After my first flight on Frontier, I needed a chiropractor (see Not Breaking News: Frontier Airlines Sucks). Fortunately, there was a Priority Pass in the terminal. Unfortunately, I could not enter it until three hours before my next flight on the Frontier hell bus. I was disappointed to see that the coffee machine was not working. I was relieved to see that the food was halfway decent.
Seating
It makes sense why they restrict access to this lounge. It was packed when I arrived and packed when I left.
Bar
I tried to preemptively numb myself before the next leg of my flight but could not muster the will to drink.
There is a tip jar for those that are into that.
Overall
This was a pleasant interlude before my next miserable flight on Frontier.
I booked a flight to Phoenix on Frontier not solely because of the price but because of the convenient routing (see Back to Phoenix on Frontier).
Seats
The best way to describe the seat is a bus stop bench. It is inhumane to think that humans can sit for more than ten minutes in this chair. There is not an option to recline at all.
The tiny tray table was not bad for napping.
TPOL’s Tip: Don’t go to the west coast from Puerto Rico. It’s far too long of a journey for little reward.
Fees
I once wrote, Free without the ‘R’ spells FEE. That hasn’t changed. Since I was importing some workout equipment back to Puerto Rico, I had to check a bag. I used my Amex platinum credits to purchase that bag along with a carry-on. Somehow that costs $196!
That price does not include seat assignment. I found that out the hard way. On my connection from MCO to PHX, the machine went eh, eh. The gate agent handed me another ticket. I thought I had been upgraded, if there is such a thing. I was not. Instead, my aisle seat in the middle of the plane was replaced with a middle seat all the way in the back of the plane. Bamboozled, I asked the flight attendant how I could receive a downgrade. He said that since I did not pay for a seat assignment, they have the right to throw me anywhere they want.
Hell bus
Service
That wasn’t the only example of bristly customer service. When we landed in Orlando, an eager passenger, understandably anxious to get off this hell airline, attempted to retrieve his bag before the plane had come to a complete stop.
The flight attendant sternly screamed, “Sit down!” She tried to soften her stance by following up with, “We don’t want anyone injured before they can enjoy Orlando.”
Sleep
The flight back to San Juan was even worse. I was in the back of the plane in an aisle seat sharing the bus bench with a huge guy who was encroaching on the small space that I did have. Why he put his tiny son in the window and himself in the middle is a mystery. If I was uncomfortable then he must have been in agony. I tried to implement my Kama Sutra for sleeping on planes but nothing worked (see The Kama Sutra of Airplane Sleep: Surviving a 17 Hour Flight). There is nothing worse than being exhausted and not being able to sleep. It is torture.
Qsuites, where are you?
Advice
If you are going to fly Frontier, I have some advice for you.
Don’t.
If you choose not to listen to that advice then do the following:
Sit next to a drunk. On the way to Phoenix, the person next to me started the flight by asking for 3 Tanqueray’s and a beer. And then he ordered another round and another. I was waiting for him to be cut off or go berserk or both. Neither happened. Instead, he ordered more. Bored of drinking alone, the friendly drunk offered me gin, and more gin, and more gin. I was beginning to enjoy Frontier.
Gin & Juice but not laid back thanks to Frontier’s seats that do not recline.
If you’re not lucky enough to sit next to a generous drunkard, be sure to download your own entertainment. There is no wifi or IFE on Frontier.
Overall
Frontier is true hell. To punctuate this point, Frontier offered me $800 to give up my seat back to SJU and fly the next day. When I learned it was in the form of a voucher, I politely declined.
I hate but understand 5/24 and currently I am under it. What I don’t understand is why Citi rejected me for the Premier card. Here are the reasons given:
Your credit report shows a high amount of unused credit compared to your available credit lines.
Your credit report shows too many bank or national revolving accounts.
I called recon and it wasn’t like the old days. I was told that nothing could be done. The rep stated contradictory reasons that gave me no hope that I will be approved in the future. On the one hand, I have too much available credit, and on the other hand I was told that I close cards too frequently. Am I supposed to call each bank and lower my credit line for existing accounts? Perhaps that would alleviate concern #1. But concern #2 and the reason listed in the rejection letter are polar opposites.
