I am the king of logistics. I have put together itineraries that no one has ever seen before (see Bus-Ted: TPOL Points & Cash Summary). My route to begin my Buenos Aires Residency is not one of those triumphs. Arriving at 1:35AM, I could not meet my landlord in my fantastic apartment (see Palermo Hollywood Apt: Humboldt!). I opted to stay at the Marriott Buenos Aires Ezeiza Airport, a wise choice given its proximity to the airport.
Shuttle
An airport hotel must have one of two things: 1) Be connected to the airport. 2) Offer a shuttle to the hotel. If there is a free shuttle, it should operate 24/7. The Marriot EZE provided the latter. And, remarkably, it was on time.
Room
After wasting one day of my life flying (see Time Vs. Points), all I wanted to do was rest. The Marriott had a bed.
Shower
After wasting one day of my life, perhaps I should have showered. I chose to do so the next day.
Breakfast
After wasting one day of my life, I was happy that breakfast is included for Lifetime Elites. I was disappointed that all that remained were these scraps.
I face two choices: 1) Stay indoors and avoid humans. 2) Continue to write the Etiquette of Things in an attempt to shame those who misbehave. The latest installment comes from my horrific business class flight to Buenos Aires (see Surviving Avianca’s ‘Business Class’: Medellin to Buenos Aires). With no Wi-Fi and no IFE, I utilized my Kama Sutra skills to fall asleep. Despite wearing eyeshades, I woke up to a bright light overhead.
My neighbor, who was frantically writing like a serial killer from the moment we were seated, decided that his overhead light was not sufficient. He decided that turning on my overhead light was the solution. Initially, I left the light on and tried to get back to sleep. Then I thought that passengers around me would wonder why I was asleep with eyeshades on while a bright light was disturbing everyone else. As the authority on etiquette, I could not let that stand. I promptly turned off the light. My neighbor was upset and told me that he needed it because he was writing. I told him that I, too, would be writing, and the post would be about him.
I used to proudly say that I could sit in any seat, including the middle, so long as the flight was less than five hours. Then I learned of points and decided that flying coach was not for me. More spoiled than ever, flying business is also not enough for me to get off the island (see AA SJU-MIA-LAS: Borracho in Business (First)).
When I flew from Madrid to Barcelona, I was content with Iberia purporting to sell premium economy as business. The flight was short, and the COVID concept of socially distancing passengers by leaving a seat empty was almost clever (see Iberia MAD-BCN: Some Funny Business). For an airline to use this tactic for a long-haul flight and market it as business is borderline criminal.
TPOL’s Transparency: While I was aware of this bootleg business before I flew, I contemplated whether it was better to sit back in peasant class. For 36k points, 10k points more than coach, I decided it wasn’t. But that has nothing to do with comfort.
No Wi-Fi, Limited IFE
If you’re going to stick me on a plane for this long, the least you can do is offer Wi-Fi so I can be productive. If you’re going to have IFE, perhaps have something newer than the first season of Curb or the Harry Potter series.
Look, it’s the Gulf of Mexico
Food & Drink
My time on flights is spent catching up on blog posts and cataloging my video clips for my YouTube channels (like, comment, and subscribe to both: ThePointsOfLife & Alexander Bachuwa). The one exception is the first flight of the journey, which should be spent eating, drinking, enjoying, and comfortably sleeping. On this long flight, I was surprised that food was not offered for free for economy passengers. In business, I was served a steak that was surprisingly good, though difficult to cut.
For drink, I had two glasses of wine with my dinner and did not see the flight attendant come by to ask if I needed anything further.
Despite wearing eye shades, I was awoken by a piercing bright light. It was not an ignorant ignoramus opening the window shade on a red eye (see Etiquette of Things: Put Down Your Window Shade). This was much worse. It was my neighbor who decided that his personal light was not enough. He turned mine on as well. I turned it off, which was met with shock. He said he was trying to write. To which I said, I too will be writing, and it will be a post about you (see The Etiquette of Things: The Overhead Light).
The sparse amenity kit does come with eyeshades.Don’t touch my light.
30 Minutes
Torn away from my unsatisfying sleep, I checked the IFE app on my iPad and was delighted to see there were only 30 minutes till landing. My Kama Sutra technique had worked better than expected.
