Every piece of advice I received in Lebanon was a gross exaggeration (see Guns & Butter: (Overrated) Beirut Travel Guide). Another one was as to when I should arrive to the airport. “Make sure you are there at least three hours early,” the hotel said as did my Lebanese friends. I arrived 3 hours before and promptly made it through security, check-in, and immigration without incident. That was in sharp contrast with my time in Tel Aviv (see “You Leave Only with Passport!” Detained in Tel Aviv Again). With nothing to do for 2 hours and 45 minutes, I went to the duty-free to buy some rum for my eventual return to Puerto Rico.
Wondering what $150 rum tastes like? Come to PR and find out.
With 2 hours and 15 minutes left, I went to the Ahlein Lounge.
Ahlein, welcome to the lounge.
You may think I’m meze-d out at this point (see Turkish Business IST to Beirut: Just the Basics). You would be correct, but I had to try lounge hummus and tabbouleh. My suspicions were confirmed as I wrote in both the Travel Guide post and my Best Shawarma Beirut post, that hummus is hummus. Either it is good or it is bad. Here it was bad. That made me feel a little better about overspending for Lebanese food on this trip. Surprisingly, the tabbouleh was good. Tabbouleh takes a long time and plenty of effort to make, so I don’t know how they did it so well and at volume.
The good food continued with the little burgers and egg rolls. I also liked the rice. I went back for seconds, something that I rarely do unless I’m trying to put on mass (see Fat Guy in the Lounge: Tahiti Edition). Jokes aside, the food was good for a basic lounge. Now I needed to figure out what to do for the next 1.5 hours.
TPOL’s TIP: You have to go through security one more time before going to your gate. Leave time for that.
When I travel, I struggle to publish posts. I used to feel guilty because of my 10:07AM Promise. I know I get annoyed when I try to watch PTI and it’s not on, or worse, when Frank Isola is filling in. I imagine that’s the same discomfort that my readers feel when they come to my page and see nothing new. Going forward, I will announce when I will be indisposed, much like Tony or Mike do when they’re on a 70.5-hour break. I’m grounded for a few days, leaving me time to publish the best posts from October 2019.
I liked the old Turkish Lounge better. This one is grown up and boring. From where a kid can be a kid to this. The magic is gone. Forget Costco, this is more like Sam’s Club. And nobody likes Sam’s.
Porto Cervo is different from the rest of the island. It is the most expensive. It is the most exclusive. And, if you’re looking for parties, it is the most fun.
If you are sick of bloggers pushing credit card offers in thinly veiled posts like “Top Ten Credit Cards for October” followed by Chase link after Chase link, then you’ll be more put off by my experience on my last JetBlue flight.
I left Puerto Rico at 9 PM for my work commute to NYC. I was almost asleep when at 10:30 PM, the lights came on, followed by a flight attendant’s voice. It wasn’t to announce turbulence; it was a different emergency. For a limited time, passengers who applied for the Jetblue card could receive 20k miles if they completed their application during the flight.
Pushing credit cards on flights isn’t new, nor is pitching subpar offers. What was unnerving is doing so on a red-eye flight. The lights stayed on for thirty minutes as the flight attendant made his way down the aisle. Because the flight originated from PR, the extensive sales pitch was also in Spanish.
I am skilled when it comes to sleeping on a plane (see Window or Window: Side Does Matter), but when my hypnosis is interrupted, it is difficult to get back to that level of REM.
To add to my annoyance, my neighboring passenger took an application, turned on her reading light, then fell asleep with the light on. Eyeshades notwithstanding, it was an unnecessary disturbance.
I don’t know how much flight attendants make slanging credit cards. My guess is less than what bloggers make (see “Click Here!” How Blogs Make $). Whatever it is, JetBlue needs to give them a raise to make up for it to allow passengers to sleep in peace.
Fair Labor Standards Act? Where in their job description did flight attendants agree to push credit cards?
Getting There: Uber if you can. Warning: T-Mobile doesn’t have international data supported in Lebanon.
Location
Unlike the Hilton Habtoor, the IC Vendome is located right in the heart of Beirut at the Corniche coastal promenade. The location is noteworthy because it is only meters away from the former St. George Hotel, the site of a 1000 kilo bombing that rocked Beirut and killed the former prime minister. There is now a memorial statue commemorating the attack.
On a sunnier note, it is also a five-minute walk to the IC Phoenicia.
Back in the day
Present day Phoenicia
Due to the Eid al-Adha holiday weekend, the Phoenicia was sold out for points on one of the three nights. In no mood to rotate hotels, I stayed at the Le Vendome. Both hotels were going for $700 a night, though both only required 30k points to stay. That’s an insane redemption.
