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Guns & Butter: Milan Travel Guide

Guns & Butter: Milan Travel Guide is part of Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report.


TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works – A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.


Milan is a great city. Everyone is so fashionable. I feel like a bum each time I am there because I never have my tailor-made suit and tie (see Fabric Market Shanghai Prices: How to Bargain (2019 Edition). My ragged appearance does not stop me from taking in the sights, treating myself to fancy dinners, or staying at top-end hotels. Here’s what I have done:

Stay

If you’re here for one night, the Hyatt Centric is acceptable.

a multicolored building with many windows with Canterbury Cathedral in the background a bed with white pillows and a black bed with green lights

If you’re here to experience Milan, splurge for my favorite Park Hyatt, the Park Hyatt Milano (see Let Me Live Here, Please).

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See

    • The Park Hyatt is steps away from the following:
  • Duomo di Milano 
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  • Sforza Castle

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  • Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II

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While it is beautiful in the day, it is best experienced at night (see Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II: Go At Night).

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Drink

Nothing says Italy like espresso and negroni (see Negroni! Social Drinking in Milan Espresso Bar Italy: Nothing Better).

a cup of coffee on a saucer

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  • Fancy Lunch

Overpay for pizza and wine in La Galleria.

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  • Pop Up Bars

A nice social spot area is Colonne di San Lorenzo. Drinks are cheaper and the atmosphere is vibin.

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Food

From late night to tourist to everything in between, there’s no shortage of places to eat in Milan (see Food in Milan: Tourist Places But Great Nonetheless)

  • Late Night

With everything closed around the Hyatt Centric, we went to a ‘diner’ on Via Ruggero Boscovich, 22, 20124.

a bottle of wine next to a glass of wine

Another choice is Le Capannelle which is located on Viale Papiniano, a great name for a street.

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  • Tourist

It’s tricky to ask upscale hotels like the Park Hyatt for dinner recommendations. They send tourists to safe spots that may not necessarily be the best for authenticity or value. Here, the Park Hyatt recommended Solferino. One thing is for certain, you will arrive in style.

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That’s not to say that the wine and food were not top notch.

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Local 

  • Latteria di San Marco: Though I’ve never been, I have it on local authority that I missed out.

Real Estate Law

If you’re thinking of buying a 1 euro villa, I have a lawyer you should speak with first (see 1 Euro Italian Villa: Would She Be Mine?).

two men standing in front of a building
What happens when a client doesn’t listen to his lawyer? Stay tuned for Part II.

Overall 

Next time I go to Milan, I will show up with better clothes. Other than that, I felt right at home.

Hyatt Centric Milan: Cert Worthy?

Hyatt Centric Milan Hotel Review is part of Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report.


Getting There: From LIN, I took the bus. To MXP airport, I took the train (see “Tickets, Please, Tickets”: Train Anxiety).

a small black building with a sign on it two brown bottles with white labels on them

TPOL’s Tip: Like many big cities, the area around the central bus/train station is not the best at night. Stopping for a beer on the way to the hotel was a mistake given the unstable patrons.

a machine with a red ribbon


The age-old question: you have one night in a city and a late arrival. Do you burn points on a nice hotel that you will not enjoy besides the bed?

a digital sign with a date and time

Points’ philosophers have been pondering this question for years. I faced it en route to Catania to buy a villa (see Nothing to Rent in Tuscany, But Maybe I’ll Buy a House in Italy) vila Milan. With a stay certificate set to expire in 3 months, I booked the Hyatt Centric Central Milan.a multicolored building with many windows with Canterbury Cathedral in the background a multicolored building with lights

Globalist

Although I had hit Globalist by staying at the Hyatt Regency Manchester, my status had not kicked in. I did not receive an upgrade and had to beg for a 4PM checkout.

Room

The room was what I expected for a 15k a night Hyatt.a bed in a room a bed with white pillows and a black bed with green lights a bed with pillows and a lamp on the side a room with a desk and a chair

Bathrooma bathroom with a shower and toilet a shower with a shower head and a shower head a group of black bottles

Location

The hotel is a five-minute walk to the train station, a six-minute walk to my lawyer’s office (see 1 Euro Italian Villa: Would She Be Mine?), and a five-minute walk to late-night restaurants (see Late Night Bite in Milan).a bottle of wine next to a glass of wine

View

a group of buildings in a city

Overall

I arrived late. I woke up late. I went to lunch and returned for a siesta. While I didn’t get to enjoy the amenities of the hotel apart from the location, I still conclude it was a good use of points only because it was an expiring stay certificate. However, if I return to Milan, there’s only one place to stay: the Park Hyatt (see Let Me Live Here, Please).

