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Thanks Donald! My COVID Test in Puerto Rico

COVID Test Puerto Rico is part of The Lost & Found Year(s) Trip Report.


Social Distance Yourself from Misinformation. Do you remember that post? What happened to those idiots who said this was a hoax? That this was no more dangerous than the flu? Where’s the guy who said he travels all the time and doesn’t wear a mask?

He’s in the White House. But I digress.

This post is to document my experience receiving a COVID test on an island that shouldn’t have COVID if the government did its job (see Frontier Airlines: The Covid Super Spreader for Puerto Rico). The day started out with finding a lab that could actually do the molecular nose swab test. Most only do the antibody test which doesn’t help someone who has symptoms or believes he/she has been exposed to someone who may be infected. I’m the latter in this scenario. After finding a testing site, the next step was to schedule a telehealth conference and receive a referral from a physician.

Here’s how that conversation went:

Doctor: Why do you want a COVID test?

TPOL: I was near someone who is now showing symptoms.

Doctor: OK, I’ll send you the paperwork.

Without insurance, this consult costs $45. It was free using the promo code COVID-19APR with my insurance. (Note: I do not receive compensation if you use that code. Some influencer humor is appropriate.) The teleconference prerequisite makes me wonder how many people would like to get tested but do not have the means to do so. I don’t have the energy to broach that subject

Armed with my doctor’s note, I set off to the drive-thru testing site. I arrived at 8AM and didn’t see a long line. I didn’t realize that the people in the parked cars were also there for the test.

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If COVID doesn’t kill me, then the salad bar at Ponderosa just might.
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“It goes through air, Bob,” Trump said. “That’s always tougher than the touch. You know, the touch, you don’t have to touch things. Right? But the air, you just breathe the air and that’s how it’s passed.”

TPOL’s TIP: For maximum effectiveness, shave daily if you’re wearing an N95, yet another benefit gone that I used to enjoy from working remotely.

2 hours later, it was my turn to go through the nose wash. I heard that the swab was uncomfortable and was akin to someone probing your brain. I rather enjoyed the experience and would, under different circumstances, pay for someone to tickle my nose.

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The coronavirus is “more deadly than… even your strenuous flus,” Trump added.
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Question: Why the fuck am I in a drive-thru getting my nose probed? Answer: “I wanted to always play it down,” Trump said.

A few minutes later I was off to do nothing and wait. The turnaround time for results is one week. During this time, I’ll keep my distance from everyone. I will still work out alone and will golf alone. Seven days makes the testing sort of pointless. If it’s negative, I will save one week of my life from self-quarantine. If it’s positive, then I need to contact all the people who I can recall interacting with, assuming that the spreader is the person I suspect it may be. By the time that happens, those people have been on the loose for weeks, potentially spreading the virus further.

This could have and should have been prevented. We live in the richest country in the world. My question for everyone, “If I warned about this pandemic in February, how do people still not ducking know the danger of it now?” (see Travel Or Stay Inside? TPOL’s Thoughts on Coronavirus). Enough of this lunacy and lunatic. Get your act together America!

And for those that still don’t know, Puerto Rico is part of the United States (see Relax: When You’re in PR, You Can Call the States the US). Nevertheless, don’t visit Puerto Rico. We don’t want to see you. We don’t need your tourist dollars (see Puerto Rico Flight Deal? Stay Away). We don’t need your sympathy (see “Puerto Rico Rocked by Earthquake”: Enough Dramatic Headlines). And we don’t need you blaming us (see Dispelling Puerto Rico’s ‘Covid Crisis’: Tweeting @NYT Worked).

On that positive note, I’ll let you know my results when they come in. Over-under on comments from readers hoping I get it? Those deplorables are locks for Festivus 2020.

 

 

 

 

Restaurant Sunflower: Best Seafood Lisbon, Portugal

Best Seafood Lisbon is part of the #NoCollusion, No Albania for TPOLĀ where I break my 100 country count mark. See theĀ World Map for where I’ve been.


