Overrated! Overrated! That’s the word to describe Marrakech. I almost left after one day but decided to stick it out in order to write this extensive travel guide. Before I get into that, let me tell you why this city is nothing special. Most of it has to do with my bias for the Middle East. My parents are from Iraq and I grew up eating our style of Arabic food, speaking our version of Arabic, and enjoying our cultural traditions. When I go to countries like Morocco or Turkey, I find many similarities between Arabic culture and their cultures. This kinship leads me to expect the same flavors as I would in my parent’s home country. Obviously, this is never the case. The culture is foreign. The language is foreign. And the food, though similar, is also foreign. I find myself comparing how everything is done there to how we would do it: Our kebab is better. Our Arabic is easier to understand. Our people are more beautiful. This sort of competition is not exclusive to Middle East versus countries like Turkey or Morocco. The same comparisons take place among all countries within the Middle East. Ask five people from five countries in the Middle East who makes the best tabbouleh, and you’ll get five different answers. Ask the same question about who speaks the cleanest Arabic, and you will receive a variety of answers again. Ask anyone where the most beautiful people come from, and they’d be lying if they did not say Iraq. Our Arab superiority or inferiority complex, depending on who you ask, makes it hard for us not to compare everything and simply enjoy the moment. Having said that, I will try to be positive and point out what you should do if you visit Marrakech.
Medina
Dubai is not the Middle East. It is fake. If you want to see what this region of the world was like before Arab Money, head to the Medina in Marrakech. Beyond the tourist trap restaurants, you will find a city where time has stood still. From detox at the juice bars, to getting lost in the souks, the best time I had in Morocco was in the Medina.
Juice Bar (Must Do)
I now have some idea why people come to Marrakech. It’s not for the food or the Wi-Fi. It’s to detox. After weeks of nonstop drinking, I needed a break from the toxins of alcohol. And nothing is a better cleanse than freshly squeezed fruit. I tried many combinations but my favorite was banana and plum. It goes for 10 dh ($1.05). The OJ is 4 dh ($.42) but make sure you get the freshly paroled variety as there is chatter that the premade one is watered down. I cannot tell you what separates one juice cart from the next. The square is lined with dozens of them with vendors quick to offer free samples and yell at anyone who appears to be thirsty/a tourist. My favorite juiceman had his own isolated stand away from juice row. He was a very serious man who never smiled, but always gave me a little bit extra each time I stopped by for a visit.
Getting Lost (Definitely)
Much like a Vegas casino, the Medina, a city within a city, is a labyrinth built to keep people in. Many guidebooks (WikiTravel being my favorite) encourage travelers going to the Medina to download a map of the Medina. TPOL does not concur. Instead of playing it safe, I recommend wandering around from shop to shop, taking abrupt turns without tracking your location, all in an effort to end up lost. From that point, challenge yourself to find your way back to the square without asking for directions.
Rooftop Restaurants (Skip)
I ate at Zeitoun Cafe. It is a restaurant aimed at tourists, but I did not mind paying the premium for the view of the square and the peace of mind of not having to haggle with the street stall vendors for dinner on my first day of arrival. It was also enjoyable to watch the sun go down over the square from the safety of my perch while sipping a soothing cup of Moroccan mint tea. Of course, I have to add that couscous, Moroccan’s staple cuisine, pales in comparison to Iraqi yellow rice.
Party
Morocco is not a dry country. There is alcohol and there are many clubs and bars. I only spent one night out in the Hivernage neighborhood. I tried to go to the pool party above Buddha Bar, but they were not serving alcohol because Ramadan was starting one week after the day I arrived. Hivernage (Must Do) Go to the Hivernage neighborhood of Marrakech. Instead of souks and snakes, there were normal restaurants, pubs, and nightclubs. Young people flock to this area to eat burgers, have drinks, and smoke argheli. It felt more like Dubai than a conservative country. Having had my fill of lamb tongue, I opted for a burger and pizza. After days of detox, I chose Budweiser over OJ. Needing some nicotine, it was time to smoke.- Cafe Extrablatt has great burgers for a reasonable price.
- Arkech Sky Bar is open late. It serves food and alcohol.
A Note on Beer
Flag Speciale is terrible. Stick to Casablanca.