a sign on a wall

1 Euro Italian Villa: Would She Be Mine?

1 Euro Italian Villa is part of Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report.


I was going a little crazy sitting on the beach in Puerto Rico for the last 17 months (see The Lost & Found Year(s): COVID Trip Report). I had read about the 1 euro houses in Italy for the past few years and thought that if there was a time to buy one, it would be now (see Nothing to Rent in Tuscany, But Maybe I’ll Buy a House in Italy). This was especially true because Castiglione, a town near Mr. Etna, Sicily where I had previously been and rather enjoyed (see Mount Etna, Sicily Wine Tour: Fun & Games Until Police Stop) had places for sale.

Simultaneously, I had grown tired of hiding in the basement and needed a way to transition from the Lost & Found Year(s) to the Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report that had many false starts up to this point (see No Vegas for TPOL).

The first step in the process was sending in my application for consideration. I received an automated response and over the course of a few months continued to receive automated responses.

I contacted my friend in Milan, an Italian lawyer, and asked him to call the town. The only feedback he received was that everything is on the website. Periodically, I would check the website and of course, there was nothing useful on there.

After months of talking both about buying a villa and about traveling, I decided to stop talking and start doing (see Leaving My Basement ). The plan was a few days in Ribera del Duero, near Madrid, for wine tasting (see Guns & Butter: Ribera Del Duero, Madrid Travel Guide (Vino Edition)), followed by a flight to Catania, Sicily to tour the area. As a procrastinator, I didn’t book my flight to Sicily ahead of time. When I landed in Madrid, I checked the flights to Catania. They were expensive and inconvenient. I decided to change the plan and hop from city to city until I found a cheap flight to Italy. With each stop, I ended up further away from my prospective new hometown: Denmark, Northern Ireland, Scotland, England, and Wales.

At the same time, the inconvenience of traveling during Covid began to take its toll. From scam testing (see Scam Covid Test #1: Entering the UK & Scam Covid Test #2: Leaving the UK) to arduous passenger locator forms, I began to think that the universe was telling me to give up on this idea. Indeed, it wasn’t until I randomly decided to go to Wales (see Guns & Butter: Conwy, Wales Travel Guide) that I found a cheap flight to Italy. Of course, this required another Covid test and another form.

Persistent or hard-headed, I finally made it to Milan and met with my Italian lawyer. We went to lunch where he advised me that this was a stupid idea. While he confirmed that homes were being sold fold next to nothing, he warned that I would be living in a town stuck in the past. He described a slow, laid-back lifestyle where urgency was not a priority. He added that the process of buying a place would be anything but simple. Since this sounded exactly like life in Puerto Rico, I was not intimidated. I decided to press forward.

Thanks to my sleuthing, I found the contact information for the mayor of Castiglione. My lawyer called him and made the arrangements to meet with me upon my arrival. Perhaps I had misread the cards. Perhaps it was my destiny to own a villa in the Mediterranean after all.

two men standing in front of a building
What happens when a client doesn’t listen to his lawyer? Stay tuned for Part II.

Late Night Bite in Milan

Late Night Bite is part of Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report.


TPOL’s Tip: Upon arriving to a new city, proceed with urgency to the hotel. You don’t know how a few minutes wasted can affect an evening (see all TPOL’s Travel Lessons here).


I arrived in Milan at 9PM. The Hyatt Centric Centrale is one hour by bus. Instead of going right to the hotel, I thought it was cute to stop by a small bodega for a beer located in the square of the central train station. Not only did I encounter questionable characters but also found myself walking around central Milan with an open container, wondering if it were illegal as it is in the US.

a small black building with a sign on it two brown bottles with white labels on them

When I finally arrived at the Hyatt, I was hungry but it was 10:30PM. I was told of a nice restaurant around the corner that closed at twelve. I was told that I could leave my bags and check-in after I went for a late dinner. Since I wasn’t going to be long in the room, I thought I had plenty of time. It was not until I got to the room that I realized that my watch did not sync to the new time zone. It was in fact 11:30PM.

Despite arriving at 11:40PM, I was told that the kitchen was closed. As we wandered around the city, we were turned away from one restaurant to the next. With only one night in Milan, I began to curse my decision to stop for a beer and lament my failure to account for the change in the timezone as Milan is one hour ahead of Manchester.

