TPOL is going through a blog-life crisis. The blog recently turned 9 (see Simply The Best: TPOL, The Professor, Turns 9!) prompting me to reflect on all that I have done (see Wide World of Sports: The Best of Where I’ve Been & Wild One: TPOL’s Top Daredevil Activities) and take stock of what I want to do. Instead of coming out of the Rodgers darkness re-energized, I am more of a curmudgeon. Accordingly, and in keeping with my blog age, I have put together a list of 9 places I have no interest in seeing the traditional way.

1. Galapagos Islands: Fools spend tens of thousands of dollars going to the Galapagos. The better way of doing it is to show up on-site, hope for a cancellation, and see the exact same sea turtles at a discount.
2. Silverback Gorillas: Gorilla trekking is expensive, especially if you begin said trek in Rwanda or Uganda. The better alternative is to go through DRC. It’s the same gorillas with a huge savings.
3. The Summer Olympics: I will eventually make it to a Summer Olympics. Unless I buy the tickets retail, I will wait until I am in person to secure seats to the big events (see The Guide to Buying Tickets for the World Cup And Other Big Events).
4. The Super Bowl: Many sportswriters have said that the Super Bowl is overrated because of the pageantry. Unless I receive free Bills or Lions tickets, I will not pay the exorbitant price (see Bills Lose, But Who Can Afford Super Bowl Tickets?). For the same thrill, I will go to the Grey Cup!
5. Outer Space: I was hoarding my Virgin points to go to Japan on ANA first. Unfortunately, this redemption devalued (see Virgin Atlantic Devaluation: I Waited Too Long). With banks failing, perhaps the redemption rates on Virgin Galactic will go down. Until then, I will not pay the slightly excessive fee to go into outer space.
6. New Years: When I was a lifelong student or a subordinate of the cubicle, I made it a point to be somewhere special for New Years (see Happy New Year! TPOL’s NYC NYE Party Guide). Now that I am life experience rich, I no longer have to follow the masses to an overcrowded party for overpriced libations.
7. Overwater Bungalows: I am very happy that I have been to Tahiti, Seychelles, Mauritius, and Maldives. I am lucky that I was able to get and stay there in style on points. I am even luckier that the sun was out for most of the time. As a resident of one of the greatest places in the world (see Per Time Magazine, TPOL Lives in One of the World’s Greatest Places), I feel for tourists who come here, overpay for a parking lot view, and have their vacation ruined by rain. I still have a few aspirational islands to visit (see 55K Alaskan to Fiji And My New Melbourne Residence) and hope that my luck doesn’t run out.
8. Michigan: They say you can never go home. I hope they are right, and I never have to go back to Michigan. I’ll catch Michigan at a Final Four and National Championship game, eventually.
9. The Afterlife: Unless the afterlife is an SQ Lounge, I have no interest in doing anything past this life. While some may pray that I end up in eternal damnation (see Delta Sky Clubs), my fear is wasting away in purgatory until my fast pass to heaven clears (see Why I Still Don’t Like the Turkish Lounge in IST).

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year’s gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it’s not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.