Ra ra Rasputin: Visiting Yusupov Palace in St. Petersburg

Yusupov Palace is part of the Quest Around the Globe Trip Report.


Inspired by Tetris, I went to Moscow. Inspired by Boney M., I went to St. Petersburg.

There are two things to see if you are intrigued by Rasputin, Russia’s version of Lam Drukpa Kuenley, The Wandering Madman of Bhutan. The first is Moika Palace itself.

a man leaning against a wall next to a body of water
The Moika River
a building with white pillars
The Palace

cars parked cars in front of Moika Palace

a room with gold and red curtains

a ceiling with gold trim and paintings a gold and red stage with a chandelier a gold and white ornate building a chandelier in a room with windows a room with a statue and a candelabra

The second is the basement where Rasputin was murdered.

TPOL’S TIP: Admission to the palace and to the basement are separate as are visiting hours.

Who Was Rasputin? 

There lived a certain man in Russia long ago
He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the Bible like a preacher
Full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire

a man with a beard in a frame

But when his drinking and lusting
And his hunger for power
Became known to more and more people
The demands to do something
About this outrageous man
Became louder and louder

a group of people in a room
How many people are required for the crime of conspiracy?

a page of a book

The Setup 

Then one night some men of higher standing
Set a trap, they’re not to blame
“Come to visit us”, they kept demanding
And he really came
a door with a light fixture and a staircase
Trap door?
a wooden staircase with a wooden door
Shady winding staircase?

The Basement 

a light from the ceiling a cross on a stand in a room with chairs a room with a table and chairs a shelf with bottles and other objects

Dinner Time 
Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
They put some poison into his wine
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia’s greatest love machine
He drank it all and said, “I feel fine”
a man and woman sitting at a table a group of people around a table
Gunshots Gunshots
Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
They didn’t quit, they wanted his head
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia’s greatest love machine
And so they shot him ’til he was dead

a framed picture of a man in a suit

a close up of a paper
No mention of Boney M.

For such a clever man, I’m surprised he went to the meeting. I assume it was his arrogance that led him to fall for the trap combined with his inferiority complex. “They like me, they really like me!,” he must have thought when he went there.

Conclusion
Learning history can be fun. All it takes is a clever song, a ticket to Russia, and going to the right part of the museum.

Bored at Home? Read a (My) Book

Unless you’re taking drugs and playing chess on the ceiling, chances are high that you have run out of things to do. I am happy to announce that the latest edition of my book, Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine is on the virtual bookshelf, just in time for another round of lockdowns! So if you hate your current job because of too much Zoom (see How to End Zoom Meetings: Ocean View + Cologne) or you really can’t imagine going back to the office, pick up a copy of this timeless sensation. It was written six years ago and the words ring truer than ever.

a laptop on a desk with a pen and a notebook on the table

CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! CLICK HERE TO BUY! 

Cancelled! Festivus 2020

I used to say Happy Festivus! Then I would detail all the ways that airlines, hotel chains, credit card companies, bloggers, and commentators have disappointed me over the last year (see 201520162017, 2018, & 2019) This year we all have plenty to complain about (see Covid Trip Report). This year I have only taken four flights, two round trips to New York, both in January. This year the airlines haven’t been as shitty (see Thank You American Airlines: Coronavirus Waiver), except for Frontier (see Frontier Airlines: The Covid Super Spreader for Puerto Rico). This year hotels, albeit because they are desperate, have offered great promotions (see Becoming Hyatt Globalist Again: TPOL’s Masterpiece Strategy). This year I didn’t apply for many credit cards, but I did receive some decent retention offers (see Keep Vs. Cancel: Amex Business Gold). This year travel bloggers have tried to survive without travel (see What’s a Travel Blog Without Travel?). I commend everyone for sticking around.

