Pokhara is the beginning of the journey for those looking to trek to Annapurna. For me, it was a refuge from one of the most hectic, least desirable places to return, Kathmandu. Because it is a literal backpacker town, there are rooms for next to nothing. I picked Big Pillow because it wasn’t $1 a night with no a/c and it wasn’t $100 a night for unnecessary overwhelming luxury. I also picked it because who doesn’t love big pillows? At $40 a night, I received a nice room, air conditioner, CNN International, and excellent service. If this was not the end of my trip, I probably would’ve been fine with a cheaper room (see Frontier Hotel Darwin: My Case for Hostels).
Laundry
TPOL smelled how the streets of Kathmandu looked. After Bhutan hikes, there was nothing left that was clean. The hotel charges 150 rupees ($1.25) per kilo and returns the clothes the same day. What a blessing.
Golf is available in Pokhara against the backdrop of the Himalayas. That qualifies as a novel place to play golf, so I went ahead and booked it. This is the worst golf course I have ever played. It is not a golf course. It is an overrun lawn with patches of shorter grass with a stick in a hole.
Before I get to that, let’s talk money.
Cost
For $50, a caddy is included along with rentals. Golf balls are 2100 rupees ($18) for 12 used balls.
Range
Is this a gun range?
Clubs
My Pings are too good for me, but I am better than these caveman clubs.
Course
Half the course was under construction. The other half was overrun by jungle. I tried to play the first two holes seriously, but this was nonsense.
Child Labor
I had two kids with me. One carried my clubs. One ran around looking for my errant shots.
Hiking
You’ve heard of cart path only. How about trekking only? It was like the winter Olympic sport biathlon but instead of a gun, I had a golf club. Climb up this hill in the sweltering heat, lower your heart rate, and fire a drive.
Cows
I’ve seen deer on a golf course, but cows?
Pictures
I took some good pictures but please do not play here just for a photo opp.
Last Hole
Like the course in Bolivia, this course had a hole that went over a canyon. I was supposed to aim left but I ended up hitting it far right. It almost landed on the green in the hole below.
Caddy Bet
The clubs were prehistoric The course was awful. The balls were used. Surely, no one could play well here. After I hit my ball in the direction of Bhutan, I told my caddy I would give him 500 rupees if he could make it over. The kid steps up with an 8 iron, I had used a 6, in his sandals and does the following!
I made good on my promise to pay and gave an additional ten percent to his agent, who I presume to be his little brother.
Overall
This place is a joke. It’s like if my dad said he would build me a pool in my backyard and just dug a hole and filled it with water. I played 4 holes and asked for my money back. I was told no.
TPOL’S TIP: Do not repeat outdoor activities on the same trip. One rafting, one golf, one paragliding. I did white water rapids for the first time in Bhutan (see Finding Happiness: Bhutan Day 3). It was exhilarating. It is available in Pokhara. In order not to tarnish the high of the first time, I purposefully did not do it again. I should have applied this logic to golf.
Penises are not enough for TPOL (see Finding Penis (Happiness): Bhutan Day 4). I need more souvenirs. Since I bought the jumpsuit in Bhutan, I thought it would be fitting to buy the Nepalese cricket jersey. I bargained hard and ended up paying $12 for it. $10 was the goal.
Coats
The best accomplishment was purchasing two North Face coats for 3500 rupees ($46). The official store in Pokhara sold them for significantly more. I’ll leave it to you to figure out why.
T-Shirts
Instead of buying t-shirts from the hagglers, I bought them from a store that does not bargain. At $10 each, they are more than the $7 designer replicas from the Fake Market Shanghai and well above the 25RMB max for basic tees. But they actually fit. They remind me of my defunct t-shirt business (see Souvenir Pho Shirts).
Overall
I’ve outdone it this time with souvenirs and clothes on this trip, but I have some quality merchandise.
Pandemic, pandemic, pandemic. It never ends and there’s nothing to do besides order nonsense off of Amazon and wait for my expected ship date to be updated. I don’t bother reading travel blogs about points deals. Points, like the US passport, are essentially worthless. My pizza coasters, on the other hand, will come in handy.