Finally, we came across a restaurant with a red awning that said ‘Grill’ & ‘Hamburger’. With no other choices, we decided to give it a try. Since we did not have a green QR code and since they did not understand that our US vaccine card was technically sufficient, we were forced to eat outside. Fortunately, it was a warm evening and there were space heaters.

a bottle of wine next to a glass of wine a plate of meat and cheese a plate of pasta with sauce

TPOL’s TIP: The location is Via Ruggero Boscovich, 22, 20124 Milano MI, Italy.

On the one hand, wine, cheese, and pasta bolstered my belief that I could live in Italy. On the other, the inflexibility with time and the hassle of the QR code reminded me of Puerto Rico, undercutting my belief that I would want to live in Italy.

Simply The Best: April 2022

Oh look another month has gone by. Here’s the best from April.

  1. 25,000 Mile RTW Trip Including Iraq Booked!

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    I’m happy to get back on the road again. #duckcovid #nomaskonplanes And One more thing, I booked this for two people. #dynomite #youvestillgotit
  2. The Urban Turban Has Launched: Buy One Today! [Limited Inventory]

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    Who knows if this idea will work, but how many people do you know could pull this off? The answer is one.
  3. Guns & Butter: Conwy, Wales Travel Guide

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    Wales is a perfect example of a place that is not a country by the standard definition, but it should be for a plethora of reasons.
  4. 100 GBP Carry-On Bags? Scammed by Ryanair & Trips.com

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    If I have to fly Ryanair again, I would rather pay more and book directly than book through a third-party site and go through this nonsense.
  5. Priority Pass Manchester: Do You Have a Reservation?

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    Requiring reservations and controlling where people sit in a lounge does nothing to stop the spread of Covid. We will look back and wonder why we had these nonsensical measures.
  6. Scam Covid Test #2: Leaving the UK

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    How much money is being made off of these tests?
  7. Remedial Reminder: Put Your Rewards Account Number in Your Credit App

    a screenshot of a flight schedule
    Here’s a post that will yield more people telling me how stupid I am.

25,000 Mile RTW Trip Including Iraq Booked!

I’ve been missing in action, but for a good reason. I have been working on another epic round-the-world trip, the last being in 2019 before the world ended (see Booked! ANA RTW: 22,000 Miles in Glorious Business). Once again, I am using ANA miles to make this business class dream come true.

Here is a comparison of the past and present:

Miles Required 

  • 2019: The 22,000-mile flight required 125,000 ANA points.
  • 2022: I am flying just under 25,000 miles. This requires 145k ANA points.

How to Get ANA Miles 

I transferred 145k MR’s, and in one day the miles were reflected in my account. Note that ANA miles expire after 3 years from issuance and cannot be extended.

Fuel Surcharges 

If there’s one drawback to ANA, it’s that you have to pay fuel surcharges depending on which airline you fly. The way to check how much fuel surcharges will be is to search on the Matrix.

YQ or YR denotes fuel surcharges.
YQ or YR denotes fuel surcharges.

In the ‘el cheapo’ days, I would be outraged if I had to pay one dollar in fuel surcharges and would try to use my Barclays Arrival card to offset such charges. Today, I don’t care and don’t have the time or desire to MS my way to a few hundred in savings (see I’m Done with Manufactured Spending).

  • 2019: The fuel surcharges came out to $1022. Que desastre!
  • 2022: The fuel surcharges came out to $1602.13 Que mierda!

Routing Rules 

Via God Save the Points, here are the rules with my comments in bold from this time and last time:

  • You must choose to fly east-west or west-east — you are NOT allowed to backtrack:
    • 2019: ANA allowed to fly to Beirut via Istanbul and then to Shanghai via Istanbul. Initially, I thought it was absolutely not allowed to go backwards. From what I’ve read and with my experience, you just can’t backtrack from one continent to another.
    • 2022: I went from Lithuania to Iraq, to Turkey, onto Tunisia, back to Istanbul, then to Georgia, back to Istanbul, then to Qatar, then to Egypt, before finally going to Thailand. Somehow that’s not backtracking.
  • You must cross both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans — only once each as per the rule above:
    • 2019: Easily done.
    • 2022: Basically impossible. Thanks to Covid there are no flights on Air China; there’s no availability on Asiana; United had no saver awards; and ANA from Japan was impossible because tourists aren’t allowed into Japan to transit from HND to NRT. The only flight I found was NRT to MEX but could not find a flight that arrived on time.
  • Include up to 12 segments and include 4 ground transfer segments.
    • 2019: I could only get to 10. Obviously, direct flights are your best bet.
    • 2022: I hit 12 but it wasn’t by choice. All roads lead to Istanbul.
  • Up to 8 stopovers are allowed. If you have all the time in the world, take the stopovers. I do not but am still satisfied with the routing.
    • Up to 3 in Europe
    • Up to 4 in Japan
  • Your trip must span at least 10 days from the date of your first international departure. I would love to see someone do this in 11 days.
  • Flights may be operated by ANA or Star Alliance partners.
    • 2019: From what I read, you cannot fly Etihad and book flights with Star Alliance Partners. Juneyao Air, an airline based out of Shanghai, is a United partner but not a Star Alliance partner.
    • 2022: An ANA round the world ticket is basically a tour of Turkish Airlines, for better or worse.
  • Your itinerary must touch all three zones, what ANA calls “Areas”, and return to the one from which you started the trip.
    • 2019: As you’ll see from my GCMAP, I had to fly from New York and return to New York. I tried to fly from Puerto Rico and return to New York but was told that Puerto Rico is not part of the United States. That’s interesting to learn.
    • 2022: I tried to start in PR and end in Latin America but could not find availability.

Where I’m Going 

Airlines 

  • LOT (JFK-WAW): I’ve never flown LOT before. That’s exciting minus the reviews saying it’s not the greatest.
  • Singapore (Didn’t work): I found availability on SQ business and put tickets on hold. I called back to make other changes and they said that the agent said that I could not fly SQ in business because the airline doesn’t release award space for business. I don’t know what would have happened had I booked that itinerary instead of putting it on hold and did not bother to try.
  • EgyptAir (DOH-CAI-BKK): This was the best way to plan for Algeria and get to SE Asia. I flew EgyptAir in economy and it wasn’t bad (see EgyptAir: Warning Economy Class Review), but like LOT, I don’t hear great things.
  • United (HND-LAX): I’ve been out of the game so long that I did not know that United eliminated their ‘saver’ business column. Thanks to Live And Let’s Fly, I learned that ‘JN’ isn’t saver and that I need to find ‘I’ to get old-school pricing that is bookable on partner airlines.
a screenshot of a flight schedule
Thanks to JN, there will be no GUM for ‘I’.
  • Turkish: Everything else.

Booking 

It’s easy, almost too easy, to book an ANA RTW ticket. Unlike most ticketing centers, the ANA representatives want you to feed them the flight numbers. And if something is not available, you don’t have to hang up and call back after you’ve figured it out. They help you find something else.

2019: TPOL’s TIP: You have 72 hours to put your ticket on hold, but ANA will not guarantee that tickets will actually be there when you’re ready to book (see Award Booking OCD = Fortnite Addiction).

2022: TPOL’s TIP: They said 24 hours was the maximum they would put the itinerary on hold, but then they put it on hold for 72 after I called back. Best to book as soon as possible regardless.

Total Mileage Flown 

  • 2019: I wanted to get as close to 22k miles as possible. GCMAP says I topped out at 21,589, but ANA said I was at 21,879. I’ll go with ANA’s official mileage in measuring how close I came to squeezing every mile in business.
  • 2022: GCMAP says 24,275. I’m slipping on my efficiency.

a screenshot of a computer

Map

I’ve saved the best for last, the map.

  • 2019Invalid request error occurred.
  • 2022 a map of the world with red lines

Both are glorious.

Airlines Spreadsheet 

  • 2019Invalid request error occurred.
  • 2022: You’ll have to wait till this is over.

Overall

  • 2019: Devaluation? I Laugh in the Face of Devaluation, and am happy to say that I still do. Maybe this points game will come to an end one day, but at this rate, I think I’ll be dead before that happens. #pointsnewdeal #tpol2020 #tpol2024
  • 2022: I’m happy to get back on the road again. #duckcovid #nomaskonplanes

And One More Thing 

I booked this for two people. #dynomite #youvestillgotit

Why Is Turkish ‘Unsanitary’ on SeatGuru?

I am not a huge fan of Turkish Airlines. I have flown it many times before. In 2019, I flew it from Istanbul to Shanghai and could not believe that they operated a 2-3-2 business class (see Turkish Business IST-PVG: Really, 2-3-2?). To ensure that I don’t end up on another sub-product, I tried to use SeatGuru. Regardless of the flight, all Turkish queries resulted in this:

a white background with black dots

I have no idea why this occurs but it, along with Chase’s incompetence in transferring my United miles (see Remedial Reminder: Put Your Rewards Account Number in Your Credit App), is making my effort to get back in the sky frustrating as hell.

Remedial Reminder: Put Your Rewards Account Number in Your Credit App

Here’s a post that will yield more people telling me how stupid I am. I am writing it because I want others to learn from my careless ways.

