Guns & Butter: New Orleans Travel Guide (Binge Edition)

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New Orleans Travel Guide is part of Freddie Awards to New Orleans Binge Weekend Trip Report which covers:


TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works – A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.

Now let’s get to the New Orleans Travel Guide.


You think you know New Orleans food and drink? You know nothing! The marathon of my food and drink experience began at 9PM on a Friday and ended 48 hours later. What I ate and drank during that time was both delicious and disturbing.

Let’s begin:

Friday

Napoleon’s

The first stop was Napoleon’s. Not looking to get anything too heavy, we had the seafood gumbo and an alligator po’ boy. Wash it down with a Pimm’s Cup.

new orleans travel guide

Verdict: Gumbo was okay. I’ll see you later alligator and another Pimm’s is a good decision.

TPOL’s TIP: Napoleon’s is located at 500 Chartres St.

Pat O’Briens

An obligatory stop both on Friday and Saturday was Pat O’Briens. Many places boast about having ‘world famous’ this or that. Here, the hurricanes are world famous as are the cups.

Verdict: Just like the old days, Pat OBrien’s hurricanes are delicious.

TPOL’s TIP

  • Pat Obrien’s is located at 718 St Peter.

Saturday

Friday was tame. Saturday was anything but.

Breakfast

Looking for a serious, upscale breakfast? Go to Brennan’s. There we had rabbit along with a nice twist on the Bloody Mary – the Bloody Bull. Beef broth in a drink is very good.

Verdict: I wish I could go there every weekend for breakfast. Don’t forget to order the biscuits.

TPOL’s TIP: Brennan’s is located at 417 Royal St.

Cafe Du Monde: This place is a zoo of powder. Get in, sit down, and order the coffee of your choice along with 3 beignets. I don’t know how anyone can eat more than one.

Verdict: I may get hate mail, but I think this place is overrated and the service is far from New Orleans friendly.

TPOL’s TIPs:

  • This place is cash only.
  • There is no line to be seated. Skip the group of tourists lined up and go find a table.
  • Cafe Du Monde is located 800 Decatur Street.

Tabasco Store: TPOL’s favorite hot sauce is Tabasco (see Put Some Hot Sauce on My Burrito Baby! The World’s Best Hot Sauce). Tabasco is made in Avery Island, Louisiana. While I didn’t go there for a tour, I had to go in the store and see what goodies they had.

Verdict: Tabasco chocolate is not great.

Johnny’s Po-Boys

Johnny is the place for po’ boys, and shrimp is the kind to get. Have it dressed which means it comes with melted butter and pickles.

Verdict: I wish I could go here every weekend as well. No need to eat po’ boys at a restaurant when there’s Johnny’s.

TPOL’S TIPs:

  • If the front is full, there’s seating in the back.
  • Johnny’s Po-Boys is located at 511 St Louis St.

The Original French Market: Looking for crawdads or crayfish as they’re called? Go to The Original French Market where $13 gets you a boat full.

TPOL’S TIPs

  • Bring an expert peeler.
  • The Original French Market is located at 1001 Decatur St.

A Pause from the New Orleans Travel Guide 

Take a moment to catch your breath.

Resuming the New Orleans Travel Guide 

Sightseeing

See the sights of New Orleans, take some pictures, buy some souvenirs.

Check out the shirt.

Permanent Sleep 

As tired as you might be, head to the St. Louis No. 1 cemetery to realize that you’re still alive. I didn’t go inside because I didn’t want to pay $20 for a mandatory guided tour (see New Orleans Cemetery: Why You Have to Pay Admission).

Verdict: I’m still alive. Let’s go drink more.

TPOL’S TIP: St. Louis No. 1 cemetery is located at 425 Basin St, New Orleans.

Grenades

What’s a trip to Bourbon Street without a grenade?

Verdict: TPOL is getting drunk and slightly full.

TPOL’S TIP: Progress has come to the city of binge. Grenades can now be made with Splenda. That’s better for your hangover.

