Getting There: Take Maglev from PVG. Be wary of taxis if you take one after the Maglev stops running.
After escaping the shakedown of Airbnb, I tried to find a serviced apartment. I had no luck finding anyone who wanted to take me in for three weeks. I did find the U Hotel Xintiandi which is in a great location and is very affordable per night.
Location
If you want to stay in central Shanghai and do not want to pay a lot, this is the place for you. It’s walking distance to Xintiandi, home of the Andaz.
Andaz: When points life is greater than real life.
Right next door was my low-calorie breakfast place.
Don’t judge the food by the kitchenBe careful on the spice.
Room
My room was nicer than Coming to America but, like the movie, it did have one window facing a brick wall.
Cool AC, a TPOL req.
Bathroom
I was impressed with the Shisheido soap. The water pressure was solid as was the heat.
Coffee
There’s an espresso machine in the lobby. That’s very convenient for days in the hotel room expat office.
Wi-Fi
The Wi-Fi was too slow to get meaningful work done. That along with Citi’s 4th Night Free is why I switched to the Renaissance Yu Garden.
Overall
For a quick trip to Shanghai, U Hotel is decent enough, though I would pay the premium for a brand hotel. For long term, I am still searching for a solution.
If you disliked the U Hotel Xintiandi Hotel Review, maybe you will like the rest of the TPOL in Shanghai Trip Report.
When I am abroad, I try to eat and drink like locals do (see Street Food Shanghai: Morning, Day, Night, Morning Again) until I miss the comforts of home and attempt to revert back to American splendor (see Taco Bell Shanghai: What an Impostor!). In China, I tried to swap java for chai. Each time I’ve tried this, I ended up with a cup of hot water. I must be messing up the tones because 我想喝一杯茶 does not result in tea. It’s much easier to get a mocha frappuccino because there is at least one Starbucks on every corner.
As I took photo after photo, I wondered if I was acting like a tourist or if I was acting like a local. I’ve never seen so many people, foreign and domestic, take selfies in a coffee shop before.
And There’s a Second Floor
The Order
We ordered a cold brew, nitro, and two desserts. For the price of dinner at the best Italian restaurant in NYC (see Olive Garden Times Square: Real Italian Food), I was able to get my caffeine fix.
Chinese or English, I have no idea what this stuff means.
Overall
It should come as no surprise that the coffee tasted the same as every other Starbucks. What was a surprise is how many people were shelling out money on java. Starbucks has created coffee addicts out of the Chinese population and is cashing in in a major way. It was remarkable to see how demand has been created for something that was never there. The opening of this roastery and its apparent success epitomizes the “if you build it they will come” strategy. Instead of a field of dreams, it was more like The Carter with the role of Pookie being played by masses of people with enough disposable income to burn for a quick high. Nino Brown would be proud.
– Junior: I’m sorry Mr. Healy, please don’t spank me. – Benjamin ‘Ben’ Healy, Jr.: Well I’ll have to punish you somehow. I’m taking back your allowance. – Junior: The whole buck?
Name the movie. And after you figure that out, you’ll understand how I felt when I was given a whopping 500 points on my ‘Member-versary’ as a thank you from Marriott for being a Titanium.
What are you gonna do with one shoelace? What am I going to do with 500 points?
Contrast this to 500 SPG points which would not be a lot but would be treasured.
Don’t they have the AI to even insert my name? I am titanium elite!
When I originally wrote the post about TBell’s opening in China, there were only two locations. Now there are multiple. I went to the one closest to Nanjing Pedestrian street, home to the still delicious Yang’s Dumplings. I couldn’t believe 1. How busy it was inside. 2. How nice it was inside. Those striking differences should have been a hint for what was to come.
I stepped up to place my order and found myself at a loss for words. The menu was completely different, and the choices looked terrible. What the hell is a crayfish burrito? How is a shrimp avocado burrito appetizing? How much worse are the Taco Bell runs after the beef bulgogi kimchi crunchy taco supreme compared to America’s nacho cheese Doritos Locos tacos supreme? All these questions went through my head.
I understand that Taco Bell wants to tailor its offerings for local tastes, but at what point is it so different that it isn’t even Taco Bell anymore?
