” operator told him where I wanted to go. Given my past taxi experiences, I resigned my fate (and wallet) to the honesty of the taxi driver. It was only after leaving a nightclub at seven o’clock in the morning with the aid of sunlight that I realized I was a short two-minute walk from home. Meanwhile, Mr. [Ron] Burgundy taxi was making unnecessary detours to rack up a higher fare.
It was TPOL’s second birthday and perhaps he drank too much in March because I didn’t post as much as usual. Still, there are some gems in this limited bunch. Here are the top posts for March 2016:
Even if I could rationalize the need for extra screening at international airports, I still can’t figure out why I was stopped (with TSA PreCheck) at the tiniest airport. All I could do was laugh.
The best part of the phone call was the AA representative telling me that I would have an hour on the ground in Vancouver which would allow me the chance to get off the plane, should I so desire. I will most certainly waive that option.
It struck me as I booked my New Years trip to Asia that this will be the last time in life I will fly Cathay first. Dramatics aside, TPOL is concerned that flying to Asia on points, his favorite use of miles, has become untenable.
Is it an April Fool’s Day joke or is it the new reality that TPOL is getting out of the churning business? Only time will tell if this was a click-bait article or the new normal. The truth is that I’m beginning to believe there is no point in continuing to go through the hassle of churning. One thing for sure is that this game has taken a turn for the worst. No, that’s not bad grammar you are reading. That is the superlative form of bad that I purposefully just wrote.
Today I learned that Alaska has the huevos to blame ‘travel hackers’ for the devaluation of Alaska points aboard Emirates Shower. It only takes a conversation with someone outside of this arena to realize how few of us are playing the points game, making this assertion baseless. It would be less disingenuous had Alaska blamed The Deal Killer directly. If that wasn’t ‘worst’ enough, the end of the world as we know it came by way of Anbang dropping out of the bidding war for SPG. Now, we are all at the mercy of Marriott. Hopefully, they will go easy on us in lieu of the fact that we previously expressed our satisfaction for the original deal collapsing. TPOL has no inside knowledge of the situation but I would venture to guess that there is more to their reluctance to press forward with this transaction than the stock price. (see Just Say No to Marriott post)
I had quit my job manufactured spender and as of April 1st, I am seriously considering my next move. Perhaps a few more apps may make this terrible day more bearable but I don’t believe the good old days of the app extravaganza are returning any day soon.
Seriously, what else is there to do when you read about another devaluation? If you didn’t see the massive protests outside your blog doorstep, then I will share the bad news: Alaska now requires 150k to fly Emirates Shower Class to the Middle East and 180k to fly to Asia.
This change happened overnight and is almost as bad as when AA got rid of the RTW ticket without notice. This is an insane amount of points to fly one way just to check off One of the 7 Best Places to Lather Up and further emphasizes the principle that Shut Up & Book! is the way to live. I lucked out again and booked Shower Class en route to Tahiti but I’m sure many were left with a stack of Alaska Miles they hoped to use for this great redemption and will no longer be able to do so. It’s really classless on the part of Alaska to not provide a grace period before this happened. But what else can we expect? I just laugh knowing that more bad news is sure to come.
The Hilton Reserve card is on the chopping block this year because spending 10k for a weekend stay certificate (Fri-Sunday) plus paying the $95 annual fee is not worth it for me. I will eventually reapply for the card since I’ve had it for two years in the hopes that I get approved again.
In the mean time, I have two expiring certificates that must be used within one year of being issued. Those dates cannot be extended. The problem was doing the math and finding a property that had availability for my upcoming trips before the expiration. I ended up booking the Hilton Shinjuku and the Waldorf Dubai Palm Jumeirah.
Before making the booking, I went on hilton.com to check availability. Stay certificates are only valid for standard room at the standard rate.
50k is the standard rate for Hilton Tokyo while 95k would be the standard rate for Conrad
Initially, I had booked the Conrad Tokyo (see review here) because it was the better redemption in terms of value. However, the Hilton Tokyo was more practical which is why I was looking to switch. For the date that I will be in Japan, the standard rate was not available. Instead, as pictured above, some random huge number showed.
I logged into my account and was surprised to see that the rate had dropped down from the obscene number shown to the public to 50,000 along with the caption that said Diamond Member redemption. The same happened when I looked for availability at the Waldorf. In both cases, when I called Hilton they stated that my Diamond status reduced the points requirement to the standard rate which allowed me to make the booking. While this may not be the greatest use of a stay certificate in terms of aspirational properties, it works out well for me in terms of convenience. The best part is that I received Hilton Diamond via status match.
