The mantra of ThePointsOfLife is Living Doesn’t Have to Suck because it doesn’t. The first step from my book Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong is Enjoy #ThePointsOfLife where I provide an overview of the limitless possibilities of points travel and demonstrate how traveling opens your eyes to new opportunities leaving your cubicle life with much to be desired.
Even though I tell everyone about how easy it is to accumulate points, nobody follows the Points101 guide or comes up with reasons why the points game is not worth their time. Then they fly first class for the first time for next to nothing and are finally believers, posting pics of candy buffets.
Living Doesn’t Have to Suck: 5 Myths About Earning Points
The Park Hyatt Sydney and the Case of the Missing Koala
The Park Hyatt Sydney Review is part of the Trip Report: The $77,000 Trip Heard Round the World which covers 5 Continents, 13 Countries, and 17 Cities.
- Tokyo, Japan
- Melbourne, Australia
- Wellington, New Zealand
- Sydney, Australia
- Colombo, Sri Lanka
- Maldives
- Saigon, Vietnam
- Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
- Hong Kong
- Cape Town, South Africa
- Knysna, South Africa
- Durban, South Africa
- Mauritius
- Johannesburg, South Africa
- Doha, Qatar
- New York, New York
- Helsinki, Finland
Getting Here: From the website: Sydney domestic and international airports is approximately a 20-minute train trip in to the city, with an approximate cost of A$16 per person. The closest train station to Park Hyatt Sydney is Circular Quay. You can’t miss it once you get to Circular Quay. It’s a short stroll around the harbor.
In December 2013 as part of my round the world itinerary, I visited Sydney, Australia. Like many tourists, my primary reason for going was to get a picture in front of the famous Sydney Opera House. The events that unfolded upon my arrival remain a mystery to this very day.
I arrived in Sydney after a few days in Wellington, New Zealand excited that I was staying at unquestionably the nicest hotel in all of Australia, the Park Hyatt Sydney. First, the Park Hyatt is my favorite hotel brand. The service can’t be beat, the locations are unmatched, and the complimentary pens are of top quality.
This was certainly case of the Park Hyatt Sydney. At check in the front desk was more than gracious and offered me a welcome glass of champagne. A member of the staff escorted me to my room that had a stunning bathroom, an incomparable king size bed, and the required espresso machine. Then I was shown the balcony which had a view of the Opera House. In fact, the hotel itself is directly situated in front of the Opera House giving credence to the claim that Park Hyatt’s are located in the top locations worldwide. Scribbling notes of where to go with my sparkling new Park Hyatt silver pen, I felt right at home.
My first stop was the Sydney Harbour Bridge where I passed on climbing the bridge from what the concierge told me was, “the best tourist experience in all of the world.” Even if he was right and the views climbing the bridge somehow rivaled climbing the Great Wall, there was no way I was going to pay $300 for that experience.
And this is where the mystery begins. At the gift shop, I purchased a Koala souvenir. We became immediately inseparable. We took pictures everywhere together.
I went out to dinner early in the evening leaving the koala in the room for some needed R&R. Upon my return, I saw the koala tucked in comfortably by housekeeping, spent from a day touring downtown Sydney.
The next morning I awoke to find the koala missing. I searched the bed, the bags, and the balcony for the koala but he was nowhere to be found. I called the front desk to report the missing koala and they assured me that they would do their best to locate him when the cleaned the room.
Dejected, I left the room for the beach hopeful that the koala would be waiting for me when I returned.
That was not the case and I never saw the koala again.
I am not sure what happened to him but am grateful for the time we spent together at the beautiful Park Hyatt Sydney.
I know that he is still somewhere exploring Australia as I get postcards of him every once in awhile.
<==Back to Qantas Lounge & Flight WLG-SYD – Onto Sydney Travel Guide==>
“Taxi my friend?” The Worst Places to Hail a Cab
Here are the worst places to catch a taxi on Earth!
1. Dubai, UAE: Dubai is tiny yet the drivers are new to the city and have no idea where anything is. If they get on the phone and try to call their colleague to ask where something is, get out. Should I take Sheikh Zayed Road or go through the city?
Result: The pretended not to speak English, so I too pretended not to speak English and got out paying what I thought was reasonable, less 10 percent. Not Robbed.
2. Doha, Qatar: Dubai and Doha are as close to Iraq, the land of my ancestors, as I have been. Nevertheless, I knew when I was in trouble when I heard, “Cousin, I just started my shift and I have no change.”