I am stuck with 240k TY points that can’t be used until Citi sees the good in me.
I chose Rio Mar (see House Hunters Puerto Rico: TPOL Finds His Home). One place I did not visit was Coco Beach which, like Rio Mar, is located in the municipality of Rio Grande. Coco Beach hosts the Puerto Rican Open and is also home to the Hyatt Grand Reserve.
Getting There: Coco Beach is a ten-minute drive from my house. Assuming you’re not coming from my house, the best way to get there is via Uber.
TPOL’s TIP: Uber shouldn’t be more than $30. If it is surging, wait 30 minutes after landing and you’ll see the fare crash down like BitCoin.
Hotel Itself
Like Bahia, Coco Beach is isolated. Some people might find it relaxing, but I didn’t like the seclusion. I also found it to be dated.
I did not take a shower but did take a photo of the tub.
Espresso
While there was a Nespresso machine, the hotel only provided two bottles of water, hardly sufficient especially post drinking and post Domino’s (see below).
The Pool
The pool is the main draw of the hotel.
Alcohol
As a resident of Puerto Rico, I have grown accustomed to bringing my own alcohol everywhere I go.
Shark Attack
There was an incident with a shark in the pool. I tried to handle it but failed.
The Food
For lunch, I had a $20 burger which was prepared in a food truck. It was good and the price was inline with resort prices. For second lunch, I had $20 nachos which was also prepared in a food truck. They were great and the price was inline with resort prices. Fortunately, I used my World of Hyatt Business card and will receive a $50 statement credit (see World of Hyatt Business: Almost Missed $100 Statement Credits Per Year).
A second pool next to the taco truck.
The Beach
Coco Beach is a nice beach. It is nicer than the beach directly in front of the Wyndham Rio Mar and similar to Las Picaus, a beach accessible to me by foot.
Our iguanas are bigger.
Dinner
After a long day of drinking, I made the right choice to skip the upscale dining and order in. The wrong choice was not bringing enough water to satisfy my thirst.
Overall
Category 4 Hyatts are good enough. Calling this one Grand is a stretch.
For months, I had been reading about Italy’s 1 Euro houses and found villas for sale in Castiglione, a town in an area that I had visited and thoroughly enjoyed (see Mount Etna, Sicily Wine Tour: Fun & Games Until Police Stop). What’s more, the town had the second-best golf course in Sicily. Imagine living on a golf course in Puerto Rico and having another property near a golf course in the heart of Europe.
I tried reaching out through the website and never received a response (see Nothing to Rent in Tuscany, But Maybe I’ll Buy a House in Italy). Fed up with the basement, I decided if I wanted to make this happen, I would have to go there in person. Accordingly, I booked a one-way ticket to Madrid with the expectation that when I returned to Puerto Rico, it would be as a dual property owner.
When I landed in Madrid, I had difficulty finding a flight to Sicily. As a descendant of the ‘Frugal Travel Guy,’ I refused to overpay for a flight and thought it best that the next decision should be made under the influence (see Guns & Butter: Ribera Del Duero, Madrid Travel Guide (Vino Edition)). Three days into my wine exploration, I checked for flights to Italy. Once again, there was nothing cheap. However, I did find a nice Avios redemption to Copenhagen and decided to go there instead. That ended up being a smart choice (see Guns & Butter: Copenhagen Travel Guide).
The ‘frugal’ road to Italy continued from Copenhagen onto Belfast, onto Edinburgh, and concluding in Manchester. Reminded of how much fun travel is and reminded of how much I like big cities, the idea of moving to another remote island for more of the same did not sound appealing. Exhausted from Covid tests, (Scam Covid Test #1: Entering the UK & Scam Covid Test #2: Leaving the UK), I almost decided to go home. While in Conwy (see Guns & Butter: Conwy, Wales Travel Guide), I finally found a cheap flight to Sicily. I figured since I had come this far, I should, a la Forrest Gump, see it through until the end versus giving up on the idea entirely (see Canceled! TPOL’s Move to Albania).