I managed to get a few classics including a burrito supreme, a chicken soft taco, and the double decker taco. The total came out to 155RMB or $22 dollars. That’s a record even for me. I went to pay with my credit card but was rebuffed by the cashier who said they only accept cash or Chinese issued credit cards (see Without Technology TPOL’s the Creepy Old Guy in Shanghai).
Instead of waiting at the counter for my food, I was given a number and sat a table and waited. Minutes later, the moment of truth had arrived.
Before my taste buds entered what I thought would be the gates of heaven, I had to load up on the hot sauce. To my shock and dismay, the only hot sauce was sriracha. That was confusing. With no packets, I took my first bite of the burrito.
It was absolutely terrible. The tortilla was more like pita bread or pizza dough than a proper wrap. The beef had no flavor. The only recognizable taste was the sour cream.
I moved onto the standard shell beef taco and was disappointed again. The shell didn’t have the crunch.
I tried the chicken soft taco and the chicken tasted weird. The double-decker taco was the worst of all worlds: no flavor, stale shell, and doughy tortilla.
Fries were good.
I felt like I was in the Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl – “The food turned to ash in our mouths.” It looked like Taco Bell but it wasn’t Taco Bell.
TPOL’s TIP: Just like when I returned to Shake Shack after saying it was meh the first time, I had to try Taco Bell again to see if I had overreacted. I went to the one near the Courtyard Marriott Shanghai Central, and it was better but does not compare to home.
Overall
I recall Taco Bell’s old slogan, “make a run for the border,” something that I would have to do if I wanted real Taco Bell.
Yes, let’s taco about how gross this is.
TPOL’s TIP: There’s a Shake Shack in Shanghai now too, but I was done trying to find home while abroad. There’s a White Castle as well, but that’s gross anywhere in the world.
If you were surprised by my Taco Bell Shanghai Review, then continue reading the TPOL in Shanghai Trip Report for my next review.
How a paper book is still the way to get in and out of countries is a topic for another day. Since my passport is my pass to move about the world, losing it is my worst nightmare. Complicating matters is how I have to travel with two passports when going to China. My multiple entry, 10-year Chinese visa is in my old passport but is still valid when accompanied with my current passport.
Each time I checked in and out of a hotel, I had to explain that my visa was in my second passport after watching the person fumble around my current passport for the document and say to me that I need a valid visa to check-in. The thought of losing my passport keeps me up at night. The thought of being detained in China for losing the second brings back terrible memories when I botched the China 144-hour Visa-Free Transit (It Worked the 1st Time, China 72-hour Visa-Free Transit Disaster (again), and China 72-hour Visa-Free Transit Disaster (again)).
TPOL’s TIP: Don’t bother with the visa-free transit option. Get a 10 year visa.
TPOL’s TIP: Refer all visa questions to VisaHQ. Getting the visa situation down is my biggest travel weakness.
At least the Chinese visa remains valid. My Russian three-year visa was voided or would cost almost as much to move to my new passport as it would to get a brand new one.
Prior to this Airbnb experience, I have only used Airbnb three times. The first time was when I moved to Puerto Rico (see My First Airbnb Experience: Old San Juan). The second time was also in Puerto Rico when I lived in Ocean Park. The third was in Grenada after Carnival in Trinidad. Because there are so many Airbnb’s available, I will not to write reviews about individual Airbnb’s unless there are exceptional circumstances. This is one of those circumstances.
Using the last second booking trick, I haggled a price for 27 nights at an Airbnb in Xintiandi, right in the heart of Shanghai. The owner sent me an invoice for $70 for the entire stay. Not wanting to lose the place, I confirmed. Upon arriving, the owner brought the mistake to my attention. He said I would have to pay the price he was offering now, or I would have to find another place. Feeling powerless, I called Airbnb’s US number. They said the owner could not kick me out and said he would have to call the Airbnb Asia number to find someone who could mediate a solution.
The Airbnb Asia representative contradicted the first representative’s assertion and said that he could terminate the contract if I didn’t pay. With no place to go, I agreed.
The apartment was in a traditional Chinese neighborhood. To get in, I had to manually scroll through a code on the outside door, get the key, unlock the door, and put it back in the lockbox. That was not convenient.
The pictures of the places looked far better than the actual place. This is to be expected but not to this degree.
TPOL’S TIP: When choosing an Airbnb for a long term stay, read the reviews and see if anyone has stayed there long term. If you see ‘great for a short weekend’, look elsewhere. Also, visualize the place at its worst and think if you can live there.