TPOL travels to eat and drink (see Food & Drink Guide). For me, it’s not about the Michelin restaurants and it’s not about the off the beaten path bullshit. It’s about good food and good drinks wherever I can find it (see Food in Milan: Tourist Places But Good Nonetheless). In Lisbon, the Restaurant Sunflower was near the beaten path of Rossio, one of the main squares in Lisbon, in an alley tucked away from the food hawkers. It proved to be one of the best restaurants for seafood.

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Rossio

a statue of a horse on a pedestal

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Rossio Square

Near Rossio is a street full of restaurants. Having learned my lesson from Mexico City (seeĀ Don’t Pay $30 for Tacos), I was reluctant to enter any of them, especially when the maitre d’ was barking at every tourist to come inside. Another warning sign was the menu with international flags aplenty.

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If you see flags on a menu, that’s a flag itself.
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I was looking for typical food but not tourist quality.

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The Alley

In an effort to flee from the relentless pushers, I went down a random alley and into a small cocina.

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1.60 euros for a beer and espresso

The Restaurant

The place is tiny but I found somewhere to sit. I ordered a jug of wine which paired nicely with the bread, soup, and olives. a group of people sitting at a table in a restaurant a bowl of soup and bread on a table

a plate of olives and a glass of wine
This would be a nice souvenir to have.

The Menu

Look at these prices. I went with cod, the chef’s specialty. a white paper with black text

The Best Cod

I normally don’t like cod, or at least the way I prepare it out of the Costco frozen bag. The last sentence should not be in this post because there is no way to compare the chef’s specialty to what I make at home.

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The empty plate tells it all.

The BillĀ 

I can compare the price to those of the tourist trap restaurants. I can’t imagine that the food compares.

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a cup of coffee and a glass of wine
One more espresso.

Overall

I could tell you a romantic tale about how a local artist recommended this restaurant and how it was authentic. The truth is I was smart enough to avoid the main street and lucky enough to find this place.

TPOL’s TIP: Be sure to check the hours. I went for round 2 on my second day, but it was closed for lunch.

TPOL’s Tip: This restaurant is now closed.Ā 


Best Seafood Lisbon is part of the #NoCollusion, No Albania for TPOLĀ where I break my 100 country count mark. See theĀ World Map for where I’ve been.

30 for 30: TPOL’s Blog Editor

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What if I were to tell you that all blogs aren’t proofread? That bloggers rely on their poor grasp of English when publishing posts? On the next 30 for 30, we interview my editor.

The story begins like this – in April of 2017, TPOL hired cliffordbarnabus to make sure that I was not that bad blogger. I have shared his story in a few posts (see Who Is The Most Interesting Man in the World (After TPOL)?). Although it has been over three years, I have not met Clifford nor have I ever spoken to him on the phone and thankfully he’s not capable of doing Zoom. We were supposed to have a blogger’s romance, but then you know what showed up. Lately, I have been failing to inform him when I publish posts, leaving him feeling jilted and my blogs riddled with errors. As such, I have declared 9/9 Editor’s Day – a yearly holiday here at TPOL Enterprises in the hopes that we stay together for many years to come.

I know I don’t say it enough but thank you for your hard work and dedication.

Sincerely,

TPOL

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TPOL’s Travel & Fitness Intro

Travel & Fitness Intro is part of The Lost & Found Year(s): Covid Trip Report.


They took away the gym. TPOL had two choices: 1) Get happy fat. 2) Swear off the gym evermore while preparing himself for a life of exercise outside the gym.

Ironically, the first thing I did was get rid of my Peloton. After being on lockdown, the last thing I wanted to do was stay in my house. The next thing I did was dust off the TRX ropes (see COVID Workout: TRX, Of Course). That was only the beginning. What happened since was a creation of TPOL’s Beach Fitness Studio. I now have all of the equipment to turn into a Roman god and, perhaps, finally a strategy to work out when my travel does resume. If you’re sick of doing crunches in your living room, stay tuned for what I have in store (literally “in store” as some products will have affiliate links).

