So many messages asking why I’ve broken my daily blog promise (see TPOL Opens M-F at 10:07AM EST). I am happy I’m missed but asked why they aren’t following me on IG. If they did, they’d see I’ve been golfing. Simultaneously, I’m stuck on this Tahiti Triumph Trip Report. I vow never to fall behind on these Trip Reports because finishing them, though necessary, is boring.
I logged into my Chase account and could not believe my eyes. At the very bottom of my account was a new account with a zero balance. I clicked on the account and wouldn’t you know, it’s the Chase Sapphire Card. The last time I was approved for a Chase card was years ago for the Ink, which took a lot of work (see Chase Business Preferred: 100k Finally, Finally, Finally!). Now the next 100k is coming my way. With no trips since 2020 (see NYC Twice: A Recap of My 2020 Travels), I am flush with Chase points and am poised to cross the 600k mark after meeting the minimum spend. Now I need somewhere to go (see 11 Reasons Why I Still Don’t Want to Travel).
LuckyTyler must not read the blog anymore. He didn’t claim his prize after winning the March Madness tourney (see Baylor What? Unlucky Me, Lucky Tyler Wins a Trip to Puerto Rico). Since it’s been more than two months, I’m moving on to the next person on the list, “Whatnameissnttaken2”. I’ll give him/her one month before, by default, Lost in Cebu is declared the winner. He can come down as soon as he makes it back to the US.
Golf Tahiti is part of the Tahiti Triumph Trip Report. It covers the following cities:
See the Picture Preview here and see how this $60,000 trip cost $1999 here. Be sure to check out TPOL’s Map, the best feature of the blog.
Golf courses in scenic places are beautiful. Tahiti is beautiful. That doesn’t mean that a golf course in Tahiti would be as well. Golf courses cost a small fortune to maintain and without proper care, they are fields of grass and ditches of sand. Enter the Green Pearl Golf Course in Moorea.
What the Pictures Show
Like the golf advertisements in Nepal (see Rip-off Alert: Golfing in the Himalayas), the pictures of the course in Moorea and the reality of the course are two different things.
Teeing Off
To tee of this review, I have to admit that I booked the round to boast that I golfed in Tahiti.
Fairways
Like the name suggests, the fairways were fair.
Bunkers
The bunkers were solid concrete. As any golf pro would recommend, they should be avoided.
Greens
Without a robust golf membership, private donations, or a thriving golf tourism industry, it was not a surprise that the greens were terrible.
Water Hazard
The water hazard was spectacular. A lot of time must have been spent building it.
Golf Cart
Unlike golfing in Blenheim, New Zealand, at least there was a golf cart (see So I Picked the Wrong Course).
Mulligan
As I have traveled and golfed at better courses (see Golf Course Reviews), the novelty of saying I golfed in an exotic locale is no longer reason enough to golf in those locations. If the course is not up to international standards, it is worth skipping. Rather than forcing myself to golf just to say I golfed, there are much better ways to spend time in these destinations. For example, trekking around Moorea would have been more rewarding, despite this photo which is worthy of Golf Digest’s cover.
Overall
Golf in Tahiti? In the words of Bucho, “Not in this town”.
Swimming with Sharks & Stingrays is part of the Tahiti Triumph Trip Report. It covers the following cities:
See the Picture Preview here and see how this $60,000 trip cost $1999 here. Be sure to check out TPOL’s Map, the best feature of the blog.
I’ve done some wild things in my life from bungee jumping in Victoria Falls (see 3,2,1 Bungee! Bungee Jumping Victoria Falls) to eating blowfish in Osaka (see I Want to Eat Blowfish, But I Don’t Want to Die). I thought that swimming with sharks in Moorea would be on that list. It is not. On the contrary, it was a peaceful experience.
Boat
The boat picks up tourists from the Hilton Moorea and takes them to shark alley.
Stingrays
First, the stingrays come for a visit and tourists are allowed to touch them.
Sharks
Then the sharks come out to play Like the stingrays, the sharks are used to tourists. They circle around peacefully and keep to themselves.
Selfies
Then everyone dives under the water to become one with nature i.e., take selfies.
The Debate
Should humans be touching stingrays? Should tour companies put out chum to attract sharks? Should wildlife be domesticated for the sake of selfies? I don’t think so. Then again, I did it and now I have this blog post to show for it.
I normally don’t write about targeted offers because they are targeted. However, I felt compelled to write about this Amex Platinum Business offer because it is for 150k points and, allegedly, I am eligible despite having this card years ago (see Keep Vs. Cancel: Amex Business Platinum). Back then it was 150k points after 20k spent. Today, it is 150k after 15k spent in 3 months. Back then manufactured spending wasn’t a mortal sin. Today, I sadly spend that much on who knows what. Still, I’m going to wait until early fall to apply as I have to hit the min on my Hyatt card to re-qualify for Globalist (see Becoming Hyatt Globalist Again: TPOL’s Masterpiece Strategy). I am also holding out hope that I am approved for the Chase Sapphire (see Wait, Am I Under 5/24?) and that I will be approved for additional Chase cards.
Is the churn lifestyle back?
Disclaimer: I am not cool. I don’t have credit card affiliate links.
100k Chase Sapphire posts are ubiquitous. I ignored them because I assumed that I am over the random, stupid 5/24 rule. After seeing the 100th post saying “best offer ever,” I thought I would check my credit report. If I’m reading it correctly, I’m not only under 5/24 but also way under. I immediately applied and was happy that I was not instantly rejected. The application is under further review. I won’t be calling recon but I will be hoping for approval.
