Keep America Great: Blue Monster at Trump National Doral

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Keep America Great: Blue Monster at Trump National Doral is part of the Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report, where TPOL leaves the basement. It’s finally happening despite inconsistent policies, interruptions, and human stupidity as explained in these posts:


Do you recall when TPOL wrote Making America Great Again: Golden Palm At Trump National Doral? Who knew then that Trump would win the election and civil society would be pushed to the brink of collapse. Who knew that I would support Trump again by playing at Trump National?

Pretending like the last four years did not happen, friends booked a round of golf at the Trump National’s Blue Monster. If I had stronger convictions, I would have refused to play here. Alas, the best I could do to show my contempt for Donald was not replace divots and smuggle my own Tito’s on the course.

Welcome to Trump National

Cost

It costs $172 to play a round. Thank you for the stimulus checks with your signature.

Gear

Where were the MAGA hats?

Rentals

If you are going to play one of the most challenging courses, I advise bringing your own clubs. The ones available for rent are old TaylorMades (see Finally Using the Amex Airline Credit As Intended).

Carts

I’m the proud owner of a Club Car Onward. Trump is an EZGO guy.

Stop the Steal

The first hole is a par 5. While my drive landed in the fairway, my errant hybrid ended up in the rough. Though I knew the general vicinity, I could not locate the ball. This was a persistent problem throughout the day. Even short shanks were swallowed up by the thick grass.

First hole
Luck

TPOL’s Tip: If you do find your ball, punch it out. Trying a full swing will result in the ball further lost in the deep rough.

Bunkers 

If I was not in the rough, I was in the bunker.

“It’s a lot of sand. They’ve got a lot of sand over there. So there’s a lot of sand that they can play with.” Donald J Trump

Respect the Flag

Trump is very strict when it comes to approaching the green with the cart. Any patriots going too close to the flag will be stopped dead in their tracks, forcing a slow shameful, retreat.

Plane Spotting 

The course is located next to MIA, giving me plenty of opportunities to plane spot and giving passengers plenty of opportunities to see my beautiful swing.

Par 3s

On the 9th hole, I landed just shy of the green. On the 15th, I landed right on the green.

9th
15th

18th

Per Trump, “The famed 18th hole is recognized as one of the toughest on the PGA TOUR, perhaps because it is the site of numerous collapses and heroic shots.”

Incidentally, my best shot of the day was on the 18th. I was 178 yards out and needed to carry it over the water. I took out the hybrid and hit the shot of my life. It landed on the green, leaving me with a ten-foot putt.

Over the water, onto the green.

I sunk the putt for bogey (the first drive went into the water).

Rigged!

My total score was 123. I am having the results audited because it is quite suspicious that I could have played so badly. Early in the round, I was up big. Then all of a sudden everything went against me. I am not prepared to concede and state that I still suck at golf.

But not as much as these people.

Trump 2024?

The Blue Monster is a course for skilled golfers. While I had my moments and while I learned more about course management, I will not be returning anytime soon.

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