Forgive me Points Guy for I have sinned. It has been two days since my last award booking.
Today’s topic of profound importance is committing heresy by booking awards that your own valuation calculator does not support. After devaluation after devaluation after devaluation, points are becoming as worthless as Uncle Vito’s promise to pay up on his wager of MSU reaching the Final Four. Although TPOL preaches Shut Up & Book!, even I, the points pastor is mindful to keep a stash for fear that I won’t be approved for another card.
It really doesn’t get any better than that. Well, it could if the redemptions weren’t teetering on the edge of compromising TPOL’s Points And Cash Math. Points + cash makes sense when the value of the points + the dinero is > the cost of the room. The same equation can be used for a points only reservation but I prefer the cash n points method for stretching my balances during these dark deval times.
Solving this mathematical is not as easy at it appears to be. Here are some issues I have to address when weighing if making a reservation is a good idea or bad one.
1. Room Rate: The first question and most important question that was not answered TPOL’s Points And Cash Math is what price for the room should be used in making the calculation. Is it the historical rate of the room published by websites like TripAdvisor? Is it the flexible rate price that allows cancellations at anytime? Is it the book well in advance price where the date to make changes has already past?
2.Upgrades & Amenities:The next question that must be answered is whether to factor in amenities when determining the threshold price of the room. Should the math be based on the breakfast rate? Should it be based on the suite rate provided when a DSU has been confirmed?
3. Duration: Making matters more complicated is factoring the duration of the stay. For example, in Dubai, I’m not even staying the night en route to Shanghai so I could skip the hotel altogether. I’m there long enough that a room would make my layover more comfortable but it certainly is not necessary i.e., there is a Four Points that would do the job for less.
4. Annual Fees: Adding in the cost of the annual fee for the hotel card that made the free room possible is a variable that often gets overlooked. In my Dubai example, this is the free night from spending 10k on the Hilton Reserve card which has an annual fee of $95. Another issue is expiring certificates. If the stay certificate isn’t used, it is forfeited entirely.
5. Valuation Calculator: There is the question of valuation. In the event your personal valuation is inflated more than the industry (TPOL likes to use 3 cents for SPG, 2 cents for Hyatt), is it permissible to rationalize lower values utilized by leading writers in the field like TPG?
6. Intangibles: This math becomes more convoluted when additional variables are included. One externality is the utility gained from staying at the hotel i.e., the unique experience of staying on the worst real estate development in the history of mankind. How are those World Islands coming along?
Now that the questions have been posed, the process continues by a multi-step value analysis.
The Initial Analysis: The Strict Interpretation of Value
1. Room Rate: The analysis should start with the advanced purchase rate. If it clears this hurdle then there’s nothing more to be done.
2. Upgrades & Amenities: Factoring in breakfast should never be used; it is cheating. Save suite upgrades calculations for the secondary analysis.
3. Duration: If the math based on your valuation of points is coming up short then only staying for a short duration goes into the ‘don’t book’ box.
4. Annual Fee: The Hilton Reserve card required spending 10k to get the free night bonus which was easy before but more cumbersome now. Incorporating the opportunity cost into MS on this card versus another would be an exercise in futility. The award has been realized and must be used before it expires. The relevant monetary factor is the annual fee of $95 which should be subtracted from the savings in the equation.
5. Valuation Calculator: Each person should have his own valuation calculator. SPG points are the most valuable for me (3 cents each) because TPOL’s best efforts for lobbying for Amex referrals from readers have yielded next to nothing. As such, I keep them close to my bosom. Hyatt points ( 2 cents each) will be harder to come by with Chase no longer lobbying for my business.
In the initial analysis, it is critical to use your own valuation.
6. Intangibles: This is not the time or place for deriving value from intangibles.
The Secondary Analysis: Rationalizing Redemptions
1. Room Rate Range: If the cash n points value is less than price for the advanced booking, then consult the flexible rate. That, practically speaking, is the rate that I consider to be the true rate because I’m rarely in the circumstance where I know what I’m doing in life. Write down the range of rates and take note of where your booking falls within those two.