I encourage everyone to check their credit reports as you may be surprised by what you find. For me, the lack of churning is directly attributable to the never-ending pandemic.
The Punxsutawney TPOL Trip Report is off to a slow start. So far, I’ve gone to the most overrated city in the US, Miami (see The Worst Cities in the World). That led me to contemplate travel retirement (see Air TPOL Retiring From Travel). Friends headed to Vegas almost had me venture out once again (see Come See TPOL Perform in Vegas in June!), but I decided against the trip for two reasons: 1) Who wants to fly 20 hours in coach? 2). Only amateurs go to Vegas on the weekend. Desperation to leave my basement won’t allow me to compromise on my principles. Instead of a pool party, I’ll still be here in the bubble retirement community of Rio Mar. My third tennis lesson is on Monday.
Anyone want to visit? No PCR test required.
Where have all the bloggers gone? I read BA daily and see fewer authors posting. At the same time, I continue to receive comments from crabby readers that I should quit. If I do, who will deliver posts such as these:
Las Vegas, Nevada
Grand Cayman
Cartagena, Colombia
Medellin, Colombia
Miami, Florida
Houston, Texas
Moscow, Russia
St. Petersburg, Russia
Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Amman, Jordan
Abu Dhabi, UAE
New York, New York
The Intercontinental Bora Bora Thalasso Spa Hotel Review is part of the Tahiti Triumph Trip Report. It covers the following cities:
See the Picture Preview here and see how this $60,000 trip cost $1999 here. Be sure to check out TPOL’s Map, the best feature of the blog.
Disclaimer: This post contains an embarrassing amount of pictures of me posing topless (see Are You Guilty of Traveling Under the Social Influence?).
Beware of the cockroaches. How is that for a nice way to start a Hotel Review?
The Cockroach
Before arriving at the IC Bora Bora, I was told that air conditioner was out and that I could either cancel or stay for half of the points (see No AC in Tahiti!). I had gone through so much trouble trying to book the hotel and had no intention of not going (see Constructing Tahiti: The IHG Rewards Bora Bora Trick).
Don’t be fooled into thinking that the winds of French Polynesia make an air conditioner unnecessary. The room was very hot. Also, don’t be fooled into thinking that cockroaches can’t find their way into overwater bungalows. They can. Indeed, one found its way into my room. But that’s not the gross part. Trying to sleep in the humid room, I vividly recall turning over onto my side and feeling a weird sensation in my eye. I woke up to see a cockroach on my pillow and proceeded to turn the room upside down trying to kill it. It was not the warm welcome I expected. After my battle with the roach, I scurried to the bathroom to flush my eye with water. I don’t know what that little bastard did to my eye but something felt off. Alas, I was fine and tried to go back to sleep in the muggy room, this time sleeping with one eye open (the other eye).
With that horrifying story out of the way, it’s time for the traditional hotel review.
Getting There
Unlike the Maldives with its $500 seaplane, the IC Bora Bora is accessible by boat from the IC Le Moana Bora Bora dock.
Checking In
Our room wasn’t ready when we arrived. That’s inexplicable given that the resort was empty, they knew we were coming, and there are scheduled ferries to the resort. 
106 Pool Boy
It took so long to check in, I decided to have a Coca-Cola. It cost a modest $6.
Hotel Itself
Still waiting on the room, I explored the hotel. I would not make use of the pool and wonder why these getaways have them in the first place.
‘Secret Garden’
Come on IC, stop trying so hard. If it were a secret garden of love, there wouldn’t be a sign in multiple languages.
Room
After walking around fake Disneyland, we were finally able to go to our room. It was nice but not spectacular.
The Deck
Nothing beats the deck with the hot tub from the Conrad Maldives.
Bathroom
As you might expect, there was a fancy bathroom with a strong shower and a romantic shower. Warning: TPOL topless in bathtub below.
Breakfast
Breakfast isn’t free at IC hotels. I went against my frugal intuition and paid for it (see TPOL Paid for Breakfast! And…). It wasn’t very good.
Dinner
I was criticized for bringing beef jerky and other survivables with me to Tahiti. To be clear, I’m not against spending money, I am against bad values e.g., this terrible pizza at the hotel restaurant.
Clouds
So far, this review has been ho-hum. And the reason is the weather. Overcast skies kill paradise. I take it personally when the weather does not cooperate. At the same time, I don’t get too upset because these trips are not ‘once in a lifetime’ thanks to points. Contrast this with people who spend thousands of dollars and fly hours in coach only to find rain and gray skies. That is unfair. That is my idea of misery.
Annie
You already know the words of that horrible musical. However, when the sun does come out, everything is wonderful. Even the cockroaches were singing.
Aquarium
By night or day, the real life aquarium provided hours of entertainment.
Inflatables
I was hesitant about booking 7 nights in Tahiti (see Is 7 Nights in Tahiti Too Long?). I can only ‘relax’ for so long. Fortunately, posing with inflatable props passed the time.
TPOL’s TIP: Never buy a pizza float. It’s impossible to board and impossible to consume.
TPOL’s TIP: In case of emergency boredom, bring inflatable props.
On second thought, maybe it’s better to just take a few photos and focus on vacation.
TPOL’s TIP: Do not use burst mode to capture the right moment. It will take 5 years to write a blog post.
Overall
I give my photo shoot and photographer two thumbs up. I give the IC no rating and may God have mercy on its soul.
