Freezing Fat is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
Why do you travel? Is it to gain enlightenment? Is it to wander off the beaten path? Is it for sex (see Since I cannot personally go to SE Asia with Mikey and show him the ladyboy bars in Bangkok…)? Or is it because your love handles persist despite your best efforts to stick to the Tahiti diet (see Making the Bungalow Selfie Count)?
Well, now you can eat all you want. My last trip to Colombia was for medical tourism. For only $387 (1.5 million pesos), I underwent a fun procedure called cryolipolysis whereby the doctor froze my fat cells. The procedure was non-invasive. It required being hooked up to a machine that clamped down on my less than flattering curves.
In 3 months I should see a noticeable difference. The only side effect of my transition is the jokes I receive for wearing this mandatory corset.
All jokes are welcome.TPOL’s TIP: Siempre Viva Medellin is the name of the clinic.
Disclaimer: Ask your doctor if this procedure is right for you. TPOL won’t be held responsible for your heart attack or anything else that may go wrong.
Half the year is almost over. Here is the best from May:
Samaraa’s Minaret: The Intimidating Wind to the TopBefore going to Samarra, I watched a YouTube video that made the trek to the top seem treacherous. I compliment the videographer for her skills but can assure you there is relatively no risk, minus selfie stupidity.
Too many credit inquiries. Too much available credit. Those are the reasons I am used to receiving when I am rejected for a card in this churn game. When I applied for the Avianca LifeMiles card, I was told the following:
Thank you for your recent application, which we are processing on behalf of our issuer, First Electronic Bank. Your request for a credit card was carefully considered, and we regret that we are unable to approve your application at this time, for the following reason(s):
Potential fraud
That’s a first. They only provide an address to follow-up. I will explore other ways and report back. Anyone else get flagged for potential fraud?
Haircut Medellin is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
Do you care how you look when you’re on the road? While I try to arrive in style by flying business or first, I don’t always have time for a haircut before I go. So long as I am not in an overpriced city like NYC where I have to stylize myself (see Fair Or Foul? Cutting Your Hair in a Hotel Room), I enjoy the local barbershop experience.
The Medellin barbershop was not the relaxing, therapeutic time like the old days in the Etihad Lounge (see Etihad Arrivals Lounge: Time for a Proper Shave) or the party atmosphere of the Virgin Atlantic Lounge in London (see We Be Clubbin!). Located in the overly digitally nomadic neighborhood of Manila (see Too Many Gringos), Barberia Manila did have its own level of charm.
Price
Never sit in a barber’s chair without asking the price in advance. In Bangkok, I assumed it would be cheap but found out the hard way how much a terrible haircut can cost (see Cut That Out! Scammed at the Bangkok Barber). I didn’t make the same mistake and was satisfied with paying 36,000 pesos ($9).
Dentist Or Barber?
The barber, a kid who was maybe 20 at the most, did a thorough job. I believe he should have been a dentist because he would take compressed air every few seconds and spray it over my face. Then he would take the clippers and jam them up my nose to make sure that there was no calculus build-up.
Overall
Despite the trauma, I came out looking like 3,869,990,000 pesos.
TPOL’s Tip: The location is Cra. 43F # 11a 28 2piso, Medellín, Antioquia.
Avianca SJU MDE is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
The flight from San Juan to Medellin is only 2:40. That’s closer to me than the worst city in the world, Miami (see The Worst Cities in the World) and closer than Bachuwa Law‘s HQ’s of NYC. The proximity and the cheap flight on Avianca (see No Business Class San Juan to Medellin) make it a great place for when I want to get away but don’t have the time for a full Residency (see TPOL in Madrid: Why A Second Residency? & Medellin: The Almost Perfect Sane Asylum Getaway).
While the flight is short, I still prefer to sit towards the front of the plane. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in the immigration line. Accordingly, I paid an extra $60 for the best seat in the house, right in the front of the plane. It does not come with any free drinks or food, but it is nice that the middle seat is blocked off, a leftover bonus from the bogus days of social distancing (Do Not Read: The Lost & Found Year(s): COVID Trip Report). This provided more legroom and space.
When I landed in Medellin, I was the second one off the plane with no wait in immigration. Next time, I will pay an extra $30 for the premium seats which are still near the front. I trust that my legs will allow me to overtake anyone as ambitious as I am to clear Customs.
I keep a list of what I pay and spend in annual fees (see 2023 What I Spent (And Received) in Annual Fees). It pains me to open my wallet for such fees which is why I cancel cards without outsized perks. For other cards, like my Hyatt visa or my Chase Ink, I know I am not going to cancel them because they provide great value. I used to call Chase and say I was thinking about canceling to see if any offers would be made. In the early days, I would receive something. Now, I can’t be bothered to call. The question I have is whether I should call or at least make the attempt. And for those who do, please report any good results.
My $95 annual fee for the Hyatt card paid for this in Milan.
Missing It is part of the Bula! Fiji Hub Trip Report.
Are you ready for another Travel Lesson? This one is especially annoying but also not completely my fault. With limited time to explore the South Pacific before my Melbourne Residency, I only had time to visit Samoa for two days. There were two things I wanted to see in Samoa- 1. The blowholes. 2. Le Sua Ocean Trench. I didn’t do any research to see if it was logistically feasible to visit both in such a short period.
Arriving in the late afternoon, I spent the first day relaxing at the Sheraton Samoa. which is located on the island of Upolu. The next day I learned that my goal of seeing both was impossible. To see the blowholes, I needed to take a ferry to Savaiʻi, the other island in Samoa. The problem was that it happened to be a Sunday, and there was only one ferry to Savaiʻi which left at 1 PM and returned at 3 PM (see Ferry Schedule here). This meant that I would have to stay overnight there. That was impossible because my flight back to Nadi en route to Kirabti left at 5:15 AM the next day. If it were a Monday, I could have taken the 6AM ferry, arrived at 8AM and then taken the 4PM ferry back. I still would have missed seeing Le Sua Ocean Trench, but at least I could have seen the blowholes, a natural marvel that I had purposefully skipped in Tonga (see Guns & Butter: Tonga Travel Guide) and saved for Samoa.
Before embarking on this adventure, I also made the conscious decision to skip American Samoa (see TPOL Does the Unthinkable, Skips a ‘Country’). There were no affordable flights and it was logistically impossible. While my friend Lee Abbamonte said that there is not much to do in American Samoa besides smell the Starkist factory, the next time I’m so close to a ‘country’ (see Is Hawaii a Country?), I will take advantage of the proximity and smell it for myself.
Travel Lessons
Based on the flights available, the only thing I could have done not to have these regrets would have been to skip Samoa completely and spend the two nights in Fiji. Alternatively, I could have stayed longer in Samoa and American Samoa and skipped Kiribati. Given the outsized points redemption, 20,000 Avios and $37 versus $1484 out-of-pocket one-way, and isolation of Kiribati (see Fiji to Kirabati: Now That’s a Great Use of Avios), that would have been a mistake.
One thing is for sure, like my almost getting stranded experience in Cabo Verde (see Stuck on a Deserted Island? TPOL’s Trouble in Cabo Verde), I will devote at least two days on each island with an attraction that I want to see. This will account for logistical mishaps that may occur.
Overall
I have to fly all the way back to the South Pacific to visit both Savaiʻi and American Samoa. I will do so on my next residency in Sydney, Australia (see Why A Second Residency?) which is scheduled for the winter of 2025.
Trotting is tough.
Oh no, I have to go back to Fiji.
Zemi Beach Taxes is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
What is your favorite part of trip planning? Mine is putting together my Excel spreadsheet showing how much I saved versus how much someone who purchases Rimowa Luggage would spend. I have a dedicated page on my blog for these works of art (see Bus-Ted: TPOL Points & Cash Summary). As I was filling in the cells for this trip, I went to Hilton.com to see the retail price for a stay at Zemi Beach Anguilla. The cost of the stay would have been $4,076.99 for three nights. While that is shocking, what was more offensive were the taxes.
It’s an additional $866.76 in taxes, almost as much as one night. Money must not mean anything for those fancy luggage folk.
Silver Airways Booking is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
On a quest to pad my Country Count List (see Where I’ve Been), I go on trips that never end (see Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report). For my birthday, I did not have anything crazy in mind. I had already gone to Iraq for my 40th (see Iraqi Homecoming: My 40th Birthday in Baghdad) and am indifferent about whether I spend my money at home or on the road (see Intro: Birthday Bash Trip Report).
From Anguilla, I was open to the possibility of going to another island, so long as it was convenient. When I went to Skyscanner.com and searched nonstop to anywhere, no options came back. When I went to Anguilla’s Wiki Airport page, I was overwhelmed by the number of options but underwhelmed by the non-points airlines that serviced the airport with nonstop flights (see Wiki Airports: Finding Flights to the Unbeaten Path). Curious, I wondered what a flight would cost from Anguilla back to Puerto Rico. To my surprise, Silver Airways offers nonstop service for only $138. In one hour, I could be back home, ready for golf the following day. On top of that, I used my annual Capital One Venture X travel credit to pay for the flight.
Although I plan on Visiting Every Island in the Caribbean, I prefer to go for Carnival or wait until I have my own yacht.
In 3 months I should see a noticeable difference. The only side effect of my transition is the jokes I receive for wearing this mandatory corset.
Price
Never sit in a barber’s chair without asking the price in advance. In 
TPOL’s Tip: The location is Cra. 43F # 11a 28 2piso, Medellín, Antioquia. 
When I landed in Medellin, I was the second one off the plane with no wait in immigration. Next time, I will pay an extra $30 for the premium seats which are still near the front. I trust that my legs will allow me to overtake anyone as ambitious as I am to clear Customs.
