Damn airBaltic‘s cancellation (see airBaltic: When It Finally Takes Off). It’s bad enough that I have to arrive late into the night to Vilnius, but now I have to go to another Priority Pass Lounge and write another ‘review.’ If you read my Tallinn Priority Pass Lounge Review, you will recall that I am no longer over-consuming at lounges (see Priority Pass Tallinn: Sorry No Food Pics). Despite this new health policy, I still feel obligated to include a ‘lounge review’ so that this trip report is complete.
What can I say about the Riga Lounge? First, I sat in front of the flight monitor, paranoid as usual that I would miss my flight despite its delay (see Boarding Announcement Paranoia). Second, I had a grapefruit. Third, I recognize that over-drinking in a lounge is as bad as overeating. I skipped the skull head full of libations as well as the locally made Rigan liqueurs. I only had one glass of vino blanco while staring intently at the aforementioned flight monitor. Other than that, there’s nothing special to report. Here are the photos:
When I booked airBaltic, I had low expectations since, as any avid Monopoly player knows, Baltic Avenue is the cheapest property to buy.
TPOL’s Tip: Always snatch up Baltic Avenue and Mediterranean, not because they are ideal properties, but because they provide reliable income as those looking to avoid Boardwalk and Park Place inevitably land here.
Before even arriving at the airport, I had an issue with airBaltic. They canceled my direct flight from Tallinn to Vilnius. I received an email saying, “Sorry, we had to cancel.” A half-hour later, I received another email saying that I had been re-booked on a flight from Tallinn to Riga and then to Vilnius. Instead of arriving at 8:50PM, I would now arrive at midnight. That was inconvenient as my Guns & Butter Travel Philosophy does not factor in delays. Now I would only have one night to explore Vilnius.
The flight from Tallinn to Riga was without incident. The A220, advertised as one of the greenest planes in the sky, was on time and was brand new. The flight from Riga to Vilnius was farther and we did not arrive until closer to 1AM. Like my flight to Warsaw from JFK (Lot Airlines: Terrible Transit in Warsaw ), there was no jet bridge. Passengers had to climb the stairs. While this afforded me the opportunity to take my favorite airplane photo, I wondered how I would have made it up the stairs had my Achilles been as it was only a few weeks ago (see TPOL Is Down).
Overall
airBaltic flies new planes. Whether the flight takes off on time or if at all is another question. Whether I have any recourse against airBaltic, I do not know as I have not reviewed the Passengers Rights Documentation.
Those days are over because there is nothing worse than traveling while fat. Since I refuse to work out while on my world tours (see A Holiday of Healthy, Tipsy, & on Budget? Basically Impossible), the only thing I can control is my consumption. And the easiest place to start is the lounge. I have always felt awkward taking photos of food in the lounge and would feel even more strange if I was not eating. Accordingly, there are no photos of food in this post.
What snacks do they offer?For me, it was Coke Zero.But no more alcohol for me.
Seating
Another obsession from readers is the seats in the lounge. I don’t understand why these need to be documented. Unless there’s a place to sleep, why do I have to document this? Won’t you see it when you arrive? It’s not like there won’t be chairs. Anyhow, here they are: chairs.
Patio
I do feel it is worth mentioning when there is a patio, though I am not sure how much it is used in cold Estonia.
Judging by the lack of chairs, not that much.Ryan is here.
Overall
Sorry travel nerds but my days of pigging out in the lounge on the regular are a thing of the past. If you thought my lounge reviews were inadequate before, what do you think now?
TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works – A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.
There are places in the world made for partying. Tallinn is one of them. But there’s more to do than that.
Get your mind out of the gutter. See the sites.
Walk Around
The best activity in Tallinn is walking around the old town. I have said this about many towns in Europe because it is true (see Astray in Old Town: Great Places to Get Lost). The adventure that awaits is anyone’s guess. The result is always the same: pure joy.
Weather
Tallinn in May is still chilly. It drops down to the low 40s at night. Drink accordingly.
Or buy a fur coat.
Bars
Tallinn does not fall short when it comes to bars. Rule #1, as always, is to avoid bars in the city square (see Don’t Pay $30 for Tacos). Prices are higher and tourists abound.
Hell Hunt
We started our adventure at Hell Hunt. The first beer was my standard favorite, Leffe. The second was a crisp house lager.
TPOl’s Tip: The address is Pikk 39, 10133 Tallinn, Estonia.