This leads me to the commentators. Every year they have plenty to say. Every year they are roasted in good fun. This year the nastiness spilled out with ignorance on full display, and the levity was lost. This comment from February’s post 老码头火锅: Best Hot Pot Chengdu is a sad preview of the vitriol that was to come.

a screenshot of a chat

On February 26th, I wrote, Travel Or Stay Inside? TPOL’s Thoughts on Coronavirus where I said, “It seems like it is only a matter of time before this epidemic becomes a pandemic and hits the international community hard. Politics and blame must be put aside before coronavirus becomes more catastrophic than it already is. Until then, I am going to limit my travel as much as possible.” On March 6th I wrote, Thank You Delta: Coronavirus Waiver. Here was the reaction:

a white background with black texta screenshot of a message

a black text on a white backgrounda screenshot of a text message a white background with black text a white background with black text On March 12th I wrote Describe Trump’s Travel Ban: It’s Stupid in which I said:

“First, the virus is already here. Blaming Europe or China or space invaders by issuing a travel ban doesn’t solve the problem. Second, look at the Dow. Can you say calamity? Presidents are supposed to calm the markets, not set fire to them. Third, US citizens can still fly from Europe. Luckily, they won’t bring in coronavirus because they are American. The world needs collaboration. It doesn’t need fragmentation. The world needs pragmatism. It doesn’t need politics. The world needs a leader. It doesn’t need Trump.”

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On March 16th I wrote in Stop Going to the Bar Jerks!, “It is time to practice social distancing. It is not time to be a jerk and post photos on Instagram of you in a crowded place yelling lame shit like, ‘YOLO!'”

a screenshot of a phone

On March 21st, I wrote my favorite post, Social Distance Yourself from Misinformation. “The President of the United States is a liar. Do not believe anything he says. Those who push his lies are just as awful. Do not listen to anything they say. Social distance yourself from those people.”

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a screenshot of a phonea black text on a white background April 16th I wrote Puerto Rico Flight Deal? Stay Away. This resulted in:

a screenshot of a message a screenshot of a chat

April 23rd I wrote Do I Stay Or Do I Go? Thoughts on the Second Covid Wave. I said, “As a result of this pathetic spectacle and tragic debacle, I am considering a departure from the US in the early fall for a length of time to be determined.” It’s funny that I actually thought I could leave the US for Asia.

a screenshot of a computer

a screenshot of a text message

On my Infected Tourists Are Coming to Puerto Rico I heard more from George.

a close up of text

And from D who may tell a different story today.

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On July 14th it was back to stogieguy7 in the post, Sorry Harbaugh, College Football Should Be Cancelled. a black text on a white background

a black text on a white background a screenshot of a messageOn July 21st, I wrote, “Everyone should stay home or, at the least, stay away. You are not welcome here,” regarding Frontier’s fare sale to PR.

a black text on a white background

October 23rd people were really upset that a travel blogger would talk politics (see TPOL Endorses Biden). It is like they have never read my blog before but still feel obligated to tell me that I am only allowed to talk about points.

a screenshot of a phone

a black text on a white background

a close up of a text

a screenshot of a white text Wow, that was rough. If I were celebrating Festivus and this was the Feats of Strengths, I’d tap out to get away from this negativity. I’m optimistic that next year I can go back to writing above travel and people can go back to telling me how my reviews are worthless, my Pho posts are boring, or, more generally, how my blog sucks. That’s the type of constructive criticism that I enjoy. That’s the time when Festivus will return.

 

 

Shashlik in St. Petersburg

Uzbek Restaurant St. Petersburg is part of the Quest Around the Globe Trip Report.


Do you recall when TPOL lived in Mongolia? The work situation wasn’t ideal but the food situation was. One of my favorite restaurants was an Uzbek restaurant located at the ground floor of a condemned building. Day and night they would make shashlik on a BBQ that was on its last leg.

Looking to relive the glory days of good eating, I went to Baklajhan, an Uzbek restaurant in St. Petersburg. For a taste of Mongolian home, I ordered shashlik and a bottle of Georgian wine. No longer on a poor man’s budget, I sampled other dishes as well. The food was great as was the atmosphere.

a chandelier from a ceiling a shelf with bottles and jars on it a shelf with jars of food a group of people sitting at tables in a restaurant a glass of wine and a bottle a glass of wine next to a bottle a bowl of salad with tomatoes and cucumbers a bowl of food with green sprigs a pair of dumplings on a plate a plate of food with vegetables and meat

a plate of meatballs and vegetables
The shashlik

If you’re not in the mood for Uzbek cuisine, there are always alternatives.

a person in a space suit standing in front of a restaurant

TPOL’s TIP: Baklajhan is located in Galeria Mall at Ligovsky Ave, 30 А, St Petersburg, Russia, 191040.

