I know when that hot bowl blings, it can only mean one thing: A delicious bowl of pho awaits. Glistening and gleaming, the sparkling bowl of pho arrived shortly after the modest portion of shrimp spring rolls. Before I commence with the review I have to say that I wasn’t expecting much from Hanoi in Brooklyn because it had all the attributes of an underwhelming pho restaurant. Those include:
An ‘A’ food inspection rating
Nice decor
No Vietnamese customers
Steep prices
Small portions
Great pho restaurants throughout the world are just the opposite: The broth is usually made in some backroom on the street, the tables are only a few feet off the ground, the chairs are plastic, the customers aren’t hipsters, the bill is paid by coins not card, and your choices for bowl size are big bowl or big big bowl.
Furthermore, I was troubled that a place called Hanoi would dare serve pho with sprouts. The soul of pho from the North is rooted in its simplicity. The broth should speak for itself. But I guess ever since I left the city, it got a reputation for itself now and the poor PhoKing is left out. Indeed , the last time I was in NYC the pho was terrible.
After wandering Brooklyn for hours trying to find a restaurant that offered pho tai instead of a ‘French fusion of pho served with organic chicken and urban grown vegetables’, I could only hope that Hanoi was bendin’ over backwards for someone else, rollin’ up a spring roll for someone else in an effort to appease the masses who know nothing about the history of this revitalizing meal. The phony creative chefs don’t understand why it is redundant to say that their Vietnamese food is ‘French infused’.
So when the $10.50 bowl of pho was served, I had modest expectations. Out of respect for tradition, I refrained from adding the sprouts, the lime, the sriracha, and the hoisin. Instead, I tasted the broth and hoped it would not disappoint.
It didn’t. It was delicious.
Following a year of bad pho from Mongolia to Montana, I felt blessed to be filled with a bowl of nostalgia.
You used to call me on my…
Hanoi BrooklynToo nice for a pho restaurantThese don’t belong in HanoiFor $5 you could give 2 morePure phoAfter tasting the broth, then go ahead and add the extras
The Donald has been in the news a lot lately for saying some outrageous, provocative things. Though I don’t agree with many things that he says, I’m not going to go so far as to give up a free round of golf at the Trump National Doral on account of his ignorance.
The year is coming to an end and I still have two free rounds of golf courtesy of the Citi Prestige card. Originally, I was going to speculatively book rounds as reservations are available as far as six months out. Now that I’m going to be in the Orlando and Miami area after the Citrus Bowl I know I can make my tee times.
To my surprise, I was able to book two free rounds of golf. I thought the policy was that one round had to be completed before another was booked. I’m not sure if there was a change in policy but for anyone who has outstanding free rounds left, it’s worth giving a shot.
Looking for a partner who is extremely wealthy or has a Citi Prestige card. Good hygiene a must.
Why? Well, the Trump course goes for $250 and the Ritz goes for $175. Like flying first class, I booked these courses because they are stupidly expensive but are offered as a free perk for points aficionados. Otherwise, I would be sticking to putt-putt.
Here is the Luxor Egypt Travel Guide using the Guns & Butter methodology:
A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy
Anything on the line (Production Possibilities Frontier for my fellow economists) is an efficient use of your time depending on your tastes and preferences.
Anything inside the line is inefficient as should be avoided.
Anything outside is aspirational but may be impossible to do given the constraints of time and resources.
The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa.
Note: Everything in Luxor is inefficient and should be avoided.
Now that I have your attention let me tell you why. On paper, there are sites in Luxor worth seeing, history worth learning, and a culture worth exploring. In reality, Luxor is a hotbed of crooks who have abused the art of negotiation. If Luxor was a college athletic department, they would receive the death penalty for lack of institutional control because of the way they exploit tourists. If you don’t believe me then you can do one of two things: 1) stop reading this post and go see for yourself 2) read this post then go to Luxor to confirm.
Just so we are clear, I am not advocating a boycott of Luxor. I am preaching that if you do go to Luxor that you make your tourist voice heard so maybe someone will listen and tell the banditos that they have gone too far.
Context
In 2011, the Arab Spring had taken hold of the Middle East. In Cairo, the brave Egyptian people had stood up to Hosni Mubarak and peacefully oversaw his downfall. Tragically, the instability that followed resulted in a sharp decline in tourism in Egypt. The threat of terrorist attacks throughout the region including a plot that was thwarted in Luxor in June of 2015 further kept tourists away. In September of 2015, the Egyptian security forces mistook tourists for terrorists resulting in the death of eight Mexican tourists.
Such events have crippled tourist cities like Luxor whose economy relies on tourism. Understandably, the people in Luxor have become quite desperate. Unfortunately, this desperation has turned into exploitation of tourists which further exacerbates the problem. The result is a trip tarnished by tricksters who did their very best to get the best of me. As a result, I didn’t get to enjoy what would otherwise have been a visit to a mystical city.
The Egregious Offenders
The Taxi Drivers: Speaking Arabic shouldn’t result in 90% discount, though it often did. While that’s lucky for me, that’s not lucky for you if you don’t speak the language. (see taxi from airport and to airport)
Historical sites:Looking Middle Eastern shouldn’t result in a 90% discount, though it would have had Ms TPOL not had so many ‘European features’. I can appreciate that I should pay more than the locals because I am a visitor but let’s be reasonable about it.
