JW Marriott Bogota: My Father Would Stay Here

JW Marriott Bogota Hotel Review is part of the Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report, where TPOL leaves the basement. It’s finally happening despite inconsistent policies, interruptions, and human stupidity as explained in these posts:

• 11 Reasons Why I Still Don’t Want to Travel
• North Korea – Level 4: Do Not Travel
• We’re All In This Together, So Long As You’re Miserable
• Air TPOL Retiring From Travel
• Kayak Answers, “Can I Travel to…?”
• Don’t Route Via Panama
• Breakthrough Infections: Another Reason Not to Travel
• COVID Test for Return Travel Is Stupid
• COVID Test to Come Home Is S-T-U-

Getting There: Uber is technically illegal at Colombian airports but there is a workaround (see Uber Is Illegal in Colombian Airports, Unless Your Brother Is Picking You Up).

When SPG ruined our lives and was acquired by Marriott (see Read My Lips, “No Devaluation,” Says Marriott CEO), I knew the party was over. The reason: JW Marriott.

My only other stay at a JW was at the JW Scottsdale, a lovely hotel with a must-lazy river, a beautiful golf course, and lovely scenery. Despite being upscale, it lacked energy. It was nice version of Mr. Peterschmidt’s house.

The JW Bogota was the same, dull and unwelcoming.

Checking In

Blame the useless Covid plexiglass that is more appropriate for a Flint liquor store than an upscale hotel, but I did not feel love when checking in. No mention was made about my titanium super duper platinum elite status. No mention was made of the resort’s great spa or the time and location of breakfast. All I was told was that I could have a total of 2 alcoholic drinks each night in the lounge.

Late Check-Out? Covid Test?

One day I will look back at this post and either find that it was ridiculous that in-room covid testing was an amenity, or it will be so commonplace that the welcome gift will be a complimentary test. Since I was leaving at noon, I declined the late checkout and booked a covid test for the following afternoon (see Room Service: I’m Here with Your Covid Test).

Welcome Amenity

Half a bottle of wine and a huge assortment of cheeses made me half-forget the cold treatment at check-in.

Suite

Back to Mr. Peterschmidt’s house. I used a suite upgrade and always regret doing so. The suite was uninspired. It is intended for a prototypical business traveler, a dinosaur that does not exist. Does anyone make use of the desk? I certainly do not.

Bedroom Curtains

As Peter would say, “You know what grinds my gears?” Let me tell you: blackout curtains that are not long enough. There was either a gap in the middle of the curtains or at the end.

Room

After the friend’s house in Medellin (see Hostel v. Hotel v. Friend’s Home), a king-size bed with a bunch of pillows, a big blanket, and crisp sheets was in order.

Bathroom

Hostel or a friend’s home may be fine for a few nights, but an infinity shower with the little soaps is required to properly refresh.

Executive Lounge

• Positive

Plenty of space

Unlimited Gatorade

Nice food spread

Negative

2 drink max

Food was not as appetizing as the presentation.

Breakfast

I was underwhelmed by the breakfast. I did not go for a second round and barely finished the first. It was basic western fare. Where was the Colombian cuisine?

Spa

After a night out in this crazy town (see Bogota, a Party City? Who Knew?), I went down to the basement of the hotel for a tranquil time at the spa, by far the best feature of the hotel.

Overall

The painting of JW himself on the wall of every JW summarizes the brand. It’s boring and rigid while trying to come off as proper and dignified. Somewhere between the fakeness of the W brand and the pretentiousness of the JW is where I would like to stay. Back to the Aloft Bangkok!