No Duty Free Wine is part of the Bula! Fiji Hub Trip Report. This post is also part of TPOL’s Travel Lessons where I recount all my travel mistakes for your education.
I had one night at the SheratonFiji before my island hopping of the South Pacific. Not realizing that I would be lavished with bottle after bottle of champagne at the hotel (see We Appreciate Your Loyalty!), I bought two bottles of mid-priced Sauvignon Blanc at the duty-free. I took said bottles to Tonga and did not drink them there. I figured since they made it that far I should take them to Samoa with me. That meant I had to check my bag in Tonga, reclaim it in Fiji, and then check it in again. I immediately regretted this decision when I landed and encountered the longest, slowest immigration queue. If I had no checked luggage, I could have proceeded through the faster transfer line. After over an hour of waiting, I finally cleared customs and retrieved my luggage.
Since my flight to Samoa was not departing until 11:55AM and I had arrived at 6:15AM, I could not check-in for my next flight. While the aforementioned business class lounge is great, Fiji Airport is not. There is nowhere to sit and nothing to do.
Sitting on the floor waiting for this guy’s nap to end.
Finally, I was able to check-in and then board the plane for Samoa. Of course, when I opened the bottles of Sauvignon Blanc in Samoa, I found both bottles to be quite disgusting. Serves me right for my frugality.
TPOL’s Guns & Butter Travel Guide is the best way to see as much as you can in as little time as possible. Here’s how it works: A trip is composed of two factors: Labor And Lazy. The opportunity cost (what is given up) for relaxing and being Lazy is gained by being adventurous in the form of Labor and vice versa. The guide includes inefficient activities i.e., tourist traps that should be avoided and aspirational activities that are worth doing but may be impossible to see given the constraints of time and resources.
I only heard of Tonga thanks to the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics and the handsome man, Pita Taufatofua, who participated in my favorite hobby- walking around with no shirt, and he did so on international TV.
Abs obsession aside, here’s the game plan should you find yourself there:
Speaking of airports, it costs 70 TOP ($29) to get to the airport, though I was charged 80 TOP ($34) from the airport. Even on a remote island, hustling is required when it comes to airport transfers.
TPOL’s TIP: T-Mobile’s international roaming plan did not work in Tonga. I recommend an e-sim.
What I Did
Whale Swimming: To summarize the post above, I have done my fair share of adventurous things. Some were riskier (and dumber) than others (see Wild One: TPOL’s Top Daredevil Activities). Swimming with whales in Tonga is officially at the top of the list for the most reckless activity.
Here’s how it looks in calm conditions:
Here’s how it looked when I went:
Cave Gimping: There were crazy locals jumping, diving, and hanging off of the rocks.
Then there was fully immunized, Alex ‘TPOL’ Rodgers gimping his way into the fresh water.
One would never suspect a freshwater cave would be a few paces away from this beach.
What I Didn’t Do
See the blowholes. I left that for Samoa, the next island on my trip. That was a mistake which will require me to fly all the way back to the South Pacific to rectify (see I Blew It: Missing the Blowholes in Samoa).
What I Would Skip
I was not impressed with the dinner at the Seaview Lodge. The food was not expensive by Western standards but still too much for a casual night out. Lobster and octopus were $60. I should have skipped the $30 wine (see You Don’t Have to Order a Bottle of Wine).
What You Shouldn’t Skip
Wings and beer at Billfish. It’s the watering hotel for foreigners and locals alike. I was there on a Friday night, and it was getting quite busy by the time I left, a wise choice given my 5:40AM flight (see Tonga to Fiji: Not The Same Business).
What I Was Told to Do Next Time
Heilala Festival & Beauty Pageant which takes place at the end of June and July.
A cultural dance and dinner
Visit other islands in Tonga. I stayed in Nuku’alofa, the capital.
Don’t stop the recklessness. That was my theme when I was in Tonga. First, I went swimming with whales (see What Was I Thinking?). Then I thought I would push my luck by checking out an underground cave full of fresh water.
Getting There
I hired a taxi to take me to my hotel, wait for me, and take me back.
Entrance
The place reminded me of The Goonies, I’m not sure who found this place, but entrance is not free.
Go right?Go left?Go in.
The Cave
Careful walking through the limestone. The floor is slippery when wet.
The Swimmers
I didn’t expect that music would be blasting and that there would be a small party here.
