The Russia I learned about in grade school and the Russia I visited are exact opposites. Sure, much has changed since the fall of communism but the prevalent notion was that Russia is still a third world country. Politics aside, Moscow is a bustling, modern city with wide streets, beautiful buildings, and more AMG’s than I could count. Upscale dining is not in short supply. My first night, I went to the fabled Cafe Pushkin. On the second, I went to the modern Bolshoi, meaning great in Russian, to see if it would live up to its name.
I had Belgium for my appetizer, Leffe Brunne and Leffe Blond, but everything after that was quintessential Russian.
Fancy water
Caviar
TPOL appreciates the finer things in life. It’s a blessing and a curse to have such great taste. While I can enjoy a Coors banquet beer, I have upgraded to a life of espresso and Gran Mariner (see Tirana, Albania: Fantastic Food & Drink Guide). Anything less would be uncivilized. The same is true of my taste in food. While I’ll challenge anyone to a grimy food competition (see 4th of July Eating Contests at Your Favorite Lounges), I rather enjoy the delicacies of life. The prime example being Russian caviar.
Though both tasty and novel, I don’t want to hear about how great Cathay First caviar is.
Rabbit
A new love of my life is rabbit. I fell in love with it in Moscow.
Overall
Russia has changed since grade school. It’s not masses of people waiting in line for bread as Miss McGary taught. Food lovers should not overlook this food haven.
TPOL’s TIP: Bolshoi is located at Petrovka Ulitsa, 3/6, стр. 2, Moscow, Russia, 125009.
TPOL’s FX TIP: At a great Russian exchange rate, this meal was $120 (9050 rubles). To put it in perspective, this meal in 2008, when the ruble was at its strongest, would have cost $393. The majority of the bill was the caviar as reflected in the receipt.
There won’t be a tip, but on your death bed, when you die, you’ll receive total consciousness. So I got that going for me.
While visiting the fortress in Thimphu, I saw an adjoining golf course. The last thing I thought I’d find in Bhutan is golf. Add that to the list of my incorrect preconceived notions. Following the harrowing downhill bike ride and a general indifference to visit a stupa and paper factory, I told my guide I wanted to golf.
We went to the course to check the prices. It was $60 for 9 holes, $10 for a caddy, a few dollars more for club rentals, and an insane $11 for a sleeve of Srixon balls. That’s almost as bad as Marrakech (see Golf in Marrakech: BYOB).
I almost paid in one round what is due in one year.But look what surrounds the course.
Still, how many people can say they’ve golfed in Bhutan? And with this view? I had no problem paying.
TPOL’S TIP: Only cash is accepted and you must wear a collared shirt and long pants. I had to borrow pants because I showed up in golf shorts.
Borrowed clothes.
Rentals
The irons were fine but the driver was garbage. It had a crack in the base. I tried to explain to my caddy that I normally don’t drive the ball 10 yards straight up in the air. He wasn’t buying it.
Caddy
My caddy was on Bhutan’s national team. He has a handicap of 9. A few times, just for fun, we played closest to the pin. I never won once.
Dog Caddy
I also had a dog follow me around for all nine holes.
Beers
Nothing like a tall boy on a rainy day.
Views
I had many good shots but I was more interested in photos than what my score would be. I took many of the views and my caddy graciously took many of me.
I tipped the caddy 1000 Bhutanese Ngultrum ($13). He was happy. I was happy.
Clubhouse
After a great day, I went to the clubhouse and drank with the who’s who of Bhutan. One of the golfers happened to own a travel agency. He recommended that I go white water rafting down the male river, a category 3, and rebuff pleas from my guide to go down the gentler, boring female river. That proved to be great advice (see Finding Happiness: Bhutan Day 3).
Besides tourism, we discussed life in Bhutan. It was interesting to hear their perspective on happiness, Buddhism, and reincarnation. It was also interesting to hear that the younger generation is questioning it all. The best example was one gentleman’s son who questioned his dad why he couldn’t get an iPhone. The dad said in his time they would not think to ask this because his current place in life was a circumstance of what he had done in a previous life. That ideology is a tough sell in today’s social media world.
Overall
I don’t make golfing a priority when I travel because I can golf at home every day in Puerto Rico. But golfing in a place that measures wealth by happiness? How could I pass that up? With that standard, I was the richest man in the country after that round.
Who is the greatest man to live? That’s too daunting a question to contemplate. If you ask me who the greatest linguist is, the answer is inarguably Paul Pimsleur. Paul, or Pavel as I call him in this context, has taught many languages including Mandarin, Spanish, and Arabic (see TPOL The Polyglot: How To Learn Multiple Languages). On my trip to Russia, his keyphrases came in handy.
In Pavel voice: Listen to the following conversation:
Где Тверская улица? – Where is ‘Tverskaya’ Street?
Тверская улица здесь. – Tverskaya’ Street is here.
Cafe Pushkin, the first restaurant I went to in Moscow, was located on Tverskaya Street so practicing that line over and over proved useful. I wish I could tell you I went in and ordered off the Russian menu in perfect Russian, but I would be lying. I was happy to know a few words, read a few items from the menu, and attempt to communicate.