 

Hyatt Points Received, But I Will Still Complain

Last week I wrote Stressed! Am I Going to Receive my 500 Hyatt Points? Tim commented, “Are you really stressed about 500 Hyatt points?” It’s apparent that not everyone gets or appreciates my dry humor. Today I am extra angry not because my points finally posted but because Hyatt completely ignored me on Twitter.
a screenshot of a social media post

Is it really that difficult to respond that the points will post in a week? Who are these delicate geniuses that decide whose inquiries they address and whose they choose to ignore? You can’t ignore me for much longer Hyatt, I’m about to be bootleg Globalist.

 

Google Maps Timeline: An Invasive But Useful (Self) Spy Tool

I am catching up on my two final trip reports (see Punxsutawney TPOL: Leaving My Basement Trip Report). Since it has been four years and since I didn’t smartly take notes or take photos of the names of restaurants, I am having difficulty recalling where I went. Writing that you must try this excellent Georgian restaurant in St. Petersburg is of no use if I can’t remember the name let alone the location. As a sleuth, I started my investigation by looking at the photos that I did have. With no clues there, I typed in “Georgian restaurant St. Petersburg.” Here’s what came up:

a map of a restaurant

Khochu Kharacho was another restaurant that I visited and recommend, but not the one that I was writing about. I clicked on ‘Your past visits’ and found this:

a screenshot of a menu

Tarkhun was a place I tried to go but was closed (see Guns & Butter: St. Petersburg Travel Guide). Almost at a dead end, I clicked on Location History and was taken aback at what I discovered.

a map of the world with red dots

Since I have “location” on my phone set to “on,” Google tracks all my movements. I have location set to “on” so I can search my photos based on location. I didn’t appreciate that Google knew more about my movements than the federal government. Detouring from my Russia trip report, I started entering random dates to see what would come up. Look at the play by play for how I spent New Years in Hong Kong and Australia two years ago (see TPOL Down Under).

a screenshot of a map a screenshot of a phone a map of a city a screenshot of a screen shot of a ferris wheel a screenshot of a map

It’s creepy, if not disturbing, that it knows I flew somewhere, drove somewhere, and walked somewhere. It may be useful and fun for recalling trips but monitoring my daily life? That’s a bit much.

Ultimately, I found the name of the restaurant, and it was Uzbek not Georgian. I should say Google found the name of the restaurant (see Baklazhan Restaurant Review).

a map of a citySamsonite, I was way off.

 

Grand Hotel Europe St. Petersburg: Vodka + Caviar + Birthplace of Beef Stroganoff

Grand Hotel St. Petersburg is part of the Quest Around the Globe Trip Report.


This is not a Hotel Review. It’s a lifestyle review. And nothing says lifestyle like Russian caviar and vodka. And the place to go while you are in St. Petersburg to experience caviar and vodka tasting is the Grand Hotel Europe.

Vodka 

Like all liquors, there are different levels of vodka quality ranging from rubbing alcohol to insanely expensive. The vodka connoisseur can distinguish one from the other much like TPOL knows a good cognac versus a bad brandy. My palette was not as sensitive when it came to vodka tasting. While I may be able to differentiate between Popov and Belvedere, I could not tell the difference between expensive Beluga and really expensive Beluga. After a few samples, everything tasted like Tito’s. Nonetheless, it was a worthwhile experience.

a group of glasses with food on it a group of glasses on a tray

Caviar

My first memory of caviar comes from the movie Big.

“It’s Beluga. Macmillan orders it every year.”

“Could I have a milkshake or something?”

For years, I stuck to eating baby corn until I tried caviar on my first Emirates flight (see Sheikh Dubai’s Chariot: First Class on Emirates Airlines A380). Now, caviar is on the list of life’s small joys. Like champagne, it is nicer when it is free but sometimes you have to pay.

a tray of food and glasses

Beef Stroganoff 

When I used to think of beef stroganoff, I used to think of canned pasta or the frozen food section. It was not until I had a beef stroganoff at the Grand Hotel Europe, that I appreciated how scrumptiousness the dish is. While there is debate on its true origin, the waitress defiantly lauded that beef stroganoff was originally invented in Russia at the Grand Hotel Europe. a plate of food on a plate

Overall

I challenge you to have a more upscale evening in your life. The cost of indulgence was 9450 rubles or $150.

TPOL’S TIP: Grand Hotel Europe is located at Mikhaylovskaya Ulitsa, 1/7, St Petersburg, Russia, 191186.

Stressed! Am I Going to Receive my 500 Hyatt Points?

