TPOL Tahiti: Real Talk

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From Tahiti to Bora Bora to Moorea, TPOL has made his way around French Polynesia. With nothing but French television and CNN International to entertain me (or $10 for a DVD rental), I decided to write an overdue a-live post and give a quick run down of my impressions of this island getaway.

1. The weather: When the sun is out, there’s no place in the world I’d rather be. When it rains, the landscape is still captivating. When it’s overcast, the weather reminds me of my Mongolian shower: I try to convince myself that it’s hot but it’s actually depressing. Then the hot water, or sun in this case, comes out and things are fine again. (For those that haven’t lived in Mongolia, substitute the Wifi going out instead for no hot water)

2. The service: Like the weather, the service is hit or miss. The IC Moana was apathetic at best while the IC Thalasso had some pleasant staff and some who couldn’t be bothered to help.

3. The prices: Caution you’re about to enter a TPOL talking about prices episode. I get that I’m on a secluded island and all the rest of that jibber-jab but people also live on this island full-time and they are offended that the Hilton Moorea charges $90 for three crepes. While I’m on the subject, Hilton Diamond members get a free cold breakfast. It’s a $10 up charge for a very bad hot buffet. All the resorts including Le Meridien have had disappointing breakfast spreads. (wait till you read my dazzling reviews of the breakfast in Shanghai in comparison) I would rather have Apple Jacks and skim milk than what I’ve been given here.

4. The excursions: Thus far the drunken duck tour has been my favorite excursion. Nothing like jumping off of your own bungalow into a sea of blue then floating away on a private duck to start off the day. Second to duck times has been snorkeling. Tomorrow is shark and sting ray petting for a reasonable price of $60 followed by a day of golf for $125 inclusive of club rentals, lunch, and a souvenir ball. That’s a spectacular deal. ‎

5. The comparisons: This is a fast and dirty list. ‎

Hawaii: But for points I’d say skip Tahiti for Hawaii. ‎

Mauritius and Seychelles: For activities and beauty, these two are better.

Maldives: I wasn’t impressed with the service in the Maldives but nothing beats the bungalow with the hot tub on the deck.

Overall, I will remember Tahiti ‎for my time spent enjoying Tahiti’s natural beauty. It’s fair to say that t‎he big brands and influx of tourists have tarnished the innocence of this place. ‎On my way here, I met a woman who was not staying at any of the five-star hotels, opting for a tent instead. Apart from dealing with the cockroaches in my IC room which had no a/c, I can’t help but wonder if her approach to Tahiti is better than mine. That is why the next time TPOL goes to an island, he will seek out a place that doesn’t accept points, a bold statement given the ‘P’ in my name.

TPOL reflecting on Tahiti
TPOL reflecting on Tahiti

13 COMMENTS

  1. When I went to Moorea in 2001, I stayed at the Hotel Kaveka. Certainly wasn’t fancy but it was one of the most relaxing vacations of my life. Lots of restaurants nearby and a decent one on site.

    • My favorite has been the steakhouse, Holy Steak. Reviews on all the restaurants when I’m back in the States.

  2. Roaches ?! In your room? Was it just one or a few?! Which IC was this? How did they remedy it? I hope they gave you some comps bc that’s just gross.

    • They probably put him in the gardener’s room since they saw him show up with 8 bags worth of beef jerky, goldfish, nuts, and alcohol. What a bum.

      • More ish talk from another Internet tough guy. Yeah they searched my bags ahead of time and determined that I was not going to opt for the $30 burger so they strategically put me in a beautiful bungalow. Why insult the gardener ‘brian’?

    • Two to be exact. Each night there was one on the bed. Night two I flipped over and immediately smelled something strange and felt burning in my eye. My new bff was sharing the pillow. Needless to say I couldn’t sleep very well after that. The hotel apologized for the extra guests.

  3. for 6 years i cycled around the world on a shoestring, very velcro-strapped budget. i always slept in my tent. sometimes right next to the 5 million star hotels. kept the pennies in my pocket and, if i asked kindly, they’d let me poop in their ploppers.

  4. I personally like these posts. We work hard for our miles even those who ms. Everyone wants to know what theyre getting into when they pick between a slew of these exotic locals to spend hard earned points and for the workaday crowd, limited vacation time. The french showers are really the ones that are pointing negative fingers. Keep wasting your time, money, points. But stop polluting the internet and these blog posts with your negativity. We all shrug it off anyway.

    • Exactly. I write these posts because I wish I knew the info ahead of time. The same is true of my travel guides.

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