Cigar Factory 

Have a cigar and walk down Bourbon.

Verdict: Gordito Maduro was my cigar of choice. And a great choice it was.

TPOL’S TIP: Cigar Factory is located at 206 Bourbon St.

Pat Obrien’s

Goes without saying because I already said it.

Chophouse

Want a way to end the evening and blow the budget? Go to Chophouse. I recommend the beef carpaccio, porterhouse steak, onion rings with Bleu cheese (they don’t do Ranch), and a side of spinach. Getting a bottle of wine and dirty martinis may be too much. Getting cheesecake was definitely too much.

Verdict: So much, so good.

TPOL’s TIPs:

  • Don’t make a dinner reservation at an upscale steakhouse after what you did all day.
  • Don’t worry if you can’t finish your wine. The waiter will cork the wine for you and provide a plastic cup for the rest. That way you can walk down Bourbon Street with style and class.
  • Chophouse is located at 322 Magazine St.
Wine to go

Bourbon Street Again

Bourbon Street is a fun place. I also believe if there is a hell, this is the entrance to it. Before going home, take advantage of the generous 3 for 1 deal that many bars offer.

TPOL’S TIP: Ignore everything TPOL says.

Sunday

Breakfast: See wine above + Bourbon Street’s 3 for 1

TPOL’S TIP: Stay positive. This is normal.

Jockeys Pub & Sports Bar 

An obligatory detour before Jazz Fest is Jockeys Pub & Sports Bar. It’s walking distance to Jazz Fest and is a marvelous place to keep the binge going. The oysters should not be missed.

Verdict: Best decision of the day.

TPOL’s TIP: Jockeys Pub & Sports Bar is located at 1841 Gentilly Blvd.

Jazz Fest

Did you know TPOL hates concerts? I love music but I do not like standing around in the heat watching others perform. It must have something to do with my egocentric personality and not being the center of attention.

How is this fun?

Unlike most, I was ready to leave Jazz Fest only an hour after arriving. The delay in my exit was from the food tour:

Crawfish Etouffee

Add this to what I can eat everyday.

Muffuletta

Don’t know exactly what it is but could eat one once a week.

Cracklings

The only bad thing I ate in New Orleans.

TPOL’S TIPs:

  • If you like concerts, go to Jazz Fest. If you hate concerts, go to Jazz Fest for the food.
  • If you don’t want to pay full price and want to check out Jazz Fest, read TPOL’s Ticket Scalping Primer.

Nap

For the sake of your life, take a nap (see Hyatt Centric, Save Me from Bourbon Street).

GW Fins 

This restaurant is the tops. A new menu is printed each day. The lobster dumplings were incredible, and the Scalibut (Halibut with scallops) was the right choice.

Lobster dumplings
Crab & Watermelon
Scalibut
Red Snapper

TPOL’s TIPs:

  • Make a reservation days before you arrive. It is always packed.
  • There is a dress code. How enforced it is, I have no idea.
  • GW Fins is located at 808 Bienville St.

Bourbon Street 

You can go out on Bourbon Street again or you can go to sleep. I don’t blame you if you do the latter.

new orleans travel guide
Hyatt Centric, my refuge

Pay for It All

Three nights in New Orleans was not cheap, even with points paying for the hotel. I worked off my debt the best way I knew how.

new orleans travel guide

TPOL’S TIP: Not all money is made in arbitration (visit Bachuwa Law).

What I Missed

Whatever it was, I didn’t have the energy for it anyway. But in terms of Guns & Butter, I would recommend going to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl (see Celebrating Brady Hoke) and, the obvious other event, Mardi Gras.new orleans travel guide

One Last Thing

Be sure to sing “The Saints” whenever you hear it.

Overall

Thank you New Orleans for this memorable binge weekend. I will need at least a year to recover before I consider going back.


Did you enjoy the New Orleans Travel Guide? Then read the full Freddie Awards to New Orleans Binge Weekend Trip Report.

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