Hitting the delete button shouldn’t excuse companies from posting stupid things. I called out Frontier for being the Super Spreader to Puerto Rico. Specifically, I posted that link on their Twitter page below two posts detailing oblivious Alfredo’s travel experience to Puerto Rico (during a pandemic).
Instead of a response defending its actions or putting context behind them, Frontier erased the posts completely.
On the one hand, that’s better than the boilerplate apology used by everyone when they post something offensive. On the other hand, it shows how they don’t care and how they don’t get it. How do I know this? Cheap fares are still available to come here, while the pandemic rages on.
The flight from Kathmandu to Pokhara is only 25 minutes long. You wouldn’t know it by the level of service. First, passengers are given candy. Then the flight attendant comes around with peanuts. Then the flight attendant comes around with water. Compare this to my United Polaris flight where I received no attention (see United Polaris EWR-BRU: The Horror Show!).
The tiny plane did not make me nervous, though I can understand why the airline canceled the flight the day before (see Nepal Domestic Flight Misery). Taking off and landing during a monsoon is not worth the risk. On the day I traveled, it was still overcast but clear enough to take pictures of Kathmandu, a city that is peaceful from up on high (see Guns & Butter: Kathmandu Travel Guide).
Kathmandu to Pokhara is a 25-minute flight, but the initial flight was delayed due to weather, and this cascaded down onto my flight which was supposed to take off at 1PM. Here’s how it went:
1130AM: Ding dong, Yeti Airlines would like to announce the delay of flight 667 to Pokhara.
2PM: Ding dong, Yeti would like to announce the cancellation of flight 677 to Pokhara. Please see a gate agent. Sorry for the inconvenience.
I went to the check-in agent to see if this was my flight. It was confirmed that it was flight 677, not flight 667.
I went back to the departure terminal prison feeling hopeless. I began to believe that I would never leave. It reminded me of a scene out of Beetlejuice. Now serving number 895 was flashing. Meanwhile, my number was 324,564. I can’t recall a worse airport than this one besides Kolkata. And there isn’t a Priority Pass Lounge, not even a yuck one.
4PM: Ding dong, Yeti would like to announce the cancellation of flight 667, please see a gate agent. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Believing my flight was cancelled, I went out of the terminal and back to the ticket counter. There I was told that it was an incorrect announcement and that it was flight 677 that was cancelled.
Mildly hopeful, I went through security and back to the boarding gate. I was told that both 667 and 677 were cancelled because Pokhara airport was closed due to weather. I was also told that there was one last flight that day that might take off and there may be a few seats available.
5:30PM: As I ran back to the ticket counter to see if I could get on that flight, I heard the boarding announcement for Buddha Airlines: last call for all flights to Pokhara. How can an airport be closed to one airline but not another?
At the ticket counter, I waited as passengers from flight 667 and 677 reclaimed their luggage. After another hour, I was told that the last flight scheduled to Pokhara had also been cancelled. I was re-booked on the flight the next day at 6:45AM but was told, given the intense monsoon, that it may be cancelled again (see Would You Travel During the Rainy Season?). Exhausted, I went back to the Hyatt.
TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works – A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.
Welcome to Kathmandu. If you stepped out of the airport, were overwhelmed, and already want to leave, this Guns & Butter Travel Guide is for you. Be forewarned, this is more a bargaining guide than a sightseeing one.
In need of Kathmandu directions? Look no further.
Taxis
Kathmandu has topped the list for Worst Places to Hail a Cab. The drivers have an excuse for why the fare is never uniform. At the international terminal, I paid 300 rupees ($2.50) for a taxi to the Hyatt. When I tried to pay that much from the adjacent domestic terminal following my flight cancellation (see Nepal Domestic Flight Misery), I was told it was not possible because the hotel was too far.
From the Hyatt, it will be difficult to bargain for a good price. The hotel calls the taxi and you have no leverage if more than one taxi doesn’t agree to your price. The Hyatt is one of the nicest properties in Kathmandu, and it is assumed that if you stay there that you are wealthy. Little do they know it only costs 5,000 points a night!