2. Upgrades: At this point, it is acceptable to write down the rate for the lowest level suite upgrade. This works better for confirmed suites. Though it is probable that a suite will be offered for SPG platinums, for example, in Asia, it is not a guarantee.
3. Duration: A short duration will continue to make the award less appealing as there won’t be the opportunity to enjoy the hotel itself.
4. The Annual Fee: The annual fee continues to be a factor both in terms of the amount paid and the expiration of the free night award.
5. Valuation: It is time to start looking but not calculating what the experts believe a proper valuation for the points should be.
6. Intangibles: It is the Palm Jumeirah. How many times am I going to be in Dubai with an opportunity to stay there for free?
The Final Analysis: Making the Math Work
Ultimately the math has to work to prevent a case of buyer’s remorse.
1. Room Rate:All other things equal, the easiest way to see if the reservation should be made is to take the range of room rates and use the more generous valuation from factor number 5. If it beats the advanced purchased rate, there is a good case to be made that the redemption should be made. If it does not then it’s time to scan through the factors for the final time.
2. Upgrade: At this point, the points aren’t perfect but the suite appears to be. Score one for the ‘book’ column.
3. Duration: Curiously, at this stage, duration starts to become a reason to book the premium hotel. The ‘I’m only here for one night, #ballsohard’ mentality may take over. Having been methodical up to this point, it would be foolish to score duration in the ‘booking’ column. At best, the efforts to rationalize make this a tie.
4. Annual Fee: There’s a reason annual fee is fourth. It becomes decreasingly critical. It is a sunk cost that has already been paid. Perhaps better planning in the Keep vs. Cancel Matrix spreadsheet should have been contemplated but now there’s a solid deadline with a redemption that has to be used. Score another for ‘make the booking’.
5. Valuation: TPOL consults TPG for valuation. For some reason, if he says that a Hyatt point is worth 1.8 cents, then the guilt of reducing it from TPOL’s 2 cents is offset. On the other hand, if you’re searching Reddit forums hoping that someone will give you the number you want to hear then you are more compulsive than TPOL.
6. Intangibles: The points game may not be around forever. The game is under attack from all fronts. The only thing worse than buyer’s remorse is idle regret.
Conclusion
Rationalizing the use of points for bad redemptions is a mortal sin that will only bring short-term pleasure. Once those vices have been enjoyed, the path down to peasant class hell will be anything but. Concurrently, it is the Waldorf Dubai Palm Jumeirah, it is the Grand Hyatt Shanghai, it is the Hilton Tokyo Shinjuku, so why not book it?
The countdown is on to my much-anticipated trip around most of the world which covers Dubai, Shanghai, Tahiti, New Zealand, and Tokyo. As such, I am putting in the time at the gym and fine-tuning my diet so I can get the perfect narcissistic photo of me in the bungalow before indulging on food and drink. For the next few weeks I will be following The Tahiti Diet, a stricter version of what I call the The Cubicle-Ism Diet (if you haven’t bought my entrepreneurship book) or C&B (Chicken & Broccoli if you have a bbq and a condo in Arizona).
Before you go on Amazon and search ‘Tahiti Diet’ let me save you the expense by sharing two things: 1) There’s no book called The Tahiti Diet. 2) The book would be one page long if it did exist.
Before I tell you what I will be eating. Let me tell you what I will not be having before then:
Maybe I’ll have a box of wheat pasta + plain tomato sauce with pepper every 10 days or when the metabolism slows down but certainly nothing beyond that. As a treat, I will consume Tabasco, one of the World’s Best Hot Sauces, straight from the bottle in between meals.
Having saved you $15.95 from buying another fad diet book, I implore you to invest in another book previously mentioned earlier in this post then call Mac at Egg Whites (877 Egg Whites) right away. If you tell him that TPOL (Alexander Bachuwa) sent you, you’ll get a free tee-shirt on a 4 gallon order.
The alternative is to skip the Tahiti Diet in favor of my fat man pizza in bed + sick mustache
My Instagram game is weak. I don’t have the patience to deal with 75 hashtags and I don’t have a theme besides being ducking awesome in regards to what photos I post. The Angry Professor was asked how many Instagram followers he had and I had to meekly say 180. That’s when I was offered the rare and exciting opportunity for someone to ‘manage my Instagram.’
Maybe I sound like the old man, get off my lawn, but what the duck is managing an instagram account? Oh how I long for the days of Hemingway when words mattered.