The next stop was Milan to see my Italian lawyer and friend (see 1 Euro Italian Villa: Would She Be Mine?). From the beginning of the process, he was an indispensable part of the purchase process. He too called the town to see if he could find out more information about what properties were available. He too was told all the information was on the website. When I unearthed the contact information for the mayor of Castiglione, he called on my behalf and set up a meeting for when I arrived. While he was of great assistance, he was also blunt in his assessment of this idea. Simply put, he found it stupid. He and my other Italian friend found the entire 1 Euro housing concept amusing. They asked, “Have you thought if the prices are so cheap, why aren’t all Italians flocking to buy them?” Since everyone thought I was crazy when I moved to Puerto Rico (see Despacito! TPOL Is Moving to Puerto Rico! Effective Inmediatamente), I chose not to dignify their question with a response.
TPOL & His Attorney
I arrived in Catania late in the night, pretending that this would be the same process I would undertake when Castiglione became my home. The first bad omen was when I went to the rental counter to discover that I had made my reservation for the following day. After canceling that one, I was forced to book one on the spot and pay a premium for doing so. The cold indifference of the rental agent was similar to the Park & Go in Puerto Rico. Appropriately, that experience did not tilt the scales into whether moving here was a good fit.
On the other hand, the drive from Catania did factor into the equation. The airport is one hour from Castiglione, and there is no convenient transportation. The allure of moving to Sicily included the ability to pop in and pop out at a moment’s notice. How could I do so without a ride to and from the airport? Putting aside that inconvenience, I can say that the drive itself was not difficult. Unlike Puerto Rico, there were lights on the freeway and no man-eating potholes.
I captured the photo with the thought that it would be our first meal in our new hometown.
The next morning, we made the drive from the hotel up the mountain, back down the mountain, and then back up the winding road for one, Castiglione.
Leaving the hotel in the morning. Will this be my future practice green?Wally World dad?No, it’s Castiglione.For Sale signs everywhereThe only wide road is the one coming in.I could see myself having espresso on the balcony.
Of course, the first test to see if I could live here was sampling an espresso. Next to alcohol, nothing leads to more impulsive decisions than caffeine.
Starbucks is heresy.
Meeting the Mayor
My Italian lawyer arranged a meeting with the mayor at his office.
The town square and mayor’s office.Stairway to the mayor
Unfortunately, the mayor could not reach any of the sellers by phone. I was disappointed that I had come all this way and would not see the inside of any units. As luck would have it, we came across a realtor who was giving a tour to other prospective American buyers. They uneasily welcomed us into their group. I suspect that they were concerned that we would poach their dream 1 Euro villa.
Here’s What $40,000 Gets You
I had read online that 1 Euro gets you a pile of rubble. I read that $5,000 gets you something decent and $20,000 gets you something move-in ready. Imagine my horror when the realtor said $40,000 gets you this:
Instantly, our American competitors were no longer apprehensive of our presence. The realtor tried to justify the price saying that it included both the top floor and the bottom. I could not help but laugh. Even if the unit were 1 Euro, how could anyone renovate such a place? Where would they buy the supplies? Where would they find the labor? It was hard enough in Puerto Rico to upgrade my villa, and we have ten Home Depots! The realtor continued to show us around, but at this point everyone had tuned him out. We returned to the city center traumatized as to what we had seen. Collectively, we, the prospective buyers, uttered ‘goodbye’ to one another but our eyes screamed ‘get out!’
On our return to the hotel, we stopped to memorialize the moment.What were we doing here?
Requisite Castle Stop
Castiglione means castle of the lions. We couldn’t come this far and not visit the castle.
Doesn’t Mean We Can’t Drink And Be Merry
Barring some unseen circumstance, we began to accept the reality that Castiglione would not be our second home. The most commonly used phrase was, “It’s good for the blog.” Who else would have the determination to send in the application, meet with an Italian lawyer, and arrange a meeting with the mayor of a Sicilian town? That resilience was worth celebrating over wine and pasta followed by more espresso and gelato.