The Divers
There were crazy locals jumping, diving, and hanging off of the rocks.
The Gimp
The crazy jumpers thought that out of fear was the reason I was hesitant to jump. They did not know that I had ruptured my Achilles in 2022 (see TPOL Is Down). A year and a half later, I still don’t have my Durant lift.
Moving On
It’s worth checking out the cave for a few minutes.
The Beach
Before heading out, I took a stroll on the remote beach.
The Earthquake
On the way back, we heard there was an earthquake on the other side of the island. Like a scene from Baywatch, it would not be fun to be stuck in a cave waiting for Mitch to arrive.
Typically, on my blog anniversary, I write a post highlighting the best of years past (see Simply The Best). This time, I want to commemorate the event by looking forward. That way I will see if in ten years I have reached the goals that I have set for myself. Here is what you can look forward to in the upcoming years:
IQKhameleon: I had early success in developing this idea, especially during the World Cup. I have had a few setbacks, but I am not ready to give up on what will be a global sports brand.
My goal is to expand my readership beyond those who are interested in points to those who are interested in Alexander Bachuwa, the #MasterOfWon. For that reason, I am spending much more time on LinkedIn promoting not only the projects above but also my other entrepreneurial pursuits.
In the ultimate, big dick competition, “Officers were called on Monday night when more than 100 local sex workers converged on a hotel being used by sex workers from the Philippines on the city’s Sukhumvit Road, part of a sprawling area of gogo bars, street workers and massage parlours.
Footage shows how the first sex worker was dragged from the Citin Sukhumvit 11 hotel, accused of being part of a group that clashed with the locals and stole their customers the night before.
However, the local ladyboys erupted in fury when they saw their alleged attackers – sparking chaotic scenes that escalated into a mass brawl.
In the video, stilettos fly as local transgender women are seen hitting police, climbing on buildings, stamping on other girls, throwing objects, and even having their clothes torn off.
I’m taking an indefinite break from my annual March Madness competition. First, the competition winners do not show up anyway (see Steven Wins TPOL’S March Madness Bracket! & First Class Queen: Come on Down!). Second, and more importantly, who cares about March Madness? I have not watched one game this year and do not know any of these players. NIL and the transfer portal have killed college sports. Players have no allegiance to universities and go wherever money or playing time takes them. While players should be paid for their services, no one appreciates the unintended consequences of this free-for-all system. March Madness wants to expand to 72 teams, the college football playoffs want to go to 14. Tradition made college sports great. The jersey meant something to the university, the coaches, and especially the fans. Now, it means nothing.
Take Colorado football as an example. It is no longer a university team. Instead, it is a group of mercenaries playing for Deion Sanders. Where he goes, they go. It’s bad enough that the NFL and NBA have turned into the WWE, but those are professional teams. While it sounds naive, the point of college sports is that amateur athletes played because they loved the game and because they wanted to represent their university. The crazed fans followed suit because they believed that the competition was based on something more than a paycheck. How else can you explain the relief and elation I felt after Michigan finally won the national championship (see Michigan Wolverines National Champions! I Can Die in Peace)?
Sadly, that’s all over. The marquee match-up of the future will be Prigozhin Wagners playing the Hyped Harbaughs. I hope somewhere Kordell Stewart is saying a Hail Mary that I’m wrong.
My quest for automation in blogging has not gone according to schedule. It’s time to get back on track and stay true to my blogging hours (see TPOL Opens M-F at 9:07AM EST). Here are the great but limited posts from February 2024.
When I checked out, I had to stop by and ask the front desk where they bought their bedding. The pillows were remarkable and the comforter was much better than the one at home.
When I saw the offer for the Capital One Business Venture X, I told myself to let it go. I don’t need to spend 20k in 3 months. I don’t need another 150k points. But then I looked at the business expenses that are coming up and rationalized that pre-paying them would not be reckless.
This year I wrote Am I Losing the Points Game? The premise for that post was that I was spending too much on annual fees. I also will admit that I spend too much because I churn too much leaving me with minimum spends that convert want to do’s to need to do’s. I’m not buying things just to meet the mins, but I am buying them all at once to hit the mins. When I saw the offer for the Capital One Business Venture X, I told myself to let it go. I don’t need to spend 20k in 3 months. I don’t need another 150k points. But then I looked at the business expenses that are coming up and rationalized that pre-paying them would not be reckless. As far as the $395 annual fee, it will not help my desire to see the total balance decline (see 2023 What I Spent (And Received) in Annual Fees). But, the card does come with a $300 travel credit which, combined with the points, more than offsets the introductory fee. The only question is whether I will keep the personal card (see Keep vs. Cancel (Proactive Edition): Capital One Venture X).
