It’s May. That means I’m off on my birthday trip and will be out of the office. Last year, I went to Medellin, Miami, and Anguilla (see Birthday Bash Trip Report). This time I am not sure where I will end up. I will start in Honduras and go from there. Like all Trip Reports, I will take an eternity to complete it. Hope you’ll stick around.
I was writing quite a bit in April, and then a friend came to visit. Here’s the best of what I had going when I had it going.
Originally, I was supposed to go to Buenos Aires and Cape Town for a back-to-back residency (see 2024 Residencies Announced! Barcelona, Buenos Aires, Cape Town). Instead of leaving, I stayed in Puerto Rico and endured months of rain from November-March. Bad weather did little to improve my golf game, though I still have aspirations of becoming club champion as shown in my inaugural YouTube video.
With life running out, I booked a one-way flight from San Juan to Madrid in July on board my favorite commuter airline, Iberia. For 50,000 points and $98, it’s the best redemption option available.
The question is, where will I go next? Will it be a Country Count Trip (see Is Hawaii a Country?), will it be a Residency (see TPOL in Madrid: Why A Second Residency?), or will it be a combination of both? One thing is for certain: I will get on that plane no matter what.
Chico Malo Miami is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
I hate Miami. It’s an illusion of the life you think you want (see The Worst Cities in the World). On a layover between Medellin and Anguilla, I had the misfortune of spending the day before my birthday in that God forsaken city. Staying at the Hyatt Place Miami Airport-West/Doral (see Hyatt Place Miami Airport: Careful, There’s East & West!). I was within walking distance of CityPlace Doral. Nothing says manufactured living like a strip mall.
TPOL’s Tip: CityPlace is located at 8300 NW 36th Street, Doral, Florida 3316
With this positive attitude, I had to pick which overpriced establishment would provide me with subpar food and even more subpar service. Since there is no good Mexican food in Puerto Rico, I settled on Chico Malo.
Cork Fee
In Medellin, I purchased a bottle of Malbec that I first tried years ago in Mendoza (see Medellin Wine Tasting). Too much of a coward to ask if I could bring it into the restaurant, I tasked Ms. TPOL with this responsibility. Chico Malo said yes and that it would cost $25.
Service
From the outset, the server was attentive. While still slow, it was much better than the typical Miami experience.
Wine
The wine brought back great memories of Mendoza (see “It’s Like Riding a Bike.” Those words have haunted me for years.).
Food
The chips and assortment of salsa dips were divine. The fajitas were perfect, especially the beef. “Where am I?” I wondered.
Bill
The bill came and the gratuity was included. Not having to deal with how little I want to tip or being held ISIS hostage by the credit card processing machine makes a mandatory tip charge acceptable (see Pressured Into Tipping! I Hate Credit Card Processing Tablets).
Cork Fee
I was slightly annoyed that the cork fee was $30, not $25. I asked the waitress, who asked the manager, who said it would not be reduced to $25. She said I received incorrect information and ‘apologized for the inconvenience.’ Now, that’s the Miami I know and hate.
Chico Malo No Más
It should come as no surprise that Chico Malo is closed. It was too much of a good thing for Miami to handle.
TPOL’s Tip: If you’re still intrigued, you can visit their Phoenix location.
Overall
Chico Malo Miami: Surprise, it’s delicious. No surprise, it’s Now Closed
LATAM Economy is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
Business class seats were not offered between San Juan and Medellin. I proceeded to pay $60 to upgrade to the front of the plane. That was done so I could clear customs faster (see Avianca SJU-MDE: No Business But Right Up Front). On the way from Medellin to Miami, I again looked for business class. Again, I found that it was not offered. Premium economy is available. Since the flight is only 3.5 hours, I opted to save my points and fly economy. Unlike when I entered Colombia, I was not in a hurry to get to customs and immigration. Thanks to Global Entry, the anxiety of being stuck in an endless line is not a concern.
Would you burn your points on premium economy?
Sane Asylum is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
If you have been reading this trip report, you must have noticed that this isn’t a typical trip to Colombia. TPOL has not disappeared (see Mystery Solved: TPOL’s Disappearance in Medellin), TPOL has not been overly intoxicated (see There’s Such A Thing as Too Much Aguardiente), and TPOL has not been robbed (see Welcome to Bogota). On the contrary, I have come to Medellin and enjoyed the finer things in life, including food, wine, Muay Thai, yoga, golf, an ice bath, and, of course, a fat-freezing procedure.
While living in foreign countries for months at a time is excellent, sometimes I want all of those amenities without the time commitment. That’s why I came up with ‘sane asylum’ trips, a brief interlude to relieve me from the everyday stresses of Puerto Rico (see Why A Second Residency?). Simultaneously, there are some things that Puerto Rico doesn’t have: fresh groceries, Wi-Fi, reliable electricity that I don’t want to travel halfway around the world to find. In addition, I now have new hobbies besides golf and tennis. Since my residency in Melbourne & Bangkok, I’ve taken up the ying and the yang of Muay Thai and yoga. A private instructor for Muay Thai in PR is $100/hour and would require that I leave the bubble. A yoga class on this island is fake stretches at the beach, populated by tourists pretending to connect with nature.
