Last week I wrote Stressed! Am I Going to Receive my 500 Hyatt Points? Tim commented, “Are you really stressed about 500 Hyatt points?” It’s apparent that not everyone gets or appreciates my dry humor. Today I am extra angry not because my points finally posted but because Hyatt completely ignored me on Twitter.
Is it really that difficult to respond that the points will post in a week? Who are these delicate geniuses that decide whose inquiries they address and whose they choose to ignore? You can’t ignore me for much longer Hyatt, I’m about to be bootleg Globalist.
I am catching up on my two final trip reports (see Punxsutawney TPOL: Leaving My Basement Trip Report). Since it has been four years and since I didn’t smartly take notes or take photos of the names of restaurants, I am having difficulty recalling where I went. Writing that you must try this excellent Georgian restaurant in St. Petersburg is of no use if I can’t remember the name let alone the location. As a sleuth, I started my investigation by looking at the photos that I did have. With no clues there, I typed in “Georgian restaurant St. Petersburg.” Here’s what came up:
Khochu Kharacho was another restaurant that I visited and recommend, but not the one that I was writing about. I clicked on ‘Your past visits’ and found this:
Tarkhun was a place I tried to go but was closed (see Guns & Butter: St. Petersburg Travel Guide). Almost at a dead end, I clicked on Location History and was taken aback at what I discovered.
Since I have “location” on my phone set to “on,” Google tracks all my movements. I have location set to “on” so I can search my photos based on location. I didn’t appreciate that Google knew more about my movements than the federal government. Detouring from my Russia trip report, I started entering random dates to see what would come up. Look at the play by play for how I spent New Years in Hong Kong and Australia two years ago (see TPOL Down Under).
It’s creepy, if not disturbing, that it knows I flew somewhere, drove somewhere, and walked somewhere. It may be useful and fun for recalling trips but monitoring my daily life? That’s a bit much.
Ultimately, I found the name of the restaurant, and it was Uzbek not Georgian. I should say Google found the name of the restaurant (see Baklazhan Restaurant Review).
This is not a Hotel Review. It’s a lifestyle review. And nothing says lifestyle like Russian caviar and vodka. And the place to go while you are in St. Petersburg to experience caviar and vodka tasting is the Grand Hotel Europe.
Vodka
Like all liquors, there are different levels of vodka quality ranging from rubbing alcohol to insanely expensive. The vodka connoisseur can distinguish one from the other much like TPOL knows a good cognac versus a bad brandy. My palette was not as sensitive when it came to vodka tasting. While I may be able to differentiate between Popov and Belvedere, I could not tell the difference between expensive Beluga and really expensive Beluga. After a few samples, everything tasted like Tito’s. Nonetheless, it was a worthwhile experience.
Caviar
My first memory of caviar comes from the movie Big.
“It’s Beluga. Macmillan orders it every year.”
“Could I have a milkshake or something?”
For years, I stuck to eating baby corn until I tried caviar on my first Emirates flight (see Sheikh Dubai’s Chariot: First Class on Emirates Airlines A380). Now, caviar is on the list of life’s small joys. Like champagne, it is nicer when it is free but sometimes you have to pay.
Beef Stroganoff
When I used to think of beef stroganoff, I used to think of canned pasta or the frozen food section. It was not until I had a beef stroganoff at the Grand Hotel Europe, that I appreciated how scrumptiousness the dish is. While there is debate on its true origin, the waitress defiantly lauded that beef stroganoff was originally invented in Russia at the Grand Hotel Europe.
Overall
I challenge you to have a more upscale evening in your life. The cost of indulgence was 9450 rubles or $150.
TPOL’S TIP: Grand Hotel Europe is located at Mikhaylovskaya Ulitsa, 1/7, St Petersburg, Russia, 191186.
I logged in yesterday and listened to Hyatt tell me how everything is going to be all right. I did it because life is upside down (see No Alcohol Sales on the Weekend, No Golf on Sunday: Another Stupid Lockdown Measure). I actually did it to receive the 500 free points. After finishing “Unwind with a guided mediation,” nothing happened. There was no confirmation that I finished the relaxation segment. Frantic, I checked Hyatt’s email and it said no registration is required. Unnerved, I tried another. Nothing happened. Pissed, I tried clicking the link below “Enjoying Headspace? Find Out More.” Here’s what I found:
What the bleep Hyatt? This was not a relaxing exercise.