The Tour Guides: I was called a ‘bad tourist’ by my Valley of the Kings tour guide because I called her out for raising the price for our tour. Since she was a shady, unscrupulous person, I took it as a compliment.
The Liquor Store Merchant: Come on dude, half of my cousins own liquor store. I can understand that there’s a higher margin due to the convenience of not having to go to Albertsons but why are you trying to charge me double for beer? Why are you then being so callous to say in Arabic that you are charging me more without making the assumption that I can understand what you are saying.
Strangers: Is this too broad of a generalization? Maybe it is but everyone I met besides the two gentlemen working at the Sheraton Luxor came at me with an angle. It always started the same- kindred spirits. It always ended the same- sworn enemies. Here’s how it went.
Stranger: Inte Misri? (Are you Egyptian?)
Me: Lut, ani Amerki. (I’m American.)
Stranger: Oh, because your face it look Egyptian.
Me: Abouee ooh umee min Iraq. (My parents are from Iraq.)
Stranger: Welcome to your second country my brother.
Me: Shukran (Thank you.)
Interlude of small talk, then three minutes later…
Stranger: You want tour of Valley of the Kings, Valley of the Queens, West Bank?
Me: No.
Stranger: You want to go on my boat.
Me: No.
Stranger: You want horse ride?
Me: No.
Stranger: Come on I take you horse ride, just five minute you give me 5EGP. Brother time is hard here. I need money just for my horse. I need to feed my horse ha ha ha.
Me. No.
Stranger: Come on brother.
Interlude: This goes on for far too long and I finally agree because he is relentless.
Stranger: OK, I wait for you here then I take you back to hotel.
Me: (feeling trapped) Fine.
Interlude: I get back in the cart and he takes me to the hotel.
Me: Here is 10EGP.
Stranger: (looking heart-broken) What, 10 pounds? No, no, no give me 40, even 30 pounds. What about 20 pounds?
Me: I told you I didn’t want anything to begin with. Here is your 10 EGP which is more than I would pay the taxi. Have a good day.
Stranger: F*#@ 78!* (I curse you.)
Me: Ma’a salama (Goodbye.)
From brothers to being cursed, that’s the way it always went in Luxor. You can call me cheap, you can call me cold-blooded but again I say go to Luxor first before condemning me.
Even darker me tried to hustle me! It’s like the Discover Card commercial but rogue
The Sites Themselves
Hot Air Balloon over the West Bank
The ancient Egyptians were fascinating people. They were superstitious but their beliefs were, given the information at the time, very reasonable. Luxor is separated into two parts, the West Bank and the East Bank. The sun rose in the East, this symbolized life. The sun set in the West, this symbolized death. As a result, the great pharaohs lived on the East Bank and were buried in the West best, the home of the Valley of the Kings.
For 250 EGP (versus the 500 EGP quoted by the Sheraton) you can take a hot air balloon ride across the Nile and over the Valley of the Kings. I had never been on a hot air balloon but had wanted to go after visiting Bagan, Myanmar.Though I can now say that I took a balloon ride, I would strongly advise doing so in Luxor. It is absolutely pointless.
The Valley of the Kings is the area where the great Egyptian pharaohs were buried. I repeat, the Valley of the King is the site of the pharaohs’ tombs. What could I possibly see by flying high up in the sky over them? The answer is an obvious nothing. Still, TPOL did manage to get a few nice pictures for self-promotion.
Breakfast was includedSo was this waiverTPOL in the sky!
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TPOL lending a helping handGood job TPOLTPOL admiring his work
The Valley of the Kings
My tour guide, the one who called me a bad tourist, tricked me into paying an additional 100 EGP for her useless services when I visited the Valley of the Kings. As I had written, if you do visit the Valley do not bother hiring a guide. They are not allowed to go inside of the tombs with you. Instead they will take out a bunch of flashcards and give you the Disney story of what the engravings on the wall mean. Then they will try to sell you those flashcards.
I was so irritated by this guide that I could not appreciate the significance of what I was seeing. Upon returning home, I have learned more about the design of the tomb, the significance of the paintings, and the Egyptian belief in the afterlife. It is worth researching before you go to Luxor.
I can advise that you skip King Tut’s tomb as his stuff is now at The Museum of Egyptian Antiquities. As of 12/21/2015, his mask is too. (see Cairo Travel Guide for that story)
The Nile separating the death of the West Bank from my 4th floor luxury at the Sheraton in the East BankThe Valley of the KingsThis guy seemed nice enoughOh yeah that was so worth it
The Valley of the Queens
“You want Valley of the Queens?” the tour guide asked, “that will be extra.” Even after my argument with the tour guide about her crafty business practices, she was still trying to sell me on more tours.
Cruise Down the Nile
“You want to see crocodiles?” the tour guide followed up, “That will be extra.” I would have liked to have seen crocodiles as they played a role in ancient Egyptian religion. When the departed goes from death to the afterlife, he must make the journey across water (the Nile). Along the way, he will need protection against the crocodiles and other pitfalls so he brings his mates with him for protection. He goes through many tests before his soul can be redeemed in the afterlife. That’s my crass summary of what is otherwise an intricate, captivating, somewhat plausible explanation of how one achieves life after death.
