You already know the rule for good pho places: plastic chairs and questionable cleanliness (see I Know When That Hot Bowl Blings…A Review of Pho in Brooklyn). It is also advisable that the restaurant only serves Vietnamese food. Fusion pho is not really pho (see Pho Edinburgh: Disappointing Adventure). When I went into Tartar, I noticed the diamond designation on the door. If this was anything like Nautilus (see Seafood in Estonia: What a Treat), I would not be disappointed. I was surprised when I saw pho on the menu as the restaurant was not Vietnamese. I decided to break all the rules and order a bowl.
TPOL’s Tip: Tartar’s address is Narva mnt 7, 10117 Tallinn, Estonia.
Presentation
The bowl was presented on a fancy tray, atypical of traditional pho.
Broth
The broth was dark brown leading me to conclude it was made from beef stock instead of the typical.
Add-ons
There was a side of chili sauce instead of sriracha, ginger instead of jalapenos, and a modest amount of fancy sprouts instead of the typical giant pile.
Beef
This was pho boh, not pho tai, so it was expected that the beef was not red and rare.
How was it?
Nothing about this book looked correct but everything smelled divine. After one spoon, I was addicted, slurping the noodles, and consuming the tender beef until there was nothing left.
Overall
While it was not a classic bowl of pho, it was pho-nomenal. Maybe pho fusion isn’t bad after all.
TPOL has rich taste. This is a problem because the blog does not pay enough to fund my gluttony. Walking around Old Town (see Guns & Butter: Tallinn Travel Guide), I came across Nautilus. I read caviar and oysters on the menu and kept walking. I then peered into the window and saw an awesome seafood tower. I went back in without checking the prices.
Once inside, I was asked if I had a reservation, a standard practice at most restaurants in Tallinn. Although the place was empty, the bartender hesitated before finally saying that he would clean a table for us.
TPOL’s Tip: Don’t mistake the curt interactions with Estonians as impoliteness.
TPOL’s Tip: Nautilus is located at Pikk 36, 10123 Tallinn, Estonia.
Champagne
To start, I ordered a bottle of champagne, a must when sampling fine seafood.
Seafood platter
Everything on the menu looked delicious. Rather than choosing one item over another, I ordered everything.
$170 for everything was not bad thanks to the strong exchange rate of the dollar: 1 euro was $1.04 dollar
It’s gold Jerry!
Silver Spoon
As we were leaving, I randomly spoke to an American who had lived in Estonia for the last twenty years. He asked if I had noticed the diamond on the door. He had started an organization that rated quality restaurants much like Michelin does (see Punk Royale Copenhagen: Michelin Restaurant on Acid). The designation proved to be accurate as the next day I went to another Silver Spoon restaurant and was, once again, extremely satisfied (see Pho-usion in Estonia).
I can navigate the most complex metro systems. Undoubtedly, my best accomplishment is finding the Hyatt in Osaka (see Where Are You Hyatt Regency Osaka?). Trams, on the other hand, are another matter. First, I have no idea where to purchase a ticket. In Zurich, it was simple (see Sheraton Zurich: Points Save Me from a Hostel). But in Sicily, I could not find the ticket kiosk leading to a 50 euro fine (see Scammed or Stupid? A Big Fine in Palermo). Besides ticket purchasing issues, riding trams presents navigational issues. I don’t know where to get off nor do I have the courage to pull the notification lever to signal that I want to stop. Like the metro, trams are a cost-effective method of getting around big cities. Unlike the metro, I am intimidated to hop on board. I have never been given a lesson on how to ride a tram and welcome any suggestions.
Where it stops, I’ll never know. #blackeyedpeas #estonia
The days of defaulting to use Uber are long gone. The new technique is to land in a new city, check for public transport, and then compare those options to the local ride shares that are available. My choice was car or tram. Given my train anxiety (see “Tickets, Please, Tickets”: Train Anxiety) and the fact that I am still a gimp (see TPOL Is Down), I chose car. In Tallinn, that rideshare is called Bolt. For 6.7 euros I was whisked away in a Mazda 6 to the front gates of the majestic Park Inn by Radisson, a journey of twelve minutes.