A week into my stay, some nice neighbor began construction at 6AM with drilling that sounded like it would come through the wall. That was the last straw. I contacted the owner and said I wanted to cancel. I packed and got the hell out of there.
Overall
For long term stays in Shanghai, I will not use Airbnb. The lists are overpriced, the ones I found didn’t include maid service, and the hosts’ idea as to what guests need left much to be desired. Next time I deploy myself on an expat assignment, I will pay to live the way I do at home i.e., luxury lifestyle. This means anteing up and paying a premium for a serviced apartment. That will cost more than Airbnb but less than a hotel. For the sake of my sanity, it will be well worth it. As far as this Airbnb shakedown is concerned, it’s not over. Arbitration to follow.
My name is TPOL and I’m the COG in Shanghai. Let me explain why: The last time I lived here was 2010 when I was attempting to take the international legal world by storm (buy the book to read the details). Having found mild success as an attorney (visit Bachuwa Law) and because it was hurricane season in Puerto Rico, I returned to my favorite city in the world to live out of my expat dreams.
Interestingly, everything that I hate about life has been eliminated: taxis, talking on the phone, and cash. That would be great news if only I could take advantage of it.
Taxis
Let’s start with taxis. The days of being robbed on account of the driver not understanding or pretending my impeccable Mandarin are sadly almost a thing of the past (see “Taxi my friend?” The Worst Places to Hail a Cab). Didi, the Chinese company which kicked out Uber, is the way to get around the city. Unfortunately for me, I initially could not get my international credit card to work consistently and found myself walking endlessly hoping that shifu would stop for me. I looked quite ridiculous showing up to the bar drenched in sweat while the cool kids used their smartphones to have their chauffeur drive them about. Makes me wonder who the real expat is?
Phones
I used to have a fake Nokia which I used to call and text friends. I would have to go to the Family Mart to reup my minutes. Now, everything is done via WeChat. It’s more than just the Chinese version of Whatsapp. It’s a way to make reservations for a gym class, send money to friends, and pay for just about everything. There’s a catch to this revolutionary idea: You must have a Chinese debit card to utilize these services. That requires a Chinese bank account. All the hacks around loading WeChat with cash are dead. Even if you have funds in your account, they cannot be used without a Chinese debit card. Getting one as a short term tourist is an exercise in futility. There is a chance that the right bank at the right time may allow you to open an account, but it wasn’t something I had the patience to try this time around.
Cash
The third and most remarkable thing that’s gone is cash. Back then, most places didn’t take credit cards and when a place did, the transaction would take an eternity to process. Now, as stated above, everything is paid for using WeChat or AliPay. At the bar, while I’m fumbling for dirty bills to pay for my drinks, the hip kids are having their phones scanned. By the time I get my change, the DJ is onto the next track and I’m left behind. It doesn’t end there. When I’m digging in my pockets for coins to pay the taxi driver, the party crew has already left their Didi seamlessly or scanned their phones to pay for the fare.
Overall
It is a dream to live in a place where everything is done via apps. Getting things done is much more efficient. Communication is less of a barrier. Reservations are made and canceled with ease. And cash, an antiquated means of exchange, is a thing of the past.
Sadly for me, I could not realize this dream and was stuck watching from the sidelines. I took mild solace in knowing that I earned points when I found a place that took American credit cards, something I would gladly give away for the freedom of conducting business unshackled.
A modern playground for those with technology. Detention for those without.
Between taxiing on the runway and the distance to the lounge, there was no time to go back to the new Turkish Business Lounge.
Go to gate, not the lounge.
Finally a Good Flight?
In terms of flights, this ANA RTW has been underwhelming despite my audacious blog post titled Booked! ANA RTW: 22,000 Miles in Glorious Business. First, there was the nightmare on United. Then there was the prop plane change from Brussels to Munich. The only reprieve from disappointment was the BCN to IST flight because it had proper pods. Imagine my outrage when I came aboard Turkish Airlines IST to PVG to find the dreadful 2-3-2 configuration. It was shocking that this route didn’t have a better plane.
I lucked out because no one sat next to me, but I was a bit concerned when I initially couldn’t get the seats to lie flat.
What is this ancient instrument?Better than sitting upright
Service
Like all Turkish flights, I chalk up the abrupt service to the language barrier. “Breakfast yes?” may sound rude but I don’t believe the intent was to sound standoffish.