Result: Robbed
3. Istanbul, Turkey: “Istanbul has too much traffic so I’m not going to be able to use the meter. I’ll have to charge you a flat rate.” It took forever to hail this taxi so I had no choice but to agree.
Of course when I came to the hotel, the Hilton Istanbul, I renegotiated the price then asked for the bellman to back me up.
Result: Not Robbed
4. Shanghai, China: Another excerpt from my book illustrates a problem with taking taxis in China.
I later discovered that hotels have a completely different name in Mandarin than English. Saying “Le Royal Méridien” over and over, softly or loudly, while banging on the protective glass that safeguards taxi drivers from psychotic tourists, is completely useless when the hotel is called “Shang Hai Shi Mao Huang Jia Ai Mei Jiu Dian” or上海世茂皇家艾美酒店in Mandarin characters. Even if the driver could read English, he still would have been confused because there was nothing in the Mandarin name that was remotely close to the word “Méridien”. My apologies to the taxi driver wherever he may be. (Probably working right now, as they work 14 hour shifts with only one day of rest) Quick advice: for those traveling to China, print the directions and the name of the hotel in Mandarin characters and make sure your phone is capable of displaying them as ‘square boxes’ is not Mandarin.
Result: Unsure
5. Bangkok, Thailand: “If I come one day and there is no traffic, then I tell you there is no more Bangkok,” the taxi driver told me. Ever since then I have repeated that line to taxi drivers who tell me, “Today there is too much traffic.” Another trick I perfected is to sit in the front seat next to the driver and when he says, “Sorry no meter,” I react by turning the meter on myself. That usually gets a good laugh from the driver who now takes me where I want to go at the meter price. However, I’d be a little hesitant of messing with the wrong driver.
Result: Use my method at your own risk to not get robbed/killed.
6. Colombo, Sri Lanka: A tuk tuk with a meter? How could this be? Coming from Bangkok where tuk tuks are notorious for ripping off tourists regardless of their travel acumen, I was surprised to see a meter within this hybrid taxi.
Result: Surprisingly not robbed.
7. Goa, India: “Very busy today, my friend.” There must be a union of taxi drivers from India, Thailand, and Turkey that all were trained to use this same line. Northern Goa is not that big but because it is a party area, it does have a lot of traffic. More traffic equals hire fares whether or not you are traveling with your Indian compadre, Anshuman.
Result: Threatened to be beaten with a stick, paid the fare.
*List is subject to amendments and additions.
Top Piña Coladas on Earth
For my alcoholics and people in need of instant satisfaction, here are the Top 8 places, then the not Top 2 places to get (in pictures of course) the ultimate masculine drink based strictly on flavor and delivery, not scenery.
1. Seychelles
2. Miami, Florida
3. Nassau, Bahamas
4. Las Vegas, Nevada
4. Cartagena, Colombia
5. Budva, Montenegro
6. Phoenix, Arizona
7. Mauritius
8. Maldives
Dishonorable mention:
1. Sihanoukville, Cambodia
2. Bocas del Toro, Panama
#8: Pho-nix Hotness
Welcome to Phoenix, home to 120 degrees dry heat summers.
Dry heat is a great marketing scam. Here’s what Phoenix really feels like:
Picture getting into your car only to be burned by the metal of the seatbelt, drenched with sweat from an air conditioner that blows marginally cold despite being on full blast, all the while wondering how you ended up in this sunny hell.
What goes better with a broken thermostat than a hot bowl of pho? The answer is another bowl of pho.
If you are looking to enjoy the benefits of a steam room while enjoying some of the best pho worldwide, come to Phoenix in the middle of July. You have two quality choices for pho, both equally refreshing during a scorching hot day.
1. Noodles Ranch
Noodles Ranch is located in Scottsdale and is my home away from home when I am in need of a quality bowl. My usual booth is informally reserved for me at the back left of the restaurant. Here you will find the friendly owner André doing it all- prepping the pho in the back to waiting on guests in the front. What sets Noodles Ranch apart from all of the pho mentioned in this Top 10 list is the focus on healthy eating. The beef cuts are lean, the broth is not oily, and the flavor is not lost.
2. Pho Thanh
Pho Thanh is a traditional pho restaurant. You won’t find any frills or anything fancy in this place. What you will find is a jam packed room of pho lovers including the local Vietnamese community, the curious first comers, and me, the pho king himself.
Pho Thanh serves as a much needed pho detox following a night out on the town as it is both casual and inexpensive. The authenticity of the pho is tough to beat and the lack of AC only enhances the genuine pho experience.
Fortunately, Pho Thanh promptly opens at 8:30am; no doubt due to the unbearable Arizona heat. Actually, because of a similar hot climate in Vietnam, pho, unknown to most, is a breakfast meal.
Everyone Likes Top Ten Lists
Even I, the angry professor, find myself clicking on those terribly captioned articles, “top 100 places to go before you die.” Whenever I do click on them, I realize that I have been to virtually none of them and probably will never to go to any of them making me more depressed than impressed.
#28, a private island with a restaurant underwater. Wait, I did go the Maldives.
Regardless, top ten lists of any kind always get people talking and clicking. So, I, in an effort to not conform will also put my own spin on some top 7 lists.
Of course, we have to start with the 5 greatest rapper of all time:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9lg6HqJeY0
The Cost of Roaming
Final Score: Savvy Beer Drinkers 100 – Benihana 0
“One Bud Light please,” I meekly told the bartender.
“That’ll be 40 Dirham,” she replied.
$11 for a beer and the night out in Dubai had only just begun. There was no way this evening was going to be cheap.
Similar to Singapore, Dubai and other Middle East countries charge a hefty premium for alcohol. In the UAE, the only way to buy alcohol for private consumption is to have a government issued license to go to a Costco-esque warehouse that exclusively sells alcohol. Having been in the desert for a month, I never found this alcoholic’s oasis. Alternatively, if you are visiting Dubai for a short period of time, you can take advantage of the duty free shops and bring in a few bottles without having to declare them at Customs.
Although this is inconvenient for the social drinker who enjoys pre-partying with friends before heading out, it is better than the policy in the Maldives, Kuwait, and Saudi Arabia where the importation of alcohol is prohibited. This regulation is strictly enforced in the Maldives. There are stories from travelers who have tried to smuggle alcohol in their scuba tanks only to be caught at the border.
After a couple of weeks in Dubai the rations of vodka were beginning to run low with reinforcements not scheduled to arrive for another ten days. So, in order to not break the camelbank completely, my friends and I had to get creative.
We heard there was a Benihana in Old Dubai that had all you could eat sushi and all you could drink beer. Strategically, we made it there just as the promotion was beginning and found our own private teppanyaki room.
Some bland California rolls later, one of the geniuses that I was with thought this was an opportune venue to play the Taps Drinking Game. (a precursor to The Ugly Hungry American) It was my first time playing this game and till this day I still don’t know the rules. If I had to describe it as a football play, it would start as a halfback sweep to the right only to setup the weak side screen to the left in order to walk into the endzone. In other words, a player indicates he is going one way then fakes like he is going another so the next person in line is tricked.
Terrible explanation, notwithstanding, we had found an opportunity for alcohol arbitrage in one of the most expensive cities and took full advantage. I can’t count the number of bottles consumed at the table that night but I will never forget the great time had by all, except Mr. Hana’s bank account.
I have been told by locals that they no longer offer this food and drink special.
“It’s Like Riding a Bike.” Those words have haunted me for years.
The day arrived that I had to leave the incomparable Park Hyatt Buenos Aires for the insecurity of the Park Hyatt Mendoza. While both resorts are highly touted, the latter could not provide me with the same peace of mind as the former. This was not due to a lack of gracious service from the front desk. No, my trepidation was a result of the concierge that, without hesitation, recommended a bicycle tour in order to visit the local wineries.
A few panic attacks later, I arrived at the Garden of Eden, happy to be alive, surrounded by the beautiful views of endless Malbec grapes. Glasses later, I mustered the courage once again to hit the road, only now driving crooked for a different reason.
“It’s like riding a bike,” they say. Yeah sure, tell me that after I have gone through my first bottle.
Salud!
The Kama Sutra of Airplane Sleep: Surviving a 17 Hour Flight
“Your flight time will be 16 hours,” the flight attendant nonchalantly announced after going through the safety procedures.
This was the second time in four months that I would take this hellish route from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia back home. Having to endure this much time in the air never gets easy, especially when flying cattle class in a 2-3-2 configuration.
So how do you pass the time when there is no WI-FI, a movie selection that is uninteresting (seriously the episode of “Friends” and “How I Met Your Mother” needs to be changed), and your best efforts pleading for an upgrade to business class have been denied? The answer is sleep. But that is easier said than done.
Let’s go through all the annoyances that eliminate the chance of having a marginal night of sleep on the airplane.
The Annoyances
1. Meal service
Just when you are about to get cozy with that disgusting, old blue blanket, the flight attendant taps you on the shoulder and asks you if you would like dinner service. Groggy, you opt for the chicken because fish for dinner is out of the question.