Golf
What’s a trip without golf? Assoufid Golf Course The course is in the middle of nowhere. The taxi driver couldn’t find the place. It cost $30 round trip to get to Assoufid, a highly rated golf course. Once you enter the gates, it’s a different world from the hustle and bustle of Marrakech. Bring your own balls as 6 of them cost me $25!
Sleep
Chose a riad in the Medina over a chain hotel. Le Meridien was disappointing. Le Meridien (Skip) If you do stay at Le Meridien and end up in a standard room, demand a suite. The standard rooms are awful. The hotel will pretend that there are no upgrades but insist on moving. The pool made up for the deficiencies in the hotel. A few local brews and a nice sunset make everything better, as does a decent pizza.
The Suite
If you end up in a standard room, demand a suite. The standard rooms are awful. The hotel will pretend that there are no upgrades but insist on moving.
The Suite View
The original room had a view of the mall. This one was much better.
The Bathroom
Compared to the terrible motel shower in the first room, the bathroom in the suite was much nicer.
The Pool
The pool made up for the deficiencies in the hotel. A few local brews and a nice sunset make everything better, as does a decent pizza.
The Breakfast
After overindulging in food at the 
The Service
Everyday there was someone at the front desk complaining about their stay. I don’t blame them. This hotel is not up to the standard of SPG.
Overall
I wouldn’t stay here again.
The price to play 9 holes was steep, $125 for two people. They charged an exorbitant $50 for the cart and club rentals. The biggest scam was $25 for 6 balls. I usually lose a dozen balls when I play so I was cautious with my drives. I believe this fear of losing my nuts led to a breakthrough. Although I shot a 51, I easily could’ve had my best round but for two holes because of this restrained approached. Indeed, I hit the pin twice on chips.
The Course
Like the 
It’s definitely worth golfing in Marrakech but BYOB. Bring your own balls.
TPOL’s Tips:
Oh it’s only TZS340,060 to go from Zanzibar to Nairobi? That’s a good deal. Actually, I have no idea what the conversion is, so I have to go back and correct the currency.
The Famous Juice Bar
Continuing on the main artery road from the center to the souks, I found a juice bar which had a line of people fighting for a layered juice drink. (
Express Sandwich Shop
Right next to the famous juice bar in the post above is a row of restaurants serving beef (kufta) with bread. Ordering is difficult because they don’t understand my Arabic, and I certainly do not understand theirs. The easiest thing is to point and present your coins.
Then I Got Lost
Found, It Was Sandwich Time
One More Juice
Exhausted, it was time to go back to the center for a juice.
Mixed Grill
Don’t fill up on too much soup or you won’t have room for the mixed grill. I skipped the couscous this time, but it is worth noting how much cheaper it is than at 
All this food cost 140 dinar or around $15.
The Mint Tea
Moroccan mint tea deserves its own section. Moroccans know how to make tea. There should be no charge for it, so have a few cups but be aware of the sugar.
The Lamb
This is what I came for. During holidays, my family serves lamb and it is always a battle to see who gets to devour the tongue. I asked the waiter for ‘noos ross’ (half a head) of lamb and was quoted 40 dinar (~$4).
Overall
It doesn’t get any more authentic than eating at the food stalls in the Medina. At first, I was overwhelmed by the hawkers begging me to come to their stall. In the end, I was overwhelmed by the amount of food I ate.
When that gets old, ask one of the children to show you the way back. Of course, they will demand a lot of money after the fact for doing so. I gave them a few dinar and they started complaining. I gave them a few American coins and they were happy as can be. 
I needed one more night to requalify for platinum. Although it was more expensive than the 
The Location
The hotel is conveniently within walking distance to New York Small Claims Court, the reason for Bachuwa Law’s visit and consequently TPOL’s visit to the Big Apple (see my guide on 
The Bathroom And Amenities
Aloft soap. Aloft coffee. Aloft shower. All good on that front.
The Bar
The best part of the Aloft Wall Street is the WXYZ bar. Unlike most WXYZ bars (
Overall
If your NY travel requires you to be in FiDi I would recommend staying at the Aloft Wall Street. It has more atmosphere than the Four Points Downtown and is a kinder price than the 