Amenities kit
There were no pajamas which was disappointing because I would’ve loved Versace ones to compliment my amenities kit.
Meze
I hate meze! I actually don’t but the meze on an airplane novelty had worn off after multiple TK flights and after a few new nights in Beirut (Searching for the Best Shawarma Beirut). Redundant food aside, the candle was a nice touch.
Dinner
For a change, I went with a vegetarian pasta dish. It wasn’t bad.
Lie Flat
There were no comfy pillows or blankets. It was good enough for sleep but nothing special.
Live TV
All planes should have live TV and it should be for the duration of the flight. Background noise while sleeping helps the time drift by.
Breakfast
The mushroom and egg omelette was over microwaved.
Overall
I’m glad I wasn’t in peasant but as far as miles upon miles in business bliss, this trip has fallen short.
I was happy to leave Beirut. I was there too long and I was, for the most part, not impressed (see Guns & Butter: (Overrated) Beirut Travel Guide). Yes I had fun but I was hoping for more than that. I was hoping it would be a homecoming for the quasi native son who has yet to go to Baghdad but would identify with Beirut. It wasn’t and here I was on a plane happy to be out of there.
The flight to BEY wasn’t lie flat (see Turkish Business IST to Beirut: Just the Basics), and this one wasn’t either. Instead of more pictures of seats, I will focus on the food. Meze again, of course. This time it came with jajik which is yogurt and garlic. That was nice. I also ordered lamb chop (singular) because I was curious how it would turn out. To my surprise it was decent. Not medium rare as I prefer, but I’ll let that slide because I’m on an airplane.
TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works – A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.
Angry Overview
There are certain places in the world that everyone has on his or her bucket list. I should be wary of these places because anyone who uses the term bucket list is not my kind of traveler. These bucket listers romanticize everything about a destination and use terms like ‘amazing’ and ‘gorgeous’ to describe anything they encounter (see Are You a Naive Traveler?). They also think that taking a picture with a local makes their experience ‘authentic,’ a term that is overused. These are the same people who believe that getting ripped off for no other reason than being a tourist is acceptable. “They need it more than I do.” To which I always reply, “Here’s my bank account number. Feel free to send deposits.”
What they call bucket list, I call cynic’s list because what mesmerizes many, I find basic. I walk away wondering what I missed or, more appropriately, wondering why people are so easily impressed. Two great examples for the cynic’s list are Istanbul and Marrakech. Everyone loves Istanbul and I can’t figure out why. The food is not great, the beer is awful, and the sights can be seen in an afternoon.
The third and most recent example of a bucket list destination that is overrated is Beirut, a place I wanted to visit since my grandma told me stories of its beauty. BB, which means grandma in Arabic, surely could not have been describing the city I visited. As a Michigan alum, we like to call ourselves the “Harvard of the West.” This is laughable because we are a far better university. Beirut likes to refer to itself as the “The Paris of the East.” Maybe it was, a long, long, long time ago. But now, it is not. Yes, the areas that have been restored following war after war look European but they are not Parisian beautiful. And these so-called Paris inspired buildings make up only a fraction of Beirut. Most of Beirut is the typical Arab skyline of run-down buildings with too many satellite dishes. If you told me I was in Amman, I wouldn’t know the difference. Downtown reminds me of the Scottsdale Quarter, a man-made shopping area, home to overpriced hummus (see Searching for the Best Shawarma Beirut) and brand name bullshit.
INSERT any Middle East city skylineView from IC Phoenicia downtown
Taking a timeout from the Beirut Travel Guide, I will reference Michigan again by saying that I can empathize with Beirut. Detroit (pronounced De twah) was founded by the French and has been through its own struggles for decades. Lebanon has endured endless wars which is why the city my grandma described is not the city I saw in person. Much like I don’t appreciate when people attack the blight in my home state, I will direct further criticism of Beirut away from aesthetics.
Directly next to the beautiful IC Le Vendome
My issue with Beirut is much like my gripes with Athens. It’s a city stuck in the past, but nobody seems to realize it or cares to admit it. I was told that the breakfast at my sister’s hotel, the IC Phoenicia, was the best in the Middle East. I was told that the spa at the lC Phoenicia was also the best in the Middle East. I was told that the hummus in Beirut was…you guessed it, the best in the Middle East. I was told that famous line how Lebanese parties are the best in the Middle East because they party even when war is raging (I was also told this in Tel Aviv). And finally, I was told that the women in Lebanon are the best in the Middle East.