Dinner
I was looking for Estonian food. I walked by a seafood restaurant, glanced at the menu, then carried on. I double-backed when I glanced in the window at a patron’s plate. What followed was a culinary experience of caviar and shellfish. Coupled with champagne, it brought me back to the high life of Cathay (see Seafood in Estonia: What a Treat).
TPOL’s Tip: Nautilius is located at Pikk 36, 10123 Tallinn, Estonia.
Pikk
No tourist traps on Pikk street.
Cannabis
I went to a coffee shop for late-night espresso only to find that it was a cannabis shop. I was surprised to learn that marijuana is legal in Tallin. It’s legal to smoke in public. I stuck with Lavazza.
TPOL’s Tip: If you’re going to smoke, save your receipt from the CBD store in case the police ask where you obtained your sticky icky.
Karaoke
TPOL is an overnight celebrity in Tallinn. After this perfect rendition of Paradise City, I had to leave the bar and ward off the paparazzi.
Where’s TPOL’s photo?Here I am! Note: They love singing old folk songs. Learn those if you want to make friends.
TPOL’s TIP: Satumaa Karaoke is located atViru tänav 4, 10140 Tallinn, Estonia
Bar Hopping
After that it was onto bar after bar.
TPOL’s TIP: Drink Bar & Grill is located at Väike-Karja 8, 10140 Tallinn, Estonia.
Most bars were the same but one stood out: Sigmund Freud. Here, the mixologist made a lovely gin-based drink with my favorite liqueur, St. Germain’s. But that was not the highlight. The highlight was the pickle shots.
Clubs
If you want to stay out past your normal bedtime, Tallinn has many options. Venus is the one in the guides, but Hollywood had the longest line that night.
Probably too old for this shit.
Sushi 24
I tried to have some late-night sushi, but the demand was too high. The wait for takeaway was 40 minutes.
Walked home instead.
Day 2
The best part about visiting Tallinn in the spring are the long days. This makes waking up at 4PM acceptable.
7:30PM
Pho @ Tartar
On Day 1, I walked by a restaurant and observed happy people drinking wine and carrying on. The sign said kook and bar. I later figured out that kook meant kitchen and not crazy. Having said that, it was madness that an upscale restaurant that was not solely Vietnamese could deliver on pho (see Pho-usion in Estonia).
View from Above
Walk past the gates of old town, past the tourist trap square, and then head up the road until you come upon a small fountain with a deer. Now, look up. That’s where you want to be. How do you get there? Go left and take the cobbled street past the parliament and go right.
Parliament
You will first see a church, make a right.
Walk past the Mexican consulate on your left.
The first right takes you to the observatory for some stunning views of Tallinn.
TPOL’s Tip: Be on the lookout for solo travelers Vista Pimpin. The line, “Do you want a picture? Isn’t this view beautiful?”, is a weak pickup line.
Hell Hunt
I couldn’t get enough of Hell and went back for a Hoegaarden.
Many Estonian craft beers are available.
Dinner
Caution: The sun may not go down, but the hours pass and restaurants close. I did not make it to another Silver Spoon as I would have liked. I ended up at a nice Portuguese restaurant. The atmosphere in the bunker was better than the food. The wine was just right.
In Tallinn, you may even run into a fellow UMich grad.
TPOL’s Tip: Tasca Portuguesa is located at Olevimägi 3, 10123 Tallinn, Estonia
Restaurants Recs
I received the following restaurant recommendations from the Silver Spoon creator, but did not have the time to go to them:
Noa (Local Food. Requires a taxi. Great view of the city from across the sea): Ranna tee 3, 12111 Tallinn, Estonia
Freud’s
Wanting to understand more about my oral fixation, I returned back to Freud’s for more pickle shots and mixed drinks.
I left my UMich date for Tinder.
Club
Right across the street was a nightclub where the hours flew by. No pictures were taken.
Shawarma
Under the influence, I made a stop at the shawarma shop. It’s delicious minus the heartburn. No photos were taken.
Day 3
KGB
I know what you are thinking. TPOL didn’t do anything of cultural significance in Tallinn. I would disagree citing that drinking is the best way to make friends anywhere in the world (see Ganbei! The Guide to Making Friends). For the sober among us, I have an experience that you will enjoy. I went for a tour of the hotel which was used by the KGB to spy on persons of interest (see The KGB Hotel in Tallinn: Someone’s Always Watching)
Translation: “nevermind, nothing.” As in nothing to see here.
The desk says property of KGB. Worst kept secret.