The reason for the extended open jaw is two-fold: 1. There weren’t any award flights in May 2022 across the Pacific back to the US, a requirement for an ANA round the world booking (see Booked! ANA RTW: 22,000 Miles in Glorious Business). 2. I promised myself after the last World Cup that I would not be a fool and miss another World Cup, something that I have done since my first World Cup in 1994 (TPOL wasn’t blogging from the Pontiac Silverdome when he was 12 to reference a post).
Unfortunately, this World Cup is in one of the most boring places on earth and is promoting itself accordingly (see 7-year jail for one-night stands? Qatar issues stern no-sex regulation for fans during World Cup). Along with the prohibition on random sex, there is also a prohibition on partying. While I respect the rules of every country wherever I go, I don’t see why, cynical reasons notwithstanding, a strict country would want to host the world’s greatest orgy party and why, cynical reasons notwithstanding, a country would be awarded the honor of doing so. It reminds me of the first time I visited Macau on Halloween (see The Worst Cities in the World). We were expecting a Vegas party but found ourselves in the world’s quietest casino watching millionaires drop 25k chips on blackjack without so much as a cheer or jeer regardless of the outcome.
Despite the incongruency of a World Cup celebration and a conservative country, the energy of the event is something to behold. That was why at 3:45AM on July 5th, 2022, I set my alarm to purchase tickets sharply at 4AM. Jail sentence threats notwithstanding, the demand for tickets was still there and I anticipated that they would sell out quickly. At 4AM, I had multiple browsers open and my credit card in hand. But, instead of a mad dash of clicking at the stroke of cuatro, I received this message:
One hour later I was here:
Seven hours later after going to sleep, I woke up to this:
As you can see, it was 6 degrees hotter in Puerto Rico.
Finally, at noon, I was let in. I scrambled to buy two tickets for my first choice: USA v. England. They were sold out. I tried to get tickets to Brazil v. Mexico, the day after. Those were also gone. I started clicking randomly to see what was available. Of course, Canada v. anyone was there. I clicked off of that page straight away. Costa Rica v. Japan was on sale. I had no interest. Distraught, I went to the bottom of the page to see if there were tickets to the finals. There were not. Semifinals? Nope. Quarters? None. By process of elimination, I found tickets to a knockout stage game. It was 1H v 2G at 22:00. With no other choices, Canada v. World notwithstanding, I hit ‘add to cart’ and proceeded to check out. Moments later, I received this:
I did not celebrate. The first thing I did was go back and double-check the conversion rate between the Qatari Rial and the USD. Phew, 2000 QAR is only $549. In my hurry to procure tickets, I had hoped that I did not miss a Michael Bolton decimal point. The second thing I did was look at the prospective match-up of 1H v 2G. They are as follows:
Group G: Brazil, Serbia, Switzerland, Cameroon
Group H: Portugal, Ghana, Uruguay, South Korea
My hope is that Brazil will continue to have a less than stellar World Cup outing and come in second. A match-up against Uruguay or Portugal could be compelling. But who knows, the story of the tournament may be Ghana, the United State’s nemesis, and the normally neutral Swiss side.
Exhausted, I closed my laptop. I did not have buyer’s remorse nor did I have World Cup excitement. All I had were tickets to a game whose opponents are TBD. As for where I would stay in Doha or how I am going to get there, that is also TBD.
The ground logistics for LOT are awful. It was a nightmare leaving JFK (see LOT JFK-WAW: It’s How You Finish), and it was not simple to transit in WAW. Because of the unexplained delay in JFK, I only had one hour to make my connection to Tallinn, Estonia. I was concerned when we landed in Warsaw because the plane taxied to the outskirts of the terminal. I assumed that a big flight from New York City to the capital of Poland was worthy of a jet bridge. It was not.
Instead, we waited for transport to arrive. One gentleman was lucky enough to have a Volvo transport. The rest of us, business and coach alike, were crammed into a bus. Though the first bus was full and despite being tardy, the bus did not move. When it finally did, we were stuck behind a luggage transporter.
Immigration or Not
I always neglect to research when I have to go through immigration or when I am a transit passenger (see Nepal Visa on Arrival, Needed Even in Transit). I assumed it would be the former in this case, but it was not because both Poland and Estonia are part of the Schengen area. Access to one country grants access to all. As usual, I found myself nervously searching for the ‘all passports’ line before it would be jammed with people, resulting in further delays. Fortunately, the airport was completely empty. After a quick stamp, I was on my way. I arrived with plenty of time to spare marking another time when I was more nervous than I needed to be.