If you want to get around the city, the taxis insist on 600 rupees and refuse to go down to 300. Because I was there when it was monsoon season and there were torrential downpours, I gave in to 500.
My guess is that locals pay 300 or less. With that in mind, don’t accept the go-to line recited all over SE Asia, “right now too much traffic.” Dismiss the “airport charges us for parking” lie. And don’t buy the, “It’s night time boss,” malarkey. That’s why there are headlights.
Ride in style.
Toll Road Premium
I thought Puerto Rico had bad roads. Kathmandu has more potholes than smooth pavement. If there were a toll road premium, I would pay it. Unfortunately, that’s a myth that I made up.
Boudha Stupa
If you’re staying at the Hyatt, you can avoid the taxi for your first stop, the Stupa. I walked around and tried to find the mask that evaded me in Bhutan.
No matter where you walk, you are being watched.
I could not believe that I negotiated the price from 5000 rupees ($66) to 1700 rupees ($22) when the lowest anyone would go in Bhutan was $282 for a plain one and a scam price of $772 for what I believe is a mass-produced mask with stones (see Finding Penis (Happiness): Bhutan Day 4).
TPOL’s TIP: Know which country to buy souvenirs. My Bhutanese guide said unless you are buying them from the factory, chances are they are made in Nepal.
Paintings
If masks were the tourist trap in Bhutan, then paintings are the con in Nepal. All over Kathmandu and Pokhora, there are elegant art dealers selling paintings found in Buddhist temples. Every dealer says that they are hand-painted and justify random prices based on the level of detail of the painting, the size, whether there is gold on the painting, or whether the painting was signed.
I was presented expensive ones and cheap(er) ones. I could not tell them apart. Indeed, I was told that only Tibetan experts or skilled artists would know which was real and which was fake. Like masks, I kept seeing the same ones over and over. I hypothesized that there was no way that these were not mass-produced. How can thousands of pieces be available, all of which were painted by hand? If these were real, there must be hundreds of savant painters in Nepal who must work round the clock.
After intense bargaining from $100, I bought one painting for 2500 rupees ($33).
Maya Momo
It was rainy. I was wet. And the taxis were trying to charge triple to go the next place on this list. Instead of being pressured by nature, I took a timeout from the hustle and stumbled upon Maya Momo. After a few beers and an order of buff momo, I was at ease again.
TPOL’S TIP: Buff Momo Soup is not Xiao Long Bao (see Xiao Long Bao: A Tutorial). It’s momo in broth. Think wonton soup.
I also ordered lo mein.
TPOL’S TIP: Chinese food and Indian food is great in Nepal.
Basantapur
Under the influence of momo, I was ready to take on the taxi drivers and go to Basantapur. The price, as stated above, was 500. Rain is a taxi’s best friend for inflating prices.
Basantapur is a UNESCO world heritage site. It is also an area hard hit by the 2015 earthquake. There are many captivating temples. Unlike Bhutan where I had a guide explaining what was what (see Guided Tours: Like Attending Class, It’s Boring But Sometimes Useful), in Nepal I only took pictures of the buildings and read signs when provided. I like to call this speed tourism.
Patan Durbar Square
From Basantapur, I should have gone to Monkey Temple because it was close by. Had I done so, perhaps I could have taken the early flight to Pokhara and avoided the unanticipated cancellation
The speed tourism continued as I took more photos of temples. Had it not been wet and muddy, perhaps I would have stayed a few moments longer. Call it laziness, call it indifference, but I don’t have an interest in seeing temple after temple. I appreciated it in Bhutan because I was forced to go and had no choice but to listen to my guide to explain why they were significant.
As stated in the post’s title, this is more of a guide about immersing myself via bargaining. I saw many stores selling pashminas. I had read online that many were fake, but like the paintings, I am not an expert in scarves.
TPOL’S TIP: “I give you local price,” is the worst words you can hear. The merchant is admitting he rips everyone off. Why are you so special to get the local price?
And back to the bargaining. The scarves cost 400 ($3.33) rupees each. He wouldn’t budge off of that. For that price, I am sure they aren’t top quality material, but they look nice. I am also willing to wager that they will last longer than H&M shirts.