Alabaster Museum
There is no alabaster museum. It is a hustle to get you to buy handcrafted alabaster goods of which you probably have no use. Somehow I was convinced that I needed an alabaster chess set. The price went down from 3500 EGP ($450) to 500 EGP ($65) to 250 EGP ($30). Then I realized that I didn’t need a chess set and begged for the tour guide to take me home. You can imagine how the conversation with the proprietor of the museum went from start to finish.
Egyptian Roy HibbertOh let’s get the tourist in on the fun, then try to sell them a chess setPenis for saleHe even got me smoking, something that I do not do. They’re good I tell you
The Mortuary Temple of Amenhotep III
This was a free stop on our journey. I think they take the tourists who don’t buy chess sets here after so they can pretend that they went to a museum not a shakedown saloon.
Oh I can’t contain my excitementFrom there it was back on the ferryThe Valley of the Thieves from the East Bank
Luxor Temple
I visited the Luxor Temple on my own and found it to be very peaceful. It is the site where the kings of Egypt were crowned most notably my namesake, Alexander the Great. Though it is believed that he never actually visited Luxor, I proudly arrived as his surrogate.
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Luxor is so peaceful at night
Conclusion
Go to Luxor if you want or don’t. It’s up to you, brother.
Getting There: A taxi is the only way to get to the airport. I paid 30 EGP but the rate should be 20 EGP. The police price is 90 but that means nothing. On the way back I paid a little bit more since it was the middle of the night.
If you’re going to the Sheraton Luxor Resort I hope you stay in room 408 which is the best room in the hotel. The club level is the only way to go as the service is absolutely terrible everywhere else. I’m going to go in reverse order and start with the ugly, proceed to the bad, and end up with the good.
Before I begin, I would like to point out that overall I didn’t enjoy my time in Luxor (see the Luxor Travel Guide after this post) because I was bamboozled, swindled, and preyed upon from the moment I landed till the moment I left.
I hope the metal detectors keep all the crooks out!
The Ugly
The staff at the front desk is ugly. Physically, they look fine but their attitude and lack of professionalism make them unattractive. Upon arrival, I presented our passports to the woman working the front desk. Forget the customary, “Welcome to the Sheraton Mr. Bachuwa, we appreciate your loyalty as a platinum guest.” I didn’t even receive a hello. Instead, while avoiding eye contact, the woman said that my reservation was for one person not two and that Ms TPOL would have to get her own room.
A little angry and insulted, I told her that I had booked a room that could accommodate three people. I’m not sure if she was inferring that I was living in sin and that I couldn’t have an unwed woman stay with me or if she was just oblivious to the fact that adding people to a reservation ahead of time is not an SPG policy. Either way Ms TPOL was not happy with her disapproving eyes.
Showing restraint, I had a seat and a few minutes later another buffoon showed up. He tried to tell me that I didn’t book my reservation through SPG so they were having trouble locating it. I took out my phone and pulled up the SPG app. Then I handed him my phone. Bewildered, he stared at my phone and unexpectedly took off into the back with it.
“George is getting upset!” I mumbled to myself as I waited for him to return. Finally, he did and said that my reservation was now ready and the confusion came from the fact that I had used the SPG Best Rate Guarantee to book my room. After that misunderstanding, he graciously escorted me to the fourth floor and gave me a tour of my room. I’m guessing that he nor anyone else had been in the room for quite a while as he didn’t know his way around e.g., he opened the closet and explained it was the bathroom. Sensing he was nervous, I told him to relax and that everything was fine. The room was beautiful, the view of the Nile was good (nothing can compare to the Le Meridien Pyramids at this point), and the balcony was enormous.
Later that morning, Mr. Anxious called and asked me how my room was. I told him it was great and thanked him for checking. Before hanging up the phone, he frantically asked me if I was going to pay for the room. At this point, I was even more annoyed. I said of course I am going to pay for the room. Sounding relieved, he told me to enjoy my stay. To be clear, the hotel had my credit card on file and I don’t know what gave him the impression that I could stay there for a couple of nights and expect to leave without paying.
My last interaction with Mr. Anxious was when I called to ask about the cost of a hot air balloon ride. He quoted me something outlandish and that was the last time I ever spoke to him or anyone else at the front desk, apart from when I reluctantly paid my bill. (said tongue-in-cheek)
Even as I write this review, I am trying to figure out why the staff was acting so strangely. Maybe they hadn’t seen a tourist in so long they forgot how to interact appropriately.
There I am patiently waiting.Then I waited here, impatiently.
The Bad
Since the hotel is isolated, it is a bit far from the city center. Taking a taxi is necessary. Don’t bother asking the front desk to call one for you, they’ll charge quadruple the price. Instead, walk out of the hotel, past the security, and wait to be harassed by the idle drivers. The prices will still be outrageous until you say you’d rather walk. Then the price will drop to the 5 to 10 EGP that locals pay.
Explain the prices: There i no traffic, no danger, so why is the hotel part of the problem?
The Good
The Hotel Grounds
The hotel is very nice. It has multiple pools, a hot tub, and is located right on the Nile but far enough away from all the scam artists of Luxor. The price is ridiculously cheap because tourism is at an all time low in Egypt. I paid $30 a night using the BRG.