This was the first time I had flown LOT business. I had read mixed reviews and was eager to try it myself.
Early Arrival JFK
I wanted to make sure that I would not miss the first flight of my RTW connection (see 25,000 Mile RTW Trip Including Iraq Booked!) which is why I arrived at JFK way too early (see JFK: Too Early to Check-In). After hours at the underwhelming British Airways Lounge in Terminal 7 (see Prego Pasta), I was ready to board the plane and enjoy life.
Pre-Boarding
This flight did not start well. As a paranoid flyer, I left the lounge early (see Boarding Announcement Paranoia). I arrived to see a mass of people waiting to wait. The waiting went from a general mosh pit to everyone being separated by group. Thirty minutes later everyone was standing in the same place wondering what was going on. No explanation was given for the delay and we were randomly able to board.
When we walked onto the jet bridge, there was a long queue. I could not believe that those who needed extra assistance were stuck there the whole time during the delay.
Seating
I could not find any availability to Europe, so I was fine flying a dated 787 with a 2-2-2 configuration. Lying flat is lying flight when compared to the alternative of riding peasant class for 8 hours (see Points in the Front, Peasants in the Back).
Amenities and Such
Come on guys! I did not expect pajamas but at least give decent eye shades. I didn’t expect a Cathay comforter, but what is this homeless blanket?
No soup for you! I wanted the creamy celery soup, but they don’t serve it on night flights.
Wine
The bad news is that they were out of Rioja. The good news is that there would not be a repetition of my Iberia experience (see Iberia Business ORD-MAD: Mask Jokes Literally Don’t Fly). They did have a California red that was not on the menu but worked out fine.
Perhaps because I was starving, but I have to say that I fell in love with the salted roasted corn pre-appetizer.
Appetizer
The tuna tartar appetizer was awful. It tasted like bad fish. And the seaweed below it may be the worst thing I have ever had in my life. I have to confess that I spat it out.
The salad, on the other hand, came with buttermilk ranch. That’s a first. Yum. Famished and in love with the dressing, I went with the old-school salt, pepper, finger-looking good combo. Someone, please get me a bottle of the dressing.
While the steak was nothing special as airplane steak rarely is, the potatoes with the plum chutney sauce were very nice.
I followed up the California red with an Italian Primitivo, a marked improvement.
Dessert
I opted for the chocolate cake which was rich and delicious. I also had the cheese spread. Like beer tasting, I am not a pro at discerning which cheese is which. The pink one was smoked and gross. The triangle one was perfect.
Post Dinner Drink
A nice shot of Cointreau was perfect to end my complaining and put me to sleep. They did offer Jaeger, but I couldn’t go down that road without Sugar-Free Red Bull, a concoction that would not put me into the trance I so desired.
Service
Despite my gripes and particularities, I have to say that the service was excellent. The crew was patient and attentive.
Pre-Sleep Drink
Right on queue, the flight attendant came by and enabled my thirsties by encouraging me to have another drink. She recommended the Polish Sauvignon Blanc. I agreed. Now, we’re talking.
Sleep
And then I passed out and slept so well.
Pre-Landing Snack
Fruits, yogurt, and a meat and cheese plate were light and satisfying. I was finally able to have my champagne.
Mimosa
Flight Attendant: Would you like one more?
Me: Sure, why not?
That is how I will remember this flight.
. . .
But wait…
Flight Attendant: We are sorry for the delay. Would you like some champagne?
A big part of my life is travel. It is cliche to say that travel is important, but that statement doesn’t mean the same to the masses as it does to me. For me, travel is oxygen. Without it, I cannot live. Without it, I lose part of my identity. I become another face among the masses, surviving the monotony of the daily routine only to do it over again.
I am supposed to be publishing the Iraq Homecoming Trip Report. Due to the fact that renovations of my villa are still incomplete and despite leaving my place in their care for more than three weeks, I have no choice but to go back on the road.
BA JFK Terminal 7 Business Class Lounge is part of the Iraq Homecoming Trip Report. For Covid historical context, I visited the lounge on 5/12/2022.