Delayed Flight = More Food
Since Air Baltic canceled my flight to Vilnius (see airBaltic: Great Flight When It Finally Takes Off), I found myself with unexpectedly more time in Tallinn. Unprepared, I went for Italian food at Restoran Controvento. I spent too much on lunch by ordering a bottle of wine, 2 dishes, coffee, and dessert.
TPOL’s Tip: I don’t have the solution for staying healthy on holiday and not breaking the bank (see A Holiday of Healthy, Tipsy, & on Budget? Basically Impossible). But coffee in a restaurant? Always a no. Dessert? Definitely not. It all adds up in money or calories or both.
TPOL’s TIP: Restoran Controvento is located at Vene 12, 10140 Tallinn, Estonia
I made the mistake of not putting in my United number when I applied for the Chase United Business card (see Remedial Reminder: Put Your Rewards Account Number in Your Credit App). I contacted Chase a few times to inquire as to where my 150,000 miles were. I was too lazy to pick up the phone, and it ended up costing me as the discounted business class ticket was no longer available at the time of booking. Resilient, I transferred miles to my ANA account and booked an even better award (see 25,000 Mile RTW Trip Including Iraq Booked!). In May, I received the first 75k miles, but the other 75k was nowhere to be found. Still averse to picking up the phone, I contacted Chase through the secure message center. Though it took going back and forth several times, I am happy to say that I received the final 75k. They also threw in another 10k for the inconvenience.
Looks like a typical entrance to a hotel.Welcome mat.
Checking In
The front desk was manned by a gentleman who introduced himself by stating that his code name is Pavo. He also claimed that it was his real name.
‘Pavo’
I was told to go to floor 22 and wait with ‘exemplary patience.’ I would be given a tour of the facilities that would last 59 minutes.
Pavo met us on the 22nd floor. He said he would share a secret. Although the hotel has 23 floors, the elevator only went to 22. Referring to the 23rd floor, he said, “It’s not recommended to go there.” Pavo went on to explain how the hotel was the best hotel in all of Tallinn when it opened 50 years ago on May 5th, 1972. Everyone famous stayed at the hotel including Neil Armstrong, Elizabeth Taylor, and other VIP’s. Back then, citizens of the Soviet Union could not travel to capitalist countries and access to Western goods was very limited. The rare place where these goods existed was in Tallinn thanks to a black market facilitated by those coming to the hotel.
In a stealth move, Pavo showed us the doorway to the 23rd floor and welcomed us upstairs. He noted that behind the gray wall there was a technical room which housed a copy machine. On the copy machine was a meter which counted the number of copies employees made to make sure no one was copying unauthorized books.
TPOL’s Trivia: 42 miles to Helsinki, a bit too close for comfort for Soviet officials.
TPOL’s Trivia: The KGB’s headquarters was not at the Hotel Viru. It was in the old town next to St. August’s church.
Attention to Detail
No detail was overlooked in this hotel. On each floor there was a babooshka who documented when I left and when I returned. This was done for my own safety.
Babooshka in the photo frame.
If you’re in need of toilet paper, no need to call the Wherever, Whenever number. Just complain aloud and in only a few minutes someone will knock on your door.
Not all the rooms were bugged. They had about 60 rooms that had microphones in the room for suspicious citizens. Who was suspicious? They looked at the occupation. Politicians, guides who could speak foreign languages, priests, journalists- TPOL.
In the dining room, they bugged the bread plates. The signal went to the ceiling. The restaurant’s office was on the 2nd floor. It was used for spying.
In the bar, they put the bug in the ashtray.
Women of low social responsibility were invited to the hotel. They had to cooperate with the KGB.
What do you think they mean by tips?
During the hiring process, a typical interview question was, “Do you have relatives abroad?” God help those that did. The interview became much longer.
I’m here for my interview.
Balcony from the office.
Today, there are only 92 employees. When it opened there were 1000 employees. There was a dentist and shoemaker on site. There were also bell boys who took great care to learn every detail about their guests.
To keep employees from snooping around, the KGB used to set booby traps. An employee may find a ‘lost’ purse. If the employee opened it to satisfy his own curiosity, he would be sprayed with red paint that would not come off easily. This is a new twist on the saying – caught red-handed.
KGB
During the old times, there were a dozen or so KGB officers who used to watch the guests. Interestingly, the employees coexisted. Each knew of the other and went about his or her business accordingly. For example, this door says ‘nevermind, nothing,’ a friendly reminder to employees that there’s nothing to see here.
The desk says property of KGB, not really a secret who was here.
Translated KGB means ‘committee for state safety.’ At its peak in the 80s, the KGB had 200,000 agents. In the spring of 1991 the KGB left the hotel. Interestingly enough, they did it before the collapse of the Soviet Union which occurred in December 1991.
A Room on the High Floor
When it opened, the Hotel Viru was the tallest building in Tallinn.
The KGB said that the view was strategic. From the top floor, they could see the city center and see the elite. On the other side, there was the sea and the port, a strategic object. For this reason, they kept the top floor closed. They were afraid that someone would infiltrate the place and map out the city. That’s why coming to the floor was ‘not recommended.’
Overall
Having seen too much, I decided that I was better off staying at the Park Inn. There, on account of my status, I would be safe from any attempts to gather компромат.
When I see a $95 charge on my Chase account, I already know it is an annual fee. This time it is for the Chase Sapphire Preferred. The card is useless for me. Let’s look at the major perks:
$50 hotel credit: Clever but it still leaves me $45 short of rationalizing the fee.
3X dining: I receive this on my Chase Freedom Flex.
Car Insurance: I have this on my Chase Ink Preferred.
I called to see if there was a retention offer. There was not. Seconds later the card was closed. When I first started in the points game, this card was coveted. I now find it useless, apart from the initial sign-up bonus (see Chase Sapphire Approved!).
Spirit also looks miserable and much more expensive.
Last time I flew Frontier was to Costa Rica, incidentally from Phoenix (see Free without the ‘R’ spells FEE). I’m not looking forward to doing it again, but given the choices, I have no choice. For a place so popular to visit, Puerto Rico has lousy options when it comes to direct flights.
Why would anyone take this flight when the later one arrives at the same time?
If I were to be a brand ambassador for any hotel group, it would be Radisson. I know my blog colleagues would disagree with me, opting for bigger brands like Marriott or Hyatt. While I stay at those two frequently, I am partial to Radisson because they are located in more obscure places.
Since Covid, I have been amassing a small fortune of Radisson points thanks to my US Bank credit card. That relationship has ended leaving me with plenty of points but no way of automatically replenishing them. Accordingly, I must be frugal with my booking selections.
This brings me to my stay at the Park Inn Tallinn, Estonia. I booked it for only 15k points/night. I could’ve spent $95 per night, but that starts to add up quickly when I am out of the country for weeks on end.
I was upgraded to a superior room. It was massive compared to a basic Radisson.
Shower
The cursed European shower is on hand.
Check Out
My flight to Vilnius, Lithuania was at 7PM. I asked for a late checkout and somehow they agreed to 5PM. Since I was out all night both nights and woke up at 4PM, that was convenient.
Overall
I am sad that my time with Radisson is coming to an end. I will remember the good times of the two-for-one points redemptions (see Club Carlson: Where Did You Go? 6 Great Pre-Deval Redemptions). I am thankful I was able to go to interesting places and stay for free when I had the chance.
Enjoy the Park Inn Tallinn Hotel Review? Read the rest of the Iraq Homecoming chronology.
You already know the rule for good pho places: plastic chairs and questionable cleanliness (see I Know When That Hot Bowl Blings…A Review of Pho in Brooklyn). It is also advisable that the restaurant only serves Vietnamese food. Fusion pho is not really pho (see Pho Edinburgh: Disappointing Adventure). When I went into Tartar, I noticed the diamond designation on the door. If this was anything like Nautilus (see Seafood in Estonia: What a Treat), I would not be disappointed. I was surprised when I saw pho on the menu as the restaurant was not Vietnamese. I decided to break all the rules and order a bowl.
TPOL’s Tip: Tartar’s address is Narva mnt 7, 10117 Tallinn, Estonia.
Presentation
The bowl was presented on a fancy tray, atypical of traditional pho.
Broth
The broth was dark brown leading me to conclude it was made from beef stock instead of the typical.
Add-ons
There was a side of chili sauce instead of sriracha, ginger instead of jalapenos, and a modest amount of fancy sprouts instead of the typical giant pile.
Beef
This was pho boh, not pho tai, so it was expected that the beef was not red and rare.
How was it?
Nothing about this book looked correct but everything smelled divine. After one spoon, I was addicted, slurping the noodles, and consuming the tender beef until there was nothing left.
Overall
While it was not a classic bowl of pho, it was pho-nomenal. Maybe pho fusion isn’t bad after all.
The flight from Tallinn to Riga was without incident. The A220, advertised as one of the greenest planes in the sky, was on time and was brand new. The flight from Riga to Vilnius was farther and we did not arrive until closer to 1AM. Like my flight to 
Patio