Room
No upgrade given. It was a room with two twin size beds that were pushed together, Club Carlson style.
Welcome Amenity
Each day fresh fruit and chocolates were provided.
View
Insert your own comment. Clearly the neighbors need to start renovating.
Guests at Vendome are given a discount to Le Plaige, a beach club that hosted wonderful parties. I went twice.
Once Twice
TPOL’s TIP: TPOL often travels solo. That is frowned upon in the Middle East. Restaurants hated seating one person. And clubs, including pool parties, try to impose a phony policy whereby single gents need to have a companion with them. I avoided this at Le Plaige thanks to its relationship with IC.
Phoenicia Spa
Following said pool parties and a night out (see Guns & Butter: Overrated Beirut Travel Guide), I made use of the Phoenicia Spa. There’s an indoor pool and hot tub for both male and females. There’s a separate sauna and steam room in each locker room.
Pool
The Phoenicia pool was nice, but I spent my pool days at Le Plaige.
Pool Bar: Amethyste Lounge
The best part of the Phoenicia hotel is the bar. I made friends with the bartender, Tarek, and ended up sampling drinks like I was at the Centurion Lounge. Here were my favorites:
Bloody Mary: Try it with a full-body cabernet.
Not a Painkiller: Out of respect of not having Pusser’s rum, the word ‘not’ was included on this BVI piña colada twist.
Daquiri: if a bartender can’t make this, go to another bar.
Bloody Maria: More tomato juice
Rum Swizzle: and then I was dizzy
Can’t Recall:
Espresso: sober up?
Surprisingly, for a five-star hotel, the prices were not outrageous. 20k is $13.
A Note on Taxis
If you don’t Uber, be sure to ask what the price of the taxi is. It should only be 2 to 3 thousand Lebanese pounds to areas around the hotel. I got into a nice argument with a taxi driver who asked me for 20k at night because I didn’t confirm the price ahead of time. I ended up paying 15k which is $10. I didn’t appreciate being ripped off, but at least I was able to practice my Arabic while fighting (see “You’re a Bad Tourist.” Words From Luxor Tour Guide).
Overall
Given the choice, quality, and location I would stay at either the Phoenicia or Vendome. Both are great choices.
Getting There: Take Uber. Warning: T-Mobile doesn’t work in Lebanon without outrageous roaming fees.
Location
The Hilton Habtoor is not located in downtown. It is in the old business district where the pretty buildings are not. There’s nothing to see or do right around the hotel.
Habtooring
Room
Gold status still gets an upgrade. I received a junior suite with a ridiculous balcony overlooking the mountains.
Balcony
Bathroom
The bathroom was also very nice.
Breakfast
Unlike the IC Le Vendôme, breakfast was included. It was too much food. I wanted to leave after my first plate but they insisted I stay and try the manakish. Then they insisted on a traditional Lebanese dessert that I only have during the holidays at my Palestinian friends’ gatherings. It’s called kanafeh and it is a sugar, cheese, dough, heart-clogging mess.
When I arrived, I asked what to do and when to it. The concierge said, “How about going to the spa and doing nothing?” That set the tone for my trip as I elected laziness over labor (see Guns & Butter: A Better Way to Travel). I enjoyed the spa. It had a jacuzzi that wasn’t too warm, and random rooms of various heat and cold meant for relaxing. Who would’ve thought to relax while traveling (see Travel Anxiety Sucks: Can It Be Prevented?)?
Overall
Given the Eid al-Adha holiday weekend prices, 45k points was not a lot to spend on this hotel. The Hilton across the street went for 50k points so this was a fair deal.
Save the points, stay here versus across the street
I’m sure you don’t know that TPOL is going to be a world-famous Arabic folk singer. With Ilham al-Madfai, The Baghdad Beatle, getting up in years, there will be no competition. Enter Iskender, the new voice of Arab folk. My first single will be hummus because I love hummus and already have the words to the refrain written:
أنا أحب الحمص H u m m u s
While hummus is one of my favorite appetizers, other mezze that may top the charts include dolma, fattoush, and tabbouleh. While appetizers are great, I didn’t come all the way to Beirut for something that mom, grandma, and Ms. TPOL make better at home. Much like when I went to Athens in search of the best gyros (see Illiad & Odyssey: Quest for Best Athenian Gyros), I came to Beirut for the best shawarma. Could Beirut crack the The Best Kebap in the World list?
I will premise my reviews by saying that I violated my rules of pho by visiting fancy Lebanese restaurants (see I Know When That Hot Bowl Blings…A Review of Pho in Brooklyn). It is inexcusable, nonsensical, and terrible that I would seek out upscale restaurants for what should be consumed on the street and what should cost next to nothing. I don’t know if it was because I was tired or unfocused (see Travel Anxiety Sucks: Can It Be Prevented?), but I didn’t question the hotel recommendations for food like I should have (see Food in Milan: Tourist Places But Good Nonetheless) and went blindly to wherever they suggested (see The Prison of Posh). With that off my chest, I can say that all the places were quality, and I do not regret going to any of them. But which one was the best?
There’s Em Sherif restaurant, Em Sherif Cafe, and Em Sherif SEA. I started my journey for the best shawarma Beirut at Em Sherif Cafe.
In Beirut, even if a restaurant is empty, the first question will be, “Do you have a reservation?” If you do not, the look of sadness on the maître d’s face is enough to break your heart. If you do, chances are they won’t find it. I didn’t have one at Cafe so they put me and the rest of the no reservation rejects in another room. That didn’t kill my experience as I came for the food, not the ambiance. I ordered tabbouleh, hummus, and shawarma sandwich. The mezze received high marks as did the fresh bread. The shawarma was very good. $32 dollars later, I was full but confused why I paid so much.
Verdict: Em Sherif
TPOL’s TIP: Make sure you ask for bread to go. Otherwise, you’ll be eating your hummus in your hotel with your hands.
Em Sherif SEA
SEA as the name suggests offers Lebanese seafood dishes. Again, I went with the hummus to start but added Ross Assfour which is completely different in Iraqi cuisine versus Lebanese. Ours is a red stew with meatballs and potatoes. Theirs was olive oil and small pieces of fish. For the main event, I went with the fish shawarma. It’s the first time I had fish shawarma and I would order it again. Again the bill was $34. With that amount of money, she could cook 50 portions of shawarma.
TPOL’s TIP: Make sure you check that you received the takeaway bread. Otherwise, you’ll be eating hummus in your hotel with your hands.
Seray
I went to another fancy Lebanese restaurant and was more aggressive in my ordering. I had cold grape leaves, tabbouleh, and hummus shawarma. The remix to Iskender’s hummus song will definitely be this dish. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a shawarma sandwich on the menu, but I was skilled enough to make my own.
Forget Starbucks, go with Arabic coffee if you need a boost. It’s 12 hour energy.
Bonus Coverage
Babel
Instead of sticking to the close options, the hotel recommended Babel which was twenty minutes away. Since I was making the trip far and wide to get there, I strayed from my shawarma adventure and ordered other dishes including the famous Lebanese raw meat, kibbeh. I rather enjoyed it.
The kebab and shish taouk were nothing special. The labneh (yogurt) with garlic was nice, but the hummus was only average.
Great hummus presentation, meh taste.Fattoush
The place receives high marks for ambiance as it is in a castle but low marks for food and even lower marks for price. Who spends $70 on what is usually Arabic street food (raw meat excluded). Based on the kebab and taouk, I don’t think I missed out on the shawarma.
Not great kebab
Recap
So who wins? No one! I certainly didn’t and even as I write this, I still am annoyed at myself for not wandering down an alley and find the shawarma man, order 3 sandwiches for takeaway, and pig out in my room Taco Bell shawarma style. All the places were nice and the presentation was grand, but I’m sure grandma would laugh at me for being so loose with my money.
I haven’t gone on a rant in a while but believe I have an opportune time to do so. I’m taking off from IST to BEY. Before heading out, I caught up with some friends on messenger who signed off by saying, “Have a safe flight.” This stupid phrase is worse than the other dreaded phrase, “Have a good workout.” Thank you for saying so. But for that comment, I would’ve lifted one dumbbell and gone home. At least the workout line is in my control. The safe flight one is not because I’m not the pilot. Besides hoping for the best or reading the safety instructions, what am I supposed to do to have a safe flight? Nothing.
Instead of the silly ‘have a safe flight’ or the morbid ‘hope you don’t crash’ perhaps we can just say, “Talk to you later.”
TPOL has gone sober. I know. It’s tragic. But I’m on a Kanye get fit for the winter plan (see The Tahiti Diet: Making the Bungalow Selfie Count). Given that and the fact that I won’t be flying Southwest anytime soon, I thought I would give away drink coupons on Southwest. They expire at the end of this year. Enter by following me on Instagram and use the hashtag #TPOLsober. This is first come first serve.
Come to PR in January and help me drink these Medallas.
I’m convinced that Turkish’s service isn’t intentionally poor. It has to be the language barrier. Like my previous flight, I was curtly asked, “You?, food?”
Breakfast
How many calories do you reckon I’ve had on flights alone this trip? Surely, it has been more than my entire time in Sardinia (see Travel Anxiety Sucks: Can It Be Prevented?). I went with the Western option and had more food than I needed.