The Sheraton LuxorEmptyBut still well maintainedThose people look friendlyRest areaAt one point the Sheraton Luxor was the finest hotel in LuxorThe palm trees gave it a peaceful feelThe Valley of the Kings is directly across the NileA pool to myselfThe NileBoat tour? Just say no or lut!The Sheraton Luxor
The Room
The room was huge and the balcony provided a nice getaway from the con men I encountered throughout the city. The prices from the mini bar were worth the slight premium of not venturing out to the liquor store where somehow I still had to haggle to get the ‘friend price’ for beer.
Hello loveThe living roomSpacious roomLiving room leading to the massive balconyThe party spaceThe collection of chairs leading me to believe that this room had been used for storageHonestly, what’s up with all the chairs?Guest bathroomMain bathFirst time I’ve ever seen Sheraton mouthwashFree! Till they try to charge youTokyo toiletBidetSeparate shower from the tubView from the balconyDirect view of the NileTo the right of the balconyMore of the NileThe huge balcony
The Club Lounge
The Sheraton Club Lounge was the best. First and foremost, I can’t say enough about the two employees who staffed the lounge. They treated me like royalty.
“Iskender, the city is yours. Go enjoy it,” one of them told me, referring to the historical legend Alexander the Great. Feeling like Tony Montana, I walked around with an extra bounce in my step that day.
The lounge serves breakfast consisting of anything you would like. We had fresh orange juice, espresso, tea, an omelette, falafel, fruit salad, an assortment of bread, and an Egyptian style pico. It was perfect.
The daily spread all for myselfEmpty everywhereThe world’s best OJPerfect breakfastZaytoonOutside seating
Dinner is also served in the lounge. I had the chicken, she had the fish. It was delicious as well. As a cautionary measure, I would advise against drinking the free wine. I used to think that The Great Wall red wine of China was the worst in the world until I tried these Egyptian reds.
Omar is drinkableObelisk is not
I became friends with the employees and we discussed how tourism was virtually nonexistent in Luxor. Even with the frustration of a dying economy, they remained positive and hopeful. It was a refreshing to hear someone with a positive outlook compared to the bloodhounds I had encountered outside the gate.
Nice to relax in the club lounge
Overall
If you go to Luxor, be sure that you have platinum SPG status or the SPG business card that gives you access to the club lounge. On the fourth floor you will feel at home and you won’t want to leave. Everywhere else, you will feel under siege and overwhelmed.
On my worst behavior, no? They used to never want to hear us, Remember?
If you’re Chinese and on Drake’s worst behavior, look out. An article in the AP called China Names And Shames 5 Tourist over Bad Behaviorsays that the Chinese government, concerned about its international image, is adding people to a list whereby they can be “refused service by travel agents, airlines, hotels and scenic sites.”
This comes in response to the many videos people have posted showing Chinese travelers doing not so nice things. I’m guessing this includes the Chinese law professor who tried to sneak into first and was later forcibly removed from the plane. The article cites “a woman who attacked her tour guide with hot tea after learning the price of her son’s ticket to a western China scenic site was not included in the package,” as an example of behavior that is frowned upon.
I’m on my worst behavior, Don’t you ever get it ducked up
Ahlan and welcome to Egypt. Here is the Cairo Travel Guide using the Guns & Butter methodology:
A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy
Anything on the line (Production Possibilities Frontier for my fellow economists) is an efficient use of your time depending on your tastes and preferences.
Anything inside the line is inefficient as should be avoided.
Anything outside is aspirational but may be impossible to do given the constraints of time and resources.
The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa.
Negotiations
“I come to see Bheramids, “I said in my Iraqi accent hoping to get a good deal on the tour.
That’s the most fitting way to begin my Cairo Travel Guide because everything in Cairo is based on your ability to negotiate. In turn, it will be the most laborious part of your Egypt experience. If you fancy yourself a street hustler or if you deem yourself to be a great attorney, please visit Cairo to get a real lesson in contract law. If each part of contract was assigned to a country then Egyptians would be the fine print. That statement may straddle the line of political correctness but not only do I believe it to be true but also I believe it to be complimentary.
Since I’m from the Middle East, I appreciated fighting and haggling for every Egyptian pound. What was surprising was the level of precision I needed in crafting the deal. In Egypt, you get exactly what you bargain for. More on that when we get to the pyramid tour but for now know that, regardless of how many countries you have visited, you are ill-equipped to negotiate with Egyptians who are some of the best in the business.
Traffic
The negotiation exercise begins with the taxi driver which is too cumbersome and takes far too long to get a reasonable price. For that reason I recommend that you use Uber Cairo. Even with the ease of Uber, the traffic in Cairo is among the worst in the world. What would constitute a justifiable 5x Uber surge tariff in the US is just another afternoon in this city.
Security
Security is tight everywhere. There are bomb sniffing dogs, gates, and armed police especially in the tourist areas. I always felt safe.
Pyramids
This is why people come to Egypt and rightfully so. The pyramids are a sight to behold. They are also conveniently located in your backyard if you stay at Le Meridien. Though some believe that the pyramids were built by aliens or to store grain, they were actually the tombs for the pharaohs of Egypt.