я хочу пива. Может быть, Вино? I want beer, maybe some wine?
For that quote, I have Pavel to thank. For the great food, I have the Park Hyatt Moscow to thank for the recommendation. Cafe Pushkin is what I envisioned a Russian restaurant to look like. It was bustling with people and had quite the ambiance. It felt like I was in a movie.
I have a chronological list of Trip Reports. Documenting my life through Trip Reports helps me remember what I did each year (see Writing Trip Reports: How Old Is Too Old?). Without trips, it would be hard to distinguish what I did one year compared to another. While it won’t be hard to remember what I didn’t do in 2020, i.e. travel (see What’s a Travel Blog Without Travel?), one day I may want to recall how I got through this unprecedented time. For that reason, I have created The Lost & Found Year(s) Trip Report which will include everything covid related. Hopefully, it will not be an extensive report but that’s wishful thinking.
If I can’t travel, there’s no place I’d rather be than my home in Puerto Rico.
Getting There: It cost $28 via Uber to go from the airport.
I ask myself who would pay $300 a night to stay at a basic Sheraton? Then I ask myself who can pay $300 a night to stay at a basic Sheraton? The answer to both must be corporate travelers. If someone has enough disposable income to blow $300 on a marginal hotel, that person should splurge a few hundred more to stay at a luxury hotel. Alternatively, if someone is breaking the budget to stay at a Sheraton, he/she should step down to an accommodation slightly better than a hostel (see Frontier Hotel Darwin: My Case for Hostels).
This brings me to my time in Zurich, a city that is far from cheap and not nice enough to justify the price tag (see Don’t Date in Switzerland!). My first night there, I stayed at the Sheraton Zurich and was happy that points covered my stay.
Location
The hotel is not in the city center. Taking the tram is the affordable option to get there. In the evening, I returned to the hotel with Uber.
Room
The room was a typical Sheraton room. I would have liked to have stayed at a ‘budget hotel’ that goes for $150 a night to see the difference.
Bathroom
View
This was my first time in Switzerland. Based on movies and folklore, I thought the city would be lined with gold. That must be in a different part of town. This area looked like Long Island City with a mountain as the backdrop.
Amenities
One thing that basic hotels do not offer is free fancy water and espresso.
Bottle opener required.
Breakfast
And of course, a perk of having status is free breakfast in the lounge.
Overall
This #NoCollusion, No Albania for TPOL trip took place over a matter of weeks. It would have been cost-prohibitive to pay for a hotel every night regardless if the rate was $100 or $300. Points, once again, made my adventure possible and comfortable.
I initially thought that I would not travel until of spring of 2021. I am beginning to waver on that not because I feel like going on vacation (see What’s a Travel Blog Without Travel?), but because I am not confident that the United States will be the safest place to be when the second wave hits. To date, we have done a horrific job testing, have no plan on how to carry out contact testing, and as mentioned above, have to tolerate the dodo birds who are adamant that opening the bowling alleys is good for the economy. “We’ve flattened the curve, now let’s go to the barbershop!” Can someone explain to these simpletons that hiding indoors doesn’t create immunity?
It doesn’t help that we have the most incompetent person in the history of humanity leading us to our demise. Meanwhile, healthcare workers, delivery drivers, and those workers deemed ‘essential’ do not have protection despite how essential they are. No worries, Trump is going to put on an airshow to show his appreciation of their efforts. How about using that money to arm these essential workers with PPE instead?
This brings me back to the fall when the CDC (known as the Center for Deepstate Conspiracies among the crazies) believes that Covid will return along with the seasonal flu. The result may be worse than this first wave, especially if we continue with this strategy based on Trump’s gut feeling and an absence of leadership by anyone in the federal government. The 535 people who control 1/3 of the power of this country are taking social distancing too far by not failing to recognize that they are essential workers and they need to show up to work.
Conferences are a marathon of shaking hands, paying attention, and trying not to fall asleep. Each time I attend a conference, I promise not to touch my phone, to take notes, and to send follow-up emails for the stack of business cards I received as soon as I get home. These goals are noble but hardly play out. Instead, I’ll find any distraction to keep me out of the conference room and any excuse to justify that I’m not missing out on anything critical (see Should You Include Work Trips in Your Country Count?). Williamsburg was no exception. In fact, the Williamsburg Lodge, the venue for the conference, made it impossible for me to attend every day.
Don’t have this sign in the lobby on the way to the conference room.
Dressed in a shirt and tie, I made may way to the Golden Horseshoe Golf Club and booked a tee time.
The Dag Nab It Hole
I was warned to play this hole conservatively as the ball could easily roll down into the water.
I laid up like a pro and was 100 yards from the pin.
Not wanting to end up in the water, I overcompensated and played the shot too aggressively. I ended up behind the green.
And, wouldn’t you know it, after taking pains to make sure I didn’t end up in the water, that’s where the ball went after an errant chip. Dag nab it!
Where Are My Balls?