Seemed unlikely that Damico would be my barista as I once romantically envisioned.
The only thing left to do was get drunk. Of course, one does not say such things aloud. That’s why we continued with the go-to phrase, “It’s for the blog,” as our excuse to go from vineyard to vineyard. The first vineyard was Etna Nocciole. Because this was during Covid, the wine tasting was less formal.
Not that informal.Right from the teat.
With wine like this, maybe I do want to live here.Maybe I’ll buy a vineyard.
Last Call for a 1 Euro Villa
With the sun going down, we went to the Tornatore vineyard. Here’s where the plot thickened.
We struck up a conversation with a German couple who had recently purchased a villa in Castiglione. They told us that the Jesus’s manger we were shown for 40k was outrageous and not representative of what was for sale. I asked how much move-in ready villas cost. They confirmed that they were not 5k or 20k, as I had read online, but ranged from 40k-100k. They offered to show us these villas the next day. Heartened, I wondered if my Italian villa dreams might be a reality.
The German ambassador to Castiglione.
After more wine, we were invited to join them for more drinks and experience the nightlife of Castiglione. Naturally, that meant going back to the town square where the handful of yutes met in a liquor store to have too much sambuca.
Would the owner be my drinking buddy?Potato chips available for purchase.
After dancing in a mini-mart with music blasting and bright lights glaring, it was time to head home.
Il Picciolo Golf Club
With the possibility of purchasing a villa slightly higher than it was half a day before, I needed to see what Italian country club life was like.
Before playing, I had lunch at the clubhouse. Sorry, Puerto Rico, but fresh pasta is better than fried pork.
Golf
While I was golfing, Ms. TPOL was out with the Germans house hunting. Now, I could focus on what was important- golf. But first, I needed to scope out my competition.
Hmm who is this Leonardi?
The club had a TrackMan, an indispensable tool to beat Leonardi.
We also have one in my club in PR.
Before teeing off, I inquired about membership. It’s $2,000 a year with a 10% discount on alcohol. Cart is not included.
10% off this quality beer is not as good as 40% in Puerto Rico.
I have a much nicer push cart at home.
The Course
TPOL has a rule. If I drink the night before, I do not golf the next day because I will lack the mental capacity to focus. It pains me to think about how I am supposed to hit a tiny ball hundreds of yards and then have the finesse to finish off the job with smooth putting. But for the fact that I needed to verify if I was a right fit at this club, I would’ve taken the day off. #sambuca
Now teeing off, a future member?
A Hole in One?
The 10th hole, a par 3, is the most magnificent hole on the course because it stares directly at Mt. Etna, an active volcano. I fired off a beauty with my hybrid and watched it sail right at the mountain.
Had it went in, I would’ve taken it as a sign. My ability to birdie not bogey, a rarity in Puerto Rico, gave me the will to keep playing, but it fell short of the divine intervention I was seeking to signify that this was the place for me. My drive to continue playing did not last long. As I came down to earth and as my hangover started settling in, I reverted to my old habit of losing balls every which way.
Treasure trove of golf balls in there.
With no cart, I had plenty of time to walk and think about if I really wanted to move here. As I started skipping one hole after another, it became apparent that yesterday’s excitement to buy was due to the sambuca. I arrived at the 18th, parred the hole, then retired.
18th
Should I Buy?
While waiting for Ms. TPOL to return, I thought about how far I had come in my quest to buy a 1 Euro Italian villa. Despite commending myself on getting this far, I had the following questions:
Do you want to live on another island?
Do you want to live in another community with no young people and no nightlife?
Do you want to renovate another place?
Do you want to live in another place where English is not the first language?
Do you want to pay for two golf memberships?
Is 40k for a villa a good deal?
Do you like Italy?
Do you like Europe?
Ms. TPOL Returns
Ms. TPOL returned with news I did not want to hear. She informed me that there were move-in-ready villas available from 40k-100k. She tried to show me the videos. Before she was able to hit play, I took her by the hand and led her to the Fiat.