I logged in yesterday and listened to Hyatt tell me how everything is going to be all right. I did it because life is upside down (see No Alcohol Sales on the Weekend, No Golf on Sunday: Another Stupid Lockdown Measure). I actually did it to receive the 500 free points. After finishing “Unwind with a guided mediation,” nothing happened. There was no confirmation that I finished the relaxation segment. Frantic, I checked Hyatt’s email and it said no registration is required. Unnerved, I tried another. Nothing happened. Pissed, I tried clicking the link below “Enjoying Headspace? Find Out More.” Here’s what I found:

a screenshot of a phone not found

What the bleep Hyatt? This was not a relaxing exercise.

How to End Zoom Meetings: Ocean View + Cologne

End Zoom Meetings is part of the Covid Trip Report.


Covid isn’t going anywhere. In fact, it seems like it is knocking on my front door. Every sniffle, every headache, and every cough prompts the question of is it finally my turn? (See Thanks Donald! My COVID Test in Puerto Rico.) One constant complaint besides random lockdowns (see No Alcohol Sales on the Weekend, No Golf on Sunday: Another Stupid Lockdown Measure) is Zoom calls (see Complaint of the Week: Zoom Calls Zoom Again? What Happened to Phone Calls?).

Like a victim of kidnapping, I’ve stopped fighting the Zoomers and have now gone in the opposite direction, jacket and tie mode, pants still optional (see Let’s Zoom Naked). I even put on a few sprays of sex panther to make sure I am both seen and smelled (see TPOL Knows Cologne, Just Don’t Buy It on a Plane). I hope that my contrived enthusiasm turns people off from Zooming with me in the future. I underscore this over-the-top behavior by showing my New York colleagues an unsolicited view from my balcony. The latter move should become more obnoxious as the winter proceeds and will hopefully lead to no one talking to me again, whether it be by phone, email, or Zoom.

How much more of Zoom can you handle? What are you doing to stop it now before it survives post Covid?

a landscape with a body of water and buildings
I hope it’s freezing where you are.

No Alcohol Sales on the Weekend, No Golf on Sunday: Another Stupid Lockdown Measure

Lockdown Part 2 is part of the Covid Trip Report.


We’re rounding the turn! Remember that? (See Social Distance Yourself from Misinformation). Indeed, we’re rounding the turn right back to where we started (see Back on Lockdown in Puerto Rico). In its latest attempt to curb the spread of Covid, the island of Puerto Rico has come up with its most asinine plan yet. It includes closing the pool at my villa for the next month, despite no one using it in general. It includes no alcohol sales on the weekend, both at stores and at restaurants, which is a great idea for killing small businesses. And it includes a stay at home order for Sundays. The beaches are already closed, though you would not know it from the onslaught of tourists (see Frontier Airlines: The Covid Super Spreader for Puerto Rico & Infected Tourists Are Coming to Puerto Rico).

Obviously, the basis for these strategic measures is the fact that Covid loves to go out on the weekend and, like Keyser Söze, it will find you if you do the same. Covid, like Santa Claus, sees you when you’re sleeping, it knows when you’re awake, it knows if you’ve been bad or good, so put on your damn mask and stay away (see Can I Go Visit Puerto Rico?). Besides blaming tourists, who have done their fair share of dumb things (see Passenger Attacks National Guard Soldier at San Juan Airport), residents are also to blame. They continue to host gatherings in their houses, while believing that there’s no way their friends and family could be infected because they are friends and family.

During the worst response in US history to protect American lives, it is hard to keep my sanity and it is hard to have faith in humankind. This living hell started with the phrase, ‘we’re all in this together’ (see From Your Grade School Principal: Regarding COVID-19). Now it should be ‘we’re all ducked until Pfizer says it’s ok to come out and play.’

All of this has gone on far longer than I expected and far longer than it should have. In April I wrote that I should move to Taiwan before the second wave, a dream, like the national mask mandate, that was dead on arrival (see Stop Going to the Bar Jerks!). Punxsutawney TPOL is optimistic he will eventually leave the island, but the next few months are going to be a challenge as the virus continues to spread, the ignorant remain defiant that this is all a hoax #STOPTHESTEAL, and leadership on all levels continues to fail.

Till then, don’t say Covid in the mirror 3 times, lest the Coronaman gets you.

a beach with a rainbow in the sky
Closing the beach for leisure means more room for me to workout.