I have fond memories of my time in the BA lounge JFK in Terminal 8 (see British Airways Lounge JFK: Mashed Potatoes & Gravy). Though I had access to both business and first, I preferred the mashed potatoes of the vast business lounge.
With that experience in mind, I was not offended when the check-in person pointed me in the direction of the Club Lounge in Terminal 7. I thought the business side would be good enough.
It wasn’t.
Food
It seemed like the local supermarket catered this affair. I instantly recognized the distinct taste of Prego on the macaroni. Perhaps the salad wasn’t from Costco but the greens looked familiar.
Drinks
SoCo anyone? I once beer bonged a half pint of SoCo in college. That painful memory made me skip the bar completely.
Seating
It was a warehouse of seats, a few steps up from a bus station. The only highlight was relaxing and watching the NBA playoffs. Finally, I was back to normal travel.
PTI
Did I say normal? I almost forgot that Covid is still chasing after all of us. Every few moments the iRobot would come on the PA to announce that it is a crime to not wear a mask in the lounge. Violators are subject to a $50 fine.
I was not fined.
Overall
This was not the business class lounge from last time. Things are not normal.
Healthy, Tipsy & on Budget is part of the Iraq Homecoming Trip Report. This post will be filed under Travel Lessons, where I share my wisdom on what I have learned from exploring the globe.
For years, I have been trying to find the balance of how long I can travel before I ruin all my chicken and broccoli exercise gains (see The Tahiti Diet: Making the Bungalow Selfie Count) and before I blow all my money. For years, I have failed. This trip provided a new opportunity to disappoint, but perhaps I won’t be as disappointed because I have outlined a plan that is semi-sustainable.
I refuse to go back to an indoor gym, and even if I did, most hotel gyms are inadequate compared to the real thing (one notable exception is the Grand Hyatt Jakarta).
Body Weight?
Do push-ups and crunches. I tried this over the years and was bored before it began.
A real workout requires devoting at least 2 hours of time which includes the pre-workout supplement, driving my golf cart to the pool or beach, working out, and going home. It is an enjoyable, un-rushed experience. On the road, the joy, the desire, and spare time are not there.
Conclusion: I don’t work out when I travel. By knowing this ahead of time, I have no regrets or guilt for not doing so.
#2 Eating
At home, I have a fulfilling and healthy food regiment. On the road, I used to do the exact opposite and eat everything in sight. I am not going to travel to exotic locales only to eat a chicken breast. The primary point of my travels is experiencing the culture. Food is the a critical part of that mission. The problem with this thinking is that my trips go on for weeks at a time leaving me sluggish and uncomfortable with half of the trip remaining (see Guns & Butter: Pokhara, Nepal Travel Guide (Cautionary Edition).
This time I have decided to approach it differently.
Lounges: If I am not hungry, I will not eat at the lounge. Blog reviews are not worth the extra calories (see Are You the Fat Guy in the Lounge?).
Breakfast: I don’t think I will requalify for Globalist status with Hyatt. Failing to do so would be healthier for me (see Who Cares About Hotel Status?). Like the lounge, I may disappoint blog readers without a review of the free breakfast buffet, but unless I’m in Asia, I won’t be missing much (see Twelve at Hengshan Shanghai: The Best Breakfast in the World). The rule is simple: eat if you have a long day ahead. Do not feel guilty for skipping.
Tapas Life: I want to try everything in a new country. Ordering one thing when there are so many intriguing choices would lead to regret later. Ordering too many things and eating them all leads to a different regret felt quickly in the waistline and the wallet. To balance this, I will order a few of the items and, though it goes against my principle of not wasting food, I will not finish everything.
TPOL’s TIP: One appetizer and one entree is enough for two people. If multiple items are ordered, only eat as if you had ordered one appetizer and one entree.
Street Food: Nothing is better than street food. If it’s not a meal, I will still order it. However, I will take one bite and move on. I must tell myself that I am not a wild dog with no self-control!
Post-Drinking Food: The short answer is ‘no.’ Schwarma is delicious but the only thing I vividly recall is the heartburn. And food post-alcohol is the recipe for putting on pounds in a hurry. The first calories to be burned will be the empty alcohol calories, leaving the fat and carb sandwich left to take its place.