Breakfast
As to breakfast, TPOL refuses to pay IHG $35 for what should be free (see TPOL Paid for Breakfast! And… ). The breakfast at the Hilton Habtoor which was free was really good so it may have been worth comparing for scientific purposes. Still, it will be hard to beat the breakfast at Le Meridian Egypt or what was formerly the Sheraton Luxor. I can only imagine what is served at the high-end hotels in Dubai.
Delicious Manakish at the Hilton
Verdict: Not enough information to render a verdict.
Spa
As to the spa, it was a nice indoor pool and hot tub worth visiting to avoid the Puerto Rican heat. Though the Hilton Habtoor did not have a pool, I preferred its spa to this one. Again, hard to imagine that there isn’t a nicer spa in the land of excessive exuberance, aka Dubai.
Best spa in the Middle East is at the IC Phoenicia?
Verdict: Nice spa but best in the Middle East? As Kevin McCallister would say, “I don’t think so.”
I prefer the Hilton Habtoor
Food
As to the food, it was damn good, both in flavor and in presentation. Still, appetizers like hummus are either good or gross. Either the chick pea/tahini consistency is right or it isn’t. Can’t really improve on such a basic recipe.
As to the parties, I was told to go to Skybar by every.single.person. I’ve written about the tourist trap that is rooftop anything (see Don’t Pay $30 for Tacos), and I was skeptical about going. Like a sheep, I decided to give it a shot and was denied entry. Like a mule, I returned with locals and got in. Guess what? It’s just a nightclub on a roof. The drinks tasted the same, the music was the same, and the hangover felt the same. Remarkably, the only thing different was the energy. It was Jeb Bush low leaving me to question the stereotype that Lebanese party harder than anyone else in the Middle East.
Sky Bar? More like Sky Boring.
Before and after SkyBar, I went to Garden, another highly recommended club. I was told in a few hours, it would get better. I was told that a few hours later. I didn’t receive the memo to snort Xanax before entering. Had I done so perhaps I could’ve understood how anyone could find the elevator chill out music appropriate for partying.
Garden: The worst club in the world?
Other places recommended were Iris for pre-drinking, Hamara Street, and Mar Mikhael. The track record for recommendations isn’t stellar so go at your own risk.
As to the women, yes they are beautiful. However, much like Scottsdale, they are initially unapproachable. There must be a joint training session between Scottsdale and Beirut residents whereby both men and women must pretend not to be having any fun, and whoever keeps up the ‘I have to poop but can’t find a toilet scowl’ the longest receives the best grade.
Verdict: There are beautiful people all over the world. Happy people are the most beautiful.
What I Enjoyed
Although this is not a traditional Guns & Butter Travel Guide, in the sense that I focus more on what was overrated, let me point out what I did enjoy:
I tried to go to Riviera but was denied entry because I was alone. Fortunately, Le Vendome provides discounted access to Le Plaige, a legitimate pool party that may not be Vegas but held its own against Miami (see Where to Pool Party in Miami).
Started light but it got crazy.
Beirut Travel Guide: And now, I will tell you what I should have done.
Falafel: How did I forget to order falafel? I was too fixated on the shawarma.
Beirut Travel Guide: And now I will tell you what Lebanese people said I should do.
Small towns: I was told if I really wanted to experience Lebanon, I would have to venture from Beirut to towns like Byblios. Maybe I could’ve done so, but I came to see Beirut. BB didn’t say Uber to the countryside.
Grotto: Another hype location was the grotto. I didn’t bother going because 1) no cameras are allowed 2)#halongbay. You might enjoy it but I’m grotto’d out.
Beirut Travel Guide: And finally, I’ll tell you where to spend 3 good minutes:
Pigeon Rock: Take a picture and move along. Don’t get suckered into taking a tourist boat down there.
Overall
Marrakech is the most overrated city I have visited. Istanbul is second. Surprisingly and sadly, Beirut is third.
This display at BEY airport epitomizes the Beirut experience. Maybe once upon a time Fahrenheit was cool, but now it is old and musty.
That was confusing. With no packets, I took my first bite of the burrito.