View from Le Meridien
The Price of the Pyramid Tour
Scour the internet and you’ll see that a tour of the ancient pyramids range from 50-100 EGP. The price should be the same whether you go by horse or by camel. I highly suggest taking a horse because the camel is uncomfortable and unstable, unless you are a camljahky or kameltender. (which were my AIM usernames in high school.) Not true to my name, I went for the horse.
Something very interesting happened when I began negotiating: the tour guide started detailing every tourist trap trick that I had read on the Internet. These included the following:
I will not take you halfway then ask for more money.
I will not put you up on camel and then ask you to pay double before letting you back down.
I will not trick you because I want you to come back with your friends and recommend me.
I am not Ali Baba.
An hour later, we agreed that for 100 EGP I would tour the pyramids for 2 hours. Though not the best price, I was running out of time to do the tour and still make it to The Museum of Egyptian Antiquities.
I got on the horse and was ready to see it all. Like a DJ scratching a record, my excitement was immediately cut short. Why wasn’t my tour guide on a horse? He looked at me and said, “Oh you want guide, that’s another 100 EGP. Otherwise, don’t worry the horse knows where he is going.”
100 additional EGP later, we set off on the tour. I was so livid for the first hour, I didn’t even look at the pyramids nor pay attention to the guide. The only time I had anything to say was when he found a piece of limestone on the ground and asked me if I wanted to keep it as a souvenir. I told him I certainly could make use of the heavy rock. Before I go into more detail about my time with the guide, let me do my best to show you the marvel of what you will experience when you visit.
What, I have to pay more?
The Great Pyramid of Giza
The oldest ancient wonder of the world and the largest of the pyramids is the Great Pyramid of Giza also known as the Pyramid of Khufu, the second king of the 4th dynasty. It’s remarkable up close and stunning from far away.
Note: Do not pay to go inside of it. There’s nothing in it.
200 EGP for Great Pyramid: I thought this was the cost to enter and found myself trying to get a refund. Beware!Up closeAfter the climb
Khafre’s Pyramid: Like Father, Like Son.
Khafre’s Pyramid was built for the son of Khufu. Limestone was taken from it to build the Mosque of Mohammed Ali.Thought it appears to be taller than Khufu’s Pyramid, this is an optical illusion.
Khafre’s PyramidStarting to smile
Menkaure’s Pyramid
This is the smallest of the Great Pyramids. It is surrounded by 3 other pyramids which were not completed.
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The Great Sphinx
Body of a lion, face of a pharaoh, the Great Sphinx is something I have always wanted to see not only for its historical significance but also because it reminded me of days on the Pro Putt-Putt Circuit. I had always believed that the nose was shot off by Napoleon but according to my research, it was most likely the Turks who had done so.
Golf & The Sphinx
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Incidentally, right outside the pyramids there is a beautiful course facing the Great Pyramid.
Tomb of Hemon
Hemon is believed to be the architect of the Great Pyramid. The artwork on the inside of the tomb is indescribable. Know that pictures are not allowed inside, though the man guarding the tomb will insist on taking your photo and then asking for money after the fact.
Sorry you’re not taking my EGP.
The Story of My Tour Guide, Ebrahem
My guide, Ebrahem, had gotten the better of me by commanding an extra 100 EGP. He sensed my frustration and did his best to earn his money. The pictures we took were priceless and the experience of riding a horse charging through the desert at top speed was worth the cost of admission.
Let the postcard pictures beginHow can you beat this pic?Not so sure about this oneHow about this one?And the best one
Ebrahem spent about 30 minutes taking our photo jumping in front of the pyramids and even covered the cost of a Sprite and a Coke after an elder man offered it to me, assured me in Arabic that it was not an issue to drink it. Though I kept refusing, I finally accepted it, drank it, and then he asked for money. “I told you I didn’t want it!” I said in Arabic. “Then why did you drink it” Ebrahem asked.
Grant Hill would be proud
Here’s where things got tricky. After we had taken the photos in front of the pyramids, Ebrahem abruptly asked for his money and then took off on the horse. He left us in the care of his brother who was going to take us to the Sphinx then back for a quick photo with the camel. We got back to the entrance and waited for Lufthansa, the camel, to arrive.
“Lean back and steady yourself,” the new guide said as the camel lifted me up and up. I took a photo in front of the Great Pyramid, got off the camel, and was ready to be done with the tour.
Lufthansa not having a good timeFinally I could live up to my AIM screen name
“Wait Alex, Michael Schumacher is coming,” the guide said. And there he was, Michael Schumacher, the fastest camel this side of the Nile. Puzzled, I wondered what this legendary camel wanted to do with me. “Lean back and steady yourself,” the guide said as I hopped on another camel. “When you get off, you will be walking like Egyptian,” he added. This, by the way, was everyone’s joke for everything.
Oh Schumacher
Off we went on a camel tour of the pyramids. We went by the Great Pyramid and then we arrived at a scenic lookout of the Sphinx. Pictures here, pictures there, and it was time to return and leave right? Wrong. Halfway to the entrance, we disembarked from Schumacher, and were put into a horse cart and put in the care of Ebrahem’s brother once again. He headed for the entrance but then made a left turn at the Great Pyramid and headed towards Khafre’s Pyramid. Once again, picture here, picture there. Then we got back into the cart and headed towards the entrance. As we were approaching he made a left turn and took us to the Tomb of Hemon. I went in and had a look around. At this point I’m well past the 3 hour mark and had seen the pyramids so many times that I could give a tour of the bheramids myself, but for 250 EGP friend price. Back in the cart, believing that there could be nothing left to see, I hoped that this was the end of this hostage standoff. It wasn’t.