Plane Indulgence: On long-haul flights, refusing good wine and extra cheese is next to impossible. I even splurge for dessert. Cutting down on this kills the point of the points game i.e., living the high life at the low price. For flights without lie-flat, drinking is not a priority and neither is the microwaved meal. I will have a small sample of both but primarily for the sake of the blog.
Bread: I know it’s over when I start eating bread at restaurants and on planes. Bread is the enemy. One croissant a week is allowed. Pretzel bread is always welcome.
Conclusion: This is not the Last Supper.
#3 Drinking
At home, I do not drink every day. At home breakfast is not 1/2 a liter of beer and a double espresso, a temporary but inadequate remedy for travel anxiety (see Travel Anxiety Sucks: Can It Be Prevented?). To maintain my mental and physical fitness while simultaneously preserving my cash flow, I am attempting to regulate how much alcohol I consume.
Beer: I don’t drink beer in general but can’t pass on the great dark beers that are nowhere to be found in the US, let alone Puerto Rico. My new favorite is Grimbergen (see Guns & Butter: Lithuania Travel Guide). To keep my belly in check, I will not automatically order a beer whenever I sit down at any establishment. One conscious dark is more rewarding than ten blonde lagers. This rule may be broken when I am exploring a big city like Hong Kong (see How to Explore Hong Kong On Foot: The 7-Eleven Drinking Game).
Liquor: The aforementioned travel anxiety also comes from waking up the next morning wondering what happened the night before The main culprit is the 5 letter word s-h-o-t-s! Shots are to be avoided for the rest of my life. Taking one inevitably leads to taking more than one. Mixed drinks are also dangerous. Visitors to Isla Encanta know that there’s no such thing as too much Don Q con diet. To avoid the binge and the calories, I am going with straight liquor, preferably Hennessy VSOP, a delicious drink that can only be sipped once night falls. Another advantage of top-shelf liquor is the steeper price. A $6 vodka soda contact-less payment transaction feels easier than a $11 Hennessy swipe even when the former happens half a dozen times (see Guns & Butter: Tallinn, Estonia Travel Guide). Of course, Red Bull should never be touched, especially in Thailand. I don’t do cocaine but I can imagine the letdown feeling from that narcotic is similar to the jittery, irrational anxiety that comes from Red Bull vodka.
Wine: Wine has sugars and plenty of calories when consumed in bulk. It also comes with a high price tag as I refuse to buy the cheapest bottle at the restaurant. I can’t pair fine food with subpar wine. Ordering by the glass alleviates the financial stress but does not address quality concerns. Leaving a bottle of fine vino with leftovers is a high crime. The only solution is to order wine only when great wine is necessary to enhance the food. The issue is not going for the top-end bottle even when the sticker price is much cheaper than it would be in the US. For example, in South Africa, the best bottle of wine was $64 (see Where to Eat Steak Johannesburg: Grillhouse Is A Great Choice). In the US, it would be exponentially more. When the top-end bottle is ‘cheap’ compared to American restaurants, how often is it fine to splurge? I have no answer for that at this point in time.
TPOL’s Tip: This rule can be relaxed during Wine Tasting adventures.
Conclusion: Drinking= anxiety + money burnt
Overall
As an economist, I recognize that there is an opportunity cost for trips that include multiple ‘once in a lifetime’ destinations. From a financial perspective, points may take me to those places for free but when I arrive, I still have to pay for food, drink, partying, sightseeing, and cultural experiences (see Guns & Butter Travel Guides). Without guardrails in place, this becomes unsustainably expensive. From a physical and mental health perspective, being a drinking degenerate or gorging glutton will leave me hungover and heavy, inhibiting me from enjoying the present. While there is not a perfect solution, recognizing the need to improve is the first step in implementing changes.
This photo from Pokhara is why it is necessary to try and maintain some discipline.
I did not celebrate. The first thing I did was go back and double-check the conversion rate between the Qatari Rial and the USD. Phew, 2000 QAR is only $549. In my hurry to procure tickets, I had hoped that I did not miss a Michael Bolton decimal point. The second thing I did was look at the prospective match-up of 1H v 2G. They are as follows:
