Frontier Airlines Sucks is part of the Reunion Tour Trip Report.
Frontier sucks. But we already knew that:
- What’s the Worst Discount Carrier?
- Post TPOL, Frontier Erases Alfredo’s Adventure to Puerto Rico
- Frontier Airlines: The Covid Super Spreader for Puerto Rico
- Frontier: Rivaling Allegiant For Worst Airline
What I forgot is how much it sucks.
The best way to describe the seat is a bus stop bench. It is inhumane to think that humans can sit for more than ten minutes in this chair. There is not an option to recline at all.
TPOL’s Tip: Don’t go to the west coast from Puerto Rico. It’s far too long of a journey for little reward.
I once wrote, Free without the ‘R’ spells FEE. That hasn’t changed. Since I was importing some workout equipment back to Puerto Rico, I had to check a bag. I used my Amex platinum credits to purchase that bag along with a carry-on. Somehow that costs $196!
That price does not include seat assignment. I found that out the hard way. On my connection from MCO to PHX, the machine went eh, eh. The gate agent handed me another ticket. I thought I had been upgraded, if there is such a thing. I was not. Instead, my aisle seat in the middle of the plane was replaced with a middle seat all the way in the back of the plane. Bamboozled, I asked the flight attendant how I could receive a downgrade. He said that since I did not pay for a seat assignment, they have the right to throw me anywhere they want.
That wasn’t the only example of bristly customer service. When we landed in Orlando, an eager passenger, understandably anxious to get off this hell airline, attempted to retrieve his bag before the plane had come to a complete stop.
The flight attendant sternly screamed, “Sit down!” She tried to soften her stance by following up with, “We don’t want anyone injured before they can enjoy Orlando.”
The flight back to San Juan was even worse. I was in the back of the plane in an aisle seat sharing the bus bench with a huge guy who was encroaching on the small space that I did have. Why he put his tiny son in the window and himself in the middle is a mystery. If I was uncomfortable then he must have been in agony. I tried to implement my Kama Sutra for sleeping on planes but nothing worked (see The Kama Sutra of Airplane Sleep: Surviving a 17 Hour Flight). There is nothing worse than being exhausted and not being able to sleep. It is torture.
If you are going to fly Frontier, I have some advice for you.
If you choose not to listen to that advice then do the following:
Sit next to a drunk. On the way to Phoenix, the person next to me started the flight by asking for 3 Tanqueray’s and a beer. And then he ordered another round and another. I was waiting for him to be cut off or go berserk or both. Neither happened. Instead, he ordered more. Bored of drinking alone, the friendly drunk offered me gin, and more gin, and more gin. I was beginning to enjoy Frontier.
If you’re not lucky enough to sit next to a generous drunkard, be sure to download your own entertainment. There is no wifi or IFE on Frontier.
Frontier is true hell. To punctuate this point, Frontier offered me $800 to give up my seat back to SJU and fly the next day. When I learned it was in the form of a voucher, I politely declined.