Photo of me having to pose for photos
Off he went again towards Khafre’s Pyramid only this time he took a left turn around the back of the Great Pyramid. Once again we arrived at the lookout point for the Sphinx. Time for more pictures!
Clever cleverThe tourists really like this one
After the hundredth photo we just sat there unsure of what was next. I checked my watch and noticed that we were closing in on 4 hours. Anxious, I didn’t know what to do. I started to think what I would do when the inevitable bill came. Could I make a run for it?
Get me out of here!
An eternity later, Ebrahem’s brother gets a call and starts taking us around yet again. “Off to your right is the Pyramid of Khafre,” I say to the guy. Suddenly form the corner of my eye, I see a crazy Egyptian man coming in at full speed shouting at the top of his lungs, “Alexxxx!!” It was our fearless tour guide Ebrahem who magically jumped off his horse, onto the horse commanding our cart, and away we went.
Laughing hysterically, Ebrahem said, “How did you enjoy your pyramid tour? Did you get your money’s worth or do you want more? I can give you tour on monkey, on tiger, you name it.”
“Ani khulsaan (I’m finished),” I cried.
Moments later, we were back at the entrance and free to go.
False imprisonment was over
The Lesson
It took a second for me to realize what had just happened. I was laughing uncontrollably as I walked back to my hotel. Ebrahem had taught me a valuable lesson: arguing for the best price can be a literal waste of time.
Here is a map that shows you the area for the pyramids. I had no idea it was enclosed in such a small area until after my marathon tour was completed. Here is the business card for Ebrahem, the greatest negotiator/pyramid tour guide of all time.
Tell him Iraqi Alex from America sent you.Best friends
The Pyramid Sound & Light Show
I can safely say that no Egyptian has ever been to the pyramid sound & light show. Any honest tour guide or competent hotel employee will also advise against going. Unless you’re a nerdy fan of lasers, stay clear of this tourist trap.
The Museum of Egyptian Antiquities
This gets the nod for tourist trap destination because of my personal experience from visiting the museum. It should not stop you from going to what may be one of the greatest collections of ancient artifacts in the world. But there are a few things you should know before you go:
Identification
Bring your Iraqi Passport. If you’re a tourist you will pay 75 EGP versus the 10 for locals.
The tourist tax in full effectCome dress like a local to get in cheaper
Hours
Double check the museum hours. The website is incorrect. It says 7PM, it closes at 4PM. The first time I tried to go it was closed.
It’s closed
King Tut
Triple check that King Tut’s Mask is on display. I could not go to the museum the first time so I figured I would catch it on the way back from Sharm el-Sheikh since I had a five-hour layover. My Uber picked me up from the airport, put my stuff in the trunk, and off to the museum we went the. I braved traffic once again and was excited to finally see King Tut.
“King Tut under restoration. He’s not here,” a museum employee said.
Some genius had broken the beard off of King Tut’s Mask and like a complete oaf had glued it back on. Maybe a seasoned museum visitor would’ve known to inquire as to the availability of the main attraction, but I figured that nobody would dare disturb this ancient relic.
Over it and under the influence of food poisoning, I left the museum and went back to the airport.
No King Tut is like no Mona Lisa at The Louvre
Note: Coincidentally, King Tut’s mask went back on display today, 12/21/2015, the day of this posting.
Tahrir Square
You must visit Tahrir Square when you are in Cairo. While the square itself is little more than a small area with a large Egyptian flag, the events that took place there have changed the course of history.
It is said that as Cairo goes, so does the Middle East. Though the Arab Spring began in Tunisia the symbolic movement began in Cairo in 2011 with protests that led to the downfall of Hosni Mubarak. Thousands of young Egyptians took to the streets in peaceful protest. Even when government actors tried to use violence to squash the protests, the people stood firm.
After Mubarak was overthrown, the country held its first democratic election. It appeared that change was finally coming to the Arab World. That hope was short-lived as the winner, Mohammed Morsi, was overthrown in 2013 and replaced by the Chief of the Egyptian Armed Forces, Abdul Fattah al-Sisi. While Sisi has consolidated his power, Morsi now sits in an Egyptian prison waiting to find out if his death penalty sentence will be upheld. To be clear, I’m not saying that Morsi was the solution for Egypt’s problems but it is a tragedy that after 30 years under Mubarak, Egypt’s first democratically elected leader only lasted for one year.
For Egyptians, the joy following the removal of Mubarak has been replaced by uncertainty. As someone of Arab descent, I am saddened that what appeared to be a history changing movement has resulted in no meaningful change. Though the Arab Spring brought the fall of dictators including Gaddafi in Libya, the situation in the Middle East has worsened. Libya is in a state of chaos, Syria has been overrun by ISIS, Iraq is plagued by sectarian violence, Iran is up to who knows what. Meanwhile neighboring countries like Saudi Arabia remain complicit choosing to focus their efforts on building the world’s tallest building instead of addressing the issues at their doorstep.