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Cart not included.

 

Lamenting Labor Day 2020: A Look Back at Better Days

Lamenting Labor Day is part of The Lost & Found Year(s): Covid Trip Report.


I have not left this island since January, and it looks like I won’t go anywhere internationally until the middle of 2021 at the earliest. Labor Day used to be a day off from the grind, a day to appreciate doing nothing. As a professional blogger, TPOL can’t rest so Labor Day does not bring the same relief as it may to cubicle employees who have not bought my book (buy Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine). Still, doing nothing today by default is not my idea of a good time. I perused my Labor Day photos from the last 10 years and here’s what I found.

2019: Shanghai, China: I’m confused why life is normal over there now but it seems to be.

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2018: The day after Labor Day, I visited Rio Mar to tour the facilities. It would become my home (see House Hunters Puerto Rico: TPOL Finds His Home).

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2017: Remember college football (see Sorry Harbaugh, College Football Should Be Cancelled)? I was at the Michigan game opening weekend (see Michigan vs Florida: A Review Of Cowboy Stadium).

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2016: I don’t remember it. I was drugged in Medellin, Colombia (see Mystery Solved: TPOL’s Disappearance in Medellin).

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2015: I was leaving Mexico City (see Guns & Butter: Mexico City Travel Guide).

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2014: I was living in Ulaanbaatar (see Miserable Mongolia Trip Report).

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2013: I was in Seattle.

a sign on a building

2012: I was in Miami. I was also a professor of law at the time.

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2011: I was at the W Scottsdale. Look at all these dudes packed together.

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2010: I was working as a lawyer in Shanghai. Here was my view:

a building with a cross on top

The last decade has been a great ride (Happy New Year from TPOL: The Year & Hindsight Is 2020), but I never knew or could anticipate how much 2020 would suck.

Happy Labor Day 2020!

Alaska 65k Approved!

Well color me surprised. Last year all my BoA cards were closed. I called to find out why and they said it was because they couldn’t verify my address. I tried applying for cards again and kept getting rejected. I thought for sure I was cut off.

I saw the 65k offer and thought I would give it a shot. The approval was almost instant. I’m going to wait for the card to arrive before over celebrating. Oh, and I’ll need the world to go back to normal so I can use the miles.

 

What’s the Worst Discount Carrier?

Worst Discount Carrier is part of the #NoCollusion, No Albania for TPOL where I break my 100 country count mark. See the World Map for where I’ve been.


We’ve all heard the horror stories about flying Ryanair. Is it the worst discount carrier? No. Is its bad reputation exaggerated? Yes. I found this out on my 3-hour flight from Luxembourg City to Lisbon. The following ranking of best to worst of the discount carriers are based on my experiences, from mediocre to worst.

Note: I have not flown Spirit.

Note #2: This list is different than TPOL’s Worst Flight Experiences.

12. Wow Air (now defunct): What can beat $100 to Iceland? (see Whose Land Iceland Trip Report). wow air flight review

11. Southwest: Say what you want about Southwest and its cattle call boarding and its three connection routing, but when I lived in Scottsdale, Southwest was my shuttle to Las Vegas. And when I moved to Puerto Rico, Southwest let me check in my bags and golf clubs for free. But the best thing about Southwest is the Companion Pass. It took me everywhere for $5.60/one way (see SWA Companion Pass Trip Reports) with the option to change flights with no penalty.
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10. JetBlue: I switched from Southwest to JetBlue when I could no longer get approved for Chase credit cards (see Goodbye Southwest, Hello JetBlue.) Now, JetBlue is my new shuttle from Puerto Rico to New York. The problem with JetBlue is that it is never on time (JetBlue, The Greyhound of the Skies?), and it isn’t the most comfortable airline to fly (see JetBlue Flight Review: The Good, The Bad, & The Crude & JetBlue San Juan to NYC to Seattle: A Big Price to Pay for a Few Points Spent). On the other hand, JetBlue flies internationally (see JetBlued to BarbadosJetBlue to Colombia: Taking Advantage Of A Flash Sale). Customer service is also hit or miss (hit: Blizzard Gamble? Booking a JetBlue Full Revenue Fare, miss: JetBlue Flight Cancelled: Rebooked a Day Later?). I still can’t get over how they turn the lights on to push credit cards (see JetBlue, Don’t Push Credit Cards on Red-eyes!).Cartagena for 1080 points, I'll ride in cargo