When I play on the road, I tend to lose fewer balls. First, I don’t know the course so I don’t go for the glory. Second, I have to buy balls from the pro shop for prices I would prefer not to pay. Losing a ball is painful experience (see Golf in Marrakech: BYOB). I did fairly well on this course, though I believe this guy took a few.
A Perfect Day
Playing golf on my home course in Puerto Rico is paradise. The heat is the only drawback. In Williamsburg, the weather was perfect. It was a crisp 55-degree day. Without the humidity, the clubs felt lighter, the ball flew further, and the game was easier.
Putting for birdie, as it should be done.
Another Great Approach
TPOL was not scared of the water on this day.
For par.
More Water
Perhaps attending the conference would have been less stressful.
Zoom in to see where I am. That’s right, putting for birdie.
Moment of Truth
The famous 16th holeI am disappointed in my picture of this beautiful island hole.
With the round going quite well, It was time to see how far I have come as a golfer. I don’t know why I put that extra pressure on myself. I stepped onto the tee-box and, as you can guess, shanked it right into the water.
TPOL’s TIP: Just hit the damn ball.
Overall
What a great day to skip a conference. What a great day for golf.
Just as I was starting to internalize the teachings of Buddha (see Finding Happiness: Bhutan Day 1), capitalism interfered. Our first stop in the capital city of Thimphu was a giant Buddha perched high above the city. Built in 2015, it is hardly a historically significant monument. At the top, there were so many tourists. Although the pictures are nice, my Bhutan zen was interrupted by this Disney-esque tourist attraction.
Stop and Start 2: Downhill Cycling
I was in a hurry to get away from the tourists. Too bad the only way down was by bicycle. When I Booked Bhutan, I was wary about this part of the trip but deferred to the tour guide who said it was a memorable experience. In Blenheim, momentarily conquering my fear of cycling was worth it. There’s no way I could have seen the beauty of the vineyards if I was being chauffeured around town (see Wine Tours by Bike NZ: A Must for Wine Enthusiasts). I thought this would be similar. It was not. Picture me going a few feet while holding onto the brake, releasing it, only to hold it again. If I did find any cadence, it would be interrupted by a tour bus coming behind me honking. I also didn’t find comfort in the sharp corners. The good news is that I survived. The bad news is that I’m still scared of bicycles.
At the nunnery, I observed female monks doing hundreds of what I can only describe as burpees as part of their worship ritual. It is physically demanding and impressive to see. I also noticed the number of stray dogs loitering outside the temple, a regular sight throughout Bhutan.
Lunch
A theme throughout this trip is my annoyance with the tour company for taking us to bland, empty restaurants. This one felt like North Korea. Ms. TPOL and I were the only two in the restaurant. How can there be cultural immersion if no one else is present? If the food was good, maybe I would complain less. It was not.
Fancy signWhere’s the spice?
TPOL’S TIP: You’re only going to visit Bhutan once. Tell your tour guide what you want to do and where you want to eat. Being real with your tour guide makes that relationship more enjoyable and leads to better activities and meals.
So long as they serve chilli, count me in.Don’t spite me by taking me to boring restaurants.
Afternoon Plans Scrapped
I didn’t want to visit a paper factory. I didn’t want to visit a stupa. I wanted to have fun and meet locals. I told my tour guide and he executed an audible.
Stop 4: Archery
Archery is the national sport of Bhutan. It is awesome and crazy to watch in person. Why is it awesome? Because the archers are 120 meters from each other and are using a standard bow and arrow and somehow hitting a target. Why is it crazy? Because it is dangerous, not so much for the spectators, but for the participants. Like a game of bean bag, teams line up on opposite sides and take turns shooting arrows. The team on the other side stands right next to the target and waits to see if their opponent is successful. The first question I asked was if anyone has been hit by an arrow. Not only does it happen, but also people have died from it. Another interesting point is that the competition is among rivals from different towns or ‘blocks’ as they are called. And it gets intense. The superstitions are taken to another level as is the drinking the day before and during. It’s madness.
Following golf, I had some drinks with other golfers. It was interesting to hear their perspective on happiness, Buddhism, and reincarnation. It was also interesting to hear that the younger generation is questioning it all. The best example was one gentleman’s son who questioned his dad why he couldn’t get an iPhone. The dad said in his time they would not think to ask this because his current place in life was a circumstance of what he had done in a previous life. That ideology is a tough sell in today’s social media world.
Dinner
Happy drunk, I went to dinner with my tour guide and driver. Finally, we had local, delicious food. We ordered everything on the menu, something easy to do because each dish only costs about $1.70. I recommend the beef momo, the red rice, and the chili cheese. The best part of Bhutanese food is by far the chilis.
Get your beef momo in Bhutan because they aren’t available in neighboring Nepal.
Overall
I took control of my vacation on day 2. Because of that, I was closer to finding happiness.
After my stealth move to avoid the ticket counter queue, I had plenty of time to visit the Priority Pass Lounge. As it turned out, I didn’t need much time to take the standard photos. The lounge is appropriately small but still worth the pit stop, if only for the sake of including it in my Priority Pass list which is growing impressively in number. ).
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