Overall
I have to fly this hell route back to MDE in December. I am not looking forward to it. But for 30k ANA points, I cannot rationalize changing it.
Disappointed, I sat at a table and scanned the QR code, hoping there was something. I was surprised that the eggs and potatoes were pretty good.
The coffee was terrible, like the Copa lounge.
Still hungry, I contemplated whether it was worth breaking my rule of not spending money at airports for the world’s best Italian food (see Olive Garden Times Square: Real Italian Food).
Overall
PTY airport is excellent for quick connections, not for lounges.
I booked one of the least efficient routes to Buenos Aires from Puerto Rico because there were no other options. Part of my suffering included my time at this unexpectedly terrible lounge. I assumed that Copa’s flagship lounge would be at least on par with United or Delta. I was wrong.
I entered a gigantic lounge with plenty of seating, only to find nothing to eat. There was toast, desserts, and thinly cut lunch meat. There was a coffee machine that put out bean water Americano. There was no espresso option.
I tried to have cornflakes and could not get in more than one bite. They were stale. Scanning the crowd, I wonder if anyone else was also starving.
With 4 hours to go, I decided now was the time to go all in on the fast diet.
Gloom day for a gloom lounge
The final straw was the organ music blaring from the speakers. I had to leave.
Overall
Budget cuts, tariffs? What is the reason for this less than continental breakfast offering? It’s a disgrace! I’ve never seen anything like it. I’m asking Pam to launch an investigation at once!
What can I say about a flight I don’t remember? That is the ultimate compliment. Copa’s seats are damn comfortable, even if they are not lie-flat. Having left the house at 2:30AM in anticipation of drama due to the government shutdown, I was a zombie by the time we boarded at 5:30AM. The last thing I recall is asking for a breakfast sandwich. The next thing I remember is landing in Panama. Here are the photos:
I have been told I am mean. I have been told that people from Philadelphia are mean. Both statements can be true and false depending on the situation. If the staff of the Hyatt Centric Philadelphia and the businesses surrounding it are representative of Philadelphians, I would say that Philly is the sweetest city in the world.
Double Dip Amex Fine Hotel + Globalist Benefits
I recently was approved for the coupon book of credit cards known as the Amex Business Platinum. One of the perks is a $300 statement credit for a 2-night stay at a Fine Hotel. As the year is coming to an end, I wanted to make sure I used this perk before it expired. The cheapest option for my two nights in Philadelphia was the Hyatt Centric. The retail price was $539.36. Out of pocket, I paid $239.36, an effective use of the credit. In addition to the hotel credit, I received a $100 stay credit which I used for a mediocre dinner (see $100 Credit Amex Fine Hotels: What a Pain).
My concern with using this Amex perk is that I would be denied my Globalist benefits, namely, two free bottles of water! Namely, free breakfast. Amex said it was at the discretion of the hotel. That was not the case. At check-in, my status was recognized and my bottles of water were dispensed with no fuss.
Location
The hotel is in the city center, full of bars, shopping, and restaurants, including Cleavers, the better option for a Philly Cheesesteak (see Best CheeseSteak in Philly? Don’t Ask Me).
Room
Bathroom
Strange the toilet was across the hall from the shower.
Bean Water Coffee
Hotels must have Nespresso machines. Keurigs are terrible and should be outlawed.
Breakfast
I opted for the buffet. I am glad it was free. Imagine paying $100 for this:
Service charge included!
Overall
I received maximum value at this hotel and I received great service. Who says Philly is full of mean people? Everyone was very nice and accommodating. Who says TPOL is a not a nice guy? I have people skills!
The problem with a statement credit is that I am forced to stay in the hotel instead of going out and exploring. That is great in a beach resort, but not when staying in a city. Having had two or too many cheesesteaks (see Best CheeseSteak in Philly? Don’t Ask Me), I decided to burn my $100 at the hotel on food and drinks. Here’s what I got:
How mad would you be if you had to pay for this?
The fountain sodas (not cans) did not have refills.
How mad do you think I was when I was $17 over my $100 allowance? Do you think I would have tipped less if I knew I was over? TPOL readers will know the answer to that.
How mad would you be if you had to pay for this?