9. Sky Airline: Do you respect wood? Then fly Sky Airline when you’re in Chile (see Sky Airline: A Discount Airline with a Wood Finish). Invalid request error occurred.

8. Caribbean Airlines: $24 to fly between my favorite islands in the Caribbean, Trinidad to Tobago, can’t be beat (see Caribbean Airlines to Tobago: $24 for Convenience).2017-05-04 00.03.33

7. Malindo Air: The name of the post is US Discount Carriers Take Note for a reason, though the cramped spacing was a problem.

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6. Precision Air: Precision is on the list because it has a bad reputation for delays and flight cancellations. I put it high on the list because of the inconvenient flight schedule. I took the short flight from Zanzibar and arrived in Dar Es Salaam at 9:40PM, leaving me stranded outside of the airport until 4AM (see Dar es Salaam Airport: To Hotel Or Park Bench?).

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5. Ryanair: My flight on Ryanair was basic (see Ryanair LUX-LIS: Not as Bad as Expected). I had low expectations but can’t say there was anything I hated about the experience. It’s high on the list because I believe in statistics and the norm for flying Ryanair is horrible. Eventually, I will experience that. a plane parked on a tarmac

4. Allegiant: Allegiant has received a lot of bad press (see Don’t Fly Allegiant!). From a safety perspective, I’m happy I had no issues (see Flew Allegiant: No Worries, No Problem). From a customer service perspective, I hate this airline. Patience is a prerequisite if you want to fly this airline. My annoyance begins with the cumbersome booking process and continues at the airport. Allegiant is always trying to tack on bag fees at the gate. Even though I know to travel light, it still makes my blood boil when they pull passengers aside and weigh their bags (see Allegiant Airlines Review: Expect Everything, Carry Nothing). And please do not try to rationalize the $5 charge for printing a boarding pass.

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3. Wizz Air: Speaking of boarding passes, let’s talk about Wizz Air which tried to charge me 35 euros for printing a boarding pass at the airport. I had attempted to download it on my phone via the app before arriving at the airport but that did not work (see Wizz Air Terminal 1 Tel Aviv: Scammed at The Bus Station). Fortunately, Amex came to my rescue and credited the charge (see Boarding Pass Scam Resolved! Thanks Amex). After that frustrating moment, I was inexplicably, inexcusably, and irrationally detained by Israel security (see “You Leave Only with Passport!” Detained in Tel Aviv Again). Then I boarded my Wizz Air flight and left for Warsaw and waited for my bags to arrive days later (see Bags Recovered! Ending My Tel Aviv Ordeal). Invalid request error occurred.

2. Easyjet: My boarding pass and detention story is why I have no love for Wizz Air. My experience with Easyjet’s product itself is why it is #2 on this list. Like Allegiant, take your blood pressure medication because things are going to get bumpy. That’s why the title of my review is EasyJet: Know Before You Go. First, if you’re flying Easyjet from London, realize that you have to go to the inconvenient Gatwick airport (see National Express: Bus From Heathrow to Gatwick). Second, print your boarding pass before you go. Sound familiar? Like Allegiant, be mindful of what bags you bring. Worse than Allegiant, the seats are awfully cramped. Prepare to be squished.