2. The talkative seatmate
After that microwavable meal, you are about to sit back and relax, as far back as you can go, when the person next to you engages you in a conversation. Not wanting to be impolite, you soon find yourself listening to this stranger’s sad experience playing defense for his first AYSO soccer team. Hours later, the conversation finally ends when your new found friend excuses himself to go to the bathroom. With only seconds till he returns, it is time to find that perfectly uncomfortable position and play possum.
3. The flight attendant
But wait, just as you finally have found the one spot on that silly 2*4 inch white, hospital bed pillow, to perch your head on, you are, once again, awoken by the flight attendant. “Sir, do you have your seat-belt fastened?”
The new regulation requires you to have the seat-belt on top of your blanket which is almost impossible to do comfortably.
4. The reading light
Seat-belt fastened, food cleared away, tray table up, serenity is here at last. Not so fast, as the blinding light of the Luxor Vegas shines in your face. Your gregarious neighbor suddenly has found the energy to read Tolstoy’s War and Peace.
“I’m sorry does this bother you?” he asks.
5. The fuel stop
Exhausted, beaten, and distraught, at this point no light, no meal, no flight attendant warning, not even a loss of cabin pressure, could stop you from passing out. Then due to the limited range of the airplane, the plane must make a planned stop in Rome, Italy for refueling. The refueling takes 45 minutes and during that time you are not allowed to use your phone or go to the bathroom for security reasons. The cabin lights are turned on and in preparation for takeoff your seat that barely reclined in the first place must remain in the upright position. You sit there and wait too tired to complain, too tired to sleep.
Gassed up, ready to go, the plane heads down the runway bound for insomnia at 30,000 feet ready unfazed if annoyance 1-4 to happens all over again.
6. Wah!
Wildcard! How could I forget about that baby crying at the most inopportune time. Speaking of babies, I will say that turbulence for me is not an annoyance. It turns me into a happy baby, rocking me right to sleep.
But wait, there is a strategy for survival. It is the real mile high club- the Kama Sutra of Airplane Sleep.
The Kama Sutra of Airplane Sleep
1. The window
This is my personal favorite, I shove the pillow between the seat and the window and let the drooling commence.
Possible interferences: a) the window that is not correctly aligned with the seat making reclining and leaning impossible. b) the neighbor behind you bumping your chair forcing your pillow to fall.
2. The table
Put your tray table down, take out your portable Lysol spray, and plop your head straight down. Think of it like sleeping in class which by far was the best sleep.
Possible interferences: a) the neighbor ahead of you reclining his chair and smashing your neck. b) the delay of the flight attendant to clear your food.
3. The lean back
Push your chair back as far as that stupid, cold gray button will allow. Do not worry if your neighbor to the rear complains, etiquette allows for you to recline all the way. He can do the same. Then do your best grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner passing out in a recliner imitation.
Possible interferences: a)your neighbor is violent and intimidating. b) your neighbor acts out his violence by kicking your chair.
4. The brace position
For takeoff and landing, if you want to pass out quickly and you don’t want to take a chance of being disturbed by the talkative neighbor or the overzealous flight attendant, follow the safety video and embrace the brace position by putting your head between your legs and falling asleep.
Possible interferences: a) ribs grinding against you. b) neck cramps.
5. The friendly neighbor
Remember our scholarly neighbor? Well, if he or she was comfortable enough to talk to you forever, then surely he or she won’t mind if you lean on them for the duration of the flight.
Possible interferences: a) arrest. b) criminal prosecution.
6. The yoga qi
The yoga chi is an art that I have perfected over the years. It is my quest to find a holistic balance where it doesn’t matter if I am sitting in the window, middle, or aisle, because I can make myself comfortable, refusing to let the airline deny me good sleep. It is mind over matter at its finest.
Possible interferences: a) the image of walking through first-class and seeing lie-flat seats b) 16 hour flights.
7. The contortionist
The only way to sleep on a plane is to be a Cirque du Soleil contortionist and unconsciously cycle methods 1-6 throughout the flight. It would be hilarious to have a time-lapse video of me trying all of the Kama Sutra sleep positions all the while keeping my eyes closed- a requisite precaution to not get sidetracked by the annoyances.
*A quick note on performing enhancing devices: People who bring those silly pillows and accessories look dumb. I’d rather work on my qi than be the clown with an inflatable inner-tube pillow pretending to rest comfortably.
The Outcome
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are arriving in Washington D.C.” . . . and somehow you have survived another flight and you swear to yourself you’ll never fly coach again, promising to read Points101 and fly business for free.