Anyhow, the pics I post are pretty sick dude so you should follow me. #cowabunga #kickass #rad #bro #brobro
The flight attendant coming by with freshly squeezed OJ and cold bubbly triggers a Pavlovian response: fasten your seat-belt and prepare for takeoff.
This wasn’t always the case for TPOL when I used to ride peasant class. Before the abrasive flight attendant sternly warned me to turn off my electronics as I tried to send out one last text meant I had to brace myself for an uncomfortable ride in the middle seat for the next few hours understanding that champagne would not be served.
Posting pic after pic of champagne and my view from the wing exemplifies how ridiculous this whole points game is. Given that levity, I hope you’ll allow me to rank the best champagnes in the world whether drunk aboard an A380 or in the club. I’m certainly not an expert like I am in the world of Malbecs but my palette is improving.
À la vôtre!
10. Louis Roederer’s Cristal
What’s interesting about champagne is how it is portrayed in popular culture. Cristal used to be the most glamorous champagne one could order at the club then the CEO had some racist remarks and Cristal went from the club to snub.
Fuck Cristal, so they ask me what we drinking I thought dudes remark was rude okay So I moved on to Dom, Krug Rosé And it’s much bigger issues in the world, I know But I first had to take care of the world I know
I’ve only had Cristal a few times. On one occasion I was very disappointed because the champagne had gone bad. As a novice, I had no idea there was a specific shelf life for champagne. Drinking an ’82 bottle to commemorate the year I was born decades later is not a good idea when the shelf life for a vintage is 5-10 years from purchase.
Champagne in Bali, party lifestyle
9. Whatever Is Free
Moving on from Trump Champagne described above, I believe that some of the best champagne is free champagne. In the club or on a plane, free champagne is free. That fake sense of status makes even the most bitter of champagnes taste slightly appealing, if only for a moment.
Terrible champagne in Maldives not so terrible when it’s Maldives
8. Freixenet Premium
The snobs will have a field day because I’ve included a bottle that technically isn’t champagne in this list. We all know the requirements for something to be called champagne. You are impressing no one by telling this College Jeopardy factoid.
Freixenet was surprisingly good even though it is very cheap to purchase. I highly suggest drinking a bottle at the Priority Pass Lounge in Atlanta.
Cheap and crisp
7. La Grande Annee
Nothing says first class like a bottle of bubbly aboard Etihad. The champagne was lively but bitter, tender yet troubling. I don’t have the proper adjectives to describe this bottle. I can say that it was good but not great.
I assume apartments will have the same champagne as 777
6. Luxor Champagne with 24 carat Gold Flakes
Call it novelty, call it stupidity, but I rather enjoyed my Goldschläger inspired champagne before hitting the rooftop pool at the Andaz San Diego. The champagne industry is competitive so marketing ploys like this may be necessary to gain market share. I wouldn’t go out of my way to purchase it but since it also corresponds with #9 on the list, I had no complaints.
Not a particular fan of rose
5. Mumm Cordon Rouge Brut
Memories make champagne taste as good as it does. Mumm has been popped on a few noteworthy occasions including some fun in Ibiza and on my return from Abu Dhabi in the Etihad Lounge.
Breaking away from the normal tradition of Coors + Bloody Mary
4. Dom Pérignon
Toasting Dom is the ultimate, how to make it in America champagne. Though not particularly seductive, Dom is Dom so it gets a high spot on this distinguished epicurean list.
The lifestyle of the MBA student
3. Moet
Quality + great memories + great price point make Moet a winner for TPOL. It was the champagne of choice when I learned I passed the bar exam almost a decade ago.
A classless, amateur way of uncorking
2. Veuve Clicquot
I love Veuve. It tastes like success and is affordable even in Birmingham, Michigan or in an adult entertainment lounge in Scottsdale, Arizona.
The impromptu purchase of Veuve, always a good idea
1. Krug Grande Cuvée
The bubbles feel like crystalline pearls on the palate, exploding with acidulous flavours that stand out against a rich, smooth background of ripe fruit and exotic wood interlaced with the fragrance of white flowers.
That’s how the French expect TPOL to react when he drinks champagne per their website. Interestingly, I had almost used the words verbatim except I had been quoted as saying ‘medley of flowers’. Krug Grande Cuvée is best enjoyed on Cathay first, SQ first, or TPOL’s yacht, a work in progress.
