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Wednesday, June 12, 2024
HomeSpainCanary IslandsPlaya de Las Americas, Tenerife: Well That Sucked

Playa de Las Americas, Tenerife: Well That Sucked

Playa de Las Americas is part of the Still The Best Trip Report.


Why would you get on a plane for 4 hours, drop your bag at the hotel and hunt down a UK pub and stay there the whole time? Eat the same garbage pub food you eat at home? And drink the same beer you get at home? Watch football on the TV in a pub in Spain? What’s the point? If the UK weather was good, they’d stay home and get smashed.

Those are the words of a famous Scotsman when I told him I was going to Playa de Las Americas, Tenerife’s party spot.

After two nights in Playa de Las Americas, I retreated back to the Ritz with those same questions (see Ritz Carlton Tenerife: We’ll Make It Better, The Second Time Around).

While I can’t be bothered to question why people travel, I can say that my idea of a fun holiday is not to be surrounded by the same people from home, doing the same things I do at home. The lack of creativity or diversity made Playa de Las Americas bland. It was nothing but store after store of doner kebab followed by pub after pub. Between those were 24/7 supermarkets selling shot after shot. While it’s better than Corfu for the atmosphere, it’s not that much better (see Make Corfu Greek Again! How Tourism Ruined an Island).  And despite my Iraqi heritage, I would take gyros over doner every time.

a group of people outside of a building with neon signs
Same damn setup in every tourist destination.
a building with a sign and people outside
Same damn setup in every tourist destination. Worth repeating.
a man cooking in a kitchen
Same damn setup in every tourist destination. Worth repeating again.

Accommodations

I have written many times about hostel vs. hotel (see Ayia Napa, Cyprus: Hotel vs. Hostel, Hostel v. Hotel v. Friend’s Home, Frontier Hotel Darwin: My Case for Hostels). Try as I might, I can’t bring myself to pay cash for non-brand hotels. $250 a night for a run-down hotel with no status is not appealing. Concurrently, paying $100 a night while I am gone for weeks on end isn’t a bargain. In Playa de las Americas, there weren’t any American brands i.e., no points options. Sorting by price and location, I booked a room for two nights at the Servatur Caribe for 85 euros a night. Imagine my shock when I checked in and found out there was no air conditioning. Imagine my annoyance when the 1 bedroom ‘suite’ only had Wi-Fi functioning in the living room. In fact, the Wi-Fi worked better at the pool than in the room.a swimming pool and a building

a pool with people in the background
I’m here for the Wi-Fi.

The AC issue and party issue do not go hand in hand. After drinking Guinness with my Irish mates and singing folk songs with my UK friends, the last thing I wanted to do was come back to a room with no AC and no ceiling fan. Two nights of night sweats and alcohol withdrawals were enough for me.

a glass of beer on a bar
Oh goodness, no AC with Guinness
a group of people in a bar
Gaelic Corner

TPOL’s Tip: Gaelic Corner is actually worth visiting. It is located at Av. Rafael Puig Lluvina, 16, 38650 Arona, Santa Cruz de Tenerife, Spain.

The Beach

Playa de what? There’s no beach here.  Only rocks. But for my beach gym, I would have never gone.a beach with palm trees and people on the beach a sign on a beach

a cup of beer and a bottle of liquid on a table
Important to hydrate post gym

Hard Rock?

Desperately trying to ‘make party,’ I considered booking a room at the Hard Rock for $300 for my last night in Tenerife. I thought there might be a good pool party during the day and nice air conditioning at night. I jumped in a taxi which is cheaper than Uber (see Tenerife: Take a Taxi Over Uber) to see for myself. The hotel was nice but the vibe felt manufactured. The 20 euro ride each way saved me from the disappointment of trying to find something that was not meant to be.a rock sculpture in a courtyard

Tandoori Nights

Tenerife might not have good nightlife, but it does have great Indian food. Since I gave up on the party scene, I did the next best thing. I feasted on Indian food. Vindaloo lamb, vegetable biryani, and a bottle of sauvignon blanc was better than any mix a DJ could put together.a table with plates of food and glasses of wine a pizza with green light a bowl of soup with white liquid and green leaves a plate of rice and vegetables a bowl of food with green leaves

TPOL’s Tip: The location is Av. Adeje 300, 38678 Adeje, Santa Cruz de Tenerife, Spain.

a screenshot of a food search

Overall

I came to the Canary Islands because the name itself is endearing. I also came for the vanity of adding another ‘country’ to my list (see Is Hawaii a Country?). I thought that Playa de Las Americas was going to be a unique party place. It was not. But for the Ritz Carlton, I would say that Tenerife was underwhelming.

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