Months ago, I applied for the Chase United Business account. Excited for the opportunity to churn, I didn’t take the extra second to input my MileagePlus number. Over the past two months, I’ve received letters from Chase saying that they can’t verify my address and this is preventing them from transferring the 175,000 miles I’ve accrued. As I hate calling anyone, I nonchalantly reached out through secure message hoping this would resolve the issue. It did not.

Now, I’m trying to book an epic trip and actually need my United miles. Now, Chase is saying they don’t know how to fix the problem. Now, the flight is available. Later it won’t be. And I’ll have no one to blame but me.

Don’t be like me.

100 GBP Carry-On Bags? Scammed by Ryanair & Trips.com

Priority Pass Manchester Lounge Review is part of Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report.


I have flown Ryanair before (see Ryanair LUX-LIS: Not as Bad as Expected). I am aware of the cute ways it tries to maximize revenue. Whether it is charging for food or selling lottery tickets on board, Ryan is always looking to score a buck. Earlier this trip, I flew Ryanair from Copenhagen to Edinburgh. I paid in advance for a carry-on bag because I knew that trying to sneak one on would result in a million-dollar fine. For this trip, Manchester to Milan, I booked another Ryanair ticket but found the cheapest ticket through Trips.com. It was $22 for two people. Before arriving at the airport, I tried to check-in online because failing to do so ahead of time would result in a 30 euro charge. While my flight was showing as checked-in on the Trips.com app, I could not add bags to my reservation, nor could I access my reservation on the Ryanair app.

Anxious, I arrived at the airport worried about what was to come. I went to the Ryanair counter and told the agent that the Ryanair app was not working but I should be checked-in. She confirmed that I was and printed two boarding passes, one for me and one for Ms. TPOL. She did not comment on our bags. After the Escape Lounge, I went to the gate and the same woman was checking-in passengers. She asked if I had priority boarding. I said no. She said that we could not bring carry-ons. I would have to pay 100 GBP to check in two bags. She went on to say that had I checked the bags when she first printed my boarding pass, it would have been 50GBP total. She proceeded to accuse me of coming to the counter without my bags. That was a ridiculous accusation as both Ms. TPOL and I had to go to the counter to present our negative Covid tests (see Scam Covid Test #2: Leaving the UK). Where could we have securely left the bags while checking in? I tried to explain this to her, and she said I could continue to argue with her and miss my flight or pay the 100GBP. I obliged.

Before taking off, I took pictures and screenshots of my receipt and my attempt to access my ticket using the Ryanair app. I sent it to Trips.com. They, like Ryan, blamed me for the bag fee. They said I was supposed to call Trips.com to add a checked bag. I explained that I didn’t want to check in a bag. I only wanted to add a carry-on. I also tried to explain that since Trips.com checked me in, I could not add a carry-on using the Ryanair app. They continued to say I needed to call in to have a checked bag added. I was offered $20 for my next trip. I refused. Clearly, there was a disconnect in our communication.

Lesson

I know RyanAir charges for carry-ons. I am fine paying for them. The fare is still dirt cheap. What I don’t like is when the base fare is cheaper on a third-party site, and the add-ons are not possible online. The record locator should work on the airline’s site and I should be able to access my reservation without calling anyone. If I have to fly Ryanair again, I would rather pay more and book directly than book through a third-party site and go through this nonsense.

TPOL’s Tip: Read all of my Travel Lessons here.

Final Result

After many angry emails to Trips.com, I was refunded the 100GBP.

luggage on a conveyor belt
Most expensive bag.

The Urban Turban Has Launched: Buy One Today! [Limited Inventory]

Disclaimer: There is no affiliate disclaimer. TPOL launched his own sportswear line. All proceeds go to me. Isn’t that wonderful? 


Buy It Here! 


The Urban Turban has launched. For those that have not been following, here’s the timeline on how I got here:


Buy It Here! 


And for those that didn’t click on any links and have no idea what I am talking about, here is IQKhameleon’s Urban Turban:

a head scarf on a mannequin


Buy It Here! 


a person wearing a blue and white checkered scarf


Buy It Here! 


a mannequin wearing a head scarf


Buy It Here! 


a red scarf with dogs on it


I’m sure you’ve already bought one by now, so buy another one here.

Overall

Who knows if this idea will work, but how many people do you know could pull this off? The answer is one.


Buy It Here! Buy It Here! Buy It Here! Buy It Here! Buy It Here! Buy It Here! Buy It Here!