I have done my fair share of adventurous things. Some were riskier (and dumber) than others (see Wild One: TPOL’s Top Daredevil Activities). Swimming with whales in Tonga is officially at the top of the list for the most reckless activity. It almost did not happen thanks to my irresponsible way of not planning anything in advance.
Booking
I arrived in Tonga in style (see Fiji Airways Nadi to Tonga: The Best Business 737 Experience) with no plans on what to do while I was there. I had read somewhere that tourists could swim with whales. I started searching for it on my phone. I quickly found out that this is the main attraction in Tonga as it is one of the few places in the world where it is allowed. With only one full day remaining, anxiety took over as I tried to find a company that would take me on this excursion. Many of the websites said that they did not do single-day tours. Many said they were sold out. Many had been shut down because they had their license revoked. On TripAdvisor, I read that one company had ‘lost’ a tourist. Too busy trying to secure a reservation, I did not take the time to think about what that meant.
With no leads, I went down to the front desk of my Little Italy Hotel (see Guns & Butter Travel Guide: Tonga) to see if they had any referrals. The woman called someone on the phone and despite not speaking Tongan, I could tell that the news would not be good. She hung up the call and told me that the operator was in the hospital and that he could not take me out. She then gave me a phone number for another operator called Deep Blue Tonga. Armed with only a phone number, I didn’t have much hope that I would connect with someone. Luckily, the number was connected to a WhatsApp account. Within minutes, I received a reply that there was availability for the next day but that the weather might not be ideal. The operator wrote, “Please be aware that the weather forecast is stating that the wind will be strong. Just need you to be aware as boat ride will be rough.” With no hesitation, I wrote, “I can handle it!”
The cost was TOP550 per person ($232). I was told to be ready at 6:20 am and was told to bring a jacket and a towel.
Lost Tourist
With the booking complete, I now had time to do more research on the lost tourist. I was unable to find any information, but suffice it to say I don’t think the tourist went AWOL on purpose. I did not sleep comfortably that night.
Disclaimer
I woke up the next morning anxious about embarking on this adventure. I was not reassured when I read the disclaimer provided by the company:
I, Alexander Bachuwa, hereby affirm that I have been advised and thoroughly informed of the inherent hazards of snorkeling/whale swimming. I understand that neither my instructor, Deep Blue Diving Tonga, nor any of its respective employees, officers or agents may be held liable or responsible in any way of injury, death or other damages to me or my family as a result of my participation in this activity, or as a result of the negligence of any part whether active or passive.
Legal Analysis
I had a similar disclaimer in my bungee jump experience in Victoria Falls (see 3,2,1 Bungee! Bungee Jumping Victoria Falls) where, incidentally, the rope did snap on a jumper (watch Woman survives terrifying bungee failure). I knew, understood, and appreciated the risks that came from jumping off a platform. I did not know, understand, or appreciate the risk that comes with swimming with whales the size of Greyhound busses in the middle of the ocean. It was also off-putting to read that the outfitter could disclaim negligence whether it be active or passive. My thoughts went back to wondering what happened to the lost tourist.
Small Boat vs. Little Boat
We were supposed to go out in a small boat. Luckily, there was a change of plans and we went on a bigger one.
A Millonaire’s Yacht
Before setting off in search of whales, we were informed that we would have to make a stop at a mega yacht to pick up a few more passengers. Nothing says disposable income like a mega yacht. I asked the owner how much it costs to have a yacht such as that. He said the price of a car. He did not elaborate. I assume he didn’t mean a Toyota Yaris.
Safety Instructions
All aboard, we were told to pay attention to the safety briefing. We were told to avoid contact with the whales. In the past, curious whales approached swimmers and did not practice social distancing. If, for some reason, the whale came too close, we were told to get away as quickly as possible. We were also told to wave our hands in the air should we have a panic attack in the open sea.
Procedure for Swimming
The swims would go as follows: the spotter would yell “whale starboard” or “whale port.” The group would then jump into the water and follow the guide while trying not to splash.