Thamel
Thamel, Thamel, Thamel. That’s all I heard from everyone when I said I was going to KTM. It was supposed to be the Khaosan Road of Nepal. All I found were a bunch of suspect locals trying to sell me hashish. Don’t they know that weed is basically legal in America? And why do they presume that everyone wants to get high? Sell me a Mt. Everest beer, I don’t like marijuana. I’m guessing the drug trade is why there are so many ATM’s.
TPOL’S TIP: Pay attention to how much drinks cost. Alcohol is expensive compared to food in Nepal. I was expecting to pay $1 a beer. Big bottles of beers are 350-600 ($3 to $5) each, even local ones.
Hyatt
I was supposed to stay at the Hyatt for one night. I ended up staying three. The second was after my flight to Pokhora was canceled. The third was when I hired a driver to take me from Chitwan because I didn’t want to risk missing my flight back to Shanghai. Ironically, I was stuck in an 8-hour traffic jam. Hyatt is worth seeing for one night to escape the madness of Kathmandu. It is not a good base if, for some reason after reading this review, you feel it necessary to stay in Kathmandu longer.
Monkey Temple
What’s a Kathmandu Travel Guide without monkeys? Thus far Kathmandu was a chaotic mess. It was rainy. It was noisy. It was not fun. Then I went to Monkey Temple (Swayambhu). That was great. The monkeys are nuts. If you see only one thing in Kathmandu, see Monkey Temple.
TPOL’s TIP: The cost was 700 rupees on the way there and then 500 on the way back.
Overall
TPOL is one and done with Kathmandu. I got more than I bargained for.
“We’re all in this together.” Those words were bullshit then (see From Your Grade School Principal: Regarding COVID-19), and they are even more hollow now. Nobody gives a shit about his own neighbor (see Stop Going to the Bar Jerks!). People only care about themselves and how they have to go to the barber or believe that wearing a mask is an intrusion on a fundamental right protected by the Constitution. It isn’t. Included in this list of selfish humans are those who are taking trips to Puerto Rico during this pandemic (see Infected Tourists Are Coming to Puerto Rico). Your desire to get away is becoming our problem as the numbers soar here. The Festivus asshole of the month is this guy who refused to wear a mask to a grocery store in Rincon and received swift justice.
While I’m not surprised that people don’t care about spreading Covid (see Social Distance Yourself from Misinformation), I am livid that industries are facilitating the spread by offering discount fares (see Puerto Rico Flight Deal? Stay Away). The latest offender is Frontier Airlines which is offering $11 tickets from, of all ducking places, Orlando.
Flying Frontier is a miserable experience (see Frontier: Rivaling Allegiant For Worst Airline), so maybe people will stay away. But seriously, does Frontier have no shame? What a callous disregard for human life. Lest there be any doubt by imbeciles who say we need tourists, Puerto Rico is calling for a delay in tourism (see Back on Lockdown in Puerto Rico).
Everyone should stay home or, at the least, stay away. You are not welcome here.
I’m fine working remotely and have been living the social distancing life years before this pandemic. I prefer to call it the Willy Wonka life. Now that everyone is living it, I am not enjoying it as much. Here’s why:
First, why is email no longer good enough for communication. More people want to hop on the phone for a ‘quick call,’ but I don’t like talking on the phone even if it’s for a few minutes.
This brings me to point to two: why do calls need a fifteen minute overview on how Covid is affecting that person’s routine and that person’s view on leadership. Obviously, everything is messed up and one idiot is to blame. I’ll let you count backwards from seven until you figure out who that is.
Worse than a call is those who insist on a Zoom video conference. Why do I need to see your face to handle something that could be done over email? Those conferences last even longer than the quick call.
I cannot wait for this pandemic to be over and for the employees to go back into work. They’re not cut out for working online. They belong in the cubicle, virtually and physically far from me.
I’m at the pool. I don’t want to call you, and I don’t want to go on Zoom.
Believe it or not, TPOL isn’t at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I’d pick up the phone. Where could I be?