Did TPOL buy a 1 euro villa in Italy?
This photo at the airport says it all:
If you are still unclear, let me say it in Italian: No!
The title of this Trip Report is appropriately called Over/Under because I am planning on living in Melbourne for six weeks next spring but am unsure about the odds of that actually happening. My travel goal is to take up residency in two first-tier cities twice a year, while, as I have always done, taking multiple helter-skelter trips throughout the year (see Vote for Where TPOL Will Move Next And…). This new lifestyle is my attempt to make up time (see Lost & Found Year(s)). I am hopeful that it will work.
My anticipated first residency, Dubai, was easy to select on account of the World Cup in Qatar (see Is TPOL Going to The World Cup?). The second was dumb luck. I read a blog post from View From The Wing. He detailed great availability to Australia and New Zealand with a stopover in Fiji. Since I have not visited Fiji and since Melbourne was on the aforementioned list of “Where TPOL Will Move Next,” I decided to press my luck and search for availability. As Gary wrote, it was wide open. Within a few minutes, I made my booking and am [tentatively] on my way to a new life down under. It only cost 55k Alaska points and $43.40 per passenger.
After Covid (see The Lost & Found Year(s)), I decided that I have zero interest in listening to other people and no desire to live in second-tier cities. That is why I have decided, economics permitting, that I will try a new style of travel. Twice a year, I will stay true to TPOL’s Travel Philosophy, bouncing from one new country in an effort to run up the Country Count List which currently stands at 126, despite the grumblings from antagonists who argue that Puerto Rico shouldn’t be included on that list (see Is Hawaii a Country?). Twice a year I will, like Celine Deion or Elton John, take up residence somewhere. The requirements are as follows:
The following is the list of eligible cities. Though they are ranked, it does not mean I will visit them in this order. I must, under penalty of flogging, go to all of them before moving on to another.
I knocked out the Pho Mecca, #16 Ho Chi Minh, because I don’t speak Vietnamese and because I prefer to live in modern, upscale cities. It may seem hypocritical to knock off Saigon but keep Bangkok, but I wrote the list and make no apologies for that inclusion. It may not make sense to include Tokyo and Osaka because I don’t speak Japanese, but in terms of culture, not many places are better. To the novice, it may make no sense to remove #5 Hong Kong, but I’ll always be 上海人。Curiously, my third favorite city at the time I wrote the post in 2020, Buenos Aires, is the least desirable place for me to live. However, I do speak Spanish and did enjoy the steak and wine. I kept it because everyone should learn to Tango at one point in his or her life.
If I stick to this schedule, I will complete the list by 2038. Maybe then I will have learned Portuguese and head to Rio. Deciding for myself where I want to spend my life is better than my gimmick ploy to attract blog readership.
Disclaimer: I make no apologies for the post title. You read it. It’s over. File a claim with the authorities if you feel that you were baited.
Disclaimer: Who knows what will happen come tomorrow? All of this is subject to change. That is why my Melbourne Residency is appropriately called, Over/Under.
Question: Who’s got it better than us!?
Answer: #notelias
Baghdad is not included in the list unless I receive my Hunter Biden oil consulting position.
One thing I do know is that I am flying to SE Asia on Singapore Airlines. The 18 hour and 50 minute flight aboard an a350 from JFK to SIN is the longest in the world. It may also be the cheapest in the world. Using 100k Alaska Miles, I only had to pay $18. That makes the flight less than $1/hour. For $6 more, I am flying to Hanoi to see my friend whom I have not seen since 2021 (see Bogota, a Party City? Who Knew?). From there, I will meet up with my friend from India whom I haven’t seen since 2012 (see Losing My Points Virginity: Trip Report Overview) in Bangkok, where yet another friend lives whom I haven’t seen since 2016 (see My Last Binge in Bangkok). After that, I am not sure where I will go or whom I will meet. What I do know is the following:
Despite Covid, I still have a lot of friends across the globe.