Whale Fact
Do you know that whales can hold their breath for one hour underwater? Their calves cannot and must come up every five minutes. Keep that in mind for later.
Whale Season
Whale season begins in July and ends on October 31st. I was there on October 27th. I was also told that since it was so late in the whale season that most outfitters had closed up shop for the year. Those guides typically only go out a few miles from shore to spot whales, finding it cost-inefficient to spend money on fuel to venture further. In addition to the legal disclaimer, I was also informed that it was not guaranteed that we would see whales. This reminded me of the great white shark experience in Cape Town (see Ripoff Alert! Great White Cage Diving in South Africa with SharkLady Adventures).
Egocentric TPOL
We were out at sea for hours. I was losing hope that we would encounter whales, and I was growing bored. I started to think that the universe was against me. First the great whites in Cape Town, the rabbit in Malta (see Guns & Butter: Malta Travel Guide), and now the humpbacks in Tonga! As we sailed on, I wondered why they didn’t rely on technology like the dude from Ace Ventura.
You see those blips? That’s a Norwegian whaling fleet. I’m sending them new directional coordinates. They’ll find Jimmy Hoffa…before they find any whales.
Then I recalled how my guides in Kenya were able to spot animals with nothing more than their bare eyes, something that I would struggle to do in a gym (see Maasai Mara: Day 1 of Safari & Amboseli National Park: My Second Beautiful Safari). As we drifted further and further away from land, I began to accept that we may not see whales today.
The captain and lookout crew.
Group 1 Ready!
All of a sudden, the guide yelled “Group 1 Ready! Starboard!” Group 1, of course, were the millionaires. They scrambled to the back of the boat with their fancy snorkels and fancy wet suits and prepared to disembark.
Group 1
I went to the starboard side and took a photo of the gigantic whale. I have seen humpbacks in Maui but never this close. Words, photos, and videos cannot describe these creatures.
Can you see her?
Group 2 Ready!
The guide then said, “Group 2 Get Ready!” As I was rushing to the back of the boat, I was told to hold off. The whales had disappeared again. Gloom took over once again.
Group 2 Ready! (Again)
The whales were spotted again and once again we were told to get ready. I jumped in the water. It was shockingly ice cold. I began to follow my guide. The other members of group 2 were hastily doing the same. I was kicked in the head by a flipper and was struggling to keep up with the guide. I was out of breath and exhausted. Meanwhile, waves were crashing down on top of me filling my snorkel with water. It was at that moment I came close to removing my snorkel, coming to the surf, and waving my hands in desperation. It was at that moment that it dawned on me that I was in the middle of the freezing cold ocean with relentless unyielding waves attacking me from all angles. And it was at that moment that I questioned why none of us were wearing life jackets. Instead of continuing to hyperventilate through my snorkel, I removed it from my mouth, reminded myself that I knew how to swim, and ignored how out of control this situation was.
I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, “Easy big fella!” . . . I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
[interruption]
Mammal.
Whatever.
Greyhound Bus
While I was no longer scared of becoming the next lost tourist, it did occur to me that this animal the size of a Greyhound bus was going to have to come up for air soon. It was probably not the best idea to hover much longer. My guide then ushered everyone back to the boat. It was quite a sight to see a bunch of humans fluttering around trying to get back on the boat while nature had its way with us.
The Adventure Continues
We went out a few more times after that. Each time the waves seemed bigger and bigger and the danger ever more clear and present. Within that chaos, I found calm, focusing only on getting more quality time with the humpbacks.
Time to Head Back
We were supposed to take one more swim with the whales but the guide said the water was too rough. You can imagine how bad it must be if, in my opinion, the waters were already treacherous. I asked the guide how far out we went. She said 30 miles.
Videos
Our guide had a GoPro and captured videos of the adventure. I also purchased videos that she had taken in what I presume were more calm times.
Versus my swim:
Overall
When I wrote, Wild One: TPOL’s Top Daredevil Activities, I was looking for thrills that were not artificial, manufactured, or man-made. This was it. Nothing will compare to this experience. It was everything wrapped into one: thrilling, death-defying, stupid, holistic, sadistic, and, dare I say, optimistic. Can you believe that these whales come back every year to Tonga to have their calves? Nature is still in business. Swimming with whales was incredible, even if it meant putting myself in harm’s way.