Like a victim of kidnapping, I’ve stopped fighting the Zoomers and have now gone in the opposite direction, jacket and tie mode, pants still optional (see Let’s Zoom Naked). I even put on a few sprays of sex panther to make sure I am both seen and smelled (see TPOL Knows Cologne, Just Don’t Buy It on a Plane). I hope that my contrived enthusiasm turns people off from Zooming with me in the future. I underscore this over-the-top behavior by showing my New York colleagues an unsolicited view from my balcony. The latter move should become more obnoxious as the winter proceeds and will hopefully lead to no one talking to me again, whether it be by phone, email, or Zoom.
How much more of Zoom can you handle? What are you doing to stop it now before it survives post Covid?
We’re rounding the turn! Remember that? (See Social Distance Yourself from Misinformation). Indeed, we’re rounding the turn right back to where we started (see Back on Lockdown in Puerto Rico). In its latest attempt to curb the spread of Covid, the island of Puerto Rico has come up with its most asinine plan yet. It includes closing the pool at my villa for the next month, despite no one using it in general. It includes no alcohol sales on the weekend, both at stores and at restaurants, which is a great idea for killing small businesses. And it includes a stay at home order for Sundays. The beaches are already closed, though you would not know it from the onslaught of tourists (see Frontier Airlines: The Covid Super Spreader for Puerto Rico & Infected Tourists Are Coming to Puerto Rico).
Obviously, the basis for these strategic measures is the fact that Covid loves to go out on the weekend and, like Keyser Söze, it will find you if you do the same. Covid, like Santa Claus, sees you when you’re sleeping, it knows when you’re awake, it knows if you’ve been bad or good, so put on your damn mask and stay away (see Can I Go Visit Puerto Rico?). Besides blaming tourists, who have done their fair share of dumb things (see Passenger Attacks National Guard Soldier at San Juan Airport), residents are also to blame. They continue to host gatherings in their houses, while believing that there’s no way their friends and family could be infected because they are friends and family.
During the worst response in US history to protect American lives, it is hard to keep my sanity and it is hard to have faith in humankind. This living hell started with the phrase, ‘we’re all in this together’ (see From Your Grade School Principal: Regarding COVID-19). Now it should be ‘we’re all ducked until Pfizer says it’s ok to come out and play.’
All of this has gone on far longer than I expected and far longer than it should have. In April I wrote that I should move to Taiwan before the second wave, a dream, like the national mask mandate, that was dead on arrival (see Stop Going to the Bar Jerks!). Punxsutawney TPOL is optimistic he will eventually leave the island, but the next few months are going to be a challenge as the virus continues to spread, the ignorant remain defiant that this is all a hoax #STOPTHESTEAL, and leadership on all levels continues to fail.
Till then, don’t say Covid in the mirror 3 times, lest the Coronaman gets you.
Closing the beach for leisure means more room for me to workout.
I’ll give it to Hyatt, they are being creative in ‘these uncertain times,’ a phrase that is overused. Their first bold move was cutting Globalist status, a topic that has been over-analyzed on every.single.blog, including mine (see Becoming Hyatt Globalist Again: TPOL’s Masterpiece Strategy). Their next idea was the introduction of “Office for a Day.” Unlike Marriott, where someone can book a workspace, this is an actual room for 12 hours. Besides those seeking status, who else is actually going to book a room by the hour?
When I read that rates started at $65, I instantly thought of The Deuce on HBO. I then thought of inter-office romances and affairs and the excuses that would follow when the promiscuous party was caught – “But honey, I was just doing it to maintain our status. You don’t actually want to pay for breakfast at Park Hyatt Paris-Vendome, do you?”
Anyone else find humor in this ploy to drive revenue? Or am I the only one with a sordid mind?
What perks come with Globalist status in the Red Light District?
“Out of an abundance of caution” is a euphemism for, “we screwed up, how can we save face”. Michigan screwed up by playing college football this year (see Sorry Harbaugh, College Football Should Be Cancelled). While I originally said they should not play due to Covid, it turns out that they should not play because they are downright awful. The coaches opted out of the season after beating Minnesota. Can you believe there were talks of a national championship after that game?
This week Michigan was supposed to lose to Maryland but due to Covid was forced to cancel that game. That leaves the final game against Ohio State, an inevitable beat-down that can only be stopped by using Covid again as an excuse. Kirk Herbstreit took heat for saying it, but I happen to agree.