Tahrir SquareThe Square present dayTahrir Square: January 25, 2012: Photo courtesy of Wikimedia
Food
The slogan of the Egyptian travel board should be Come to Egypt to talk politics, bargain, and eat. We’ve already covered the first two in this guide so let’s move on to the third most enjoyable activity in Cairo- the food.
Indian Food
I was only in Cairo for 2 nights so I didn’t get to eat as much as I would have liked. The first night, on advice from a friend, we went to the Moghul Room at the Mena House Hotel to have Indian food. Indian food in Egypt, you may be asking? I was told that it was some of the best in the world. I had to go find out for myself.
The food was pretty good but the chicken vindaloo has nothing in terms of price and taste compared to its native home in Goa, India.
Moghul RoomThe menuThe yogurt was fantasticBiryani was meh, vindaloo was great, naan was overpriced
Abou el-Sid
The second night I went to Abou el-Sid for molokhia, okra, and mezze. (see complete review here.) This is why I came to Egypt!
Abou el-SidOkra + molokhiaThe rabbitThe mezze
Addis (Lentils)
Though I didn’t try it this time, be sure to order addis soup, an Egyptian favorite.
Khan el-Khalili
Where can you eat, talk politics, and bargain simultaneously until the early hours in the morning? The answer is Khan el-Khalili. This souk was my favorite stop in Cairo next to the pyramids. Drinking chai, smoking argheli, and fending off the kids selling useless junk was a perfect way to end my trip.
Take note of the prices before ordering. I can’t be sure because the waiter didn’t provide me with the bill but I think I overpaid for the argheli and nonalcoholic drinks.
Get your peanuts here!I wonder if Lufthansa receives royaltiesOh look it’s King Tut with super glueThe best arghelis are made in Qatar. Don’t buy them here.The row of argheli barsZoltar from BigShould’ve tried the shawermaChai and argheli, the good lifePacked till the early hoursAn Arab’s favorite pose
Nightlife
With so much to do in Egypt I wasn’t able to enjoy the nightlife by going to a belly dance show or nightclub. That would be worth doing the next time I’m in Cairo.
Overall
Cairo was my favorite city in Egypt. It was exhausting yet exhilarating.
A common misconception is that the points hustle means free travel. What is overlooked is the hidden costs from manufactured spending, the cash from the cash n points, the rip-off of taxis, and the cost of enjoying yourself when you are there.
I rationalize that most of these costs are acceptable because I receive so much for spending so little. (see Emirates Shower Class to Tahiti as en example.)
Still, only a fool in this business wouldn’t keep track of what he spends, believing that one Cathay flight in first would make all of the spending worthwhile. With the end of the year fast approaching, I decided to do an audit on my 2015 annual fees to see where I stand.
First, let’s take a look at what I spent last year:
That was a mighty collection of cards in 2014 but alas I had to cancel a few when the annual fee was due.
Here’s the spending for 2015:
This year I’ve spent plenty on annual fees and I’m still on the fence as to whether I’ll cancel the SPG personal which is due in eight days. That $95 would put me over the $2000 mark. Taken on its own, that sounds outrageous.
It would be foolish to say that the sum of my annual fee netted me hundreds of thousands of points making the annual fees automatically worth it. Points devalue faster than we can keep up so that shiny balance means nothing if it is not used. (see Shut Up & Book Valuation of Points) It would be short-sighted to list all the benefits that the cards provide if I did not make use of them.
So let’s take each card one at a time and see if it was worth paying the annual fee.
Club Carlsons: It’s been a tough year for Club Carlson cardholders. The devaluation ruined the party which is why many cancelled their cards. I stuck around because of the two night stay certificates given to me by the Office of the President. Though I haven’t booked anything with them yet because of their silly restrictions, I know I will make use of them and recoup more than the value of the annual fee.
SPG Business: 2 stays towards requalifying for Platinum was worth the $65. Next year’s fee will be $95. That’s not fun.
Hilton Reserve: I MS’d 10k to get a weekend certificate. It has an expiration date so I know I will use it before it expires making the card worth it.
Hyatt: I used the Hyatt Category 4 certificate to stay at the Park Hyatt Toronto. That was more than $75 so it was worth it even if the hotel wasn’t great.
Prestige: $250 of the $450 went towards airline credit during the Hyatt Diamond Challenge. 31,000 of the 50,000 bonus points were transferred to Virgin Atlantic which I used to fly Upper Class to LHR. I also have had one free round of golf in Carlsbad, California which retailed at $175 and will book another before the year is up. Totally crushed the annual fee on this one.
Alaska: I spent $1000 on my Alaska personals to receive a $100 statement credit, thereby negating the annual fees for the 3 personal ones I had. The $75 fee for the business card did not have this offer but the statement credit of the others along with a booking on Emirates Shower Class sort of made it worth it.
IHG: Things keep rolling with the IHG card which gives a one night stay certificate annually. I applied it the best way possible; I booked one night at the InterContinental Bora Bora.
Ink: $95 was not waived and I could not downgrade to a no annual fee version of the card. Chase got me on this one but I think that the 3x on utilities monthly bonus offsets the cost. Still, this is an example of gaining points with no direct result, something that I do not advocate.
