It’s 4th of July, my favorite holiday next to Halloween. Last year I entered into a hot dog eating contest. This year I tried a burger contest believing my love of hamburgers would carry me to victory.
Let’s set the scene: The contest was if I could eat a 2 pound burger, 1 pound of fries, and a 32 OZ milkshake in 20 minutes. From the outset, I recognized that a 32 OZ milkshake could be a problem because who could finish one of those with unlimited time? I also was wary about the fries because they killed me in the hot dog contest. The size of the burger was of no concern because I love burgers (see 4 Big Macs while in Prague).
Here’s how it went in pictures:
So did I win?
According to the owner, Parker, I did not because I didn’t finish the tomatoes, a single pickle, and the lettuce. I hate tomatoes and couldn’t believe that I could lose like this especially after consuming 5000 calories. Disgraced, I was forced to pay $30 for what should have been a free meal.
The lesson I learned is to attack these contests with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. This means eating fries by the handful and chugging the milkshake like a madman. That way when the extra pieces of lettuce are all over my shirt, on the table, and the floor, I will be declared victor, not loser.
Anyone agree that I should’ve won? I invite you to look at the first pic and the last.