1. Frontier: The winner for worst discount carrier and simultaneously worst company is Frontier! Let’s start with why flying Frontier is awful. There’s a fee for everything (see Free without the ‘R’ spells FEE). Second, there’s this list of complaints from my post Frontier: Rivaling Allegiant For Worst Airline:

  • The seats do not recline, at all.
  • The tray table, an impromptu pillow, is tiny. This makes sense because everything including a Diet Coke is a charge.
  • The armrest is wobbly. Every few seconds, some passenger was flipping it up or down. I can’t figure out where else I have heard that annoying rattling sound.
  • The flight attendants feel the need to make an announcement at the top of their lungs. They really pushed the 40k Frontier Barclays card.
  • Is it worth repeating that the seats are horribly uncomfortable?Invalid request error occurred.

If those factors don’t dissuade you from flying Frontier then please read about how Frontier is the Super Spreader of Covid to Puerto Rico. Frontier even had the audacity to send a blogger to Puerto Rico during the pandemic to chronicle how great it was to get away during this time of death and despair. TPOL was instrumental in getting that post removed (see Post TPOL, Frontier Erases Alfredo’s Adventure to Puerto Rico), an act of cowardice by an awful company. a screenshot of a social media post

Overall

I miss Wow Air. I have contempt for Frontier. The rest I would fly because ultimately it’s about getting from point A to point B.


Worst Discount Carrier is part of the #NoCollusion, No Albania for TPOL where I break my 100 country count mark. See the World Map for where I’ve been.

Ryanair LUX-LIS: Not as Bad as Expected

Ryanair Flight Review is part of the #NoCollusion, No Albania for TPOL where I break my 100 country count mark. See the World Map for where I’ve been.


I have read and heard so many bad things about Ryanair. I expected a charge for anything and everything including the oxygen masks. Instead, I found no hidden charges. Yes the plane is cramped, and yes there are no complimentary snacks. But for $50, who cares? If the price is right, I can endure the misery so long as I get to my destination promptly. In this case, I did. And that’s good enough for me.

a plane parked on a tarmac a plane parked on the tarmac a large airplane on the tarmac seats in an airplane with windows a yellow seat belt with instructions a person's legs and feet in a seat

Global Entry Automatically Approved! No Interview Required

When I tried to renew my Global Entry, I received a six-month extension. I originally signed up for it in 2014 before moving to Mongolia. I waited for the email to have my interview scheduled and finally received an email stating that my status had changed. To my surprise, no interview was required and my Global Entry was extended for another 5 years. I received the card in the mail and activated it online. Ms. TPOL, on the other hand, must go to her interview.

Glitch or good fortune?

a screenshot of a application

Now, if only I could leave the country (see The Lost & Found Year(s): Covid Trip Report).

Simply The Best: August 2020

There’s no Simply The Worst for August like there was in July. Here are the best posts from August 2020:

  1. ANA Trip Recap: Get Like Me

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    In the words of David Banner, “Get Like Me.” Here’s why.
  2. Recap! TPOL in Shanghai

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    Let’s look back at the great time TPOL had in Shanghai when he lived there as an expat.
  3. EVA Air Flight Review TPE-JFK: The Best Business Class

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    Krug is only found on first-class flights. But what do we have here?
  4. TPOL’s Biggest Fears: Some Conquered, Some Endure

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    After swimming with crocs in Darwin, braving the rapids in Bhutan, and paragliding in Pokhara, I started to wonder what Red Bull activity I would not try.
  5. TPOL Knows Cologne, Just Don’t Buy It on a Plane

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    Don’t buy cologne in the air. Don’t buy it in a department store. Buy it online, after you test it, of course.
  6. Expat Lessons: Shanghai

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    This was my first expat move since leaving Mongolia in 2014. Life lessons were learned there but that’s for my next book, not the blog (buy Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine). Here’s what I learned in Shanghai this time around.
  7. Guns & Butter: Pokhara, Nepal Travel Guide (Cautionary Edition)

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    Food and paragliding made Pokhara worth visiting. Trekking would have made it more special. Maybe next time when the Pokhara International Airport opens.