Guns & Butter: Miami Travel Guide


TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works – A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.

Welcome to Miami, the most overrated city in the world (see The Worst Cities in the World). Somehow, I keep coming back, forcing me to write a Guns & Butter Travel Guide.

Let’s get to it so I don’t have to spend another moment here, even if it is virtual.


Miami only has a special place in my heart because it is where I wrote one of my first blog posts (see Swamp Water) more than seven years ago (see Simply The Best: TPOL Triple Bogeys, Turns 7). Speaking of nostalgia, remember when there was an Aloft on South Beach (see Aloft South Beach Review: Now A DoubleTree Review)?

The Swamp Water post asked: When do you become too old to partake in juvenile revelry? Better yet, when are you too old to go on spring break? It’s 2021 and I will respond with the answer: never.
Classic art deco dude
Old school Aloft


  • Paddleboard 

One activity Miamians do is paddleboard. I’m not an expert, but I don’t see the point of this sport (see Paddle Bored).

I’ve paddleboarded from Mauritius to the Maldives and have concluded I need a new vacation hobby. At least the experience made for some good pictures.
  • Run

Another Miamian pastime is running (see Who Runs Miami Beach?).

On Miami Beach, the sand gave too much making each step a struggle. It is also on an incline which is uncomfortable.
  • Pool Party

It’s not Vegas, but Miami is adequate for pool parties (see Where to Pool Party in Miami).

  • Golf 

Golf is the best recreational experience in Miami. I’ve played at everyone’s favorite president’s course twice (see Making America Great Again: Golden Palm At Trump National DoralKeep America Great: Blue Monster at Trump National Doral).

On 18
Golden Palm
Blue Monster


  • For the Cool Kids

If you’re looking to party in the scene and have great food, STK is your place (see STK Miami: Noisy Delicious).

TPOL’s Tip: STK’s address is 2305 Collins Ave, Miami Beach, FL 33139

  • For the Sandwich Lovers 

I recommend La Sandwicherie Miami Beach for a filling, economical, delicious meal.

TPOL’s Tip: The address is 229 14th St, Miami Beach, FL 33139

  • Dishonorable Mention

Coyo Taco Wynwood has good tacos but it’s overpriced. $37 for one person?

  • Honorable Mention

Perricone’s Brickell was fantastic. I neglected my blogging responsibilities and did not take photos of the veal marsala.

TPOL’s Tip: The address is 1700 SW 3rd Ave, Miami, FL 33129.


Don’t get Mario started on my opinion of Miami. He is probably still upset with this classic post: Hyatt Regency Miami: You’re Not Staying Here Anyway. To date, I have not found a points hotel that can replace the Aloft South Beach (see Aloft Brickell: In Miami’s Other City Confidante Miami Beach: Physically Hurting from No Status).

The illusion of Miami is captured in this photo and in the name of the hotel it was taken from Confidante.

TPOL’s Tip: If you have a layover, make sure you know which Hyatt Place MIA you booked (see Hyatt Place Miami Airport: Careful, There’s East & West!).


Miami sucks. I almost stopped traveling after the last time I went (see Air TPOL Retiring From Travel). Why did I go back?

To see my Buffalo Bills!

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