Medellin is a direct flight from San Juan, making it the perfect place to spend a few days, especially now that I am no longer willing to be a squatter (see Hotel vs. Friend’s Home vs. Airbnb). The quality and luxury for the price, along with the friends I have there, make it almost perfect. I use almost because, as stated above, there is still an element of risk in traveling to Medellin and the influx of tourists makes it less remarkable than it used to be (see Manila, Medellin: Too Many Gringos). While I like Medellin a little bit more each time I go, I have never fallen in love with the place. Add in my disdain of mountains, and it makes more sense why Medellin does not make the Residency Directory (see Where I’ll Live And Why). A quick trip is more than enough to satisfy my need for a change of scenery, i.e., to keep me from going island crazy.
Hotel vs. Friend’s Home vs. Airbnb is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
Last time I went to Medellin and wrote about Hostel v. Hotel v. Friend’s Home. This time, I faced two choices: hotel vs. friend’s house. I opeted for my friend’s house because it was free and because there are not any great points redemptions offers in Medellin. As great as a house guest as anyone can be, invading someone’s personal space for more than two nights is excessive.
Next time, I will opt for Airbnb. While I will not stay in an Airbnb for Residencies (see Airbnb Long-Term? Never Again: My Shanghai Experience), I will do so for short-term Sane Asylum getaways. The price and availability for luxurious places in Medellin make it the obvious choice.
I have been running TPOL’s March Madness bracket for years. Each year, someone wins. Each year, no one claims the prize. I am happy to say that I have connected with CalGator, the winner of the bracket in a Rory tiebreak. I look forward to welcoming him to Puerto Rico and beating him in golf.
Golf Medellin La Macarena is part of the Birthday Bash Trip Report.
I have been to Colombia many times. The media and pop culture depiction of Colombia and the Colombia I have come to know are quite different. This is evidenced by a round of golf at La Macarena golf course in Medellin.
Location
The golf course is 45 minutes away from the city center of Medellin.
TPOL’s Tip: The address is Cl. 41 #33-595, Rionegro, Antioquia
Cost
As a guest of a member, I paid $65. This did not include the tip for the caddie which was $12.
Caddie
There are no golf carts at this course. It is all walking. The caddie is mandatory but indispensable.
Ready Golf
And here we go:
2nd Hole, Par 3
I hope you are adjusted to the altitude and are ready to go. After a basic first hole, I was faced with this:
The course record is 21. I hit it thin and got it over.
Do You Trust This Bridge?
Surviving the par 3, I had still had to walk across the Temple of Doom bridge. Kali ma!
The Greatest Shot?
Rarely do things go my way on the golf course. This was an exception. My caddie, seeing my swing, told me to club up. I ended up hitting the ball over the green onto another hole.
Trusting in the Lord, I somehow made it onto the green.
Blind Shot
My caddie told me to hit my driver with ‘con confianza’, with confidence. I’m glad that I didn’t know what was on the other side.
Had I hit it any better, it would have landed in the ravine Next time, I will use a 3 wood.
Five iron, huh? You’re fired. Bye-bye.
Luck Runs Out
I had some highlights but then statistics do what statistics do.
A Break at the Turn?
In Colombia, it is customary to take a ‘fifteen’ minute break at the turn. I vehemently oppose this. First, it’s not fifteen minutes. Second, it kills any rhythm. After enjoying a 2 for 1 mimosa and making the mistake of ordering empanadas, I longed for a siesta, not 9 more holes.
Two in the Trees
My lethargy showed up in hole 10. I hit two in the trees.
Bullshit Bunker
Why was this placed here? Take notice of my ball further up in the bunker.
Don’t Film
I was ready to showcase my talents to the world via video. Instead, I barely made the reds on this par 3.
Driver @ Altitude
The driver was my weapon of choice all day. I credit the altitude for my success.
Beauty
Throughout the round, I had to remind myself that I was in Medellin but nowhere near Medellin. 
Danger
Beware of the caravana birds. They will poke your eyes out. That’s what my caddie told me.
Final score
116
Post Golf
Now the mimosa makes sense, though we didn’t need ten of them, even if they were 2 for 1.
Overall
Golfing in Colombia, qué precioso!
Best Western Porto Vecchio is part of the Still The Best Trip Report.
It should come as no surprise that there are limited points options in Corsica. With no rental car (see Corsica Taxis: Be Prepared to Pay Dearly), I wanted to stay close to the city center and close enough to the beach. I chose the Best Western and was happy with my choice.
Location
The hotel is within walking distance to the city center (see Guns & Butter: Porto-Vecchio Travel Guide).
TPOL’s Tip: The address is Rue du Maréchal Leclerc Haute Ville, 20137 Porto-Vecchio, France
Suite
With no status, I did not expect a room this big nor one with a view.
Bathroom
Modern bathroom is a must for long weeks on the road.
Overall
Aside from Mongolia, Best Westerns are not considered a high-end brand. While it’s not the Four Seasons, this Best Western was impressive.