Amex Platinums: I used the statement credits of $200 each for airlines related purchases so the true annual fee is $500. I plan on redeeming an additional $200 next year for the business card before the annual fee becomes due so that drops the cost down to $100. What did I get for $100? I went to the Amex Centurion Lounge in Mexico City, the Delta Sky Club in Minneapolis, Detroit, and Salt Lake. I value this at $0 because if I didn’t have the card I would have just sat in the terminal uncomfortably and thought nothing of it.
I did book my exodus flight out of Montana to New York for only 12,500 Delta points which is nothing. The price of that ticket because it originates from one of the smallest airports is usually $300. Say that Delta points are worth 1 penny, this means I saved $175. This completely negates the annual fee. But let’s not forget the bonus I received from reaching the mins on these cards. (100k for the Platinum and 150k for the Business Platinum along with the 75k from the BRG) That’s a boat load of points. I know I said the big balance is nothing to be proud of as it is irrelevant until it is used, but I’ll make an exception in this case.
Overall, 2015 was a tough year for the churners of America but when you break it down card by card, I still came out way ahead.
I thought I’d share this funny post because it’s Saturday night in NYC and I just ordered some TPOL business cards so I can litter the city with my filthy content.
Though my Teespring days are over, I found it funny that VistaPrint offers all sorts of extra merchandise for my logo including this coffee cup that would make a great gift for the holidays.
I may have to get one for myself. Anyone interested?The front for bloggingThe back for writing (probably should get that website back up)
Also, if anyone needs a great graphic designer, I know a guy.
Brooklyn is to New Zealand as Manhattan is to Australia.
Though separated only by a small piece of water they are worlds away. Indeed, they have some similarities e.g., same language, same flag (more or less). But that’s where the homogeneity ends.
Ask someone from Australia if they’ve been to New Zealand and you’ll find that more often than not the answer is no. Ask someone from Manhattan if they’ve been to Brooklyn and don’t be surprised if you come across a few natives who never have. Curiously, the opposite is not true. Many New Zealanders have been to Australia and many people in Brooklyn go to Manhattan on a daily basis. Interestingly, I’ve yet to find the subway not working from Brooklyn to Manhattan though I have encountered the opposite two times during my short stay.
The analogy holds true in terms of culture. Manhattan/Australia is the cool kid in the classroom. It’s the big lights, the real deal. The hipster part of Brooklyn is like New Zealand. Life is slower, people are kinder, albeit weirder, and that’s just the way they like it.
The pace is also different. The hustle and bustle of the Manhattan slows down when you cross the bridge into Brooklyn and make your way into neighborhoods like Greenpoint and Williamsburg. There you can cross the street without fear of getting run over and, on occasion, a taxi may give a pedestrian the right of way. In New Zealand, which has a population of 4.5 million people, you’re much more likely to encounter a traffic jam on account of the 30 million sheep than you are from automobiles.
The relationship is not without its own rivalries. Take food and sport. Where can you find the best pizza? Is it Brooklyn or Manhattan? Who has the better basketball team? Is it the Knicks or the Nets? The All Blacks from New Zealand certainly have dominated the rugby competition.
Finally, take the cost of living. Though apartments in Brooklyn are still outrageous, the pint at one of the local pubs won’t cost you the $13 that it would at a club in Manhattan. Compare Wellington to Sydney and you’ll find the same.
So close, yet so far, Brooklyn : New Zealand : : Manhattan : Sydney.
Which do you prefer?
I like Detroit.
The big buildings of Manhattan from the Brooklyn Bridge
What’s better than flying Emirates Shower Class? Flying Emirates Shower class for a second time. Yesterday I wrote that Etihad had no last-minute award space. Today, I’m here to boast that I have just added Emirates First Class from JFK-DXB-PVG to one of the most luxurious yet inexpensive bookings ever, my trip to Tahiti.
Booking an Emirates flight on Alaska for one person is straightforward. Enter the origin and the destination and then be sure that you don’t select a mixed cabin flight.
2 adults brings complications: see below Splurge for the extra dollar so you don’t get the mixed cabin which is denoted by that angle flat seat.
Booking an Emirates flight for two is a little trickier. When you search for two and find availability, this is what will show:
There is availability for 2: 200k + $39
The problem is that your miles may be in two accounts and Alaska will say you don’t have enough miles to book. Intuitively, it makes sense to book one flight and then return to book the next. However, when you go to do so, availability for that second flight will disappear. At this point, it’s time to panic and try an incognito browser. That won’t work so you must call Alaska directly and speak to the partner awards desk. They’ll see the availability and try to charge you a phone booking fee. Explain the situation and it will be waived. And with that, you are now free to take a shower high in the sky.
For my itinerary, I have a stopover in Dubai for one night and then it’s back to the greatest city in the world, Shanghai, for a few nights before going to Tahiti for far too long. From there there’s a stopover in New Zealand (Auckland not Wellington) then it’s either back to Shanghai or Bangkok depending on if I choose to abandon ship.
Here’s where I stand in my constructing Tahiti Triumph Trip Report:
Emirates Shower Class: New York to Dubai to Shanghai: 100k Alaska Miles + $19