Ohio State cheats all the time (see Buckeyes Wolverines: Fourth & Short). It’s time for Michigan to get on their level. As LaDainian Tomlinson once said, “If you ain’t cheatin, you ain’t tryin.” It may not be the classiest move, but at least it will prevent Ohio State from going to the Big Ten Championship Game and their predictable meltdown on the BCS stage. Such a bold move by Michigan would bring fire back to what used to be a rivalry. It reminds me of my beloved Pistons who walked off the floor after finally succumbing to the Bulls.
Actually, what I meant to say is that the game should be cancelled out of an abundance of caution for our players’ safety.
It was only a matter of time until the revaluation took place. With the economy frozen and TPOL grounded (see The Covid Trip Report), companies are beginning to do anything they can to inspire travel. Whether it is huge credit card bonuses (see JetBlue 100k Business Card App: The Wait Begins) or extending status, incentives are percolating. This brings me to Hyatt which announced the 2021 version of the Hyatt Diamond Challenge where I have to stay 30 nights to reattain Globalist status (see That’s Me in the Corner Losing My Globalist Status). 25 used to be the magic number before Hyatt made it next to impossible for people like myself to qualify by moving it up to 60 nights (see Chasing Status in 2020: A Worthless Pursuit?, written January 2nd before Covid). While 30 would be manageable over a year, Hyatt has made it easy in 3 ways.
5 nights towards status simply by having the World of Hyatt Credit Card.
Double qualifying nights towards status for all stays in January and February 2021.
25% rebate on points redemptions during those months.
Unfortunately, reaching Globalist doesn’t automatically come with Diamond Suite Upgrades like the old days. More stays are required to unlock those and other perks.
The question is how far will I go and how I will get there.
Let’s start with the first milestone: achieving 30 nights. I could stay at a Category 1 for 13 nights which would cost 48,750 points (5k*13=65k points minus .25*65k=16,250 rebate). This would give me 26 nights plus the five nights from the card.
Is this a good deal? If so, is it worth pushing it to 40 nights? For me, the answer is no and no. I do not like that I am throwing away 48,750 points for a mattress run to begin with and the extra perks aren’t inspiring.
I am willing to apply my current Hyatt balance of 30k towards this endeavor because I would’ve burnt them in 2020. Contrast those points with MRs and URs that I prefer to use towards flights.
Assuming I used the 30k points, I would be at 17 nights earned, leaving another 13. That’s still a ways to go to reach Globalist. To bridge the gap, I would spend 15k on my World of Hyatt Credit card. Every 5k spent results in 2 nights towards status. Not only does this bring me to 7 nights remaining but also I would receive a certificate for a Category 1-4 free stay.
Still, 7 nights requires a little bit of work to achieve, not to mention that those 7 nights would be at the Discoverist level. The solution is to transfer 5k points from Chase and stay one more night in a Category 1 before the end of February 2020, leaving me with 5 nights before Globalist.
For those nights, I will parlay my 4 Club Access Awards and my sob story about how close I am to reaching Globalist into a room upgrade, if not a suite upgrade.* For one of those 5 nights I will be using my stay certificate. For the remaining 4, I wouldn’t mind transferring URs because it’s for vacation, not for a mattress run.
*Charm is required to make this plan work. Sorry Gene, leave it to FCQ for this step.
Total Cost
35k points of which 25% is refunded: 8,750 balance
15k spend which is 1x points per dollar spent on daily purchases and 2x on restaurants. Assume I average $500 a month going out to eat: 12000 points + 9000= 21k earned
Resulting Balance: 29,750
That number should look familiar. It’s the 30k I originally had in my account.
Overall
The credit card gives me 5 stays: 30-5=25
The mattress run will be for 6 nights giving me 12 stays: 25-12=13
One night stand mattress run gives me 2 more nights: 13-2=11
The 15k credit card spend of 15k gives me 6 stays: 11-6=5
A free stay certificate gives me another night: 5-1=4
I was so excited when I received the email that I had a gift waiting for me from American Airlines. What could it be?
I logged in.
I clicked.
I found.
I received this.
My miles were set to expire in May 2021 so I’ll take this over buying a magazine subscription. Alternatively, AA could get rid of the pointless policy of having my points expire.
